by Tia Siren
I shook my head. “Not exactly. He doesn’t know.”
She cocked her head to the side. “Oh, Mia. I thought you were happy with him. Did things not go well for you on your visit?”
“They went well enough, but it’s just confusing. I love him, and he doesn’t love me. That isn’t the kind of marriage I want.”
“Okay, I understand that. So, you’re going to have a baby,” she said with a big smile. “I’m very happy for you. You want to do this on your own?”
I nodded. “I can do it. Millions of women do. I can too.”
“Yes, but millions of women don’t have a man who wants to marry them.”
I shrugged. “Things could change, but I doubt it. Right now I need to focus on what I know for sure, and what I’m certain of is that I’m having a baby.”
“Do you want to keep working?” Helga asked. She was straightforward and to the point. It was one of the things I loved about her.
“I do. It could get tricky, but I was wondering if it would be possible to do some of my work from home?” I asked, slightly hesitant.
I had been mulling over the idea for days. I wanted to spend as much time with my baby as possible, but I still needed to keep a roof over our heads. My job was more about researching and writing, and I didn’t really need to be at the office to do that. I spent a lot of time at home putting together notes and articles as it was.
“I think that would work. What about fashion week and some of the shows that pop up?” Helga asked.
“Oh, I would absolutely attend. I would also do interviews and tour design shops and so on. I want to balance both work and home without either suffering. I don’t feel I can do that if I am here a lot. When I’m here, I’m going to wish I was at home, and my work will show that.”
She was smiling. “I understand. You want your cake and you want to eat it too.”
I laughed. “I guess you could say that.”
“It’s settled. When would you like to start?”
With a shrug, I replied, “I don’t want to change anything yet. I mean, I’m feeling fine now. Although my mom keeps telling me the morning sickness may get worse in the next week or two. By the way, I’m not planning on telling anyone until I have gotten out of the first trimester.”
She nodded her head. “A wise decision.”
“Thank you, Helga. You’ve done so much for me. I mean, thank you for the job opportunity and now this. I really, truly appreciate it.”
She was smiling again. “Mia, it is you I should thank. Your articles have helped keep this magazine at the top. People like you and respect you in the industry, and even when you hate a line, you offer constructive criticism rather than hateful or nasty commentary. I would never want to lose you. I’m more than willing to be flexible if it means I get to keep you working here.”
I stood up to leave, feeling as everything in my life was headed in the right direction. It was a huge change in course from a mere month ago.
“I’ll talk to you later,” I said, and I headed back to my own office.
Looking around the space, I thought about all the time I had spent in it. I couldn’t do that anymore. I couldn’t hang out here because I didn’t want to go home to an empty house. The idea was exciting. I managed to get through the day without bursting from excitement. As soon as I got home, I called my mom.
“Guess what?” I said when she answered.
“You’re already pregnant, so the only thing left is you’re getting married?” she asked hopefully.
I scoffed. “No, Mom, I’m not getting married. I talked with Helga today. She’s willing to let me work from home. That means I can stay home with the baby. I mean, I will still need to go to some events and stuff like that, but I can be home!”
“That’s great, Mia. Really, it is. Does this mean you can also spend time in LA?”
“Mom!”
She laughed on the other end of the phone. I knew she wasn’t ready to give up on Brad quite yet. I wasn’t either, but I wasn’t going to push too hard.
“It does, but I don’t know if that’s what I’ll do. I know I don’t want to be flying back and forth when I’m heavily pregnant, and I certainly don’t want to take an infant on a flight across the country on a regular basis. I would get banned from all the airlines,” I joked.
“Now you need to call Brad,” she said in a serious tone.
“Mom,” I groaned.
“He deserves to know. He deserves to have the chance to share this journey with you. You didn’t get that baby without his help,” she said.
“I know, Mom. I know. It’s just not the kind of news I want to give him via text or over the phone. It’s still early. I have a few weeks before I need to really start thinking about that.”
“Suit yourself. I’m very happy for you, dear, and you know I will support you no matter what you do.”
“Thanks. I appreciate that. Now, I am going to crawl into the tub and relax for a bit,” I said, already thinking about how my life was going to change. Long, luxurious soaks in the tub were going to be hard to come by in the years to come. I wanted to take full advantage of them while I could.
While soaking in the tub, I let my mind drift to the future. No matter how I looked at it, I always saw Brad there with me and our child. I knew it was truly a dream based on a lot of wishful thinking.
I reached for my phone, knowing Brad was at work but needing to ask the question. I took a deep breath and wrote the text. I hesitated a split second before sending it.
Do you only want to marry me because of the pact?
I put the phone down, not expecting an immediate answer. He would be interviewing some big celebrity or eating one of the many meals that people brought him. I smiled while thinking about how well he had done for himself. I was happy for him and could understand why staying in LA was so important to him.
My phone vibrated on the shelf next to the tub. I quickly reached for it and read his response. My stomach sank. I suddenly felt as if I was going to throw up, and it had nothing to do with the baby hormones.
I’m a big fan of your body.
Seriously? That was what made him want to marry me? What an ass!
I threw my phone across the bathroom and cringed when it hit the wall. I really hadn’t meant to smash it, but the man infuriated me. I should have expected as much from him. He was incapable of real, heartfelt emotion. I knew that about him, so why I expected anything different was beyond me.
Fighting to keep the tears from falling, I tried to find some resolve. I wasn’t going to cry over the man. I couldn’t really be all that surprised by his response. We had great sex and I was a big fan of his body too. The difference was, it wasn’t just his body I wanted. I wanted his damn heart.
My phone buzzed against the black tile floor of the bathroom. I laughed like a crazy woman, glad to know I hadn’t broken it completely. I hoped the OtterBox had kept the screen from cracking. I hated replacing phones.
It buzzed again, and I knew it was him, but I wasn’t going to answer; not while I was as pissed as I was. It was better if I cooled off and replied when I could give a calm and well-thought-out response. If I wrote back now, it would be a crazy, emotional response. I had to remember I was carrying his child and no matter what happened between us, we needed to stay on good speaking terms. It was in the best interest of the child. I was not going to let us become those parents who couldn’t even speak to one another without ending up in a screaming match. I had to keep cool. I couldn’t blame him for not loving me.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Brad
I got it. She didn’t need to be that pissed. I had thought I was being funny and complimenting her at the same time when I told her I liked her body. Clearly, she didn’t think it was funny. The woman had not replied since I’d sent the stupid text last night. I hated being away from her. I couldn’t get in front of her and kiss her or wrap my arms around her and tell her I was sorry for being an idiot.
Once
again, I had fucked up. Once again, I was going to have to grovel. I didn’t really mind. Once I lived there, I knew the making up would be well worth the anguish the woman was causing me. I did a quick search for flower delivery places and decided to go big. I didn’t mind spending a couple hundred dollars on an arrangement that would soften her heart toward me again.
“What are you doing?” Jaxon asked, flopping down on the couch in my office as he was prone to do.
I had already decided I was going to leave him the couch. He seemed to enjoy it more than anyone else. God knew he’d certainly used it more than anyone else.
“I’m sending flowers,” I mumbled as I entered my credit card information.
“What’d you do now?”
I laughed. “I said I liked her body. Now she isn’t talking to me.”
He burst into laughter. “You have a finicky woman.”
I shrugged. “I guess.”
“What was the context of this comment that pissed her off so badly?”
“She asked if the pact was the only reason I wanted to marry her. I told her I liked her body.”
Jaxon slapped a hand to his head and groaned. “You’re such an idiot. Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you? You actually think you’re going to make a good husband?” he railed.
I was stunned by his rather rude remarks but didn’t get the chance to respond. My phone rang about the same time I pushed send on my order. It was my realtor.
While answering the phone, I simultaneously ordered Jaxon out of my office. I didn’t need his two cents on selling my condo.
“This is Brad,” I answered, automatically falling into my radio voice by habit.
Jaxon looked at me, and I could tell he was going to say something smart about the way I answered my phone. I jumped up from my chair, pushed him out of my office, and closed the door.
I listened to my realtor and couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
“Already?” I asked in disbelief. “What does that mean?”
“It means you pack your stuff and get out and take your big fat check with you!” she said, full of excitement.
“I thought you hadn’t listed it yet?” I asked, feeling a little overwhelmed by how fast everything was happening.
“I haven’t. I had buyers waiting for condos like yours to come up for sale. Your location is exactly what they’ve been looking for, so I ran it by them and they are ready to make a cash offer for your full asking price. We could put it on the market and see if we can get a bidding war to drive up the price, but that could take a little more time and you would have to wait for bank loans to be approved and whatnot,” she said.
I shook my head, trying to get everything to stop spinning. I couldn’t believe it. My stomach was flip flopping. I was scared as hell and more than a little apprehensive at the thought of making the move. But it was what I wanted, and I knew I had to do it.
“I’ll take it,” I heard myself say.
“Great! I’ll draw up the paperwork and get this thing started!”
“Thanks,” I mumbled, hanging up the phone and flopping down on the couch Jaxon had just vacated.
“Holy shit,” I muttered aloud. “Holy shit. This is really happening.”
Feeling a bit crazy, I started laughing. I didn’t know if Mia was ready for me, but I was going home. I was going to be back in New York whether she liked it or not. Shit was about to get real. There was a twinge of anxiety, but it was easily outweighed by the excitement I felt about my future with Mia. Assuming she would ever speak to me again, that was.
I loved her, and she wasn’t going to get rid of me so easily. I was prepared to dig in my heels and fight for her. She thought this was all on a whim, but it wasn’t. I was dead serious about making a marriage work with her. Without a doubt, I knew we were good together, and it wasn’t just about the sex. If I could ever be around her long enough to just be with her without wanting to jump her bones, I could prove that to her.
Thinking back to what my callers had been advising all along, I realized I had to court her, to woo her and show her how much I loved her with gestures. It didn’t have to be expensive; it had to be heartfelt. I could do that.
“Are you done?” Jaxon asked, pushing open my office door. “That was really rude by the way.”
He looked shocked to see me on the couch. “Yes, I’m done.”
“You’re on my couch.”
“It’s my couch.”
“You never sit there. You have a chair. Does this mean I get to sit in your chair?”
“No.”
He shrugged his shoulders and moved to sit in my chair anyway. “What was that all about?” he asked.
“I sold my condo,” I said, the words feeling strange as they crossed my lips.
Jaxon was silent a while. “Wow,” he finally managed to get out.
I chuckled. “Yeah, wow. I also have a booth. One of the stations out there is going to be leasing the booth to us. Tina is already working on lining up guests based in New York for the show. It all seems to be happening really fast.”
“It is really fast,” Jaxon agreed. “Why are you moving if she won’t even talk to you?”
“I’ll make her talk to me. I just have to convince her she wants to marry me.”
“Have you told her why? Like the real reason you want to marry her?” Jaxon asked.
I rolled my head to the side so I could look at him sitting behind my desk. “What do you mean the real reason? I already told her we could get married and live happily ever after.”
He shook his head, rolling his eyes as he did. “You’re an idiot, a real moron.”
“Why?” I asked, sitting up to look at him.
“Have you told her you loved her?”
I scoffed. “What are you talking about? She knows. Why else would I ask her to marry me and move across the country to be with her?”
He leveled his gaze at me. “Let’s go over the details. As far as I know, you haven’t told her you are moving, right?”
I shook my head. “Not yet. I wanted to make sure it was going to happen before I brought it up again. When I told her I had tried and failed to get a job and she would have to move to me, she got really pissed—like slept-on-the-couch pissed.”
He covered his face with his hands. “You told her you wanted to marry her, but did you ask?”
I looked up at the ceiling as I tried to remember if I had. A feeling of dread washed over me as I realized I had done no such thing. She had found the ring, but it wasn’t like I gave it to her. I had never dropped to my knee and asked her. It was more of a let’s-do-this thing rather than a proposal. I had proposed marriage with the same care I would propose Mexican over Italian for dinner.
“Shit,” I mumbled under my breath.
Jaxon was nodding. “I thought so. Explains why she isn’t talking to you again. Flowers aren’t going to cut it, man. You fucked up.”
“Thanks. So helpful.”
“You have to say the words. You have to give her your heart, not just your dick,” he said crudely.
“What makes you an expert in the field of love? Your longest relationship has been about a week, and I know damn well you’ve never loved any of them,” I shot back.
“I’m not quite as dumb as I act, and I have actually loved before,” he said in a quiet voice.
I looked up at him to gauge his emotions and see if he was being honest. “You have?”
He nodded. “Yes. It can’t be that hard to believe.”
“When? What happened?” I asked, suddenly intrigued by the man’s past. I had known Jaxon about ten years. He had been a womanizer since I’d known him.
He shrugged a shoulder and pretended nonchalance. “I was young, college. She was too. We were going to get married. I did the whole big proposal thing and spent a small fortune on a ring.”
“Wow,” I mumbled, surprised to hear he had ever been down that road before. “And?”
He sighed. “She died. No, not died.
She was killed. Drunk driver, wrong way on the freeway. Killed her instantly a month before our wedding.”
My mouth fell open. I wanted to offer him words of comfort, but I didn’t think that was what he wanted. “I’m sorry. I had no idea.”
“It’s okay. It was a long time ago. I’m not sad about it. I mean, I am of course, but it isn’t something I dwell on. I just wanted you to know I do know women and I know that a proposal that means something is important to them. You have to get on one knee or do something special for her. Calling her up out of the blue and claiming you want to marry her because of a silly pact is not exactly smooth, my friend. You have to do better than that,” he said with a smile.
The earlier pall in the room had quickly been erased. I now had a better understanding of Jaxon and why he was the way he was. I could give him my two cents based on my one semester of psychology, but I had a feeling he already knew he was a serial womanizer because of what had happened to him. If this lifestyle made him happy, I was certainly not going to take that away. He’d lost enough.
“Thanks. You’re right. I did this all wrong. I guess I assumed she was the same girl I knew back when. I jumped in with both feet without thinking about how she would feel about it. It was stupid,” I said, suddenly realizing my mistake.
He grinned. “I know I’m right. I’m happy to hear you say it though.”
“Whatever. I need to get ready for the booth. Then I guess I better get some boxes and hire those movers. Holy shit, this is happening fast,” I said, still in a state of disbelief.
“It is. I’m going to be sorry to see you go. I talked with the owner today. Your little leap to satellite means I get to take a lot more trips around the country on the company’s dime. You better believe I’ll be out in New York to check up on you. You better have a line of women for me.”
I laughed. “I’ll get right on that. I’m sure Mia won’t mind me scouting the territory for you and scoring some numbers. Should go over real well,” I said with sarcasm.
He chuckled. “I was only trying to save time. I guess I’ll have to do my own legwork. Your taste in women is not the same as mine anyway.”