by Nikki Landis
“What Peter?” I tried not to sound annoyed. It didn’t work.
His eyebrow rose in humor, “Do I irritate you?”
Oh no, I was not encouraging this line of conversation. Devious little . . .
I shrugged.
“Hey, what are you doing this Friday night?”
Nothing, at least not with you. I turned in his direction and smiled, “Wherever you are sure to be absent, that’s where I’ll be.”
He pretended to look hurt, placing a hand over his heart in mock injury. I rolled my eyes again.
This was a common occurrence in his presence.
“Rae, there’s a kick-ass party at Devon’s Friday night. You should go. With me.”
I stared straight at him, acting like I was considering it. Then I shook my head, “Absolutely not.”
This time he seemed genuinely disappointed, “Why not?”
Did he really have no idea? “Because if I wanted to take a child with me, I would bring my baby sister.”
His friends let out whoops of laughter.
“Harsh,” Jake told him, clapping Peter on the back. R.J. was staring at me, his face curious. Beckett smirked from the back row.
Peter wasn’t deterred, “Come on Rae. You know you’ve been in love with me since the sixth grade.”
I laughed so hard that my sides ached. Is that what he thought? Seriously? He looked a little indignant with my continued humor.
“Are you sure it isn’t the other way around?” I asked between giggles.
The brief flash of shock and then hurt was quickly covered up with a lazy smile, “Yeah, sure babe. You know I’m irresistible.”
His friends laughed but Peter’s eyes told a different story.
I was dead on.
His feelings were as transparent as his inability to think for himself. His friends dictated his every word and behavior. Always a show. Another reason Peter was not the guy for me.
“Yeah, Peter. Your rendition of the pledge makes me weak at the knees.”
More laughter. Peter’s eyes narrowed. Crap. What was he going to do now?
“Rae, come with me Friday,” he leaned forward so only I could hear him. “Please baby?”
I turned to face him, surprised by the endearment. What was he playing at? Was this some kind of joke?
“Peter . . .” his hand settled gently on mine. “I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“I have to shampoo my hair or something.”
Half the room erupted in laughter. Great, we had an audience.
“I won’t take no for an answer. I’ll pick you up at seven so we can go for pizza first.”
He leaned closer as the bell rang, not budging. Kids jumped up from their seats, but the two of us remained, his body pressing nearer to mine. “Think about it. I promise you won’t regret it.”
As our eyes locked on one another the rest of the class gathered their books and bags, leaving the room as quickly as possible.
We were alone now, even the teacher had left for lunch.
I sighed, “Peter.”
He pulled me up, placed his hands softly on my cheeks, and lowered his lips to mine. I was so shocked I didn’t move. Did he just kiss me?
“Rae,” he leaned back, “you’re the only girl for me.”
I met his eyes, unable to look away, “Why?”
He smiled, “You know why.”
I shook my head. What was happening? I loathed him. Right?
He grinned, like a damn fool, “Maybe I should kiss you again. It makes you speechless . . .”
I arched an eyebrow, pushing against his chest, but he remained in place, holding me in his strong arms. “Peter . . . please,” I whispered.
His head lowered until his mouth was hovering above mine, “Stop fighting me, Rae. Don’t you tire of the same old games?”
Huh. That was profound, even for him. And the answer was yes. I nodded.
“Then give in, just once. Say you’ll come with me Friday.”
“Ok,” I acquiesced. “One chance. Don’t screw it up.”
He laughed and squeezed me in a tight hug, “I won’t. But be careful Rae.” At my confusion he grinned, “You might fall in love with me.”
Good God. He was ridiculous. See my point?
“Peter!” I shouted, punching him playfully on the arm. “You –”
I never uttered another word. He kissed me again and left, winking before he turned the corner.
“Rae! Hey Rae, where are you?”
My best friend Hayley was calling to me from the hallway, her voice echoing in the now empty concrete hall. I grabbed my backpack and headed toward the sound of her voice, completely baffled by Peter’s sudden change in behavior. We had been at odds the entire school year. Not a single day went by without him teasing and my sarcastic remarks. Was that what he liked? I shook my head. Silly boy.
“What’s up Rae? You seem a little distracted.”
“Sorry Hay,” I took a deep breath and tried to process the last few minutes. “Peter just asked me out and . . . he kissed me.”
Her eyes widened, “He kissed you?”
I nodded.
She squealed like a little pot belly pig, “How did the kiss feel? Did you like it? Do you like him?”
“Wait a sec,” I giggled, raising my hands. “It was soft and sweet. And I’m actually totally disgusted by him, at least I thought I was until five minutes ago. I have no idea now.”
She laughed lightly, “Boys are so confusing.”
“Right?”
The rest of lunch we discussed the pros and cons of dating Peter. The list was evenly matched, much to my surprise. For the first time, I considered what it would be like to spend actual time with him, time that counted. The thought didn’t repulse me as much as I assumed it would.
Boy, was I fickle or what?
Peter shared most of my class schedule so although I didn’t see him at lunch, I saw him right after in chemistry. He sauntered in, making jokes with his buddies. Funny, but I never noticed before how the guys followed him or how they seemed to admire his ability to control a room when he entered it. I always thought of him as a follower, but now I saw he was actually the leader of their little trio. Beckett and Shane seemed to follow the other three most of the time.
This was weird. How did a simple kiss make me see him so differently?
Peter’s eyes sought me out almost immediately and he winked. Great. Was he going to make a scene? “Hi Rae,” he took his normal seat next to mine.
“Hi,” I responded, then turned my back to him on purpose, to talk to Hayley.
I felt an arm drape across the back of my seat. What was he doing?
Hayley giggled, “Um Rae,” I didn’t dare turn around. “Peter wants you.”
She could hardly hide her laugh but did so behind a strained cough. I narrowed my eyes at her. Slowly I turned around, meeting Peter’s confident grin. Did he think we were a couple now or something?
“What do you want Peter?” I asked, wary of his agenda.
“Rae,” he pretended innocence, “I’m just saying hello. Calm down.”
Oh, he was so irritating. I frowned. What did I get myself into now?
The chemistry lecture started and I had a reason to ignore him, as difficult as it proved to be. He paid no attention to the teacher, his eyes darting to my face often. The more he stared, the angrier I became. By the end of the day, I was ready to rescind my offer to give him a chance.
“Rae,” I heard a roar – the pretty purr – of Peter’s olive-green Nova. “Hop in. I’ll give you a ride.”
I shook my head, unable to speak in my frustration.
“Please, Rae?”
I started walking faster and turned the corner. Avoiding him proved impossible. He followed me until I walked up my driveway, which was sweet if I hadn’t been so aggravated with him.
“Bye Rae!”
Ridiculous headstrong boy. I refused to answer him and let myself in the front door, resisting the urg
e to glance back over my shoulder.
Chapter 4
The house was quiet and empty, as usual. Mom wouldn’t be off work until five. My glorious stepdad – insert heavy sarcasm here – would be home late as usual. Not until after seven. I had the house to myself for a couple of hours until mom came in the door with my little sister, Leah, around six.
I tossed my backpack in my room and flopped down on my cherry striped bedspread. A gentle rumble filled the air as my cat Felix, a Calico, wrapped his furry body around my legs.
“Hi Fee, Fee,” I greeted him, picking his fat body up and nuzzling him against my cheek. “Did you have a good day?”
He purred loudly in response, “I had an interesting one too. You boys are so exasperating.”
I set him down and headed downstairs, sliding the glass door shut behind me. This was my favorite spot, my big backyard. As a child, when my dad was still alive, he built a huge wooden treehouse in the large California redwood trees that bordered our property. Even now I still go there in the afternoons, surrounded by my magazines and favorite drawings from childhood. It was a happy place. Serene and innocent. Memories of my father and his gentle kindness seeped into the wood and took over. It was an unspoken rule that no one followed me here. Not even my mother, or especially her new husband.
I climbed up the wooden boards toward the top and opened the trap door. Slipping inside, I shut it with a small click. Inhaling, it was almost as if my father’s essence lived in this room and for just a moment I could still see his smiling face and smell his aftershave. Maybe that was why I came here, each day was a couple of seconds of nostalgic memory, and I clung to those precious fleeting moments like a lifeline.
Spreading a blanket on the floor, I leaned back and pulled my cell phone out of my pocket, inserted the earbuds, cranked Halestorm and bobbed my head to Mayhem.
A small scraping sound awakened me a short time later as Peter’s head popped up through my floor. He smiled softly as he pulled himself through the gap to lay next to me, staring up at the ceiling.
“You know, I have always loved this treehouse,” he slipped his fingers through mine, and held tight.
“I know,” I whispered. Why did I whisper? “It’s like I can feel my dad Peter, every day like he never left me.” Tears sprang to my eyes, and I looked away.
He tilted my chin so I was stuck staring into his softened hazel gaze, “He didn’t leave Rae. Not like that.” Peter inhaled a deep breath and let it out before answering, “I remember how he looked at you, how he loved you. You were his precious baby girl.”
Peter was almost a year older than me, a senior, even though we were in many of the same classes. These were combined in our small school. I used to tease him about being smarter than he was, gloating that I received better grades than he did. For some reason, it seemed to really bother him. Now I had a feeling that it didn’t matter. He was like a brother to me back then, and my father doted on him, caring for him like he was his own son. It meant a lot to Peter. His father was always gone and never had the time for him.
“I know it wasn’t on purpose, but . . .” I sighed shakily. “I miss him, Pete.”
I rarely called him that. Not since we were little kids.
“I know. I miss him too,” his gaze darted to my lips and back up to my eyes. “Rae . . .” They lowered completely as he pressed his mouth softly to mine.
This kiss was entirely different than the feather caress at school. A passion I didn’t expect radiated from deep within him, coming off his body in thick waves. He leaned over and deepened the kiss as his arm snaked around my torso.
My thoughts scattered. I forgot everything but the way his lips felt pressed to mine. A slight moan sounded low in his throat as he pulled me closer against his solid frame, leaving me breathless when he leaned back.
“Peter,” I gasped.
He smiled, a deviant grin that made my knees weak, “You have the softest lips, Rae.”
He would know now, wouldn’t he?
I didn’t dare speak, afraid my voice would squeak. Instead, I stared deep into his eyes. For the first time I noticed the little flecks of green and gold that lingered inside his hazel irises.
“Damn,” he laughed lightly, “I want to kiss you again.”
He did. This time I couldn’t help my response as my fingers inched their way up and around his neck. Peter seemed surprised but kept his lips pressed to mine.
“Rae,” his breath was unsteady as it swept over us. “Say you’ll be mine.”
His warm lips trailed from my mouth, past my ear, to the delicate flesh of my neck, just below my earlobe.
“Peter . . .”
His hand rose as his fingers brushed across my cheek, his eyes holding mine steady, “Surely you know how much I care for you. It’s never been a secret Rae.”
I knew. In my heart I had known it all along, “I . . .”
How did I say the right thing? How did I tell him I was afraid? How did I describe the frantic beating of my heart and the butterflies gathered in my stomach that had consumed me since his first kiss earlier that day?
My eyes must have betrayed me.
“Are you afraid?” At my silence, he frowned, “Tell me what is bothering you?”
I shook my head. He would think I was being foolish.
“Talk to me, baby . . . please?” the pleading sensual huskiness of his voice melted my body into little squishy pieces like plops of jelly on the wooden floorboards.
“I’m afraid . . . that this will change our friendship . . . the way we work.”
I realized then that Peter and I worked together, fit like jagged puzzle pieces slipped together in perfection, and I didn’t want to mess that up. Our camaraderie and easy teasing banter kept things simple and uncomplicated. Did I want that to end? Was I ready for more?
His eyes softened, “We change constantly Rae, it’s a part of growing up. Neither of us is little kids anymore. We can’t change the inevitable.”
He was right. Peter would graduate this year and go into the military. It had been his dream since he was five years old. Next year I would be a senior. Life was creeping up on us. So little was left of the ease and freedom of youth.
“And the inevitable is that you’ll be graduating and leaving Pete.”
Leaving me. I hadn’t meant to imply it out loud, but I couldn’t stop my thoughts from going to that place. A place where my heart could get broken. A place that meant he could leave my life forever.
I couldn’t lose someone else I loved.
“Do you think I’ll leave here and never think of you again?” He shook his head, “Do you think I haven’t thought this through a thousand times Rae?”
I honestly didn’t know. What did he think? What did Peter want? His mind was a confusing and unknown place to me. Over the years I always thought he was a dreamer. Playful by nature and good-tempered, he was always one step ahead of me in that regard.
“Rae?”
I was forced to meet his stare, “I don’t know.”
He seemed frustrated, “You’re an important part of my life. Of course I’ve considered it.”
I was confused. What were we talking about exactly? His decision to join the military? His leaving town? Or what?
“Stay with me, baby.”
I wanted to, really, I did. But I still had no idea what he was confessing or what his motivations were. “What do you want Peter?” I asked, unable to discern the truth.
He groaned, “You really have no idea, do you?”
I blushed. Looking away, I let my hands drop to my sides.
Peter stood up and began to pace the small room, making him seem like a wild and caged animal with his long dark hair falling in his eyes, the tattoos on his arms, and his sexy swagger, “How could you have missed it?” It was a rhetorical question and I remained silent. “All this time, all these months in class, I thought you were flirting with me.”
My eyes widened in surprise, “Why?”
He
stopped mid-stride and pulled me to my feet, his palms resting flat against my cheeks, “Because I love you, Rae. I’ve loved you since we were ten years old. How could you not see that?”
Shock played out on my features, “You . . . you love me?” I sounded so stupid. Surely he would laugh, but he didn’t.
Was he serious?
“Yes Rae,” he lowered his lips to mine, almost touching. “I love you.” With his hands still on my face, he kissed me.
Gentle. Loving. Soft.
His arms wrapped around me like a cocoon and hugged my body close against his hard frame, “Tell me you feel something for me Rae, anything at all?” he laughed a little nervously.
I lay my head against his chest, “You know I do.”
His heart was racing. The pounding rhythm thrummed beneath my ear like the consistent beat of a drum, “Rae, baby, say you’ll be mine.”
Fear clenched in my belly. Fear of the unknown and losing my heart, of loving him so desperately I might lose myself in the process.
“Oh, Peter . . .”
“I promise you . . . you’ll never regret it,” the look of adoration in his eyes was my undoing. I nodded.
His boyish grin lit up his entire face, “Good.” His kiss was liquid heat and blazing desire all in one. Pete pulled me back to the floor, his eyes shining with mischief. I melted into his arms as he pressed me back against the blanket on the floor of the treehouse. The butterflies in my stomach intensified. Were these feelings the result of his words or my own deep desires rising to the surface?
“Rae,” his voice was low and husky.
“Yes?” I whispered, too languid to speak louder.
“I’m yours,” he placed a tiny kiss on my jaw. “Today . . .” another kiss, “tomorrow . . .” another kiss after that, “and . . . forever if you want.”
His kisses left me in little doubt he was speaking the truth.
“Peter,” I panted from the exertion of trying to keep my breath. “I have no idea how to answer that.”
“You don’t have to right now,” he placed another kiss against my temple and held me tighter. “Just know that I’m always here . . . and I’m not going anywhere without you.”
So that was what he meant. At least about going away. But where did that leave us? We were in high school. Certainly he wasn’t thinking of marriage. But who knew what thoughts swam around in his head? Peter was a mystery. The more I thought I knew, the more I realized I didn’t know much at all.