by Tia Siren
“I feel you,” I said.
There was a pause, a long one, and everything in me wanted to tell her how much I loved and missed her. I wanted her to know what was in my heart, but I knew it would make a decent conversation awkward and uncomfortable. Telling her those things over the phone was not right anyway. She needed to see my face when I said them. Even more than that, she had to know by my actions that I felt that way. Otherwise, the words would be empty. We had definitely had enough words that we regretted over the last couple weeks, and I didn’t want to give either of us the opportunity to make it even worse. It was hard, though, I had to admit, to love someone like that and not be able to tell them. It was almost like torture in a way. But it was for the best, and I needed to stay the course.
“So, I guess I will see you Friday then,” I said. “Maybe you can hook me up to that sonogram machine and see what my liver looks like.”
She laughed. “I don’t think it works that way.”
It was really good to hear her laugh.
“No? You think they’ll let me find out? I’ll let you use the paddles,” I said.
“Oh, lord,” she said. “I’m getting my child training early I see.”
“No.” I sighed. “I will behave.”
“You better.” She chuckled. “I’ll see you on Friday.”
“Okay,” I said. “See you then.”
I sat there with the phone pressed to my ear until I heard her hang up. I smiled and put the phone down, holding it tightly in my hand. I wasn’t sure whether to be pleased with the conversation or disappointed that she wanted to get off the phone. I needed to take the points where they were offered, even if I still felt terrible that I couldn’t take Cassie into my arms or tell her I loved her. As I went to put my phone back in my pocket and head back across the street to the site, it buzzed, and I picked it up quickly, thinking it was Cassie calling back.
“Hello?” I said excitedly.
“Hey, dude,” Landon said.
“Oh, hey,” I replied.
“You need to seriously sound more excited to hear from me.” He laughed. “Especially since I am calling you with news from my life.”
“Oh, boy,” I said. “Which girl punched you this time?”
“None. I actually only have two girls on the books right now, and they are the least of my concerns.”
“All right,” I said. “What’s up? What’s going down?”
“So, I just got into an argument with my boss,” he said. “And I quit my job right there on the spot. I told him to stick it up his ass.”
“Wow,” I said. “That’s intense.”
“I know, right?” He laughed. “It felt so damn good too. I’m going to be reliving that one for a while.”
“So, what are you going to do now?”
“Well, I was thinking I could go out and get another shitty accounting job, be miserable doing taxes and hate my life, or I could make a change,” he said.
“Change can be good,” I replied. “I never understood why you went into accounting anyway.”
“So I didn’t have to hammer nails into boards and work on a construction site.” He laughed. “But it turns out that job seems light years above those pocket-protector-wearing douchebags.”
“You’re on a roll today,” I said. “First you quit, insulting your boss, and then you insult the entire race of your people.”
“Hey, they aren’t my people anymore,” he said. “I am officially in the land of the unemployed.”
“It sucks.”
“Well, let’s change that,” he said. “You ready to make those dreams come true and open up that hardware store? I mean, if the answer is no, that’s cool, but I figure you aren’t set in your ways of building big houses for the rich.”
“Holy shit, man,” I said, stopping in my tracks. “Are you fucking with me? Because if you’re fucking with me, I am not ashamed to knock the fuck out of my best friend. And if I remember correctly, it wouldn’t be the first time I punched you.”
“That was a bitch move when we were thirteen,” he said. “You came up behind me.”
“Still counts,” I said.
“No, I’m not fucking around with you. I’m dead serious,” he said. “I have the money saved up. You have money saved up. Let’s do this thing. We can start small and grow from there, you know? And my credit is decent, so if we need it in the future, we can take a loan out and expand. Seriously, I’m sick and tired of working for someone else. I am ready to take the trek with my best friend and become a business owner.”
“Dude, that is fucking fantastic news,” I said. “Like the best news I’ve gotten all day.”
“Good,” he said. “When do you want to get together and talk about everything?”
“How about tomorrow on our normal Wednesday drink night?” I asked. “I’ll bring the laptop that has the business plan on it, and we can discuss all the dirty details over some brews.”
“That sounds perfect, dude,” he said. “I’m going to take the rest of the day and do absolutely fucking nothing for the first time in years.”
“Sounds good. Don’t hesitate to start writing your ideas down though. We can go over all of that tomorrow night.”
“Will do,” he said. “Man, I am stoked for this, for both of us. It’s your dream, but, man, I am ready to be on board and make it happen.”
“I’m excited too, man,” I said, smiling. “I have to get back to the site though and finish out my shift.”
“Just know you won’t have to do that forever,” he said.
“Sounds good, brother,” I said, hanging up the phone.
I smiled big as I turned off the phone and jogged back across the street. I grabbed a cup of coffee and my hard hat and went back to work. The entire time my emotions were all over the place, and I had to admit it was a little confusing. I wasn’t sure what I was allowed to feel and what I wasn’t allowed to feel. Everything had been so nuts lately that this was all overwhelming, to say the least. I didn’t expect Cassie to answer, or sound like she didn’t hate me, and I definitely didn’t expect to get a call from Landon like that. It was crazy how fast everything in my life was changing, especially after spending the last fourteen years in the same old grind day after day.
I was hurt by the whole situation with Cassie, knowing there was a chance I would never have the family I wanted with her. At the same time, I was excited for what my life might become now that I had a business partner to start the hardware store with. It was almost like I felt guilty for celebrating the possible future and reaching my goals. I knew if things were different between Cassie and me, she would be extremely excited for me. I wanted to call her, to share the excitement with her, but it wasn’t the time. I would wait and tell her when I felt like she would be receptive to hearing it. Maybe on Friday when we went to the doctor’s appointment together.
Either way, I needed to focus. Nothing was written in stone yet, but if Landon was for real, I could see my dreams coming to fruition possibly even before the baby was born. Who knew, maybe by the end of it all I would have everything I ever wanted, including Cassie in my arms. Only time would tell.
Chapter 30
Cassie
I woke up extra early Friday morning with the same nerves I used to get on the first day of school. I took a shower and cleaned up well for the doctor. I had read several things online about these kinds of appointments, but I was nervous about it regardless. At the same time, it was imperative that I get it over with because I wanted to make sure everything was going as it was supposed to. It was my first prenatal appointment, but they would also be doing a sonogram, and hopefully we would get to see the baby. Scott was going to be there, and I was both nervous and kind of excited to see him, though I would never tell him that. It would be the first time we had seen each other since I had told him we couldn’t be together. I knew there were going to be some mixed feelings about everything, especially since we were going to be seeing our child, together, for the first
time.
I grabbed an Uber and headed over to the doctor’s office, not feeling well enough to drive myself. The last thing I wanted was to show up covered in my own vomit because I was too busy driving to keep my nausea in check. When we pulled up, nerves rose up into my chest. Scott’s car was already out front, and when I walked in, he looked up from his magazine and smiled at me. I had to admit I was a bit surprised that he had beat me there and was waiting patiently for me in the waiting room. I assumed he was trying to make a good impression, which he had accomplished. I nodded at him as I walked to the counter and smiled at the nurse.
“Hi,” she said happily.
“Hi. Um, I’m Cassie West. I’m here for my nine o’clock appointment.”
“Your first prenatal,” she said excitedly. “Congratulations.”
“Thank you.” I smiled.
“Will you have anyone with you?”
“Yes, the father, Scott Davis,” I said.
“Great. Here are a few forms. Fill those out, bring them back up, and we will get you right back,” she said, handing me a clipboard and a pen.
I filled out all my paperwork and waited by the door with Scott. He looked so hot, and he winked at me like he used to. It was his charm in full effect, and I had to say, it made me feel better about everything that was going on.
The called me back almost immediately, and Scott nudged me in the side as we walked past a medical poster of a uterus. I looked at him, and he looked back with a terrified face. I had to hold my laughter in, not wanting to make a bad impression the first time I came to see the doctor. When we got into the room, Scott turned around so that I could get the gown on. He walked over and tied the tie at my neck since I couldn’t reach. I looked over my shoulder at him and smiled just as the doctor walked into the room.
“Good morning, Cassie,” he said with a smile. “I am Doctor Abraham, and I will be your attending physician for your pregnancy. Let’s start out with me answering any questions you might have.”
We went through several questions, including ones on what to do with the nausea and with the fact that I was always exhausted. Scott sat to the side, smiling comfortingly and listening to the doctor talk about the future appointments. When we were done, Doctor Abraham did a quick pelvic exam.
“Everything looks good so far,” he said. “We’re going to take you over to get your sonogram done and some blood tests. Then you can be on your way. Please don’t hesitate to call us with any questions or concerns you might have.”
“Thank you.” I smiled and shook his hand.
The nurse took us back to the sonogram station and got me all set up. As she moved the wand around, Scott’s eyes grew big, and without evening thinking about it, we grabbed each other’s hand. On the screen was our baby, no bigger than a bean, all comfy cozy inside. I could feel a warmth in my chest, and I glanced over at Scott and saw a tear form in the corner of his eye.
I turned away as we finished up, not wanting him to know I saw his emotion. He smiled unabashedly, letting go of my hand and helping me off the table. The nurse walked us back to the other room where they drew some blood and gave me about a million different pamphlets. I felt a bit dizzy after they took my blood, so Scott helped me get my clothes back on. The entire time he was quiet and calming. There just weren’t any words to say that seemed right. It was incredibly emotional.
“You need to set up your next appointment?” he asked, walking me back to the lobby.
“I should,” I said. “I won’t remember to call if I don’t.”
He walked me over to the nurse’s station and stood there as I made the appointment. I tried to schedule it during his lunch break but didn’t tell him that. He was there, and that meant a lot, so the least I could do was help make it easier for him to continue to come to the appointments without having to miss too much work. When we were done, he walked me outside.
“You didn’t drive?” he asked.
“No. I took an Uber,” I said.
“Would you like me to give you a ride home? It’s no trouble,” he said. “I took the rest of the day off because I wasn’t sure how long it would take.”
“If it’s not too much trouble, then yeah, sure. I’d really like that,” I said.
“Perfect,” he said, reaching out his hand.
He helped me out into the parking lot and opened my door for me, holding my hand until I was inside. He shut the door and climbed into the driver’s seat, looking over at me with a charming smile. I couldn’t remember the last time we’d had such a peaceful time with each other. It was long before the drama had started, that was for sure.
“So how are things with you?” I asked, making an effort.
“Actually, really good.” He smiled. “Beyond seeing that beautiful baby, something else really good happened.”
“What?” I asked, smiling and raising my eyebrows.
“Well, Landon and I have been talking a lot, and he has decided that he wants to be my partner in the hardware business,” he said. “We met on Wednesday, went over all the financials—which we more than met—ideas for legal entities, and we started laying out a plan to get going on everything.”
“Wow,” I said. “Scott, that is really amazing, honestly. It’s been so long that you have been working toward that. I’m really happy for you.”
“Thanks,” he said, looking at me with a grin.
I was in shock. I didn’t think I would hear that from him for a long time, especially after getting fired from my father’s company not that long ago. Everything in his life was starting to work out, and instead of feeling any animosity toward him, I was genuinely happy for him. He deserved that. He had been working on it for over a decade, and when everything happened between us, he thought it would never come to fruition.
“What does Landon do now?” I asked.
“Well, he was an accountant,” he said, “but he has hated it since day one and finally got into it with his boss the other day and quit on the spot. He knew I had been really trying to make things work, and I had mentioned it to him before, but I never thought he would want to go through with joining me in the business.”
“That is awesome,” I said. “And you won’t need to hire an accountant. He can do it all for you.”
“I know.” He chuckled. “He’s a one-stop shop.”
“Well congrats,” I said. “That’s really awesome.”
I looked down at my hands, feeling awkward. I didn’t know what else to say to him other than congratulations. Everything in me wanted to reach over and hug him, be incredibly excited for him, but we weren’t a couple anymore. I had to remember to keep boundaries even though I really didn’t want those boundaries to be there. It was confusing and stressful, but that didn’t make me want to be away from Scott. It actually made me want to be even closer to him, to feel his arms wrapped around me and all the comfort that brought me.
“Can I ask you a question?” he said.
“Sure,” I replied.
“I haven’t received any death threats or sniper fire, so I was wondering if you had told your dad about the baby yet.”
I sighed. “No, I haven’t. It hasn’t felt like the right time. Not that there will ever be a good time to tell my father I’m pregnant.”
“And with my baby. I’m sorry you have to go through that. I thought about calling my aunt, who was like a second mother to me, and telling her, but I figured I would wait until after the first appointment.”
“That’s probably a good idea,” I said as he pulled up my driveway to the gate.
“Do you want me to drop you off here?”
“No. The code is 65289,” she said. “My dad is away on business all weekend, so you can drive up the driveway.”
“No booby traps?”
I laughed. “No booby traps.”
He pulled around to the front of the house and got out of the car, walked around, and opened my door. He reached down and took my hand, pulling me out. I tripped, and he caught me in his arms, o
ur faces only inches apart. We stared at each other for a moment, and I cleared my throat, backing up.
“Thank you for bringing me home,” I said. “Much better than riding with a stranger.”
“No problem,” he replied. “I can always pick you up or drop you off.”
“I appreciate it.”
“If you need anything, I want you to know you can call or text me no matter what time it is,” he said.
“I will remember that at three in the morning when I am craving pickles and ice cream.” I chuckled and tilted my head.
He smiled. “Please do.”
I thought about inviting him in. In fact, I almost did. Then I hesitated. It was awkward, but I didn’t really want it to end. It was the first time in a long time that I was smiling and laughing with Scott. It felt right, especially with our baby growing in my belly.
“Well, I’ll see you at your next appointment,” he said. “Call me anytime.”
“Okay,” I said. “Thanks again.”
I walked up to the house and opened the door, turning around and waving at him as he drove away. There was sadness in the pit of my stomach. I didn’t want him to leave. He had gone out of his way that day to be as attentive and interested as possible, and I had even seen the emotion in his eyes when we saw the baby for the first time. He was being such a good guy, and it reminded me of the man I fell in love with, the one I made the beautiful baby in my belly with. Maybe things would work out one day. Only time would tell.
Chapter 31
Scott
The radio was on, the music was playing, and my window was rolled down, letting the warm summer air flow through the car. It was a beautiful freaking night, and I couldn’t stop thinking about Cassie and that smile. She had been on my mind non-stop since I took her to the doctor, and as I was driving home from my Uber route that gorgeous night, all I wanted was to have her by my side. I knew it was silly to torture myself, but that night I was feeling free and wild. I thought about her at her parent’s house, all curled up on her bed wearing nothing but panties and a T-shirt.