by Marie Wathen
It is summertime on the island and I’m a kid. Tristan and his imaginary friend hang out with Anna and me. He’s as close to Bone as I am to Anna. Pretending we can see him too, we learn that Bones is a typical boy that plays hard, gets dirty, and smells gross. He shows me some new creepy crawling critter that he finds under a rock. Even though I am terrified of bugs, I don’t want him knowing. I’ll never tell him they freak me out because he might chase after me. He seems too sweet to put a bug on me but you never know with boys, even the imaginary ones. I’m glad too because I don’t want him knowing I am a big chicken.
“Anna Banana I like your pigtails. It makes it easier for me to pull your hair,” Tristan teases then tugs one of her long strands. He laughs as he runs away from her fists of fury.
“Tristan, don’t you ever call me that stupid name again. I hate it. If you pull my pigtail and mess up my hair I won’t let you hang out with us again,” she snarls, jams her fists on her hips then turns to me so I can check it for damage.
Tristan groans, “Girls! Y’all are no fun. Come on Bones, we need to hunt monsters.”
While sharing Bones’ Pop-tart and watching them fight he tells me he likes me.
Anna’s mom makes chocolate chip pecan waffles for breakfast while we watch cartoons. There are monkey bars, a go-cart track, bounce houses, and a custom built play set with a castle tower in Anna’s backyard. The state fair sets up, giving us all the junk food we can eat.
Attempting some of the things the boys call cool, we either get too dirty or bored. We play games like freeze tag or hide-and-go seek. Most days, Anna and I will play without them. We have tea parties with our dolls in the tree house.
Hearing some horrible noise that sounds like an injured cat outside, we’re afraid it’s a monster. Sticking our heads out the window, we discover the boys pretending to be cops and robbers while wearing spacesuits.
They use sticks as their guns as they sing. Anna and I laugh so hard we fall off the ladder but bounce off the cotton candy sidewalk. Running around chasing each other, they bellow out ‘Bad boys, bad boys, watcha gonna do, watcha gonna do, watcha gonna do when they come for you’ – classic Jamaican accent included. They ask Anna and I to play the bad guys so they can put us in a jail made of Lego’s.
Instead, Anna makes them pretend they are both Prince Charming and their mission is rescuing the beautiful princesses from the evil king’s castle. Except for the part where she tells the boys to slay or fly on the backs of a dragon, they hate this game and refuse to play it again.
Providing old driftwood and some broken slats from an old barn on her property, she convinces the boys to build us a clubhouse. They paint it hot pink and she insists they make a sign that reads ‘Girls Only! No boys allowed’. Hating the idea, they angrily do as she requests. It gets dark and we chase lightning bugs.
Raindrops land on my nose. Screaming, we burst into a fit of giggles before running inside to hang out in the basement. I sneak away and go outside on the porch because I love storms. My favorite smell is the air just before the fall of the first raindrop. It is fun to count between the lightning strikes and the cracking of the thunder to see if the storm is moving further way or coming closer. The higher I count, the further it moves away. Goose bumps crawl all over me when I count fewer numbers. Suddenly, a rainbow streaks across the sky.
The different colors are beautiful and it’s incredible how they blend together, yet remain separate. I watch it bend and dance around. Bones whispers in my ear and tells me it’s like a pinky promise. He smiles at me and says that he wants to nickname me Rainbow Brite, but decides swiftly to shorten it to Rain.
Bones is concerned I’ll be teased and he absolutely hates it when Tristan is mean to me. They fight more than once because of his name-calling. I really don’t mind nicknames or his teasing too much. My green-faced, wicked stepmother locks me in Anna’s basement calling me a mean nickname.
Suddenly everything gets sad. It starts getting cold and it snows. Anna, Tristan, and I are at school and Bones is going home. He tells me he is sad because he will miss me. It makes me sad saying goodbye too. The four of us conspire together and concoct the perfect plan to keep him here. Getting him married will stop the inevitable of him leaving, keeping us together forever.
Tristan sings about me and Bones sitting in a tree and something about kissing. Then he states repeatedly how happy he is that it isn’t him who has to marry a girl because marriage is gross and lasts forever. Anna and I say it’s romantic to get married because the boy gets to kiss and hug the girl. Bones agrees to our marriage so he can stay with us, but says he will never kiss a girl. We schedule nuptials for after naptime.
We meet at the castle tower in Anna’s backyard. Anna gets to be the preacher because she’s actually seen a wedding. Our ring bearer is Bones’ cute, little puppy dog. Tristan begs to give me away. Bones promises to wears something that doesn't have bug guts or frog pee on it.
A second later the scene morphs and I see my dad. Anna, Tristan and Bones have all disappeared. Dad becomes suspicious seeing me in my favorite pink dress. He stops me and wants to know why I dress so pretty for Anna.
I explain my afternoon wedding plans. I tell him all the reasons why Bones will make the perfect husband for me, even if he never kisses me. Daddy explains that before marriage I am supposed to graduate from college. He says all smart girls go to college first then they have their dream wedding.
“But daddy, we don’t want him to go away.” I pout.
“Baby, if you agree not to marry him until after you graduate then I’ll let you do anything you want.”
I think about how I’ve begged dad all summer to let me cross the street without holding his hand. He says I am too young, but I think he’s just not being fair. Knowing how fiercely independent I am, he plays on my weakness and offers up a deal I can’t refuse.
I instantly abolish our silly wedding idea for freedom. Bones is a great boy but it’s a deal I can’t pass up. Being the ultimate Daddy's little girl, I aim to please him most. Given the added thrill of crossing the street alone and proving I am a big girl is the cherry on top of my chocolate sundae, so daddy and I pinky promise.
Dad takes me and Julia, still wearing her witch’s hat, to a fancy restaurant for dinner. I forget all about marrying Bones and never see him again.
The childhood section of the dream loops several times, but at some point it is Marcus face I see. I instantly freak by seeing him in my dreams. He smiles and reaches out a hand for me. I hesitate briefly, but he pulls me into his arms and tells me he’s been waiting for me all of his life. He starts dancing me down the sidewalk while singing “I’m only happy when it rains”. We make our way toward the corner where all of our friends and family, including my dad, are waiting for us. He spins me around once and winks at me as I stop in front of my dad. I start crying. Seeing my proud dad waiting for us at our wedding is too much. It means I am breaking our promise.
I begin crying so hard I feel my chest heaving with body racking sobs. Fat tears fall, streaming down my cheeks and into my ears. Slowly, I realize I’m no longer in a dream. I open my eyes and run my hand over my cheek, wiping at the tears. Sadness settles over me for breaking my promise to my dad in the dream, which is something I will never do. Dammit. I don’t know what has come over me since meeting the Walker twins, but I do know one thing for damn sure. I can’t have a relationship with Marcus! Desire to want him and be wanted by him has become my personal prison, but I must remember the importance of my promise.
I’m on the return lap of my five-mile run. As cathartic as it usually is, today I’m completely thrown by the damn dream. As much as I need this run to help me focus on anything other than Marcus Walker, it is doing absolutely no good. I have my ear buds in and the volume is blasting the sound at the highest level while my feet match the hard beat of “Blurred Lines” by Robin Thick.
My mind keeps wondering back to the feel of a soft, warm wide hand on my back and my hip, squeezi
ng and rubbing all while guiding me along the outdoor dance floor. His eyes bore into mine so deeply, as if I am a delicacy. His behavior perplexes me. Why he was afraid? What could have frightened him? It wasn’t like if he even allowed one blink I might disappear. Dammit, right back to thinking about him again. Maybe I need to switch to an angry song to finish my run.
I make my way back toward my house on Crest Hill. It's an uphill run and the burn is exactly what I need at the moment. I crave a distraction from my thoughts of the sexy man from last night. I need more: extreme, intense, harder – anything else to focus my energy on because right now I don't know how to stop thinking about his intoxicating scent. Panting harshly and puffing out my breath with sweat gleaming all along my body, I push through the last half mile on my street, and I decide to detour a few doors down to Anna's in hopes that she is home. I really need to talk to her and sort through it all. Maybe getting this off my chest is exactly what I need to do, like saying it out loud will help. Maybe if I hear how ridiculous I sound then it will jar me back to reality.
A reality that is void of gorgeous dark green eyes and a strong chin lightly covered with stubble. Sonuvabitch. I hope like hell Anna is home. Shit! Am I prepared to tell Anna how obsessed I am this morning after only one night with Marcus? Am I ready to tell her that my dreams of him last night were completely out of control? Do I even know the answers to these questions? Hell no!
Turning on my road, a car pulls up beside me. "Hey Chica, I was just on my way to see you. Girl, you look nasty and OHGOD.YOU.STINK! Hop in but please try not to drip on my car. I'll take you home so you can get a shower," Anna says.
Leaning against the side of her car, I am bent over with my hands on my knees trying to catch my breath.
"Thanks, but I think I'll just finish my run and meet you at my house. I'm starving. We can grab lunch at Bella’s if you want."
I know the reason she was coming to look for me this morning is the same reason I was coming to her. I hope downplaying it will make me appear less eager.
"Oh Hell No. I'm not waiting any longer. We didn't get to talk about the party last night and I'm not waiting another second. Now get in!" Her voice indicates she is wounded.
She's twirling a lock of hair around her finger and popping her gum while giving me a death stare that is daring me to defy her. I pull open the passenger side door and drop onto the seat. I've got to get my mind straight before the Anna inquisition begins. I am so not ready for the master to drill me about what happened last night. Ready or not, we are pulling in my driveway. I quickly jump out of her car. She trails directly behind me through the front door. We make our way up the stairs before she starts.
"Spill!' she commands.
"I’ll just hop into the shower first and then we'll talk. K?" She nods, looking at her cell while updating her Facebook status and checking in at my house.
Before I cross the threshold to the bathroom, I pause. Remembering my dream I turn around, “Do you remember someone name Bones McGee?” She holds up her finger, indicating for me to hold while she finishes her post.
“What?” she asks, still looking at her phone.
“Bones McGee, do you remember him?” I sigh, frustration rolling off me.
“Who? Bones? No. What are you talking about?” She looks up and appears truthful.
“Forget it. I’ll be out in a minute,” I say, my voice exasperated upon realizing Bones was just a dream.
“Ugh, fine!” she snaps.
I shake my head while I stare at my reflection in the mirror and wonder what I am doing. I have always known what I want in relationships. Across the board from Julia to my most recent acquaintance, Morgan, I don’t want anything. Then along came Marcus, the man who holds some weird shit over me.
Impossible perfection, if that means anything. That’s what I felt while he held me. The real question is could he love me through my imperfections? I am a whole lot of fucked up and not once in the last thirteen years have I ever felt deserving.
This is ridiculous. I just met him. Everything is falling apart, and it feels like an out of control downfall. I drop my head in defeat.
Once out of the shower, I find Anna propped up on my bed leaning against my headboard. She is patiently waiting and my delays won't work anymore. I dress quickly, slipping on black denim skinny jeans and an aged Ramones’s band shirt before taking a seat on the floor next to her. I pull my legs up to my chest and hug them tightly. I know that she can see the stress that is radiating off me and has me completely wound up. Looking me directly in the eyes, she begins the conversation I am desperately dreading.
“I need you to believe that we had no idea that Marcus was even back on the island, much less going to show up at the party last night. I’m sorry. I know it’s not a good enough excuse. After what happened we never expected him to…” She trails off but recovers quickly, “What did you think of Morgan?” I know there’s meaning behind the change of topic but I won’t push…for now.
“Morgan is an ass but I’m willing to hang out with him and get to know him, just as friends. I won’t lead him on, I will not fall for him, and I can’t have him falling for me.” I giggle slightly thinking back to his party foul of a seduction routine. Plus, he must have been with the cute blonde the whole time I was with Marcus because he didn’t bother to look for me all night.
“From the way he acts, I don’t see any of this being a problem. You on the other hand will need to just understand that I’m happy single and he’s absolutely not the one. When ‘Mr. Perfect,’” I mock doing air quotes with my fingers, “shows up and rescues me from my hopelessness, I will allow myself to love him.” She scoffs, not believing my lie.
“Yippee! We’re going to have a great summer.” She gyrates around doing her happy dance.
“Are you going to tell me what the hell is going on between those boys? And why didn’t I know there were two? How could I have missed them all of these years?”
I press because I want details, but getting to know either one of them puts me at risk of caring for them. I’m just not sure if I’m ready to take that kind of gamble yet. She shifts around and then looks at me for a long moment. She’s censoring. Either there’s something she doesn’t want me to know, or she’s afraid of my reaction.
“Ha, the last one is easy; the twins only came back to the island during the summer. You remember summer,” she says sarcastically, “the time when you were traveling to exotic locations, learning cool new skills, and meeting famous people while the rest of us were all left home, doing the same old boring things and they got stuck hanging out with us.” She pouts.
“Oh, good grief. You’re kidding me, right? There is no way Anna Knight had one second of boredom, let alone a whole summer. You, my friend, are the party hardy island girl, a title well earned by the way, and I tip my hat to you. So don’t try to make me feel bad. Besides, you know I didn’t have a choice,” I shout, popping up from my tight ball. Why do I feel guilty I don’t have a thing to be guilty about. Julia made me leave them, I mean home, every damn summer only to return in the fall just in time for school to start.
She laughs at my description then places her hand on my shoulder, an act to calm me. She knew Julia sent me away, but she didn’t know why. She would only pity me if she knew the truth. I can never explain that I was sent to all of the fabulous places I dream of because Julia wants me out of her hair. She would never allow me to be home for three months. She might actually have to spend time doing things with me and she can’t even stand to look at me.
“Mm hmm, if you say so sweetie, except for spending time with my aunt in Paris I’m stuck here all summer long. I’m so jealous of your freedom and experiences. I would give anything for my parents to send me around the world alone, for diversions and meeting cool, new people. Instead they drag me to my grandparents’ house where every one of my cousins are there and we’re forced to spend time together doing really lame family stuff.”
She rolls her eyes and I fight
against the jealousy. I don’t have cousins nor brothers or sisters for that matter. Julia is the only family I have left after my dad went away.
Chapter 7
Breesan
“The boys came home while their parents spent the summers working in the Canadian corporate office. Their Granddad Mac insists the boys come back home for a little normalcy. They were all very close until last summer.” Her features shift to sadness.
“It’s actually a sad story. The guys are so different, which I’m sure you already noticed. Marcus is the reserved one; he’s calm, logical, and deliberate. Morgan is the maniac; he’s loud, fun, and reckless. Late last spring, Marcus started dating a girl that rapidly became very important to him. When I say rapid, that’s exactly what I mean.” She is very animated and I don’t understand her excitement. “Marcus dates, but he’s never had a girlfriend. He was always the single guy when they were home for the summer. Morgan usually had a few girls all summer. Sorry,” she winces regretfully.
She did set me up, I knew it! He is a player. She’s concerned that if I know this about Morgan it will discourage me, but that is so far from the truth. As far as I’m concerned, he is the perfect distraction to prevent me from falling for his brother.
“Marcus is not impulsive by any means. He always plans things out but when Elise, Marcus’ girlfriend, came along, he changed. She was quickly on the path to becoming Mrs. Marcus Walker.” She frowns.
This is interesting. Marcus fell in love. Part of me is happy that he found love, but there is a small feeling tickling the back of my brain that is trying to push forward and reveal itself to me, I snuff it out quickly.