by Tia Siren
I loved listening to her play. Hearing her unique style reminded me of her skills I’d seen years before. She and I used to make beautiful music together, but she never needed me. Her flame carried an undying heat that would go on for her entire life.
I stood behind her, listening to her and enjoying her original pieces. She never turned around or wondered if I was behind her. This allowed her to play unfiltered, which was a rare treat that I loved.
However, eventually, I was ratted out by Bo, who came trotting in to sit down beside Bailey but stared at me. This prompted her to finally turn around to see what Bo was looking at, startled to see me standing there.
“Sorry.” I chuckled.
“No worries,” she replied. “How long were you standing there for?”
I shrugged. “A while. You sound spectacular.”
“I have better stuff than that,” she said anxiously. “You should hear what I composed while I was vacationing in Greece!”
I knew that was her second-guessing her own abilities again. She used to downplay her skills often whenever we’d play original material we’d just made up. I never knew if that was her being a perfectionist or being nervous about what I’d think of it.
“I see you’ve made a friend,” I said eyeing Bo.
“Yeah, he’s been hanging with me ever since I woke up,” she said. She looked down at Bo, petting him behind his ears.
“You going to keep playing?” I asked.
“How about you play with me?”
“I’d rather not.”
“That’s really a shame,” she said. “All I kept thinking about was us playing together after you woke up.”
“I’m pretty rusty,” I admitted.
“I am too,” she said.
“Bailey, you’ve been playing all morning, and you probably only missed, what, a few days of practice? You haven’t played in a few days? I haven’t played in a few years.”
“Please?” she said making a pouty face.
“No,” I said shaking my head.
“Come on. Don’t be like this,” she said. “Or, you just play.”
I snorted. “That’s worse. I’d rather hear you!”
“You heard me,” she retorted. “You’ve been hearing so much you’re probably sick of hearing my voice.”
I shook my head again. “Impossible.”
“Well, either way,” she continued, “I’m bored with listening to myself. Please play with me.”
“Bailey, no,” I repeated. “I can’t afford to embarrass myself like that.”
“It’s me. You don’t have to be afraid of anything.”
“I think that the best thing for us to do right now is have a nice breakfast, and then I’ll take you wherever you want to go.”
She spun around in her chair, considering my words, pondering where all she wanted to go. Truthfully, I’d have been okay with taking us to the edge of the world.
“I guess I should finish up things at my father’s house,” said Bailey. “I have some other things I need to put in boxes. I’m mailing a lot of stuff to my place in Memphis. That’ll probably take me all day.”
I walked into the kitchen and poured myself a bowl of cereal while she stayed seated by the keyboard, randomly hitting keys.
“So, what’re you going to do today?” she asked me.
“I have no earthly idea. Got any ideas?”
“I don’t know,” she said. “What other cereals do you have?”
After breakfast, I drove Bailey back to Wayne’s house. I parked on the street alongside the driveway, expecting that she would depart, and I’d be on my way.
She took her time, slowly unbuckling her seatbelt and looking down at her phone at a blank screen.
“Do you—do you think maybe you could help me pack some of this stuff up?” she asked. “You don’t have to do anything complicated, just like moving heavy boxes or reaching things that I can’t.”
“Sure, I’d love to hang out with you,” I replied.
She was pleased. We got out of the car and proceeded to go into the house where we spent the majority of our Saturday.
We packed at a leisurely pace, recounting more stories from years’ past. Our day was filled with “Remember when” and “Remember that time.” Each room we were in contained numerous memories, most of them good and happy. I was glad that most of the Wright family’s things would be living on through Bailey after this home’s doors closed to them for the final time.
“It’s weird,” I said at one point. “This place is only memories now.”
“All the more reason I’ll be glad to get back to Memphis,” she said.
“It’s also weird, because well, you know,” I said. “I spent every other day here for ages growing up. I never thought I was going to be back here again. It was always peculiar—your dad would invite me over a whole bunch after you moved, but it wasn’t the same.”
I trailed off. She gave an empathetic smile.
“Now, here we are,” I continued. “We’ve been talking all day, chilling all day like no time passed, and I’m back to thinking about where we left things before you moved away.”
“Darren,” she said.
“I told you, I’m not asking you for anything,” I assured her. “I just thought you should know how I feel. You do with it what you will.”
She finished taping a box and got to her feet. There was a lot on her mind.
“Every time we have a moment like the old days, it feels bittersweet,” said Bailey. “Today has been so much fun. And, you’re the reason that I’ve stayed longer.”
“It’s intoxicating,” I blurted out. “Getting closer to you again, and being together the way we did for years. I—Bailey, I never thought I’d see you again. That’s the truth.”
“You really thought that?”
“I hoped we’d meet again someday,” I said. “But, I didn’t expect anything.”
“I knew we’d meet again,” said Bailey. “But, I didn’t think it’d be like this.”
Once I’d gotten the last big box moved out by her front door, I began putting my shoes back on, checking my phone.
“Leaving?” she asked while I tied my shoes.
“Unless I can do anything else for you.”
“I guess I was just wondering why you were rushing to get out,” she said. “Do you have somewhere you need to be?”
“Not at all,” I said. “I just figured I would go.”
“Oh.”
I bit my lip, choosing honesty. “I’m afraid I’m going to fall back in love with you, okay? It’s not that I want to leave. Quite the opposite, in fact. I want nothing more than to spend every day with you like the past few days we’ve had together.”
She played with her hair, not looking directly at me.
“Okay,” she said. “I get it. You can go. I understand.”
Although her understanding seemed sincere, the tears that began to well in her eyes also appeared genuine, as well. I knelt beside her, lifting her head so that her sweet eyes would meet mine.
“I don’t have to go anywhere,” I said.
“That’s not—you don’t have to do that,” she said through tears. “It’s not just you. It’s everything. My dad’s life, and all of my memories as a child. They’re all in these boxes. I’m not as good at goodbyes as you might think I am. This is really hard for me.”
I wiped a tear from her face, wanting my touch to somehow heal her sadness.
“I know I’m going to have to go back soon,” she said. “And, all this stuff will be waiting for me. But, it’s not about the stuff. I’d trade it all in if I could just have my dad back. I wish I’d come back once or twice. I should have visited him more.”
“Bailey, come on,” I urged her. “You can’t go down that path again. Don’t blame yourself for things that aren’t your fault. And, hey, your dad knew how busy you were. It’s not like he held it against you that you didn’t come back.”
“He asked me so many times to c
ome visit for Thanksgiving, his birthday. It’s not like I couldn’t afford to do it. I’m making money now! I could’ve come to see him. I could’ve called him more than twice a week! He’s my dad, and I only called and texted him like two or three times a week.”
The tears continued to stain her cheeks. After a while, I stopped fighting them and let them happen. Her crying nearly got my own eyes to water.
“I shouldn’t have rushed through our last conversation,” she said. “I can’t believe I never told him how proud I was of him. He was always telling me how proud he was of me. I always said ‘I love you,’ but I never really told him exactly how I felt. I can’t believe I never told him how much he meant to me.”
“Your dad knew how much you loved him,” I said.
“I can’t believe I rushed him off the phone,” she said. “The last time I spoke with him, we didn’t even talk about anything important. I rushed through talking to him so I could go to the studio. That was the last memory I made with my father.”
I knew that no matter how many times I could’ve told her, or how many stories or conversations I could cite to back me up, nothing would put her at ease. I felt useless.
Then, I thought back to when Bailey first moved away. I thought about all the times Wayne and I would meet up together in the city and drink. We usually met up at a place called Chris’ Grill & Saloon, and we typically just watched the game or played some pool. There were times when one of us would bring up Bailey, and every time we spoke about her, there was only unconditional love and compassion emanating from her father.
There was a lot of love for Bailey at Chris’ Saloon. I felt inspired.
“Hey, why don’t we get out of the house for a bit?” I said. “Come on. I’d like to show you something.”
Chapter 14
Bailey
I wasn’t sure where Darren was taking us, but I trusted him. I sat in the passenger seat, watching the many headlights on the road heading for their Saturday night fun. Ultimately, I didn’t really care where Darren was taking me; I was just glad to be away from the house. I desperately wanted any distraction to divert me from thoughts about my dad.
Unfortunately, we were headed for the complete opposite of that. While I wanted a distraction, what I needed was something greater.
We pulled up to Chris’ Saloon. It was a small bar in town, and it had a nice atmosphere, but I’d never gone in. There were some people inside, but it wasn’t packed.
Darren opened my door for me and helped me out. I kept expecting him to tell me what was going on, but he was expecting me to ask him what was going on.
“So, why are we going here?” I asked. “You know, if you wanted to go out and get me drunk tonight, you could’ve just asked.”
“That’s not my goal here tonight,” said Darren. “If it happens, I’m not going to fight it. But, I’ve got a different mission.”
“Uh, oh.” I chuckled. “I was kind of hoping that was your goal. I want to have fun.”
We walked up to Chris’. Darren held the door open for me. The bar was dimly lit, but there were many bright televisions playing sports and movies scattered throughout the place. In the darkness, groups were eating and talking together. There were also intoxicated men and women succumbing to their desires, kissing quietly in corners. It was a bizarre place.
Darren walked us toward the sports area, where it was mostly people watching games or playing them, like darts or pool. He found a specific booth, nodding in affirmation before he ushered me over.
I slid into my seat, and Darren sat across from me, smiling mischievously.
“You look like you’re up to something,” I said to him.
“I just think you need to be here tonight.”
“Why is that?”
Before he could answer, we had a petite redheaded server come up to us. She was cute but appeared to be stoned and potentially drunk herself.
“What can I get y’all tonight, darling?” the server asked Darren.
“I think I’ll start with a margarita,” he told her. “I don’t know if I’m eating anything yet tonight.”
I was staring at him, focusing intently on his every move. Every twitch, every blink, each time his gorgeous mouth opened. I hated how hot he was.
“Ma’am?” the server asked me.
I snapped out of it. “I’ll have a vodka raspberry. Nothing to eat.”
“Sounds good,” the server said before she walked off.
“You don’t have to drink tonight,” said Darren.
“Hey, if you’re drinking, I’m going to keep up,” I said.
I looked around, wondering about everyone there. I thought about their stories, filling in my ideas.
In almost no time, our drinks were brought to us. We picked them up at the same time.
“Cheers,” we said, clinking our glasses together.
We downed our drinks like we’d been thirsting in the desert. We looked into each other’s eyes for several seconds. We didn’t speak, but we read each other’s thoughts.
“This sucks.” I sighed.
“What?”
“I’m going back to Tennessee here soon. And, you’re going to stay here. And, I don’t know when I’ll see you again.”
“Let’s not think about things that haven’t happened yet,” said Darren. “Let’s stay here, now. For the time being.”
We kept looking around, lingering on various things for small increments of time, always peeking at each other from the corners of our eyes.
Our server returned, asked us if we wanted another drink, and we concurred.
As she walked to the bar, I returned my full attention to Darren. “Hey.”
He stared at me, grinning. “Hey, missy.”
“I don’t understand why you took me here,” I said. “I like this place, but why did you want to come here tonight?”
“You’ve been really busy looking out into the crowd,” said Darren. “You haven’t looked at some things very close to you right now.”
I didn’t comprehend what he meant at first, but then it hit me. I turned to look at the wall our booth was seated against. My heart skipped a beat.
On the wall of this booth, there was nothing but articles and pictures of me. Every inch of the wall held an accomplishment of Bailey Wright to show to the town. It was unbelievable, overwhelming, and somehow, I knew the context before Darren could explain.
“I spent a lot of nights here with your dad,” he explained. “Sometimes we’d drink and shoot the shit, other times, we’d come to watch a game, sit back and chill. We never said too much, explicitly about what was going on inside. But, it was obvious. We missed you terribly. We shared that, so we bonded.
“Your father was your biggest fan in the whole wide world. There will be many young girls that connect with what you’re saying, but no one will support you quite like your dad did. It breaks my heart, but this is a reminder now. Look at all that you’ve achieved since you left here. You made the right call. No one blames you for leaving. You have a mighty fan-base here in Rome, and I’ll say it’s because of your dad. You filled up the wall. He was trying to get Chris to give him another wall to further spread your influence. But now, everyone that comes here and sits in this booth is met with tales and news about Bailey Wright and how she’s putting Rome on the map.”
I was crying like an unbelievable baby, but I didn’t care. Our server came by with our drinks, ensuring that she caught my gaze for a few moments.
“What?” I asked her.
“I just realized you’re the girl in all those pictures on the wall,” said our server. “I always wondered if you were ever going to show up one day. That’s awesome!”
“Thank you,” I mumbled weakly. I hadn’t been able to stop crying. I could barely look at my wall.
“Your dad loved you dearly, and he knew you loved him,” said Darren. “Don’t ever doubt it. And, just because, well, even though he’s no longer with us, he ain’t really gone. He’ll always be
with us in some way.”
“I know,” I said with intense joy. I loved hearing him say that because I wanted to believe that so badly.
“So, you get why we’re here?” he asked.
I nodded, wiping away my tears. “I’m sorry.”
“You know you don’t ever apologize for your feelings in front of me,” he stated firmly. “And, I’m not angry at you. I’m not resentful or anything that you’re going to have to leave again. I’m not looking forward to you going is all. I miss you already, and you haven’t left yet.”
“I feel the same way.”
“I’m really proud of you,” he said.
We continued to drink alcohol, but we didn’t overdo it. We watched some football and played some darts, and we had a nice night.
The problem then became that I wasn’t lingering on my dad, but on Darren. I wanted him to take me back to his house and fuck me the way we did the night before. I loved feeling our intense ember bursting into a bonfire the longer we engaged in our taboo desires.
I was worried though because, at certain points, it didn’t feel like we were fucking. It felt like the many years we shared, along with our deepest feelings, came emanating out of him as he gave himself to me. I hesitated to think of it as “making love,” but I couldn’t think of a better term for it.
We looked toward the door. I thought about him taking me into the backseat of his car and riding me like he did when he first penetrated me again after so many years.
We paid our tab and slowly made our way back to his car. We both weren’t walking straight.
“Think we might need to get a cab,” I said.
“We’re not far from home,” said Darren. “I can drive, don’t worry.”
I stopped him before he could open his car door. I pulled him in for a hug, holding him close to me, tight against my body.