Gentlemen Prefer Sass: Sassy Ever After

by Cynthia Fox

  “Tesla? Impressive.”

  “Vampires care about conservation too. Make sure you put that in the museum.”

  “Very funny.”

  “Again, for the museum. Vampires are funny. Are you taking notes?”

  Shane pointed at his temple and tapped his finger. “All up here. I have pens and lots of paper in my house if it makes you feel better,” he said, biting his lip.

  She held out her keys and jingled them. “I’ll protest any misquotes. Better take me to them, for the sake of accuracy.”

  Candace hoped Alejandro was witnessing this. She wanted him to see how foolish it was to burn the car. All he did was push her towards Shane.

  Three

  He drove them in the direction of Red Rock Canyon to a large estate on a hillside. The exterior was white with floor-to-ceiling windows and strategically placed lights that created the appearance of a glowing, floating house. Hundreds of large succulents and desert plants covered the grounds.

  “Wow! Wayne Newton’s got nothing on you,” she said as he parked the car in front of steps leading to massive front doors.

  “But he has penguins, so I’d say he wins.”

  “You’re right, he wins.” She stood on the bottom step and faced him. “I have to confess something. Landry was going to do a little recon on you and report back.”

  “I’d be shocked if you didn’t do that. It’s only fair.”

  “Thank you for understanding, but the recon hasn’t happened yet, and I feel like I’m going into this blind.”

  “Basically, you need Shane Conrad 101?”

  “The Cliff Notes will do considering I’m about to enter your house.”

  He laughed and sat on one of the upper steps, motioning for her to join him. “I made my fortune in the beverage business. Distribution to be exact. I have contracts with half the casinos in Nevada. Hence, this amazing place.” He made a grand gesture with his hand, encircling the property.

  “Well done, you.” Take that, Alejandro. This guy is nearly perfect.

  “Thank you. I built this house away from the strip for one special reason. Watch this.” He took out his phone and logged into an app that controlled the security for his home. With one push of a button, the house went dark.

  Candace gasped as the stars came into focus across the sky.

  “These gems are hidden with all the casino lights polluting the night.”

  “We need to shut them all down then. This is marvelous.”

  He sighed and leaned back on his elbows. “Easy to forget what’s right in front of your face, isn’t it?”

  Candace nodded, reaching out to touch them with her fingertip. “After all these years, Mother Nature still wins every time. She’s the original badass, hands down. I could stay out here all night.”

  “Would you like to? I can fix us some drinks and bring them outside. I have a special Bloody Mary mix you might be interested in since that’s your favorite.”

  “I’m intrigued.” She felt her fangs quiver at the thought of possibly tasting his blood. “What makes it special?”

  “I think you know.” Shane stood and pressed another button to turn on the softest lights inside the house. He reached down for her hand and leaned towards the front doors. “Shall we?”

  As Candace walked up the stairs, Landry’s voice was running through her head. Distraction fuck. Distraction fuck. The odd thing was, she found herself genuinely enjoying Shane’s company. She normally kept her guard up when around humans, appreciating the life force they provided, but always prepared to fight off a stake if required. None of that worry felt necessary with him.

  Shane led her to a large room with an elaborately carved wooden bar. “This looks like it belongs in a church,” she joked while stroking the wood.

  “That’s because it used to be a confessional. I was inspired by the church pieces at Hearst Castle and imported my own. It’s how I met Professor Wallace. We were both reaching for the same library book about religious artifacts.”

  “Church artifacts and vampires. You are an interesting man, Shane.”

  “I told you. I’m a fan of beautiful things.”

  “Ahem.”

  “Things and vampires,” he corrected. “See, I can separate them. They are not one and the same.”

  “That’s better.”

  He opened a fridge under the bar and pulled out a bag of blood. “Celery in your drink?”

  “It would be wasted on someone who can’t technically eat, and they get caught in your fangs anyway.” As his hand moved, she noticed lettering on the bag. “Does that have my name on it?”

  “It does.”

  “Whose names are on the other bags?” She made her way to the fridge and opened the door.

  “They all have your name. I told you I was saving my limited resource for the right recipient.”

  Candace ran her fingers along the collection, counting in her head. “You’ve been saving them for a while now.”

  “It’s been a few weeks. I just wasn’t sure how to broach the subject. They don’t really have etiquette rules for offering blood to a vampire. You need to create a guide.”

  “For the museum,” they said in unison.

  “How about a Dear Vampire column?”

  “Maybe,” she said, nodding at his enthusiasm. “You really go all in when you’re interested in something.”

  He nodded and said, “That’s part of my problem. I was after those beverage contracts and building the business…and I forgot about having a personal life.”

  “It’s not like you’re a centuries old vampire or anything. You still have time. So many pretty girls out there in the casinos just waiting to come up here and see your star show,” she said with a sly smile.

  “Yes, I’ve had my share of dates.”

  “And?”

  “You’re more alive than any of them could ever be.”

  “That might be the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.” She avoided his eyes, reaching for the Bloody Mary when her fingers recoiled with a jolt.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “I’m going to need you to warm that up for me,” she said, wincing. “Sorry to be a picky eater.”

  “I’m an idiot.” He grabbed the glass and put in the microwave.

  “A minute twenty oughta do her.” She sat on one of the bar stools and began to swivel back and forth. “I actually tried an iced blood margarita once and I do not recommend that.”

  “Gross?”

  “I guess it would do in cases of desperation, but the cold temperature makes it seem so impersonal. Just too far removed from the food source.”

  “Food source?” he asked, furrowing his brow.

  “Eek, that does sound awful. Maybe worse than referring to pretty things.”

  “I’ll call it a draw.” The microwave beeped, and Shane gingerly placed the drink in front of her. “Don’t mind me while I stare at you. I want an honest reaction.”

  “No,” she said, grabbing the drink and swiveling so her back was to him.

  “Why?”

  “Performance anxiety.” She gently swirled the liquid around in the glass, watching it coat the sides. Nice thickness. Good color. Smells sweet. She brought to her lips and took a small sip, savoring the warmth. “Mmmm.”

  “Good?”

  “Mmm…mmm.”

  “May I have a little more detail, please? It seems odd to be asking how my blood tastes, but I am beyond curious.”

  “Honestly, it tastes like…”

  “You hate it. I haven’t eaten garlic in months, but maybe there’s still a trace.”

  She swiveled back around and took another sip, swirling the blood around in her mouth. His eyes were hopeful as she leaned in and said, “It’s like watching the stars.”

  “Now you’re just being silly,” he sighed.

  “I mean it. Delicious wouldn’t even begin to describe it.”

  “Really? I bet you say that to all your food sources.”

&nb
sp; “First of all, not everyone is delicious. Think about it. You can look at a person and just think no, not going to be tasty. And then you have the cologne residue and salty sweat or the jerks who really do taste like shit. People can truly be rotten to the core, believe me.”

  “What can you tell about me?”

  She enjoyed another sip and took her time answering, concentrating on the reaction in her body. “I sense kindness, curiosity…maybe cilantro?”

  He laughed and said, “You’re such a liar.”

  “About the cilantro, yes. I’d say the other stuff is spot on. I also taste something unusual.”

  “In a bad way?”

  “Not at all. I’ve detected similar notes before from soldiers, the last one being a Navy Seal back from deployment. I want to say it’s bravery, if bravery had a flavor. Courageous umami maybe?”

  “I’ve never done anything I’d call brave,” he said, staring at the floor.

  “Serving your blood to a vampire who could drain you at any moment is pretty high up there.”

  “You know what I mean.”

  “Maybe it doesn’t have to be something you’ve already done. Your inner Visigoth warrior is waiting for the call to serve.”

  “As you recall, the Visigoths were defeated by the Franks, but that might be the nicest thing anyone has said to me.”

  “I guess we’re even then,” she said before downing the rest of the blood.

  “Maybe with compliments, but we’re not even on history.” He waited until she swallowed and had placed the empty glass on the bar. “Why aren’t you dating anyone?”

  “Funny you should ask that. Someone from my past paid me a visit tonight.”

  “An old flame?”

  “Perfect word choice,” she mumbled to herself. “It’s strange, though. I’ve only thought about him a few times since…I got in the car with you.”

  “Why is that strange? Maybe I’m just un-grotesque enough for you to forget that other vampire.”

  “You know you’re not grotesque at all. And he’s a warlock, not a vampire.”

  “What the fuck?”

  “With a little demon swirled into the mix. In case you needed another reminder that things are different in this day and age, I’ll just throw a warlock-demon hybrid into the mix. Maybe your professor can add an appropriate wing to his museum.”

  “I dated a girl who ate everything in threes once. Hmm … that sounded better in my head,” he joked. “Not sure I can dig anything up from my past that compares. I’m probably going to need a flowchart or something to understand everything that’s possible in your supernatural life.”

  “That can be arranged.” Candace felt her eyes dilating from the sudden rush of nourishment. One of the side effects for her when accepting donor blood was the overwhelming need to get closer to the human, usually through sex. Tonight felt different, though. He’d already given her the urge earlier at the club. Now she stared at his pulsing veins wanting to be in them, part of him.

  “You okay?” he asked, waving his hand in front of her. “I lost you there for a second.”

  “Can we go back outside? I want to enjoy your view a little more before the sun tries to turn me into bacon.”

  “Absolutely.” Shane took off his jacket and helped her slide her arms through the sleeves. His hand felt warm around hers as he led her this time to the backyard. “I’ll push you in the tree swing.”

  “Forget everything I said about you being fascinated by the strange,” she said, running towards a large turbinella oak standing tall against the night sky. “This swing erases all that. You are completely normal.”

  Candace made herself comfortable on the wooden seat and held the ropes tightly with both hands. He pushed gently before her legs started pumping and brought the swing higher. She leaned back, watching the stars disappear and reappear through the branches.

  “This is heavenly,” she squealed before her legs made the swing slow down. “I wish you could catapult me into those stars.”

  Candace sensed Shane coming behind her and tilted back further to catch a glimpse of him while upside down. He smiled and placed his hand under her head, holding it steady as he bent down for a kiss. She was always surprised by the temperature of living lips, but his seemed warmer and softer than any others.

  “I’ve been waiting to do that for weeks,” he said, kissing her again.

  “That’s a lot better than waiting centuries.”

  “I think that drink made you a little tipsy,” he teased, stroking her hair softly.

  She shook her head. “I’m just enjoying myself. This is the best night I’ve had in ages.”

  “The best because of the visit from your warlock or from stargazing?”

  “The warlock deserves five percent of the credit. We might need to thank him for this. I’m pretty sure he torched your car.”

  “He can do that?”

  “Warlock outranks vampire in the supernatural ecosystem, but he won’t harm a human…aside from fucking with your property a little bit.”

  “Guess I’ll consider myself hazed.”

  “I like your attitude, pledge.”

  “And I like your beautiful skin the way it is, so maybe I should let you get back home before sunrise.”

  “Good idea. Your house with all its windows would not make for very safe sleeping arrangements.”

  “I’ll have to work on that … in case you decide to come back in the future.”

  “Are you kidding me?” She leaned in again for his lips. “The owner makes a mean Bloody Mary. The best in town. Wait until he reads my Yelp review.”

  “I still plan on coming down to the club every night. Hope you don’t mind.”

  “Mind? Tiffany and her swords will appreciate that.”

  “Maybe the owner will bring her dancing shoes out of retirement?”

  Candace hopped off the swing and slid the jacket from her shoulders. “Not a chance. That’s a young vampire’s game.”

  “Maybe a private performance?”

  “If you’re lucky.”

  “That’s not an outright no. I’ll keep wishing.”

  Shane escorted her back to her car and buckled her in using the proximity as an excuse to kiss her longer. His neck was close enough to bite, but she wasn’t sure how Shane felt about neck to fang donations and her internal clock was setting off alarm bells for daylight’s arrival. I’ll save it for another night with more time to savor.

  Candace kept checking the rearview mirror until the curves morphed from the sight of him into solid night and then again to city sky polluted with light. She realized that was the least amount of action she’d had in a long time and yet it was completely satisfying. Landry will never believe me.

  She normally slept soundly in the basement chamber of Club Decadence, but her dreams on this day were causing her to toss and turn. Alejandro’s presence weaseled its way in, interrupting every sequence of Shane with some memory of past lust and debauchery. When Candace finally woke at nightfall, she couldn’t say with certainty who caused all the moistness in her panties. She only knew one thing for sure, the best dreams contained both Shane and Alejandro. And that was what she wanted. Both.

  Four

  “No sex at all? And not even a little sip from the jugular?” Landry asked, looking incredulous. “Were you not into him?”

  “I’m totally into him. I can’t lie to you, there was one moment when I almost dug my fangs in, but that pesky ol’ sun was about to crowd my style. It doesn’t feel like I missed out on anything, though. Sort of a departure from my normal behavior.”

  “Sort of? We are talking about a round-the-world detour from your normal.” He crossed his arms and cocked his head as he focused on her face. “Do you think it has anything to do with a certain someone lifting you in the air, like maybe some residual warlock power put your pussy to sleep or something?”

  Candace laughed so hard she snorted. “Is that even possible?”

  “You’re the warlo
ck expert. You tell me.”

  “It definitely wasn’t asleep in my dreams,” she said, looking away as she blushed.

  “Those must have been some dreams. I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve seen you blush. Details!”

  She zipped through the words quickly and tried to muffle the sound. “I dreamed about both of them.”

  “And?”

  “The three of us together.”

  “Go on,” he said, making a circular motion with his hand.

  “I might possibly like the idea.”

  “Liking the idea as in hedging your bets or liking it as in wanting to make a human – warlock sandwich with a layer of vampire filling?”

  “Who doesn’t enjoy a good sandwich?” she asked, biting her lip.

  “Dirty little vampire!” he scolded, laughing louder with each breath. “This is such a bad idea.”

  “Why? I thought for sure you’d approve.”

  “It’s not the idea of the sandwich I’m against.” He stacked his hands on top of each other like he was holding an imaginary sandwich. “These particular ingredients might give you food poisoning,” he said, dropping his hands and shaking off the muck. “Some might even refer to it as a shit sandwich.”

  “It was just a dream. A vampire can dream, can’t she?”

  “It’s not just a dream if you’re being pursued by both slices of bread in waking life. Your warlock-demon ex is fresh out of banishment, where he was subjected to who knows what. Let’s say he goes toe to toe, or whatever warlock-demons have on their feet, with your infatuated human … who happens to lack any powers at all. Gee, what could possibly go wrong?”

  She sat silently staring at him without saying a word.

  “Are you okay?”

  “I was waiting so long for you to take a breath, I forgot my planned response.” She laughed at his annoyance and continued. “I did mention Alejandro to Shane and Alejandro obviously knows about Shane.”

  “Mentioning is not the same as having a serious conversation. I’m going to put my two cents in and leave you to your own devices. His background check was stellar, so I’m on Team Shane!”

  “Team Sandwich will keep your recommendation in mind. And before I forget, we’re going to switch to Conrad Beverage in the next week, so you’ll need to coordinate the delivery schedule.”