by Lucy Lennox
“Yes, I’m very lucky. Griff’s the only guy besides Donny I’ve given a fuck about since I left here. Everyone else has just been a warm body.”
As much as I assumed he didn’t intend the words to include me, they still stung. I must have gone still or something because he turned around quickly in my arms, eyes wide and lips open in apology.
“Not you. I didn’t mean you, West,” he said before sighing. “But that’s why I’m a little freaked out.”
“A little?” I teased quietly, forcing myself to take a breath and relax.
“I like you more than a little. Which means I’m freaking out more than a little.”
I leaned in and nuzzled his nose. “So why the bare spot over your chest?” I asked.
“Because no matter what he ever did to me with the tattoo machine, I reserved the spot over my heart for myself. One day I’ll know what to put there, and it will be just for me.”
Nico was wearing an old T-shirt of mine from medical school, and I ran my hand under it to find the bare patch of skin I knew was there, over his heart. His eyes locked on mine as my fingers caressed his chest.
“I’m glad you kept a part of yourself just for you,” I said quietly. “You’re so fucking strong.”
He shook his head but didn’t argue with me.
“So now I told you my shit; it’s time you told me the truth.”
“Truth about what?” I asked, genuinely not knowing what he meant.
“Pippa’s biological father,” he said. “What’s the story? And how did you and Adriana end up so close?”
In light of what he’d told me about Donny, I didn’t really want to tell him the truth about Adriana. It would only make him feel even more miserable. But I knew he deserved to know it anyway.
“Adriana had a thing for Reeve Billingham,” I said, not surprised he tensed up at the revelation. “But they at least waited until your parents were gone to act on it.”
“They were stepbrother and sister by then. Ugh.”
“Yeah. Believe me, she was bothered by that but not enough to stay away.”
“So what happened? He’s Pippa’s father? That changes everything, West.”
“No, he’s not. She wanted him to marry her so they could build a life together, start a family, the whole bit. But he refused. He didn’t want anyone to find out they were together, especially Curt. Curt was already angry and resentful about losing their father in the accident, and Reeve knew Curt would lose his shit if he found out Reeve and Adriana were together. So they kept it a secret.”
“In this town? Jesus,” Nico muttered.
“Well, Reeve was in the Navy, so he wasn’t around much. Most of what they had was through email and Skype calls, I guess. She thought things would be different when he was done with his four years, but he re-upped. Then he re-upped again.”
“Fuck, she waited for him for that long? Jesus, West. How long were they together?”
“He went in at eighteen, right after the accident. They already had strong feelings for each other but didn’t sleep together for another year and a half, which was when he finally had leave to spend time with her. She expected him to come home after those first four years, but he signed on for another four. And then another four.”
“God, my poor sister,” he said quietly. “So they were thirty by then. And all that time she wasn’t with anyone else?”
“Nope. She’d dated around in high school, so she wasn’t really this shy virgin waiting for her first love. She just knew he was the one for her and was willing to wait until he came home for her. Meanwhile, she was lonely as all hell.”
“I guess so.” Nico stopped for a minute to let it all sink in. “Then what happened? Didn’t you say he’s still in?”
“Yep. So after those twelve years, he told her he only needed to do eight more to qualify for retirement. That’s when she lost it. She spilled the beans to Curt—you can imagine how that went over. Then she demanded Reeve make a commitment—get married—so they could at least start a family. She wanted a family so badly, Nico. Kids and everything, you know? But he said he wasn’t ready to do that and wasn’t sure he’d ever be ready.”
“Fucking jackass. I always hated that guy. How could she waste all that time pining for such a selfish prick?” Nico’s brows were furrowed in frustration, and I reached up to run my thumb over the creases on his skin.
“She told him to fuck off. She wanted a baby and by god, she was going to have one. After that, she threw herself into the dating scene. Matchmaking apps, blind dates, you name it. She spent as much time as she could down in Dallas with my sister MJ, trying to meet a nice man, but it just never happened. When she turned up pregnant, she wouldn’t tell me anything about the father. I would have thought she’d used a sperm bank if I hadn’t known her financial situation. It wasn’t until the night of the embolism, when she thought she wasn’t going to make it, that she told me she’d deliberately slept around with random hookups during the fertile part of her cycle until she ended up pregnant.”
“Fuck,” Nico breathed. “So she truly didn’t know who the father was? She used some poor guy for his DNA?”
“Yeah. Once Pippa was born, the reality of it hit her hard. She’d deceived someone into becoming a father, and he’ll never know about it. She had no idea who it was.”
Nico seemed to be processing everything I’d told him. He leaned his face against my chest, and I ran my fingers through his colorful hair.
“I didn’t want her to be alone during her pregnancy, Nico. She didn’t have anyone. She’d been close to my sister, but MJ lives in the city now. And even though Adriana had made a nice life for herself here after your mom died, some people in town remembered her as the surly teen she’d been. It wasn’t until her pregnancy that she truly began to shine and come into her own. I think it was her long-overdue moment of blooming into who she was without Reeve. She was calm and settled… happy. The bakery was succeeding, the pregnancy was healthy, and she finally had a future she could count on.”
“Thank you for being there for her, West.”
We sat in silence for a little while before he asked me another question. “What about Curt?”
“What do you mean?”
“Why is he so pissed at me? You think it’s really because he is taking out his anger at my mom on me? That seems a little extreme.”
“It’s complicated. I think he never felt loved. His mom died when he was a preteen. Then his dad fell in love with your mom and his brother fell in love with your sister. His dad died, and then his brother went away to the Navy. After Reeve and Adriana finally ended things, Reeve got deployed to the Pacific Rim. Hasn’t really been back since. So Curt’s been on his own.”
“Doesn’t he have a girlfriend? Chloe, I think. What’s that all about? Is he bi or just in denial?”
I chuckled. “Hell, Nico, that guy’s still so deep in the closet he’s never coming out. Every so often he’ll say something that insinuates we should hook up for old time’s sake. It’s pathetic really. If it’s his conservative upbringing that keeps him closeted, why won’t the guy just move somewhere he can be comfortable in his own skin? I don’t get it.”
Nico shifted so he was sitting up on the sofa between my spread legs and met my eyes. His blue-green ones were steely, and the lines were back between his brows. “You ever hook up with him after that night?”
I thought about lying to him, but I didn’t. “Once. In a moment of weakness.”
“What happened?”
“I dated this guy named Xavier in medical school. His family lives here in Hobie, so one Christmas shortly after we broke up, he was home visiting his parents. I ran into Xavier and felt melancholy I guess. Horny too, if you want to know the truth. We were at Doc and Grandpa’s big holiday party. They host practically the whole town for an eggnog and Christmas cookie thing every year, and afterward, people stick around and start a bonfire out back if the weather’s right for it.
“Well, I procee
ded to drown my sorrows after seeing Xavier, and later that night when Curt made his snarky little innuendos about a repeat performance from high school, I called his bluff. Took him around back of the bunkhouse and…” I trailed off, not wanting to go into detail.
“And?”
“You don’t really want to hear this shit, do you, Nico?” I asked with a sigh.
“Well, no. But I want to know. Was it just oral sex, or did you fuck him?”
I saw his defiance in the familiar set of his jaw, his upturned chin, and his flinty eyes. My hands slid across his cheeks to hold him still.
“Nico,” I said quietly. “It was a mistake. One I regret, and one that happened years ago.”
“Figures,” he ground out. “That fucking asshole.”
“Now do you see the other reason he’s pissed at you?” I asked with a smile.
“Because I won’t fuck him behind someone’s goddamned barn like some people I know?”
God, he was cute when he was pissed off. I really loved angry Nico.
“Because the whole town knows you’re the one I want,” I said firmly.
He rolled his eyes and scoffed. “A prime example of the slim pickings around here.”
I tightened my hold on his face. “You know, Nico, you need to decide—are you going to be pissed at me or feel sorry for yourself? Which is it? Because I’m sitting here looking at the start of something pretty special, yet you seem convinced either you’re not worthy or I’m not worthy. And believe it or not, both of those options make me feel pretty damned shitty.”
His eyes opened wider as I spoke.
“I know you’re not looking for something permanent, Nico. And I know you’re leaving soon. But can we just be together for a little while without all this other crap? Even if it’s just for tonight. Be with me here, Nico. Trust that I choose to have you here tonight with me because I like you and want you. And for tonight at least, let me believe I deserve it too.”
He seemed to deflate before my very eyes, but then he smiled. It was soft and sweet and made my heart flip-flop. But it told me all I needed to know.
Nico was mine for the night, and it was time to take him to bed and show him how glad I was to have him there.
Chapter 35
Nico
When I returned home the next day, Griff burst out laughing the minute I walked through the door.
“What?” I asked.
Rebecca turned to look at me from where she was washing some breakfast dishes at the kitchen sink.
“You look a bit postcoital, Nicolas,” she teased.
“You look positively ravished,” Griff said with a giant grin on his face. “Tell me everything.”
I felt my cheeks ignite and tried to fan them with my hands as I snuck back to peek in on Pippa. She’d rolled onto her belly and had her big fat diaper butt in the air with her knees tucked under her tummy and her feet crossed. God, she was adorable. I watched her sleep for a few minutes before risking running a finger over the little shell of her ear. Her lips were smacking lightly in a sleepy nursing movement, and I could see the barest tip of her tongue through a small gap between her lips.
When I walked back out to the main room, Rebecca and Griff were settled on the sofa with their coffee.
“So?” Griff prompted.
“I think I need to go back to San Francisco,” I confessed. “If I stay here any longer, I won’t be able to leave.”
Griff’s eyes widened, and he shot a quick look at his mom. Rebecca leaned toward me and rested a hand on my knee.
“Is this about Pippa or West?” she asked sweetly.
“Both.”
“Nico, honey, how do you think West feels about your leaving?”
I shrugged. “I think he likes me, but I can’t really see him settling down with someone like me. He should be with a doctor or lawyer or something. Someone educated and put together like he is.” I laughed. “I mean, can you even picture us together? What would that even be like? A businessman and the punk who’s trying to pick his pocket. That’s what I think of when I picture the two of us together. It’s ridiculous.”
“Then why does he seem to want to spend so much time with you?” Griff asked.
I gestured in the direction of town. “Have you seen how few people there are for him to choose from? I’m fresh meat.”
Griff rolled his eyes. “Don’t be ridiculous. He goes to Dallas all the time to hang out with his siblings. They told me so the other night. He’s had plenty of opportunities. The problem isn’t meeting people, Nico. Maybe the problem is meeting people who light him up inside the way you do.”
“I hardly light the guy up inside,” I said. “Now who’s being ridiculous?”
“Still you,” Griff said with a grin.
Rebecca swatted his shoulder. “Nico, you obviously don’t see what the rest of us see. When he’s around you, he can’t keep from watching you, touching you, talking about you. How many days since you arrived here has he gone without seeing you?”
“That’s different. He didn’t trust me with the baby at first. He came to check up on her,” I said.
Griff studied me for a moment before speaking. “I’m not going to argue with you. Clearly you’re not interested in turning it into something more serious, so let’s get back to your original point. It’s time to go home. Let’s do what it takes to make that happen. I’m sure Mike is dying for you to get back so he can take some time off from the shop. He’s been working his ass off in your absence.”
I felt a pang of guilt, thinking about my employees having to cover for me all these weeks. Griff was right. Regardless of what was happening, I needed to go home and handle my business.
“Right. Okay. Let’s do this. I know you need to get back to Benji too, so let’s come up with a plan.”
We spent the rest of the morning strategizing how to rid the house of all Adriana’s remaining personal items, update the bakery’s financial plan and budget, and begin to pack up Pippa’s things to give to the Warners or West. If the adoption couldn’t go through before I needed to leave, I would have to leave Pippa in West’s care until the adoption.
I refused to think too much about the adoption and swallowed down the giant lump in my throat that had seemed to move in and declare permanent residency.
That afternoon, I began sorting through Adriana’s remaining belongings, creating boxes to send with Pippa and boxes to send to my place in California. I didn’t dare look through the photo albums and mementos from my childhood that I’d found stored under the television cabinet, and when I came across a box of our Christmas ornaments in the attic space, I taped them up without looking at them.
Maybe one day I’d be brave enough to open the boxes, but that day was not this one.
When dinnertime rolled around, Doc and Grandpa appeared with food.
“It’s chili,” Doc warned. “But don’t worry, it’s his best one yet and it’s made with chicken. Now, where’s that baby?” He winked at me, and I led him over to where she was angrily batting at the hanging toys on her play mat.
“She’s pissed off because I took off the crocodile toy,” I told him.
He shot me a look of accusation, and I laughed. “Calm down. It had spit-up all over it and had to go in the washing machine. God, you’re as bad as she is.”
“Come here, princess,” he cooed in a baby voice. “Come to Doc and let me make it all better. Your daddy is a meanie, isn’t he? Just a mean old thing. Doc will find your crocodile for you and fix it right up.”
He picked her up and carried her over to where Grandpa was chatting with Rebecca in the kitchen. I stared after him, the word “daddy” echoing in my ears. Suddenly I felt Griff’s hands land on my shoulders. He met my eye with a knowing look.
“You okay?” he asked in a gentle voice. “I know this can’t be easy on you. It’s not too late to change your mind, you know.”
“About what?”
“Giving Pippa up for adoption.”
�
�She’s not mine anymore, Griff. It’s not my decision. And even if I wanted to adopt her, I probably wouldn’t qualify. I’m single, gay, and live out of state for god’s sake.”
“You have biological ties to the baby. That counts for a lot.”
“And raise her by myself over the shop? What are my options exactly?” I threw up my hands, frustrated by feeling caught in the trap of wanting something I couldn’t have. “And what about her? Doesn’t she deserve better than me for a parent? Doesn’t she deserve to be loved by a set of parents who desperately wanted her?”
“She is loved by a parent who desperately wants her,” he said quietly so only I could hear it. “You and I both felt unloved and unwanted by our biological families. She would never feel that with you, Nico. Ever.”
My heart felt like it was going to break into a million pieces. I wanted to scream at him that everyone agreed I wasn’t good enough to be that baby’s father, but I knew he’d just keep arguing.
I left him standing by the sofa while I walked over to join the others in the kitchen to heat up the chili and fix dinner for everyone. Grandpa was already at the stove, telling a funny story to Rebecca, who was laughing so hard she was wiping off tears.
Doc had the baby propped on his shoulder and was swaying back and forth cooing in her ear before he seemed to remember something. “Oh, Weston, I forgot to tell you,” he began. My head whipped around so fast to the front door, I almost fell over.
West wasn’t there.
Everyone stared at me until I realized Doc had been talking to Grandpa. My face bloomed hot, and my heart raced. Fuck, I had it bad. Really, really bad.
“Sorry. Continue,” I mumbled, turning to get a bottle of water from the fridge so I could cool off my hot cheeks.
Doc went on. “I heard from the chief of staff at the hospital that Xavier Rhodes accepted Avi’s old spot as staff surgeon. He’ll be here in a few days, I think. His parents are over the moon he’s moving back.”