by Tia Siren
“Why don’t you go out with him already?” I laughed.
“Don’t even ask. I’ll go wine and dine his ass right now,” said Leah. “But, come on. Nashville is a nice place to live. I’d think about it if I were you.”
“I have thought about it,” I told her. “I’ve imagined living with him in lots of other places around the world. I don’t even think it’s that he dislikes certain cities. I think he really likes living where he does. I can’t stand Rome, but he never had any complaints about it. With all the things I have in common with him, I can’t believe the one big thing we don’t have in common is basically the worst thing not to match on.”
“Do you have something against Nashville?” she asked.
“Not at all,” I said. “In fact, I think it’s a lovely city. It’s a little expensive for my taste, but it’s not terrible.”
“It will never be as bad as it gets in L.A. or New York,” said Leah.
“And, people are way nicer in Nashville than they are here,” I said. “Huh. Maybe moving to Nashville wouldn’t be such a bad thing after all. And, he’s probably got A/C money saved up for the house he’s got in Rome.”
“Yeah! There you go! Talk about it over drinks. Find a place. Pick out shower curtains. And have celebratory sex.”
“Leah.”
“What, like you aren’t going to have sex with him after you decide to move in together,” she said as her eyes rolled. “Don’t be a prude, bitch.”
I conceded, returning to an earlier train of thought I’d boarded.
“You know, there were a lot of times when I would date guys or hang out with them for a while, and they never listened to any of my music,” I said. “Sometimes I’d perform, and I could tell they didn’t really care what I was singing or what I sounded like. I’ve never doubted Darren’s sincerity. I really haven’t. When he tells me I could dominate the world, I believe him. I want to be with someone that makes me feel good like that. I want him so bad.”
“I know you do, honey,” she said condescendingly. “He beat you with the magic stick a few times, and now you think you’re head over heels for him. Don’t believe it.”
“There’s more to it than the wild, intense, hot sex that we have,” I said. “We’ve been compatible since we were kids.”
“I know that you two have a rich history,” said Leah. “But, you can’t just rely on the past, or be blinded by this version of the present that’s just a break from reality. Could you see an actual, healthy future with Darren?”
“Yes, I could,” I said without thinking.
“Wow,” she said. “Well, there you go. Then I think you should trust your instincts, superstar.”
“My instincts are being kind of bipolar at the moment,” I said. “On Darren and the record label. Do you have any sage advice for the instinctually challenged?”
“When it comes to Darren, listen to your heart,” she answered. “When it comes to signing that contract, listen to your mind. What do they say?”
I sat quietly, attempting to listen through the respective organs that Leah had pointed out. I meditated, deciding to speak despite having no direction or flow to what I was going to say.
“My heart is telling me a lot of things. Usually, it says to pursue things with Darren and try to compromise and get something to work. We’re both older now. Time has passed, and we have some money to play around with. Then, my mind starts chatting with the heart, reminding me of my dad and how I’ll never hear his voice again or hug him. Then, I become sad.”
I wiped away tears that were forming in my eyes. I rubbed my nose.
“My mind is telling me it’s possible that I’m only feeling this way because I’ve lost someone very dear and close to me, and I’m looking for warm, respectful affection to fill the void left by both of my parents. It’s also telling me that maybe I’m acting out from the missed opportunities we had repeatedly growing up and as young adults.”
“What does your heart tell you?” asked Leah.
“I want to be with him. I’ve wanted to be with him for a long time. Whether I’m sad over my father’s death or not doesn’t change the many years I thought about him, wondering if he was ever thinking about me. To know that he’s still holding onto feelings for me, too. Call me weak or childish, but it makes me feel like we’re—I don’t know—”
“Like you’re meant to be?”
I chose not to answer. “Do you think he’ll like Memphis?”
“I don’t know, sweetie,” she said. “Let’s focus on the contract for a bit.”
“Okay, well this is easier for me,” I said without skipping a beat. “I don’t want to sign it. I’m thinking no.”
Leah seemed taken aback by my decision.
“I’m sorry, Leah,” I told her. “I know there’s a big payday for us if we sign.”
“Forget about the money,” said Leah. “Bailey, I’m speaking to you as a friend right now, not as your manager. So trust me.”
“Okay. What words do you have for me, ‘Friend Leah’?”
“I want you to feel totally confident in who you put your faith in to help develop your explosive music career,” she said. “I hope that you’re making your choice based on your own opinion and not someone else’s.”
“I’m pretty sure I’m listening to me on this one,” I said.
“I don’t want to make you second-guess your decision, but I’m not sure if they’ll ever pester again if we say no,” said Leah. “I want to know with absolute certainty that you want to say no to this deal. What do you really want to do?”
I wanted desperately to have an answer that I’d rehearsed, but nothing felt certain to me anymore.
“We’ve received some interesting calls and letters lately,” she added. “If you say no to these guys, I’m sure another better group will take its place eventually.”
“You know what?” I said. “I made it this far in my career without a big music producer or anyone in the business helping me out. I can find something better. I will find something better. I just have to be patient.”
“Now, as your friend, I say that I’m glad you’ve seemed to have made up your mind,” said Leah with a thumbs-up. “However, as your manager, I am a little disappointed and nervous about the decision you’ve made. I’m even going to suggest that you wait until Monday to make your final decision. Our meeting with the producers is on Monday morning at ten.”
“Do you not think I can do better?” I asked her.
“I’m sure you could,” she replied. “But, our opportunity is here and now. You do know that if something better were to come along after you signed the contract, you just work through the terms you agreed to, then you part ways and sign the better deal. No rule says you have to keep one label your entire life.”
“That’s true,” I said. “And as for Darren?”
“I say invite him to go with you to Nashville tonight, then look for apartments together tomorrow,” said Leah. “That’s just me. Sad to say, but you’re sort of on your own here.”
I sat at the mixing board, editing and messing around with some of my songs and thinking. When I would make official decisions and not rely on some cosmic sign from beyond the realms of logic? All I knew right then was that the week that was to follow would be one of the most tumultuous weeks of my life.
Chapter 27
Darren
I’d stayed at Bailey’s place for the rest of the day, waiting for her to come back from her time at the studio. I ordered us some Mexican food to be delivered to the apartment, and it never got delivered. I still got charged though.
I didn’t want to drag Bailey through the muck that was my bad mood. Part of me hoped that she would be tired from her errands and want to just relax and not do much. I couldn’t think of anywhere I wanted to go. But, I also didn’t want to stay cooped up in the apartment straight through Sunday.
When Bailey finally made it home, she came in to find me lying on her bed with her classical guitar at my fee
t.
“You found Emilia!” said Bailey, beaming at the sight of her old guitar. Emilia was what we used to call her guitar.
“I did indeed find her,” I said. “We bonded a bit today. It’s been a while.”
“Well, hey, don’t let me interrupt your little date in here,” said Bailey. “I just wanted to see what you were up to. Don’t mind me.”
She threw off her shirt, prancing back into her closet to put on new clothes. I imagined walking back there and seeing her naked body ready to be serviced.
She was whistling to herself as she rummaged in her closet. I picked up Emilia and started randomly playing chords.
“So, what’s put you in such a good mood?” I asked Bailey.
“I told Leah that I’m not signing the contract,” she answered cheerfully. “She still wants to wait until Monday to make things official, but I’m sliding that offer off the table. I’m a free woman and can go wherever I choose.”
“Hell, yeah, female empowerment!”
“It was a nice commitment,” she continued. “Two studio albums and the people that are in that network. It’s really tempting to take it.”
“Well, you have until Monday to change your mind.”
“No, I can’t change my mind,” she said. “I finally made a decision, and I’m sticking to it. No record deal. I’m not signing the contract.”
She stepped out from her closet wearing a new green dress that exposed much of her back. She was wearing heels, and she looked sexy as all hell.
“Shit.” I coughed.
“You like this?” she asked. “I’ve had it for like a year, and still haven’t found the right opportunity to wear it.”
I decided to seize the opportunity and to hopefully put a good spin on my day.
“Why don’t we go out for dinner tonight?” I suggested. “I’ll take you out. I may want to run my hand up your dress from time to time during the meal.”
“Get me a glass of red wine, and you can put your hand wherever you want,” I invited. “When we go out to eat, not here in my apartment.”
“I hear you.” I laughed. “Do you have any preference on where we go?”
“Preferably someplace that has some seating away from the public eye,” she said. “If you’re going to be groping me, I want you to really get in there. And, I don’t want to traumatize any children that might be seated nearby.”
“Well, you would know what places fit that bill best,” I said. “This is my first time to Memphis, so I don’t know places well yet.”
“Good point! How about I drive, you pay?”
“Sounds like a plan, missy.”
After learning about my Mexican food mishap, she decided on a place called Fuego Caliente that specialized in Mexican food and had two buffet lines at each corner of the restaurant. We chose to eat entrees, and we sat at a booth that was out of the way, but not that out of the way. She took her seat, and I sat across from her.
“I thought you’d be sitting next to me,” said Bailey. “It’s hard to have traveling hands if they have to hop on two planes and a train to even get started.”
“I think someone would spot our tomfoolery,” I said. “There’s a lot of people in here.”
“So?” she asked.
“Hey, you’re about to be world-famous,” I told her. “We can’t have pictures floating about out there of you fucking around with some guy.”
“You aren’t just ‘some guy,’” she said. “But I hear you. Those are all excellent points. Good for you for being responsible.”
We sat in our booth for several minutes quietly. We looked around at what the many TVs were playing on the walls. We examined the staff to try and pick out which server was going to be ours.
“They better get here soon,” said Bailey. “I’m going to start eating the table in a minute.”
“They could’ve at least put out a bowl of nachos or something,” I said.
Our waiter came after nearly twenty minutes of waiting. We ordered our drinks and an appetizer platter of nachos and quesadillas.
I was intentionally averting my gaze from Bailey. She looked too captivating for words. Her smile and her eyes showed only jubilance. I didn’t feel like I deserved to be sitting anywhere near her.
“You’re quiet,” Bailey said to me.
“Am I?” I asked.
“You’re going to tell me what’s bothering you at some point,” she said. “You might as well tell me what it is now.”
“Nothing’s bothering me,” I said. “I’m not flustered about anything.”
Our waiter returned with our drinks. We quickly ordered our entrees—I chose an enchilada plate and she decided on a taco plate—and handed him our menus.
“I’m ready for those nachos,” she muttered.
I kept my attention shifting from one mounted television to the next. I tried focusing on some of the games, but I didn’t even care to know who was playing.
“You seem distracted,” said Bailey.
“How so?” I asked.
“Uh, you aren’t looking at me at all, and you’re acting really weird all of a sudden,” she said. “What’s up?”
“Nothing, Bailey,” I said. “I swear. Trust me, okay?”
“Tell me what’s going on.”
I rolled my eyes and bit my tongue, resisting the urge to pop and expel the negativity I was feeling off of my chest.
“Darren, you know that I will prod and poke until you start filling me in on the dirt. What’s the scoop, detective?”
“Bailey, there’s really nothing going on. Don’t worry.”
“You are drastically different now than you’ve been the entire time since I’ve seen you again,” she continued observing. “What’s gotten into you? Did you see something in my apartment that upset you?”
“No,” I said with intrigue. “What would upset me in your apartment?”
“I don’t know,” she said. “I’m trying to figure out what’s wrong with you.”
“Maybe I’ve been thinking about how I’ll have to leave soon,” I informed her. “If I have too good a time with you, it’s going to be that much harder to leave you.”
“I thought we went over this.”
“We’ve gone over it all countless times in the many years we’ve known each other,” I said. “I wish I could go through these eight days and pretend like I only have feelings of platonic, everlasting friendship for you, but I don’t.”
“I never thought you and I would be considered platonic”
“I don’t know what you’d consider us,” I said trying not to pout. “I stopped trying to figure that out a long time ago.”
I hated making her aggravated, but I didn’t have the strength to be a bigger man.
“So,” she went. “Did you go out into the city at all today?”
“I certainly did,” I said. “It was illuminating.”
“Did you have fun?”
“It was an interesting day.”
“Darren, why don’t you just tell me what happened to you today,” she said.
“I told you,” I said not able to keep the whine out of my voice. “I’ve been thinking about the future, and it’s making me sad.”
“Well, I’ve been thinking about the future, and I’m pretty pumped, to be honest,” said Bailey.
“Really,” I went. “I’m going to go back to Rome, and you’re going to stay in Memphis. I don’t want to be a downer, but I can’t take my mind off it. You’re all I’ve been thinking about since our eyes met again. I won’t speak for you.”
“You know I’ve been thinking a lot about you, too,” she insisted. “I’ve been thinking about what it would be like to live somewhere else other than Memphis.”
“Like L.A.?” I asked. “You could do it. You could achieve the dream.”
“What do you think of Nashville?” she asked me. “I know you’ve never been, but what do you think of a town like that?”
“Well, like you said, I’ve never been,” I
said. “I don’t think much of towns I’ve never been to. I’ve always wanted to go.”
“Would you rather live in Memphis or Nashville?” she asked.
“I’d rather not live in either city, to tell you the truth.”
“What’s so wrong with Memphis?”
“For starters, there are too many people,” I responded. “Too many people everywhere. And things are way too expensive here. And, a lot of the people don’t seem all that nice.”
She grimaced, not wanting to add fuel to the fire.
“I know not everyone in one place is going to be a jerk, but it sure felt like that’s what I was dealing with today,” I said.
“Is this just because your food didn’t get delivered?” she asked.
“It’s because wherever I went, I didn’t feel welcome at all. I went to the pyramid and got looks from damn near every asshat carrying a loaded handgun like I was the crazy one. And, it’s too crowded here. I think it moves a little fast.”
“What’s wrong with going fast?” she asked.
“Nothing’s wrong with it,” I said. “What’s wrong with putting our feet on the brakes every so often to cool down? All the people in big cities act like where they’re going is far more important than any place you’ve ever been to in your life.”
“Ha,” she went. “Try seeing L.A.”
“I don’t want to see L.A.,” I told her. “I’m not the one that wants to become a famous singer. We were talking hypothetically the other day.”
We both took some nachos from the bowl, not looking at each other.
“Plus, you know,” I stammered, “I don’t like seeing more buildings than trees. You know how a lot of cities in Georgia have a good number of places to go to and houses and stuff? And lots of trees, parks, and mountains around? Well it’s kind of a concrete jungle over here, wouldn’t you say?”
She kept dipping nachos in salsa.
I cleared my throat, ready to continue. “And, your meter readers here are a bunch of dicks.”
“Meter readers are dicks no matter where they are, Darren,” she said while flipping her long hair back. “Seriously—for real—what the hell is your problem?”