by E. L. Todd
“You’re going to get caught. I know it.”
“Unless one of the guys comes into the strip club, we’re good.”
“Ryan might. His bachelor party is happening soon.”
“I can’t see him doing that,” she dismissed.
“Shows how much you know.” I pulled on basketball shorts and a t-shirt.
“You haven’t told anyone about us, right?”
“No. My business is my own.”
“Good.”
“You embarrassed of me?” I teased.
“No. But I don’t want to deal with my sister yelling at me.”
“I don’t see why she would.” I checked my phone then headed to the door, ready to walk her out.
“She likes to get mad at me for stuff she’s equally guilty of.” She rolled her eyes. “I know my sister has slept around a lot. So when I do the same thing, I’m in need of help or guidance. Whatever.”
“She just cares about you. Believe me, I wouldn’t want my sister sleeping with an asshole like me either.”
“You’re not an asshole,” she said immediately.
“I sleep with you and use you over and over. I don’t even take you home. I even told you to your face that I didn’t give a shit about you. Yes, that makes me an asshole.”
“You gave me a job and you’re trying to get me out of the strip club. You’ve been honest with me from the very beginning about what you want and need. And if I asked you to walk me home, you would.” She stared at me triumphantly.
I didn’t have rebuttal against that. I opened the door. “Good night.”
“Night.” She pulled her jacket on then headed out.
When she was gone, I shut the door then lay on my couch, watching a late night talk show. Cassandra and I used to watch these together, but now I didn’t think of her. I was a terminal bachelor. And I was okay with that. No relationships meant no heartbreak. I could get on board with that.
My phone rang and I sighed in annoyance. I was going to order a pizza and eat it on the couch like I did most nights. When I saw Cassandra’s name, I immediately feared for the worst. If that guy was bothering her again, I’d kill him this time. Actually kill him. It didn’t matter if it was Cassandra. Any guy harassing a girl like that should be murdered.
I took the call. “Is he at your apartment again?”
Her voice came out quiet. “No.”
Then why was she calling me…? “Are you okay?”
“No”
“Um…then what the hell do you want?”
“Have dinner with me tonight.”
What the fuck? Dinner? “I already ate.”
“It’s six. No you didn’t.”
It irritated me that she still remembered my habits. It’d been almost three months since we broken up. I’d forgotten her. She’d be smart to forget me. “I have no interest in spending time with you. I can barely tolerate you as it is. Don’t call me unless you need something.” My voice was cold like steel.
“Mike, please.”
“Why?” I snapped. “I don’t owe you shit.”
“Just please meet me. I can come to your apartment if you prefer.”
“No. I don’t want you anywhere near my home.” This was my safe haven. There was nothing here that reminded me of her. Nothing elicited unwanted thoughts of the girls who choked the life out of me.
“Then can we meet somewhere?” Her voice retained her depression.
“I really don’t want to see you. I can’t stress that enough.” I knew I was being a total jerk but I didn’t care.
“Mike, I asked you nicely.”
“So?” I barked.
“I’ll be at Shelly’s in half an hour. I hope to see you there.”
“I’m not going to show up.”
“I guess I’ll wait and hope.” She hung up.
I heard the line go dead then I lowered it from my ear. I was irritated that she expected me to show. Fuck no, I wasn’t going to do it. I had nothing to say to her, and I didn’t have the patience to listen to her voice.
I sat on the couch and watched TV. Unconsciously, I kept eyeing the clock, knowing she was sitting in a restaurant alone, waiting for me. I didn’t know how long she’d wait, maybe until closing. I didn’t move from my spot on the couch.
Finally, I cursed in frustration then left my apartment.
I walked inside then immediately noticed her blonde hair. It was still golden like the sun. She met my gaze but didn’t react. There was no triumph or joy. I came to the table then slid into the booth. She was drinking an ice water.
“Thanks for coming,” she said quietly.
I leaned back and stared her down. “What do you want?”
She didn’t flinch at my hostility. It was like she expected it. “I wanted to talk.”
“About what?” I snapped. “There’s nothing to say. If you want to hook up again, forget it. I don’t want you.”
Her eyes betrayed the pain she felt at those words. But it disappeared quickly. “Mike, I’m so sorry for hurting you. I—”
I held up my hand. “I’m over it. Don’t feel bad for me.”
“But I’m still—”
“Honestly, I don’t give a shit.” I gave her a look of hatred. I’d always despise her for what she did to me.
She looked down at the table for a moment then found her courage again. “I made a mistake…”
“A mistake?”
“I miss you. I…I hate being apart from you. I think about you all the time, wondering what you’re doing. I think about the way you get toothpaste all over your face when you brush your teeth. I remember the sounds of your breathing when we sleep together. In the darkness of my bedroom, I still hear it. I know I said I didn’t want to get married, but I’ve changed my mind. I want to be with you forever…” She gave me a look full of emotion. “I know I hurt you and I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to make that up to you.”
I processed her words, replaying them in my mind. “You want me back?”
“Not just that,” she whispered. “I want to marry you, have kids with you…get that house in Connecticut. I want it all.”
After she burned me, I never expected her to say this. “Where the hell is this coming from? You just woke up one morning and changed your mind?”
“Being without you every day changed my mind.”
“When we slept together three weeks ago, you seemed pretty damn determined to live your life without me. You watched me walk out, tears in my eyes. And you changed your mind?” The anger roared through my body. “Fuck you.”
She flinched at my hostility. “I’m sorry…”
“And you think I’m just going to take you back like nothing happened?” I laughed despite the seriousness of the situation. “Not gonna happen. You think I’m going to fall for that bullshit? We’ll get back together, and a few months down the road, you’ll change your mind and say you aren’t ready for that. I’m not interested in playing games.”
“I won’t change my mind,” she said firmly. “I know what I want now.”
“How convenient…”
“Mike, I’m sorry. I really am…”
“That doesn’t mean anything to me. You’ve shattered both my heart and my soul. There’s nothing left but my flesh and bone. I’m empty inside. Mike isn’t here anymore.”
“Yes, he is…”
“I begged you to change your mind but you still walked out on me. I gave you everything but you still wanted to leave. You never trusted me. Not once.”
“I do trust you.”
I shook my head “We’re never getting back together. End of story.”
Her eyes coated with moisture. “What…?”
“I don’t want to get married—ever. It’s not for me. You were right when you said marriage was a bad decision. People don’t love each other. They just use each other so they aren’t lonely. My parents were married for twenty-five years and they walked away from each other. All people do is hurt each other. Lo
ve isn’t real. People just confuse it with lust and infatuation. All people are selfish and evil. How can love exist among such a collective group of soulless and selfish people? It doesn’t.”
“Mike, that isn’t true. We love each other so much…”
“No. You never loved me.”
“Yes, I did,” she argued.
“If you did, you wouldn’t have taken me back to your apartment and used me.” I felt the anger seep out of my pores. “You fucking used me. I was an emotional wreck, but you preyed on my vulnerability. If you wanted to get laid that bad, you should have picked up some other guy. At least you wouldn’t have hurt me like that.”
“I didn’t use you. I just missed you like crazy.”
“Whatever,” I snapped. “It doesn’t matter. We’re done.”
“Mike, please.”
“I’m sleeping with someone.” I said it with no emotion.
Her breathing changed and the tears started to bubble.
“I’ve been fucking her for a while. I’m over you.”
“You still love me.”
“I fucked her just before I came here. Fuck no, I don’t love you.”
“Stop.” She covered her face. “Stop…”
“If you didn’t want me to move on you shouldn’t have dumped me.”
A few tears escaped. I saw them drip from her chin. The sympathy washed over me for a moment in time. I actually felt bad for being an asshole. “I’m sorry…”
She took a deep breath then wiped her tears away. “Mike, I want to make this work. I know you love me even if you say you don’t. The man I used to know is still in there. I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to make this up to you.”
I leaned over the table, giving her a direct look. “Cassandra, I don’t know what to say to make this any more clear. I never want to get married. I never want to be in a relationship again. And I definitely, certainly, never want to be with you again. You hurt me. And I can’t be with someone that would do that to me. I’ve lost my faith in humanity, but that only means I’ve lost my ignorance. This is how the world really is. We’re all liars, cheaters, and only care about ourselves. And I’m okay with that.”
She started to cry again. “What have I done…?”
“You made me see the light, Cassandra. Now don’t call me again.” I left the booth, hearing her loud sniffs. I left the restaurant without looking back. She didn’t get to break my heart and expect to get back together with me. I moved on. I was over her.
Forever.
10
Hazel
When I arrived at the theatre, I unpacked my gear at my station then headed into the dressing room to change. I usually wore spandex shorts and a loose top. It was the only way I didn’t feel totally disgusting when I was covered in sweat during rehearsal.
Once I left the dressing room, I saw Veronica walk by, an annoying smirk on her face. She looked right at me, pure gloating on her face. Her two friends looked equally pleased.
I had a bad feeling about this.
When I returned to my bag, it didn’t look the same. It was turn differently and the zipper was undone. I quickly looked inside and realized what happened. My phone was melted. The screen was cracked and the buttons were smeared. When I tried to turn it on it wouldn’t budge. Then I looked inside my wallet and saw all my credit cards had been affected the same way. Anger rose inside me but I held it back. This stuff could be replaced…even though I didn’t have the money to get a new phone. Then I found my dance shoes. The soles on the bottom had been melted. They were cut and torn, completely destroyed. These shoes weren’t cheap. Even when I got them on sale, they were still two-hundred bucks. Without them, I couldn’t practice. And if I didn’t practice, I wasn’t paid. And I desperately needed money.
I felt the adrenaline kick in as I realized what happened. All my belongings were vandalized. The things I cared most about were ripped apart. I tried to stay calm but I couldn’t. I was pissed.
When I looked at Veronica, she was leaning against the wall, a lit lighter in her hand. She gave me a sinister smile. That was an omission in itself.
“Now look who’s a cunt,” she said with a laugh. She turned away then walked down the hallway.
Before I knew what was happening, I was following her. I wasn’t running, but I was walking faster than I ever had. All the girls watched me as I approached Veronica, waiting to see what would happen. I was never a confrontational person, but I was about to kick some ass.
I grabbed her by the back of the hair and slammed her into the ground.
“Oh shit,” one of the girls beside me said.
Veronica’s eyes widened in fear when she looked up at me.
“You should be scared.” I punched her right in the face, knowing I left a mark.
She threw her arms and fought back. Soon, we were rolling around on the stage, landing hits on each other. I pulled her hair and she pulled mine. I gave her several kicks to the ribs, making her whimper in pain.
“Break it up!” The director ran to us. He grabbed me by the arm and pulled me off. “What the hell is going on?”
Veronica looked far worse of the two of us. Her nose was bleeding, and her eye was already starting to turn purple. “She attacked me for no reason! She’s crazy.”
“She vandalized all my stuff,” I argued. “She destroyed my shoes, my credit card, and my phone!”
“No, I didn’t,” Veronica argued. “I was just walking and she attacked me from behind. I didn’t do anything.” She started crying, and it looked damn convincing. I hated actresses.
Dan looked at the other girls. “What happened?”
Veronica’s friends jumped in. “Hazel attacked her for no reason. We didn’t even see it coming.”
Fucking bitches.
“She’s crazy,” one of them said. “She’s always been threatening us.”
“That’s not true!” I yelled.
Flynn came around the corner when he heard the commotion. His eyes immediately darted to me and the bruises on my face. He came to me then grabbed my face, getting a good luck. He was always professional when we were at work, but now he forgot about his ethics. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” I said immediately. “Veronica destroyed all my stuff and we got into a fight.”
“No, she attacked me,” Veronica argued.
Dan looked torn, like he had no idea what to do. “They say Hazel attacked her.”
“Because she ruined all my stuff,” I argued.
“Stop talking,” Flynn whispered.
I shut my mouth.
Dan looked at Veronica’s face. “We aren’t going to be able to cover this with make up before the show.”
“No…” Veronica’s eyes welled up with tears.
“She can’t perform.”
“No.” Veronica covered her face and sobbed.
Dan looked at me. “Hazel looks fine, but that wouldn’t be fair to let her on stage when she attacked another dancer.”
No…
“Hazel, you’re suspended until further notice.”
“What?” I flinched at the announcement. “That’s not fair! I—,”
Flynn gripped me. “Let it go. You’ll make it worse.”
I closed my mouth even though it was almost impossible.
Dan helped Veronica to her feet. “Let’s take you to an urgent care to get checked out.”
“Okay,” she said with a whimper.
Now she was just faking it.
He led her away until they were gone. The other dancers eyed me apprehensively until they dispersed.
Flynn was the only one who stayed beside me. “What the hell happened?”
“She destroyed all my stuff,” I said loudly.
“Shh,” he said. “Keep your voice down.” He pulled me toward the corner where my stuff lay.
I opened my bag and showed him everything. “All my stuff is ruined…”
He examined everything and sighed. “You should have come to me
first, Hazel. I could easily replace this for you then we could discuss what to do about Veronica.”
“I was so mad—”
“I could get her fired with just a few words. But now…” He ran his fingers through his hair. “I can’t do anything because you couldn’t control your anger. You attacked her, which is totally unacceptable in the work place.” He gave me a hard look.
I felt like he was scolding me like a child. “Stop yelling at me…”
He closed his eyes for a moment, trying to control his anger. “Hazel, everyone here knows we’re sleeping together. All your actions directly affect me. Keep that in mind before you do something like this.”
“All you care about is yourself?” I snapped.
“No. I’m just upset that you didn’t use that big brain of yours to think first. Violence solves nothing. If anything, it gets us further into trouble. Now you’re going to have a bad reputation. It will follow you everywhere you go. Directors and producers will assume you are hot-headed and difficult to work with. And you’re easily replaced.” He gave me a firm look. “I can’t just make this go away. But if you came to me first, I could have done something about it. Now…now we’re screwed.”
I sat down and leaned my back against the wall. I was hurt, angry, upset…I was a million things. My gear was destroyed and now I wouldn’t get paid for a week or so. Shit, I may not even have a job.
Flynn stayed on his feet and stared at me.
I didn’t want to cry but I felt the tears start to emerge.
Flynn came to my side and wrapped his arm around me. “Hazel, it’ll be alright.”
“I’m so stupid…”
“It’s okay. We all make mistakes.”
“Not stupid ones like this.”
He ran his hand through my hair. “Just learn from it.”
“I have to replace my expensive shoes, my phone that doesn’t have insurance, and now I don’t have an income for who knows how long.”
“Hey,” he said firmly. “Don’t worry about money. I got you covered.”
“I don’t want your money,” I snapped. “I want to take care of myself. Why is that so hard for me to do? God, my parents were right. This was all a mistake.”
“Don’t say that,” he said gently. “That’s not true. You’re chasing your dream. It’s extremely hard, but that makes it admirable. You don’t do things the easy way. You challenge yourself and work your ass off. So it’s okay to fail sometimes. What’s meaningful in life if you didn’t risk a lot to get it?”