by E. L. Todd
“I’m trying to cut back.”
I gripped my skull because I was so frustrated. “Monnique, we’re just going in circles here.”
She crossed her arms over her chest. “What do you want me to do? Quit?”
Yes, that would help.
“You told me to pursue my dream and do what I wanted to do.”
“But I didn’t know it would be like this…”
“Are you really going to be that selfish?”
I was starting to realize it wasn’t just the job that was causing strife between us. A lot more had changed. “Just forget it.”
“Forget it?” She stepped closer to me. “Cortland, if you have something to say, just say it.”
“I…I don’t know you anymore.”
Her eyes darkened. “What does that mean?”
“I feel like…we aren’t the same people anymore.”
She processed my words for a while, replaying them over and over. “Are you…ending this with me?” The pain in her eyes broke my heart. “You said you would never walk away unless I walked away first. You’re taking that back?” Her eyes coated with tears. “I’m sorry, okay? I’ll try to be better. I’ll try to get more time off of work. I’ll stop being…bitchy. Please don’t go.” She wrapped her arms around my neck and cried into my chest. “I love you.”
Feeling her in my arms made me feel weak. She was so small, smaller than she had ever been. I felt her ribs against my arms every time she breathed. I hated seeing Monnique in pain. It killed me every time. My hand moved down her back. “I love you too.”
“Cortland, we’ll work on this. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”
“Okay.”
She sniffed. “You aren’t leaving me?”
“No,” I whispered.
She pulled away and pressed her lips to mine. The taste of salt was on her lips. My mouth moved against hers, and all the love I felt for her since the moment we met radiated through me. I gave her my entire heart and I couldn’t just take it back. It was hard to give up on someone that was your whole world. You wanted to keep fighting even if there was no victory. You’d fail over and over again but it wouldn’t change anything. I was stuck.
We moved to her bedroom, where clothes were shed and our bodies combined. When I felt her, I was lost. I made love to her like I had every other night, touching her heart with mine. Our hands touched, gripping tightly. And I lost myself in her, like I had so many times.
Meet me at the Shake Shack. Ryan’s message popped up.
I was avoiding everyone lately. I just didn’t feel like talking or doing anything. I just wanted to be alone. I’m busy.
Dude, it’s important. It’s about Janice.
I couldn’t dessert my best friend if he was going through a hard time. I’d be there for him no matter what. Okay. B there soon.
I headed to the small shop where we got burgers and shakes. But when I walked inside, I didn’t see Ryan anywhere. Instead, Flynn sat in a booth, looking directly at me.
Was this a coincidence or some sick joke?
I approached his table. “Is Ryan here?”
“No.” He stared me down. “I knew you wouldn’t meet me if I asked, so Ryan tricked you into coming here.”
I felt the betrayal inside me. I couldn’t believe Ryan manipulated me like that.
Flynn didn’t move from the booth. “Can we talk?”
“What do you want to talk about?”
“Take a seat.” He nodded to the other side.
I didn’t know why, but I really didn’t like this guy. Judging by the way he was talking to me, he didn’t like me either. I slid into the booth then leaned back, meeting his look. “Did you have a topic in mind?” I asked like a smartass.
He didn’t react to the taunt. “I know you don’t like me, and normally, I wouldn’t give a shit. But Hazel means a lot to me, and for some reason, you mean a lot to her. I’d like it if we could get along.”
I guess I should have seen that coming.
“I treat her with nothing but love and respect. I’m there for her for everything. When she can’t pay her bills, I’m the guy writing her a check. When she can’t afford groceries, I put food on the table. When she has a shitty day at work, I’m the guy she vents to. And I’m the guy she sleeps with at night. I’m her rock, her everything. You have no reason to dislike me as much as you do. So tell me what your problem is.”
I didn’t have a response to that. Honestly, I didn’t have much of a reason to dislike him.
“Everyone seems to like me just fine but you. So what’s your deal?”
“Hazel means a lot to me. I don’t want her to get hurt.”
“She’s risking that no matter what she does. But with me, the risk is minimal. When we met, she told me she’d been burned. If I were just there for kicks, I would have turned my back on her that night. But I didn’t. Because I love her.”
This guy was a smooth talker.
“Honestly, I think that has nothing to do with it.”
That got my attention.
“You’re in love with her. I can tell.”
“No, I’m not,” I said firmly. I eyed the people in the restaurant, hoping we weren’t overheard.
“Look at me and tell me that,” he commanded.
“I have a girlfriend.”
“And that’s relevant because…?”
“I’m not a cheater,” I said firmly.
“I’m not asking if you cheated on her. I’m asking if you’re in love with Hazel. Why don’t you just answer the damn question?”
I looked him straight in the eye. “I’m. Not. In. Love. With. Her.”
He was quiet for a long time. His scorpion tattoo was in my peripheral. “Then you better have a solid explanation for your behavior. Because if you are telling the truth, then I think you’re in denial about it.”
“I’m not.”
“Then why do you hate me so much?”
I rested my elbows on the table then gripped my skull. I didn’t realize how much I was lashing out at other people. I was either pushing them away or tearing them down. I didn’t know what the hell was wrong with me. “Okay. I’m going through a very difficult time with my girlfriend right now. And, I think I’m just taking out my anger and frustration on everyone around me. Hazel went through a really hard time, and now I’m going through it. I guess I just don’t want to see the same thing happen to her.”
He eyed me for a long time. “So, Monnique left you and broke your heart, and now you’re back together but it’s still not working?”
“Keep that knowledge to yourself.”
“You know what I think?”
This should be interesting.
“I think Hazel was screwed over then she found me, getting her happily ever after. When you were broken up with Monnique, Hazel threw herself at you and you rejected her. You went back to your girlfriend instead of making the right choice. And now you hate seeing her happy with me because you know it should have been you.”
I stared at the table, noting the scratches in the surface. People shuffled around us and the cash register rang every time a purchase was made.
“This is how I see things,” Flynn said. “Hazel sees you as a best friend. She really cares about you and she’s blind to all of this. So, I’m not going to mention any of this to her. The last thing I want to do is ruin a friendship and break up your group. I honestly want you and I to get along. Since Hazel has absolutely no feelings for you, only wants me every night, I don’t give a shit how you feel about her. But we need to make some sort of compromise here.”
I drummed my fingers on the table. “For the last time, I don’t have feelings for Hazel.”
“Then you’re in denial,” he said firmly. “Who the fuck acts like that unless they are in love? You threatened me multiple times like you were the Godfather. The moment I met you, I thought you were her ex. So don’t give me that bullshit.”
I raised my voice. “I can’t have feelings for someone else. It’s physical
ly impossible right now. I’m just trying to work things out with Monnique, but every move I make is sidelined. She’s constantly battling me, changing into a person I can’t stand. I don’t even know her anymore. I have enough problems on my plate right now to be secretly in love with Hazel, okay?”
He gave me a sympathetic look. “I understand what you’re saying. Break ups are hard…”
“We aren’t breaking up,” I said firmly.
“Well, you should. Because your relationship is obviously hurting you more than making you happy. Sometimes it’s harder to give up than hold on, but when it’s inevitable, prolonging it is just going to make it worse. That’s just my advice.”
“I don’t need your advice.”
“I was in a relationship that lasted three years. We’d been through a lot together and spent even more time apart. When we got back together, we didn’t fit well anymore. We both grew apart, becoming very different people that didn’t even understand each other anymore. I ended it before it got really bad. If I hadn’t, we probably wouldn’t have retained the friendship we have now. If you wait too long, it could end worse—for both of you.”
My head was pounding with the words he spoke. I didn’t want to think about this right now. Monnique was the woman I was supposed to be with. Our past flashed across my eyes, and I remembered everything we experienced together. Could I just walk away from that? Or was there anything to walk away from?
“I’m going to cut you some slack. When we walk away from each other today, I’ll pretend like I don’t know how you really feel about Hazel—”
“I’m going to punch you in the face.”
He flinched at my words. “Fine. Be in denial. I don’t care. You’re a good guy and you always shoot straight. I can tell. You play by the rules and you always put everyone else first. I can see that. You’re so devoted to your girlfriend and the relationship you’re in that you won’t let yourself have feelings for someone else. You shut them down and refuse to believe that. And that’s very admirable. But one day it’s going to hit you—and hit you hard.”
“I’m not going to argue about this anymore.” I clenched my fists.
“Fine.”
“I really can’t deal with everyone invading my privacy with Monnique right now. Please don’t tell anyone what we talked about today.”
“You have my word.”
“Thank you.”
“And I won’t tell anyone about my theory.”
“I think that would be best.”
He didn’t move from the seat. “What can I do to make things right? The next time we’re in a room together, I want there to be no resentment or anger between us. I just want to be friends.”
I closed my eyes for a moment, realizing my behavior was unacceptable. “Flynn, you’re a very cool guy. I understand why everyone likes you so much. And, I apologize for being a jerk to you. I shouldn’t have acted that way and I’m sorry. I’m falling apart, piece by piece, and I’m struggling to accept new people and changes. Hazel has been depressed for the longest time, and as selfish as this sounds, I wanted her to be depressed with me. It helps knowing someone feels just as shitty as you do. And I guess I felt threatened that you were taking that away from me…because I’m a fucking asshole.”
“That doesn’t make you an asshole, man.”
“Yes, it does,” I spat.
“When we go through our darkest hour, we say, think, and do things we aren’t proud of. We become the people we despise. We hate others for being happy. We don’t want people to be more successful than we are. We can’t be happy for others until we’re happy for ourselves. It’s natural. If someone told you they’ve never felt that way, they’d be full of shit.”
I met his gaze.
“I don’t think less of you for it. All your friends adore you. You’re the most popular guy in the group. You obviously earned that reputation for a reason. And Hazel thinks you’re the greatest guy she’s ever known. That came from somewhere, man. Maybe we just met at a bad time.”
“Maybe…”
He extended his hand to shake mine. “We cool?”
I stared at his hand for a long time until I finally forced a smile to my lips. “We’re cool.” We shook hands.
“Phew,” Flynn said. “I was expecting that to be a lot worse.”
I chuckled. “I’m not exactly approachable right now.”
He rested his elbows on the table. “Since you already told me some personal stuff, can I say something?”
“I guess.”
“Why aren’t you leaning on your friends for this? I mean, they are a good support system. You’re purposely alienating yourself.”
“Because, deep down, I know what they would say…”
“Which is?”
I swallowed the lump in my throat. “That I should leave her. If they knew how she was acting…the way she was treating me…they would say I should turn away and not look back. And they would say I made a mistake taking her back.”
“Why aren’t you ready to hear that?”
I shrugged. “I guess I hope they are wrong.”
“Are they?” he asked.
I shook my head. “I’m not ready to think about it.”
“You know how I know when a woman is right for me?” Flynn asked.
“Hmm?”
“I picture my wife. Throughout my life, she keeps changing. Sometimes she’s a blonde, sometimes she’s a brunette. Sometimes she has big tits, and sometimes she’s tiny. We live in different places and we have different numbers of kids. But when she starts to have a face, that’s when I know I’m dating the right person.”
“Do you see Hazel’s face?”
“Well, it’s a little soon for that, but…I think I do.”
“Have you seen someone’s face before?”
He nodded. “The woman I spoke of before.”
“When your wife’s face started to change, is that when you knew it was over?”
“Exactly.”
I didn’t want to picture my wife’s face. I had a strong feeling it wouldn’t be Monnique’s.
8
Ryan
Janice wasn’t home by the time she usually was. I gave her a few more minutes before I started to worry.
Where are you?
Hello to you too.
Did she always have to be a smartass? Answer my question.
I’m getting drinks with people from work.
A head’s up would have been nice.
I’m telling you now.
Always a bitch. Be careful, okay?
I can take care of myself.
So typical. Let me know if you want me to walk you home.
I have a pair of legs that work just fine.
I’m going to spank you so hard when your ass gets home.
Am I supposed to be afraid of that…?
Sometimes I forgot how kinky she was. I’d have to think of a better threat. I didn’t respond to her text and took a shower. I did my usual routine like she was there. I changed then turned on the TV, looking for something to watch. The wedding binder sat on the table, looking forgotten. Since I wasn’t doing anything else, I finally decided to take a look at it. While it was insanely boring and colors and styles started to blend together, I picked out a few things that I liked—and that were cheaper.
When I looked at the venues, Janice made notes on a few of the pages. It was pretty clear she had her heart set on the Plaza. While I tried to be a hardass with her, if her heart was set on that hotel, I wouldn’t take it away from her. I was an asshole, but I wasn’t that big of an asshole. But those ice sculptures were ridiculous. We’re not fucking doing that.
My phone vibrated so I looked at the screen.
My coworkers want you to join us.
Just through the words, I could tell she was annoyed by their request. She didn’t like it when people loved me, and least not when she was pissed at me. Because I’m better company than you are.
Coming or not?
Great…not really.
I’ll make it two spanks.
Oh no. I could hear the sarcasm over the phone.
I smiled then got ready, wearing a shirt that made my shoulders and chest look great. It was loose on my stomach, but tight on my back muscles. I wore dark jeans that made my legs look toned and long. I wanted her coworkers to eye me to piss off Janice. Perhaps that will teach her to appreciate me better.
I arrived at the bar and spotted all of them at a table. Janice wore a pencil skirt and a pink top. Her tits looked great. That’s what I always noticed first about her, her tits and her ass. Call me a perv, but that’s how it was.
Everyone waved and smiled at me when I approached the table.
“Evening,” I said.
“Congratulations on your engagement,” her secretary said.
“Thank you,” I said. “We’re very excited.”
Everyone asked me questions about the shop and other things. They seemed more interested in me than Janice was. When I finally pulled away from them, I reached Janice. We hadn’t exactly been sweetly affectionate with each other lately, just playing sick mind games with each other in the bedroom, but I knew I should put on a show. I cupped her face and gave her a gentle kiss. Even though I was just doing it for the audience, I loved it. Those lips were made to be pressed to mine. I could kiss them forever.
I pulled away and sat in the chair beside her.
Cal winked at me. “Glad you could join us.”
I shook his hand. “Nice to see you.”
“I’m trying to get Janice drunk, but she’s too professional.”
I placed my arm over the back of her chair. “Well, I’m here now so she can do whatever she wants. I’ll get her home safely.”
“And you’ll take advantage of me,” she said.
“You know me too well.” I rubbed my nose against hers. Even though she tried to hide it, the warmth was in her eyes. She could act like she was pissed at me and hated me but I still made her melt just as much as I did on our first date. She was head-over-heels in love with me. That would never change.
“Awe,” Cal said. “Too bad Ryan is straight.” He winked at me.
“Where’s Will?” I asked.
“He had to work. Magazines never sleep.”