“If I were to stand here today and talk only of our sin—if that were the end of the story—we’d all be doomed to hell. Deserving of it, even. Romans 6:23 says, ‘For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.’ The wages of sin is death. That’s spiritual death, dear friends. Hell. As I said, if the story ended there, there would be no hope. But the verse goes on. The second part says, ‘but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.’ What is this gift that Paul writes of? How do we get eternal life through Jesus Christ? Let’s turn to Romans 5:8.”
Sara flipped through the pages of her Bible trying to find Romans. This is what she’d asked Hetty about. She was finally going to get her answers.
Hetty reached over and helped her find the reference just as Reverend Hill began to read.
“ ‘But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.’ God’s gift was His Son, Jesus Christ. Even though we were sinners, He died a cruel death on the cross in our place. Our sins required a perfect sacrifice. And Jesus was that sacrifice. He laid down His life so that we might have eternal life.”
Sara stared at Reverend Hill in wonder. Never before had she heard this story! Jesus was not some historical figure. He was God’s very own Son! And He had died for her!
Reverend Hill continued. “You may be asking yourself what you must do to obtain this eternal life. Do you have to work for it? Do you have to die for it? No, friends. It’s a gift. All you have to do is receive it. God made this simple so that even someone as dim-witted as I am can understand it!”
He smiled as a ripple of laughter fanned the congregation.
“Being saved is easy. Jesus already did the hard part. All we need to do is ask forgiveness for our sins and believe that Jesus died to cover our sins. Then, by the grace of God, our sins are covered. The Bible says in Isaiah 1:18, ‘though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow.’ If you haven’t received God’s generous gift, I invite you to do so now. Let us pray.”
The reverend prayed, but Sara didn’t hear the words. She was too busy talking to God. Oh, Lord, I’ve been so wrong about You! You’re not the distant, uncaring God I thought You were! Thank You for loving me enough to give Your Son as a sacrifice for my sins. I’m sorry for my sins, which made His dying necessary. I accept Your gift, Father. Amen.
Sara blotted away a tear with her sleeve. She was glad that the reverend was still praying, for it gave her a moment to compose herself.
When the prayer ended, Sara gathered her belongings. Everything was the same, yet she felt so different. Even the inquiring glances did nothing to diminish her spirits. She was excited and longed to tell Hetty of her experience. That would have to keep until tomorrow, though, for she wanted to tell her in private.
❧
As it turned out, Hetty was feeling under the weather the next morning. She came to prepare breakfast as usual, but when Sara heard her scratchy “Good mornin’ ” and saw her glassy eyes, Sara felt her forehead. Hetty was sent back home with an admonition to stay in bed and rest. Hetty argued halfheartedly, then gave in.
Sara was determined to take good care of Hetty while she was sick. Hetty had been so good to her, and she wanted to repay her in some way.
Tuesday arrived, and Hetty was still sick. It was Gus’s birthday, and Hetty was dismayed that she wasn’t able to make his cake, but Sara was happy to do it. They took the party to Hetty’s room that night and had a splendid time, despite Hetty’s illness.
Hetty had already bought Gus’s present: a brown suede hat with a tan sweatband encircling it. His old hat was worn and frayed.
“This looks too nice to work in, darlin’!”
“Nonsense. That’s what it’s for!”
Sara had picked out a belt buckle, with Hetty’s help. She could tell by Nathan’s expression that he approved.
The week was a busy one for Sara. Between her usual chores and caring for Hetty, she was worn ragged by the end of the week.
Hetty was feeling better by Friday, although still weak. When Sara brought Hetty lunch, she decided to ask her a question that had been on her mind all week.
“Hetty, did you notice anything unusual at Sunday services?”
“Unusual? I’m not sure I know what you mean.”
“Well, it seemed to me that people were looking at me kind of funny. I’d understand if this were my first service, but it’s not, and I was wondering if you might know what’s going on.”
Hetty smoothed the frayed edge of the quilt. “I’ve been frettin’ over whether or not to tell you, Sara, but I think you have a right to know. Somehow, folks around here found out about how you and Nathan met.”
Sara drew in a sharp breath.
“Now, it’s not all that bad. A couple of the womenfolk made mention of it to me. They were very kind and just wanted me to let you know. Nobody is thinkin’ bad things about you, if that’s what you’re worryin’ about. This town is filled with good people, and I don’t think you’re givin’ ’em enough credit,” she said gently.
“Come to think of it, the people who were looking at me looked more curious than anything. You’re probably right.” Still, Sara couldn’t help but feel embarrassed and a little humiliated.
“Of course I’m right. I’m sure they’ll forget all about it before you know it.”
On Saturday, Hetty announced she was fit as a fiddle and would not be kept in bed another day. And so, after breakfast, Sara and Hetty set off for town to buy some food and supplies.
The warm air betrayed the coming of summer. The sky was clear blue and the fresh air was still. Unseen birds were twittering, their songs mingling with the clattering of the wagon.
They’d ridden no more than a mile when Sara decided she couldn’t keep her news any longer.
“Hetty, there’s something I’ve been wanting to share with you all week, but there really hasn’t been a proper time.”
“What is it?”
“I’m afraid I owe you an apology.”
Hetty looked up from the road. “Whatever for?”
“When I came here, I led you—well, all of you, really—to believe I was a Christian. I wasn’t, Hetty. And I’m sorry that I deceived you.”
“I know that, dear.” Sara shot her an astonished look. “Well, I couldn’t know. Only you and the Lord can know for sure. But I did suspect.”
“Why?”
“Some of the questions you asked. Things you said. Things you didn’t say. I notice you said you weren’t a Christian. Does this mean what I think?”
“Yes! Just this past Sunday I accepted God’s gift. I never understood before. I’d heard the story of Jesus, of course, but I thought He was just a man who’d been put to death. And I believed in God, but I thought He just existed, separate from us. It never connected before. But Sunday, during Reverend Hill’s sermon, the pieces just fell into place, and I saw it all so clearly. Like a completed puzzle.”
“I’m so delighted for you!” Hetty reached over to em-brace Sara, tugging the reins to the right as she did. They held each other for a moment and then sprung apart when the wagon ran off the road. Hetty guided the horses back onto the road. When all was settled, the women looked at each other and burst into gales of laughter.
❧
All week long Sara had been turning in after supper, exhausted from the additional chores and her care of Hetty. Therefore, Saturday night after supper, Sara found herself alone with Nathan for the first time all week.
While she’d been excited about sharing her news with Hetty, she was a little anxious about doing the same with Nathan. She didn’t know how he’d feel about being lied to. It was his ad, after all, and she distinctly remembered referring to herself as a Christian in one of her letters. He wasn’t likely to take it as lightly as Hetty had. Besides, she never kne
w from one day to the next what kind of mood he was in.
And so, it was with some trepidation that she rested her book on her lap and began speaking. “Nathan, there’s something I’ve been wanting to tell you.”
He had stopped what he was doing, and it was at just that moment that she realized he was cleaning his gun. She derisively thought how poor her timing was!
He was waiting for her to continue.
“There was something in my letters to you that was untruthful,” she said.
He studied her for a moment. “I know. . .your age. We already laid that to rest.”
Sara colored and looked at her book. It was bad enough to have the one lie to confess, but now she was reminded that it wasn’t the only one she’d told! “No. . .no. Not that.”
“There’s more?” His eyebrows disappeared under his bangs.
Sara flushed a deeper red. “I–I’m afraid there is. Although this untruth has already been resolved. I mean, it was an untruth, but now it’s not, and—”
“What on earth are you talking about?”
“I said I was a Christian,” she blurted.
Nathan looked totally confused now. “You said you were a Christian. . .” Understanding dawned. “. . .and you’re not?”
“I wasn’t.”
Nathan shook his head, as if to clear it.
She tried again. “I wrote that I was a Christian, and I wasn’t. However, just this past Sunday, I became a believer.”
Sara gave Nathan a moment to digest this. He leaned back in his chair, his hands folded on his chest. “I’m real glad about your decision.”
“I know I shouldn’t have lied. I’m sorry. I was so anxious to get away—desperate, really. I know that’s no excuse.”
“I understand, Sara. It was wrong of you, but I do understand why you did it.”
“Thank you, Nathan.”
“If you’d told me about this before you’d accepted Christ, I’m afraid I wouldn’t have been so understanding.”
“Yes. I know you wanted a wife who shared your beliefs.”
“It’s much more than that, Sara. In 2 Corinthians 6:14 it says, ‘Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers.’ That means it’s a sin for a Christian to marry an unbeliever.”
Sara was taken back. “You mean it was a sin for me to marry you? And I caused you to sin as well?”
“Since you didn’t know what the Bible has to say about the subject, I don’t reckon you can be held accountable for that. As far as I’m concerned, I wasn’t aware you were an unbeliever. The important thing is that you’re a Chris-tian now.”
“There’s so much I don’t know. I feel like a child discovering a whole new world.”
“You’ll find the answers you need in that Bible of yours. I’m here, too. And Hetty and Gus. But I think you’ll learn most by studying God’s Word.”
“I’ve been meaning to start reading all week, but I’ve been so worn out by suppertime. Maybe mornings would be a better time.”
“I was meaning to tell you. You did a fine job of caring for things all by yourself this week. Your cooking’s as good as Hetty’s.”
Her face heated at the compliment. “Thank you.”
Nathan quickly busied himself with his gun. If she didn’t know better, she’d think he was a little flustered himself.
thirteen
Sara had looked forward to her first Sunday service as a Christian. She knew her hunger for knowledge would be quenched by Reverend Hill’s teaching. Pretending to be a Christian had been harder than she had imagined, and she was relieved to discontinue the pretense.
The day was overcast, and the gray clouds gave everyone renewed hope for some much-needed rain.
Sara and Hetty alighted from the carriage with the help of their husbands. They were a bit early, as usual, and small groups of people mingled, sharing news of the week and speculations on the weather. It was from one such group that Mara Lawton emerged.
Sara halted in her tracks, surprised to see the woman at church, then continued only when Hetty treaded on her heels.
Sara hadn’t seen Mara since that horrible scene at the grocer’s, but a meeting was unavoidable now. Sara didn’t know whether Nathan’s presence made her feel protected or more vulnerable. Would Mara say something to embarrass her in front of her new husband?
Mara approached wearing a frost-blue dress that matched her eyes perfectly. It was embellished with lace and ribbon and hung upon her curvy figure in a most enticing way. The collar scooped low on her neck in an almost risqué display of skin.
She’s not bashful about her figure, that’s for certain. And in church, no less! Sara thought.
Hetty and Gus went their own direction when they saw a group of friends, so Sara and Nathan were alone when Mara drew near.
“Hello, Nathan,” said Mara, her voice syrupy.
“Mara.” Nathan tipped his hat. “Have you met my wife Sara?”
Mara’s cold eyes bore into Sara’s. “Yes, I attended her bridal shower. Hello again, Sara.”
“Hello,” she whispered. Her face heated as she remembered the humiliating blow she’d been dealt that day at the grocer’s shop. If she was worried about what Mara would say to her today, her fears were unfounded. After the brief hello, Mara ignored her completely.
Nathan and Mara continued to exchange words but Sara didn’t hear them. She just stood, shifting her weight from one foot to the other. Nathan was her husband, but at that moment, Sara felt like an intruder.
Just when she thought she couldn’t take it another moment, Nathan and Mara said their farewells. Nathan guided Sara into the church with a hand to her back, and seated her in their pew.
Sara felt her day had been ruined. She’d never forgotten what Mara told her at the grocery that day, but she had put it from her mind. Now she remembered it with a greater degree of anguish. She now knew Nathan much better than she had then, and the feelings that were growing in her heart made Mara’s revelation hurt more than ever. Before, it had felt as if she had been betrayed by a stranger, but now her relationship with Nathan was much closer.
Hetty and Gus joined them, and the service soon began. Whenever Sara found her mind wandering, she prayed that God would help keep her mind from straying. When the sermon was over, she realized she had absorbed most of Reverend Hill’s message.
Somehow, during that hour her mood had improved. Laura came over to visit with her, as did Mrs. Hill. Sara was the last one to exit the church, and the reverend was waiting at the door to greet her.
“Well, Mrs. McClain, you’re looking in fine spirits this morning.”
“Thank you, Reverend Hill. I also wanted to thank you for your sermon last Sunday. It cleared up many questions I had, and I’m pleased to say I accepted God’s gift.”
The reverend’s smile widened. “I’m so happy to hear that, Sara! There’s nothing that pleases me more than hearing that one of my flock has found the way home!”
Sara noticed that Hetty, Gus, and Nathan were waiting for her and said a quick good-bye to the preacher.
As she strode to the carriage, Sara resolved to put Mara from her mind. She’d entered this marriage with no guarantees for happiness, but finally things were beginning to look promising for Nathan and her. If nothing else, they were becoming friends, and that was a start. Perhaps if she continued trying to build their relationship, this thing with Mara would end.
❧
That evening Sara studied the Bible in her room. She found that she could concentrate better when she was alone.
She began in the eighteenth chapter of Matthew, from which Reverend Hill had preached that morning. He had focused on the third verse, and Sara wanted to continue from there. At the end of verse twenty-two she stopped and reread the last two verses, certain she’d misinterpreted them.
“Then Peter came to
him, and said, ‘Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?’ Jesus said unto him, ‘I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.’ ”
What did this mean? She read the rest of the chapter. It was about a servant who was indebted to his lord. The lord had compassion on him and released him from the debt. That same servant then went to a fellow servant who owed him money, but he had no compassion on his fellow servant and sent him to prison. When the first servant’s lord heard of this, he sent the servant to the “tormentors” until his debt was paid. “So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses.”
Sara’s heart was troubled when she read the last verse. The words were clear, but she struggled to believe that they applied to her.
She reasoned that she shouldn’t have to forgive Pete because she’d done nothing wrong, as the servant had. Pete’s violence against her and her mother had been un-provoked.
Still, her eyes returned to the last verse, and she prayed earnestly that God would give her wisdom concerning these things.
❧
She was someplace dark and musty. The cellar, she thought. Her body trembled, her breathing was rapid. The footsteps drew closer, getting louder and louder. She cringed deeper into the hole and screamed when the door was flung open. Arms and legs thrashed about, tangled in a web of conflict. She cried out again and again, but it was futile. When he seized her arms, trapping her, her panic heightened. He was calling her name, but her eyes were squeezed tight, shutting off that horrible face.
“No! No!” she gasped.
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