From the corner of my eye, while I still pretended to be interested in something else, I saw Cassie raise and drop her shoulders in a dismissive shrug, which was becoming rather familiar.
The shrug was the clue. She was dismissing herself: something she had seen, or thought, or heard… I was sure of it – without exactly being sure, of why I was sure.
What unseen but significant thing had happened in those few moments: to make her pursue something so forcefully with her father before dismissing her thoughts.
It was a new mystery to ponder…another thing that would have to take a spot on the ever-growing list.
Politely I tuned out their words of farewell and waited until Cassie was moving again before I began walking too. Curiosity burned uncontrollably and a thousand questions tumbled through my mind. Something had definitely just happened, but I had no idea what. How could I ask her, without revealing how closely I watched every move she made? In the end I had to settle for the rather bland question: “Are you OK?” when she refused to meet my eyes
“Fine.” Cassie’s one word answer was sharp and blunt at the same time.
Her anger confused me as much as her sudden outburst had. I didn’t know what to say or how to react; not just because of my lack of conversational skills this time: I had no idea what was going on.
After a long pause, she spoke again. “Just ignore me – I’m hearing things because I haven’t been sleeping well.” Her bleak tone told me she wanted no further conversation.
Whatever had happened, or whatever I’d done to upset her I wanted to take back, but I couldn’t because it did not make sense. Or moreover, it didn’t make sense to me.
At a loss for words I simply said “oh,” and allowed her to increase the distance between us as we passed through the doors to the orientation reception. The excitement I felt this morning at the prospect of seeing Cassie and being able to talk to her faded into the background as we entered the orientation reception.
As Cassie and I walked into this new, smaller space I could feel the protective mask of my usual, secretive self, trying to slip over my unhappy face. I knew what was happening and – for once - I resisted it. There were three others waiting already, dressed similarly to ourselves – with the exception that I hadn’t bothered to accessorise my day-suit as they had – and I identified the boy, Joel, from my earlier patrol outside The Clinic. Obviously he didn’t recognise me, but I watched his eyes searching for Cassie as we entered, no doubt eager to see if Matthew had been right. All I could tell was that he didn’t appear disappointed.
The room was near silent and I could feel the tension rolling off Cassie in waves. The sensation was so strong I was convinced that I would have been able to see the emotion swirling around her like a cloud if I’d looked across. I didn’t, because I was sure it would have made her worse at that moment in time. Instead I moved one step closer to her, invisibly closing the gap I’d allowed to open between us earlier. My hope was that – if nothing else – she may feel reassured by having me closer to her.
Liar.
I laughed at myself immediately for believing my own excuses. My action was not all for Cassie’s sake: Joel and the other two were making their way over to us.
Vaguely, I was aware of the blonde girl standing beside Joel smiling in our direction as we entered. But, I did not pay too much attention; only enough to notice that she was fully accessorised, with bands on her wrists and neck, matching an outrageously large belt at her waist.
I’m sorry to say that I was too distracted by the new beast that was trying to control me. The creature was interested in only one thing: Joel. I couldn’t stop myself from scrutinising every movement he made – whilst pretending I wasn’t – observing how he reacted to the girl I stood close beside.
I felt, rather than saw, Cassie look in my direction for the first time since the unexplained episode in the foyer. Forcing my features into a relaxed expression, I did not acknowledge her gesture, but remained close beside her all the same. The group of three approached us.
Joel’s instant smile and easy manner made me envious at once. It was obvious that he was confident and, infuriatingly, he seemed like he might actually be a nice guy. I barely heard the initial exchange that took place as I was consumed with carefully analysing every non-verbal element of their interaction. Yes, I know I’m ridiculous.
It was obvious to me that Cassie responded well to him: the previous anxiety that had suffused the atmosphere around her was gone. The general chatter seemed to ease her nerves well. I was glad for that, at least.
The girl was Olivia. I glanced at her, whilst retaining my focus on the main conversation. She smiled at me and I perceived a slight arrogance in her face. No doubt she was very pretty, but she had the air of a person who was used to everyone finding them attractive. To me her light blue eyes appeared flat; they lacked the intelligence and spark that I found so alluring, and frustrating, in Cassie’s features.
Consciously I tuned into the conversation now.
“I’m Karl,” the second, nervous looking boy squeaked, “I’m from the Black Zone.”
Cassie peeked at me once more, smiling a little I thought at some unknown observation of her own she made. Helpfully, she’d introduced both of us and so I did not appear rude by standing silently as the exchange took place around me. Joel looked at me once or twice, but it was friendly and only in response to the conversation. I assumed he’d taken Matthew’s earlier observation on board about Cassie not being involved with anyone from school, and so would not view me as any form of competition. Yes, it seemed that I was the only madman in the group, as usual.
“Mother works in Agriculture, which I really don’t fancy, but I’m not the best at science so wanted to make the most of my placement here, which is why I’m on the early rotation.” Joel said honestly.
I was sure that his openness and self-deprecating observations would appeal to Cassie. Her uncertainty in her own skills – however unfounded – would surely appreciate how he felt.
“Father’s a Medic – works specifically in emergency Medicine here – how about yours?” Joel continued. His focus was on Cassie.
“It’s also my father who’s a Medic – Mother is an Engineer. His work is focused on research I think, mainly in the labs or something.” Cassie’s answer sounded a little vague and I wondered what might be distracting her. I knew what I hoped it wasn’t.
A brusque looking female Medic entered the room through the sliding doors, effectively ending the conversation at this point. Cassie shuffled aside unnecessarily to let her pass by and I saw the edginess return to her eyes. The Medic marched past us, to the desk at the front of the room, where she collected a waiting mobile viewing screen. Without addressing us, or looking up, she rapidly ran her fingers across the screen, nodding once or twice at whatever it was that she read there.
“I’m Medic Karlina” she introduced herself, without raising her eyes from the screen. Then she progressed straight into her welcoming speech. “I’ll be your mentor for the next few days as you get settled in to your placement here. I know all of your parents well and so I appreciate that they have high hopes for at least some of you finding your future roles here with us at The Clinic. There’s no need to worry too much if it is not the path for you, there are plenty of other options in the station.”
Cassie cast a sidelong glance at me as Medic Karlina addressed us, but she turned away too quickly for me to understand anything from it.
“First of all, we’ll be splitting you into pairs for the orientation tours and then we can get start-”
Medic Karlina’s words were cut-off abruptly as the sliding doors to the main reception hissed open. Another girl burst into the room, nearly knocking Cassie over and I extended my arms automatically to catch her. I felt a little disappointed when she steadied herself and didn’t need them.
“Sorry I’m late!” The new girl gushed, her slightly plump face reddening as she spoke. “I thought I was going for my father’s placeme
nt today at the farms and I got confused, because it wasn’t there I was supposed to be but here, but then it’s across the other side of the zone and so I had to run back and…”
Half of her words didn’t even make sense to me and she stopped speaking as she cast her eyes nervously around the group she had just barged into the middle of. It was as though her brain had taken a few seconds to catch up with her mouth.
“You would be Rachel from the Black Zone I take it?” Medic Karlina enquired as she considered the girl standing awkwardly in front of us, before returning to the screen she held and rapidly tapping in some instructions.
“Yes,” the girl – Rachel – replied breathlessly.
“Well…now you know where you’re going to be the rest of the week you won’t be late again I take it.” The Medic’s tone was unnecessarily disparaging and I realised I already did not like this woman, who seemed to take pleasure in someone else’s discomfort.
“No,” Rachel answered in a tiny voice.
“Good – let’s get started then.” Medic Karlina was all business again. “You’ll be working in pairs for the time being. Balik, you can go with Olivia, Karl with Rachel, and Joel with Cassie.”
Disappointment welled inside me when I was not partnered with Cassie. It was stupid of me to have expected such luck in the first place. I saw Olivia smiling acknowledgement in my direction and I knew immediately that this was going to be hard work for me. Intending to be polite I nodded slightly at her in response, already having been distracted by Cassie grinning towards her partner.
Maybe this will be a good thing for her, I mused unable to hide the bitterness I felt at that moment. Cassie would be much better off with someone who wasn’t preoccupied by conspiracy theories and dangerous aspirations for escaping from the Family Quarter. The question was, would I be able to stand back and let her have that, if it was what she wanted? I thought so, but the monster growled threateningly in my chest at the idea. It might not be as easy as I hoped.
“You’ll get your clean clinic-suits through that door,” Medic Karlina directed, “once you’re changed, come back here and we’ll get you off on your orientation tours.”
As instructed I followed the other two boys into the male changing suite, picking up a clean white clinic-suit, which was hanging on a peg beneath a small screen displaying my name. I changed swiftly, not bothering to join in the brief conversation between Joel and Karl. Glancing around to check no one was watching me, I transferred the stolen vitamin tablet to the pocket of my new suit, flattening the light fabric gently to ensure the tiny lump was not visible. After folding my normal day-suit inside my shoulder sac and hooking it onto my peg, I wandered back out into the orientation reception room.
With a few moments alone – well, almost alone: Medic Karlina had her back to me, engrossed in whatever was on her viewing screen – I stood in the centre of the small room wondering about what the tour might entail. I’d already visited The Clinic several times with Mother as a young child and then had been in numerous times since on the pretence of visiting Mother at work, so I had a very good idea of where everything was. The things I wanted would be in the biochemistry labs on the seventh floor, which would no doubt be included on the tour. My only problem was how to get them.
My scheming was interrupted when Cassie came back into the room. She patted her hair nervously, smoothing it over the shoulders of the unfamiliar suit. The bright white contrasted with her dark hair and made her eyes stand out in a different way than normal: they looked soulful. Beautiful. That was until she noticed me. I smiled in what I thought was a friendly manner, but the only response I got was the glimmer of a frown, which she swiftly shook away as she approached.
“Are you actually looking forward to this?” she grouched. I could only assume that Cassie was still unhappy about starting the placement, just as she had been when we spoke after the exam. Well, at least she was speaking to me again and didn’t appear to be angry anymore.
“A little – why – aren’t you?” I asked innocently – Cassie’s grumpy expression was so cute – I couldn’t help smiling once more as I teased her. She had no need to be so nervous, it was laughable really: after myself and Eli, Cassie was the best at science in our class. I was sure the placement at The Clinic would pose her no problems. This insecurity was unexpected, albeit unfounded.
Cassie only shook her head in response to my question. If she was going to say anything more it was interrupted by Joel emerging from the changing room. His face lit up with a bright smile when he saw her and he loped over to wait with us.
“You looking forward to this morning, partner?” Joel grinned, entirely focused on Cassie. The beast inside me rumbled with discontent.
“Sure,” she nodded slightly, returning his smile.
You little liar!
I scowled, when I saw that her smile did not reach her eyes. Why would she pretend for someone she hardly knew? Cassie caught me frowning at her and I hurried to erase the expression, kicking myself, because the only reason I was supposed to be here was getting information from Cassie. I needed to get a grip on myself, I was swooning over Cassie like a fool!
It was not long before the entire group had reassembled in the orientation reception. A little band of brightly clad children now stood waiting for instruction. Most seemed excited, although I still sensed Cassie’s apprehension as I tried to ignore her quiet conversation with Joel. The girl, Olivia, joined me and then each pair was allocated to one of the new Medics, who had appeared in the last few minutes.
Joel and Cassie were the first to leave: trailing behind the designated Medic with portable viewing screens clasped in their hands. I was vaguely conscious that Olivia was standing by my elbow chatting away rapidly, but so far I had tuned out the droning noise. I would not be lucky enough to do that all day, I was sure.
They were leaving. I knew I shouldn’t be paying attention to Cassie – I was only feeding the monster – but I couldn’t help myself. The doors were sliding shut and I watched her disappear from view. I felt a stab of irrational disappointment, before shaking myself for being so stupid.
So, what? Cassie had seemed happy to see me when I first saw her outside The Clinic, but ever since that moment she apparently wanted nothing to do with me. Maybe she was speaking to me just because she bored, or easily distracted.
At the last second Cassie turned around in the doorway, looking directly at me, straight into my eyes. My previous internal conversation was forgotten as I fell under her spell again.
What would she see in my eyes – the truth?
The idea scared me because in that instant I felt as though Cassie was seeing right into my mind: that she could see me for what I really was.
Would she see the monster too? The selfish creature who wanted everything he shouldn’t?
All I could do was turn away: for fear that she would really see me. Cassie could never see that, I knew; it would only drag her down with me. I saw her hand lift in a wave before I turned, but I could not respond…could not move. I would betray myself if I did.
Chapter 6
Deep breath, I told myself firmly. Take a big, deep breath and relax. I searched for some form of distraction. There was nothing except the mobile screen I had in my hands. 11.06am – the viewing screen clock advised me. My heart sank.
Olivia was walking next to me, still talking. I’m not sure that she’d actually stopped yet. Even when our guide, Medic Levi, was speaking I could hear Olivia muttering asides to me, providing a commentary of everything we were doing…or that she was thinking about…or things she had already done... My tactic, of politely ignoring her, had not diminished her enthusiasm for the one-sided conversation at all.
However, Fortune had smiled on me in one aspect, even if she had seen fit to inflict Olivia on me. We were now sat on the seventh floor of The Clinic in biochemistry. Medic Levi had left us for fifty-minutes to complete some basic blood work analysis and would be returning for us after that. The lab was near
ly empty, with only one other Medic working nearby and he was paying us no attention whatsoever. All I had to do was distract Olivia for a few minutes so that I could get my hands on a couple of analysis kits and a blood tester. But that was proving to be the biggest challenge yet.
Appealing to Olivia’s academic side had not worked. I genuinely had no idea why she had come on the early class rotation, as she seemed to have no interest in actually learning anything. When I’d suggested that we split up to do the task so we could both practice, she’d pouted a little and tried to persuade me to do the testing for her. Every time I’d attempted to move away from her to familiarise myself with the facility, she’d trailed along beside me, offering random observations and a running commentary about how much fun we were going to have on our placement together. It was getting ridiculous.
“…so glad we were put together as partners…” Olivia was saying as she flicked her golden hair across her shoulder for about the fiftieth time. “It would be so much fun to get to know each other outside the placement too, don’t you think?” It must have been a rhetorical question as she continued without a breath. “I have so many friends and I’m sure they’d love to meet you and find out how well we’re doing on our placement and –”
“That sounds great, Olivia,” I interrupted. It felt rude, but I realised she wasn’t going to stop otherwise. “I don’t want to be impolite or anything,” I lowered my voice, drawing close to her. “But, you’ve got something black stuck at the front of your teeth. You might want to get it out before we see the others for lunch.”
Olivia leaned away from me, pulling her hand up to cover her mouth. With her eyes widening in embarrassment, I knew I’d found the one thing that would get her off my back for a few minutes. Vanity.
I was already moving towards the storage racks – where the various test kits and chemicals were held – when Olivia bolted out of the lab door. At best I probably had two minutes to find what I needed before she made it back. Glancing across at the Medic, I was happy to see he was still ignoring me as conscientiously as ever. I swiftly flicked through the various packages, vials and equipment on the shelf.
The Rainbow Maker's Tale Page 8