by D. J. Manly
* * * * * *
Janet rang the doorbell repeatedly. She had tried reaching Angelo on his cell phone, but he wasn't picking up. Mac had told her that he had gone home.
Finally, the door opened. Janet breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank God. I was so worried."
"Mom," he said, "I'm not in the mood. Can we do this later?"
"I just wanted to..." He looked so young suddenly, so vulnerable. He was tired, dark circles under his eyes. "I'm so sorry." Her eyes filled with tears.
"I'm all right, Mother," he said. "Go home now."
He shut the door.
She sat on the doorstep for the longest time.
Nothing made sense. It was total madness. She stood up and went back to her car. When she got home, she called Mac.
"Hi, baby," he said.
"Mac, I'm coming to join you in Boston."
"Okay. I can send the jet."
"No. I'll fly commercial."
"Let me know when you're coming in and I'll have the limo waiting."
"I'll call you when I book the flight."
"I love you."
"I love you."
"Did you see Angelo?"
"Yes."
"And."
"He won't talk to me."
"Give him time."
"I'll see you soon." She hung up.
Drake didn't seem too happy about Janet coming to Boston. He tried to hide it from Mac, but he knew he could tell.
"She's not coming to nag you."
"Yes, she is."
Nolan was sitting next to Drake in the diner downstairs in the hotel. He glanced at him sideways.
"I'll protect you."
Drake lifted an eyebrow. "You don't know my ex-wife."
Mac looked over at Drake. "You never knew how to handle her."
"No one handles Janet," Drake said. "Not me, and certainly not you. You melt like mush whenever she says boo."
"Do not," Mac protested.
Nolan was laughing.
Pepi and Tony came to join them now. "What'd we miss?" Pepi asked.
"Janet is coming to Boston," Drake made a face.
"Yeah, and your brother is afraid," Nolan teased.
Drake punched him in the arm.
Tony accepted a cup of coffee from the waitress.
Drake glanced over at him. He was worried about Tony. He had been severely depressed since Angelo had left. He checked his cell phone on the hour, hoping for some news from him. He wished Tony would snap out of it. "Hey," Drake said, "Tony. You were really good last night...especially that rift on the Catch Me piece. Wasn't he great, guys?"
There was a round of "yeah...fantastic...wow..."
"You don't have to," Tony said, looking at Drake.
"None of it means anything anymore." He stood up and left the table.
"Shit," Drake said, rising. "I'll go and---"
"No," Pepi said, "let me."
Drake sat back down.
* * * * * *
Tony stood outside the hotel, smoking a cigarette.
Pepi came out to join him. "Since when did you smoke?"
He shrugged.
"They'll kill you."
Tony looked at him.
"You need to give Angelo time."
"It's over."
"You don't know that."
"Yes, I do. I know Angelo."
"Well," Pepi said, "if it is, you're going to have to find a way to go on."
"I don't want to go on."
"So, you repeat your father's history...drugs, suicide, a stream of toy boys?"
Tony sighed, and closed his eyes.
"It never gave him anything but misery."
"It helped the pain, the pain of living without Drake."
"Maybe, but it was temporary. In the morning, Drake still wasn't there beside him. Don't repeat that history, Tony. If you won't do it for yourself, do it for the people who love you. Do it for Drake. I don't think he could bear to see that again."
Tony threw the cigarette away. "Don't worry, Uncle Pep. I'll be all right."
Pepi nodded, and walked back inside.
* * * * * *
When Janet walked into the hotel suite in Boston, Drake stood, prepared to face her wrath. She walked right by him and stood in front of Tony instead. She grabbed him by the front of his T-shirt and pulled him to his feet.
"Aunt Janet?" He looked at her, confused.
Drake looked at Mac.
Mac shrugged.
"How much do you love my son?"
"I..."
"Really love him...no bullshit? And look me in the eye when you answer. I'll know if you're lying."
"He is...everything to me," Tony whispered, his lower lip trembling.
"Then what in fuck are you doing here? Get your ass on a plane, and go home."
"Janet," Drake said, "it might not be..."
Janet turned around, and glared at Drake. "And you, shut up. This is not about you. This is about my son. And if you know what's good for you, you won't interfere."
"But, Aunt Janet," Tony said, shaking his head, "he won't see me. He hates me. He..."
"He loves you," she said, "even if right now you don't deserve that love. And he's suffering because of it. I don't care what you have to do, take away his pain." She started to cry.
Drake stepped forward, but Janet turned to Mac.
Mac held her. Drake retreated. He looked at Tony.
"I'll call for the jet. We'll manage without you. Go."
Tony ran into his room, and threw his stuff into a suitcase. Before he left, he looked at Drake and said, "You know if he still wants me, I won't be coming back."
"I know that," Drake said. "Good for you."
* * * * * *
When Tony walked into the house, it was empty. He was relieved in a way. He couldn't honestly say he was looking forward to this. He knew none of it would be easy.
He put down his suitcase, and lay down on the sofa. He closed his eyes and eventually drifted off to sleep.
"What are you doing here?"
Tony's eyes fluttered open. Angelo stood there, his long hair windblown, wearing a pair of jeans and a sleeveless white shirt.
"You are so beautiful," Tony said, sitting up.
"Fuck off, Tony," he muttered.
"I deserve that."
"You deserve so much more than that. What do you want?"
"I think you know."
"Now you're going to tell me you love me."
"I don't have to." He stood up. "You already know that. I'm not leaving here. So, do your worst. Hit me. I can't fight you. I wouldn't even if I could. You know, I've been so tense, so sad, and now that I see you, I don't feel any of that. I've missed you so much. I've been so afraid."
Angelo pushed back his hair, shook his head. "You have balls, I'll tell you that. Where's Drake? Did you bring him along?"
"No. I'm not going back."
"Back where?"
"I'm not going back to the band."
"Why in the hell not?"
"I don't want to be without you."
"You don't trust yourself?" He laughed harshly.
Tony sighed. "I miss my father. Drake misses him too. It's getting better now. We realised that we couldn't bring him back. I'm not going to cry anymore...for Drake, or for my dad. The only tears I've shed lately have been for you."
"Well, I'm touched."
"I need you to forgive me." He met his eyes. "I can't live without you. So either forgive me, or kill me."
Angelo turned away.
"You need to forgive your father too. He loves you. He never meant to hurt you. Neither of us did. Making love to Drake was..."
He held up his hand. "I don't want to hear it."
"But you have to. Making love to him was almost a religious experience. Somehow my father's spirit was there in me and...I can't explain it. Now that I look back, I feel as if my pain somehow possessed me."
"Not to mention the fact that you've always been hot for my Dad." He turn
ed and looked at him. "We can't forget the reason you ever made love to me in the first place."
"That had nothing to do with it. I was a kid then, with a crush on a rock star. Drake wasn't a rock star to me, he...he was the man my father worshipped and adored. We both realised what was happening that night you came to New York. We spent the night in a hotel...sleeping, Angelo. We slept. We began to make love and then...well...it was like the spell was over. Johnny wasn't there. I wasn't my father. Do you understand what I'm saying?"
"I hear your words," he said. "And in some strange way, I understand them. I just can't..." He shook his head. "All my life I've lived in Drake's shadow. For him to take my lover, it's just...I can't seem to..." He shook his head.
"Does it mean that...Angelo, does it mean you don't love me anymore?"
"I wish," he whispered. "Then I would be able to eat, to sleep, to move through each moment of every day without thinking about how..."
"Baby," Tony said. "Oh, Baby, if you forgive me," he said, moving closer, "if you try, I promise, I'll spend the rest of my life trying to earn your forgiveness...on my knees...if that's where you want me." He got onto his knees in front of him. "I love you. I love you so much. Don't send me away. Punish me, hate me, but let me stay." He lowered his head, soft sobs coming from his chest.
Angelo moved closer. He placed his hand on Tony's head.
Tony wrapped his arms tight around Angelo's legs and hugged onto him.
"It's okay, baby," Angelo whispered. "Stay."
Tony didn't dare call Drake when Tony was around. He was afraid to even mention his name.
He'd been walking on eggshells these past few weeks, but at least Angelo hadn't sent him away.
The first night, Angelo handed him some sheets and a blanket and told him to make up the guest room. Things couldn't have been made much clearer than that.
In the daytime, Angelo left early for the studio. He never invited him to tag along. Tony usually spent his day cleaning up or planning supper. Sometimes he watched a movie on television in the afternoon.
Angelo was always ready to talk about music when he came home, so that was their safe topic.
Tony would ask him how it went over dinner and Angelo would gladly fill him in. Sometimes he'd compliment him on the food.
Tony ached to hold him, to kiss him, but Angelo kept his distance. He never sat beside him on the sofa in the evening, and he never kissed him goodbye in the morning. Tony knew he had to be patient.
He'd called Drake earlier. The guys were home now, and he wanted to touch base. Drake sounded sad on the phone, but he said he was happy that Angelo had allowed him to stay.
"I'm sleeping in the guest room."
"Ah. Well, give him some time."
"I'd give him forever, Drake, you know that. I love him so much. It's just that...what if it doesn't work out? What if he never wants to touch me again?"
"He will. How's his music going?"
"Well. That makes him happy, at least. They might be ready to play in public soon."
"Good. Does he mention me?"
"No. And I don't dare mention you either."
"If he does, tell him I...well...I love him."
"I will. Say hi to Pepi. I'll probably see Mac soon. Aunt Janet invited us to dinner tomorrow night."
"Okay. Have fun. Bye, Tony."
"Bye, Drake," he said, and hung up.
* * * * * *
Drake was relaxing by the pool when he heard the doorbell. He moaned and pulled himself up from the lounge chair. He called to the maid, then remembered it was Saturday. He'd sent her home. "Coming. Hold on," he called out.
He opened the door to see Nolan standing there.
"Hey," he said.
Drake realised that he was wearing only a very skimpy white bathing suit that was rather old and threadbare. "Ah, hi," he grinned, fully aware that Nolan's gaze was not focused on his face. "Come in."
Nolan walked in behind him, and Drake suddenly felt very naked. "Just let me put on some clothes."
"Don't do that on my account," Nolan said. "I'm thoroughly enjoying the view."
Drake glanced at him, and laughed. "Right. Pour yourself a drink. I'll be back in a moment."
"Too early for me. I hope I'm not interrupting anything."
"Just me snoozing," he laughed. He walked outside and picked up his robe. He wrapped himself in it, and came back inside.
"That's not better," Nolan said.
"What?"
"You in that robe...it makes it worse. I can imagine slowly opening it, and..."
"Nolan," Drake met his eyes. "What are you doing here exactly?"
"I feel bad about my little conversation with Angelo. I keep thinking about it. I never wanted to cause a rift between you and your boy."
"My boy," he laughed. "He wouldn't like being called that."
Nolan smiled. "He's gorgeous."
"Thanks."
"Like his father."
Drake looked at him then away. He sat down on the sofa. "So, you came by because of that?"
"No. I'm using it as an excuse. I miss you."
Drake smiled. "We've only been off the road for---"
"Doesn't matter. I'm crazy in love."
"You can't be serious?" Drake gawked at him.
"Oh, I'm very serious. And I figure that I got to get in there and fight before the line gets too long."
"What line?" Drake laughed.
"You have no idea just how desirable you are, do you?" Nolan came closer. "I wake up thinking about you. I wake up hard. I thought it would get better once...well, it's gotten worse. I can't sleep anymore."
Drake cleared his throat. He moved over a little as Nolan sat down beside him.
He smiled at him. "Got a solution?"
"Ah...well..." Drake shook his head. "I..."
Nolan tilted his head, his mouth moving towards his. "I do, but I need just a little help."
Nolan kissed Drake's startled mouth, then moved back. The kiss was determined, but strangely soft and tender. "How was that?"
Drake licked his lips. "Nice."
"Nice. Can I try again? Please?"
"Ah..." Drake stood up. "Maybe we should..."
"Maybe we should what?" Nolan asked, reaching for the sash on Drake's robe. He played with it for a few seconds, then pulled.
The robe fell open.
"Take it off," Nolan whispered. "Let me look at you. I can take the torture. I want the pain."
Drake laughed. "What are you high on?"
"You. I'm high on you. I want to intoxicate myself with you." Nolan pulled his T-shirt over his head.
"Nice," Drake said, admiring his naked torso.
"Wait until you see the rest," he smirked.
"Ah, Nolan," Drake said, lifting a hand, "maybe we..." He stopped as Nolan pulled down his jean shorts. He wasn't wearing any underwear. Drake swallowed. "Oh, baby." Nolan was sporting an incredible erection, and his cock was sublime.
Nolan stroked his own dick for a moment. "You like it? It's at least eleven inches and it's not totally erect yet."
"I...ah...see that."
"It's all for you. In fact, from now on, it's completely yours whether you decide to use it, or not." He moved closer. "Touch me, Drake. Bring me alive. I love you."
"You're crazy. I don't even...we hardly know each other."
Nolan reached up and pushed the robe off Drake's shoulder. "I want to change all that now, right now. I want to know every inch of you." His gaze moved over Drake's chest and settled on his groin. "Please, let me take them off." His fingers moved across the waistband of Drake's bathing suit. "I only want to..."
He moaned and went down to his knees. "Let me taste you, Drake. I'm going nuts with wanting to taste you."
Drake pushed the bathing suit down. Nolan pulled it off. He sat back studying him for a moment. "God, but you're a work of art."
Drake saw his hand tremble as Nolan fondled his cock. It felt good. It felt more than good.
Nolan
pushed him back onto the arm of the sofa.
He was half sitting, half lying, his thighs spread.
Nolan ran a hand up his thigh, another moved across his chest, casually plucking at his nipples.
"Um," Drake murmured, letting his head go back.
"Your body on display like that is driving me...shit, Drake, I'm going to..."
Drake glanced up at him and watched as Nolan's cock sputtered out its release. God, his cock was huge, absolutely gorgeous. "Don't worry about that," Drake smiled, sliding down on his knees, "I'll fix it."
Tony helped Janet and Mac clean up the dishes while Angelo went upstairs to tuck his little sister in.
"Why don't you guys believe in dishwashers?"
Tony teased as Janet handed him a huge pot to dry.
"I hate dishwashers," Janet grumbled.
"I told her to hire a maid," Mac said, "but she's stubborn."
"I don't want some stranger in my house."
"Did you have a maid while Angelo was growing up?" Tony asked, putting the dried pot down on the counter.
"No. Drake would have paid for it if I'd wanted it, but..."
At the moment, Angelo came back into the kitchen and she stopped talking. "She's out," he said.
"She had a big day today," Janet commented.
"Give me a dishtowel." He held out a hand.
"We're finished," Tony announced.
Mac put an arm around Angelo. "Let's go and have a drink."
Tony looked at Janet for a second.
She gave him a faint smile. "I know," she said.
Tony sighed. "I can't mention his name either. I feel so damn guilty."
"So you should," she said, "but Drake is no innocent in all this either. And how it's going between you two?"
"I'm still sleeping in the guest room."
"You men, that's all it is to you, sex."
"You mean there's something else?" Tony gasped, laughing.
"It's important, but..."
"Listen, I'd wait forever, but damn, it's tough. When he's close to me...when I catch him coming out of the shower or...you don't want to hear it, do you?"