“You can pretend all you want, Bryan. But, I know that you still want me.” Her tongue licks the outer shell of his ear and I have to look away. I’ve envisioned licking the very same spot myself.
Utterly disgusted, I force my feet to peel away from the floor. Sprinting down the empty hallway, I find myself near tears.
I fell for it. I actually believed that he wanted me, when, in reality, I’m just a distraction. She obviously still wants him and she’s not going to stop until she has him. She licked his ear for God’s sake. I can’t compete with her.
I’ve never even been in the same league as girls like her.
When I make it back to my suite, which is in a building not all that far from the computer lab, I’m glad to find that it’s empty. I don’t know where everyone else is, and honestly, I just don’t care. I’m more than happy to drown my foolish sorrows in a pint of ice cream and a Friends rerun.
Slumping down into the comfy couch, I force back the tears that threaten. I mean just how stupid was I to think that Bryan was interested in me. Sure, he made a comment about sleeping together, but what hunky and horny college guy would willingly pass up an opportunity to get some ass. Obviously not Bryan.
Just as my spoon hits the top layer of peanut butter and fudge swirled ice cream, I’m startled by the loud banging on my door. Rolling my eyes and huffing a more-than-pissed-off sigh, I walk toward the door, all but yelling, “What the hell do you want?” without even asking who it is.
Needless to say, I’m more than shocked when I hear Bryan’s deep and very apologetic voice vibrate through the metal door. “It’s me, Melanie. Please open the door. I need to talk to you.”
The softly pleading tone of his words is all I need to turn the knob and let him enter my world.
* * *
When Bryan’s eyes rake over my body, I realize what a disheveled mess I look like. I changed into sweats and an old, frumpy T-shirt as soon as I got back to my room. My hair is in a loosely knotted bun of wild and unruly curls and it makes me look like a hot mess. Well, after seeing Courtney lay claim to him right before my eyes, that’s exactly how I feel – one jealousy ridden and riled up hot mess.
Arms crossed over my chest and toe tapping not so patiently in front of me, I huff out, “What do you want, Bryan?”
Leaning his shoulder up against the door frame, with his legs crossed at the heels, he kind of looks like James Dean – cool, unaffected and sexy as hell. “I already told you what I want, but you refuse to listen to me.” Just for effect, he lets his eyes travel the length of my body once more before asking, “Can I come in or are you going to make me explain everything to you from the hallway?” There’s a seriousness to his words that disarms me. We’re not just talking about the scene that just played out at the lab.
Rolling my eyes and huffing like a little girl suddenly seems inappropriate. Stepping to the side and extending my arm, I look up at him and smile warmly. “Umm, yeah. Come on in.”
Bryan walks over to the stools at the kitchen counter as I make my way to the fridge to get us a drink. After sliding a bottle of water in front of him, I twist the cap on my own and sit on the stool next to him. At almost the same time, we turn so that we face each other. We’re so close that our knees are nearly touching. I stifle a smile as the memory of sitting like this at work replays in my mind.
Long moments of awkward silence stretch out between us as we both sip at our chilled water. He’s bouncing his leg up and down so frantically that I’m afraid he’s going to break the stool. Maddy and I put them together so I can personally attest to their shoddiness.
Timidly, I place my hand on his vibrating leg to try to and calm him. It’s there – that something that’s there every time we touch. It was there when he helped me with my bloody nose, when our fingers were laced together as we walked to class, when our eyes met time and time again.
I’m the one who has been denying it, been pushing it away. Maybe it’s time to stop doing that and just see what happens.
Squeezing his knee gently stops the nervous shaking and forces his eyes to meet mine. “What is it that you need to explain, Bryan?”
When he places his hand on top of mine, my breath hitches. “Well, there’s a lot to explain, believe me, but first I need you to explain something to me.”
Suddenly nervous, I pull my hand out from under his and stare, wide-eyed and shocked at him. “What do you need me to explain? My ex wasn’t just licking my ear!” I sound like a green-eyed monster, but in this moment, that’s exactly how I feel.
“You see, that’s what I don’t get. You’re clearly jealous of her.” Bryan arches an eyebrow at me as I open my mouth to protest his accusation – an accusation to which I refuse to confess. “Oh would you stop it already, Melanie?” His less than playful words catch me off guard and I keep my mouth closed. I want to hear what else has got him all riled up.
When he sees that I’m going to allow him to speak without any interruptions, he grins knowingly at me. “I’m going to ask you something, and even though I think I already know the answer, I need you to be honest with me. Okay?” His eyes search my face as he waits for me to answer him. When he stares at my lips for a brief moment, I lose all train of thought and speech becomes impossible.
I try my best to ignore the nervousness that I feel, but I can’t get any words to come out of my mouth. So instead of saying anything, I just nod at him. Running his fingers through his soft, medium-length, dark-brown hair, he pulls on the ends in what seems like a gesture of frustration. The act just makes his messy hair even messier.
And sexier, too.
Straightening his shoulders and grabbing mine in his strong hands, he forces me to look into his eyes. “Why are you fighting this?” He gestures between us and then reaches up to brush a strand of hair out of my eyes.
My mouth is dry. My pulse is racing. I can’t believe that he’s just called me out like this. When I don’t say anything, he steps away from me and starts pacing. “I just don’t get it, Melanie. I don’t understand why you don’t believe me. I’ve told you that I like you, that I want to get to know you better. I’ve done nothing but be patient with you and try to prove to you that I’m a decent guy. Hell, I’ve moved around my entire schedule, even changed a few classes that I didn’t need so that I could be at work while you’re there and you …”
“You did what?” My barely whispered question interrupts his more-than-a-little-upset ramblings.
He takes a deep breath and stops pacing. “What?” Shock settles in on his fine face as he realizes that he just shared something he intended to keep hidden.
“You changed your schedule so that you could spend more time with me? When? Why?” Now I’m really confused. You don’t change your classes, especially as a senior, just to spend more time with a girl.
Unless you really like her.
God, I’m an idiot.
He walks me over to the couch and we sit facing one another. Pulling my hands into his, his eyes soften and he grins a silly smile. “It was right after that first week. When I saw your schedule at the lab, I realized that I would only get to see you for one shift. So I changed things around and begged Simon to switch with me. You kept refusing to see me outside of class, so I did the only thing I could think of to make you see me.”
An involuntary chuckle passes my lips. “You have to admit you did come on pretty strong that first week, though.” Now it’s my turn to arch my eyebrow at him.
“Yeah, okay. I’ll admit that showing up to your suite to pick you up for work when you hadn’t even told me where you lived was a bit stalker-ish.” As timid as his words may be, his mega-watt smile fully conveys just how proud he is at trying to prove to me that he’s interested.
“Okay, so stalker-like tendencies aside, can you please explain to me what just happened with Courtney? I mean, if you don’t want to be with her,” he opens his mouth to start saying the same thing he’s tried explaining time and time again when it comes to Courtne
y, but I just talk through it. “If you don’t want to be with her, then what the hell was that ear-licking about?”
Frustration sets in hard on his face. “We’ve been over this so many times, Melanie. I do not want her!” His last few words are harshly emphasized as he glares at me. Clearly distraught by the turn in the conversation, Bryan rakes both of his hands through his hair and pulls hard on the ends. Lifting his face back to mine, I can tell he’s still pissed.
Hell, I can be angry too. “Don’t you dare look at me like that, Bryan! I’ve told you before, that I don’t like her, yet you think her walking up to you and licking you is perfectly fine!? Come to think of it, whenever I’m around you, she’s always there. What the hell! None of it makes sense. I still don’t …”
“What? Let me guess, you don’t know why I would want you when I could have ‘a girl like her.’” His words mock the insecurities that I’ve shared with him. Damn him for using them against me, for throwing them in my face.
“You’re being a dick! How dare you use that against me! Excuse me for being too stupid to understand why on Earth you want me when she’s skinnier and prettier than I’ll ever be.” Tears burn the back of my eyes, but I refuse to let them fall. I may be pissed that he’s using my own words against me, but I won’t let him see me be weak.
I don’t let anyone see that Melanie.
Frantically pacing the small living room, Bryan is practically pulling his hair out of his scalp. We don’t say anything for a few minutes. It’s “do or die” time. We’ve clearly reached an impasse and, honestly, I’m being too stubborn to move.
Just when I think he’s going to storm off and leave me alone to wallow in my own sadness, Bryan’s eyes lock with mine as he walks toward me. I can see that the fight has left his body and I’m sure that he’s just going to say goodbye. No one, especially not me, is worth this kind of frustration.
Bracing myself for the inevitable blow of his goodbye, I wrap my arms around myself and blink back more tears. I’m more than surprised when, rather than pushing me away and saying goodbye, he’s pulling me into a tight embrace and cooing into my ear. “Shh. It’s okay, Melanie.” The tender way that his fingers run through my hair calms me almost instantly. Pulling back from him and looking into his obviously concerned eyes, I decide that I finally need to expose my insecurities, at least some of them, especially if I ever have any hope of laying them to rest.
Breaking from his embrace and holding my arms to the side, I ask, almost sarcastically, “Are you sure this is what you want?” I drag my arms up and down my body, much like one of those supermodels on The Price is Right does when they’re showcasing a prize. “I’m nothing like Courtney. I’m not a size two and I never will be. I have curves and lumps and bumps so, no, I really can’t understand why you want me when you can have her. She’s beautiful, and I’m … well, I’m just me.” My last words are no more than a whisper. I’ve never voiced my own feelings of self-loathing aloud to anyone else.
Pulling me back into the safe circle of his arms, Bryan smiles at me and kisses my cheek tenderly. “You don’t get it, but I want you because you’re nothing like her. For what it’s worth, I think you’re beautiful, inside and out. And, not for nothing, Melanie, but you’re the one who is making this all about looks. Now, I’m not going to fall into the pit of insane girl logic, because I know that you’ll just use whatever I say to defend myself against me. So rather than tell you why I want to be with you, I’m going to show you.” His large hands gently cup my face as he strokes the pads of his thumbs across my freckled cheeks.
I try, but fail, miserably, to hide my shock. Show me? What the hell does that mean? All sorts of crazy visions from silly romantic comedies swarm in my head. Is he going to sweep me off my feet and make love to me?
Hmm. He might not have been too far off base talking about that insane girl logic.
He brings our entwined hands up to his lips and continues explaining himself while I’m still somewhat distracted by my smutty daydream. “I’m picking you up tomorrow at noon. You’re spending the entire day with me and I am going to show you, beyond any measurable doubt, why I want to be with you.”
He doesn’t actually ask me, so I can’t actually say no. All I can do is nod my agreement and bask in the feel of his lips pressing up against my cheek once again.
Bryan doesn’t let go of my hand as he walks over to the door. Leaning up against the frame, he says, “So I’ll pick you up tomorrow at noon. Be sure to wear sneakers.” His instruction on what kind of shoes to wear catches me off guard. With what I’m sure is a rather stupefied and dumbfounded look plastered to my face, he smirks at me and winks before walking down the hallway and out of the building.
* * *
“I really can’t believe you’ve never hiked the gorges before.” Bryan playfully mocks my inexperience as he pulls out my chair at the restaurant. A two-hour hike was the reason he told me to wear sneakers and I’m glad I listened. We’re on part two of our date, and if it’s half as successful as part one, I’ll be one happy girl.
We both went back to our dorms after our hike to wash away the grime and get ready for tonight. Maddy helped me pick out my outfit, and with a few finishing touches to my hair and make-up – which I kept soft and simple – I feel beautiful.
When I told her about what happened with Bryan, she told me to just go for it. Actually, she was beyond giddy that I finally decided to give him a chance.
Unfolding my napkin and placing it across the pleated navy-blue skirt of my Marilyn Monroe inspired dress, I stick my tongue out at him. “Cut me some slack, will you? I’ve only been here a few weeks. You’ve lived in Ithaca for years now.”
Reaching for my hand across the cream-colored linen tablecloth, his eyes shine in the flickering candle light. “Did you have fun though?” he asks timidly.
I can’t stop the face-splitting smile that pulls at the corners of my mouth. “I had a blast, Bryan. I had no idea that Hemlock Gorge was so beautiful. I can’t wait to see the pictures that we took.”
“We could go to another one next weekend if you’d like. Another gorge, I mean. There are hundreds of them, you know.” Bryan’s face lights up with pride as he takes a sip of his water.
“I’d really like that, Bryan,” I say softly as I squeeze his hand before reaching for my water.
“So my plan worked then?” His question catches me off guard. I didn’t realize that he had a plan.
“What do you mean? What plan?” I ask genuinely confused.
“Yesterday, I told you that I would show you why I want to be with ‘someone like you’ – whatever that’s supposed to mean.” In true dork fashion, he actually uses air quotes around the words “someone like you”. He ignores my light laughter at his inherent dorkiness, and continues his little explanation. “There was something about you. I could tell, from the moment I met you, that you were different. That you saw beauty in things that other people might ignore. I can’t tell you how many times I asked Courtney to go hiking with me. But she always said no. Too much mud, too many bugs – you name it and I’ve heard it as an excuse.” He stares into my eyes. “After a while, I guess I just got tired of hearing excuses.”
Just as I place my glass back on the table, an older, very grandmotherly-looking woman approaches the table. She’s wearing a sauce-smeared apron and is glowing with pride as she approaches Bryan. When he sees her, whoever she is, walking toward us, he stands from his chair and wraps his arms around her.
“It’s so good to see you, Bryan.” The older woman’s eyes sparkle with love and affection as she holds Bryan at arm’s length. “We might need you to come in next week and repair that whatchamacallit thingy … that makes the computer or the internet … or whatever work.” Her words are spoken through a heavy Italian accent and she’s waving her arms all over the place in front of her as she talks, trying to explain something about which she obviously knows so little.
Bryan stifles a laugh and says, “Sure thing. I�
�ll come by on Monday after classes to take a look at the server.”
“Perfect.” She clasps her hands in front of her chest and turns toward me as if she’s just realizing that Bryan is not alone. “Oh and who is this lovely lady, Bryan?” I stand to greet her but can’t help the blush that colors my face at her compliment.
“Bella, I’d like you to meet Melanie.” I extend my hand to hers and she pulls me in for a hug. Shaking his head at her outward show of affection, he continues, what now seems to be, an unnecessary introduction. “And Melanie, this is Bella.” Finally making the connection between her appearance and her name, I piece together that she must be the owner.
“It’s very nice to meet you, Bella. This place is beautiful.” Scanning the quaint Italian bistro, I take in the quiet and romantic ambiance. And, if the smells coming out of the kitchen are any indication, the food must be excellent.
Her round and wrinkled face glows with pride. “Thank you, Melanie. Bella Cucina’s has been my heart and soul for the last twenty-five years.”
“You’re going to love the food, Melanie. Bella here makes the world’s best gnocchi,” Bryan says as he takes his seat. I return to mine and Bella dismisses his compliment, but I see the smile curving her lips.
“Well, now. I can’t refuse a house specialty, can I? Gnocchi it is,” I say as I hand her my untouched menu.
“I’ll have the same,” Bryan says as he hands her his menu as well.
“Perfect. You will not be disappointed.” Bella takes our menus and proudly walks toward the kitchen to make us our dinner.
“She’s really sweet. How long have you known her?” I angle my head in the direction of the kitchen.
“Yeah, she is. I’ve known her and Gus, her husband, since my freshman year. That’s when I started updating their technology systems in here. They’re very close friends with Professor O’Neil and his wife.”
Let Love Heal l-3 Page 6