by Marie Wathen
I'm drowning in an onslaught of feelings running through my body. Initially, regret slices through my chest, and then an all-consuming anger grips my body. I'm frozen in place.
Ohgod it should have been me kissing her.
Motherfucker, I should have told her the truth about my feelings for her. It's my damn fault she let him kiss her. I know she feels something when she's with me, like I do for her. There's no way in hell she can feel the same for him. Elise.
Thoughts of him doing the same damn thing to me a year ago hits me hard and anger consumes me. He's done it again.
To hell with his bullshit, I can't do this with him again, not over Breesan. Drawing in a deep breath, I turn slowly toward the side access again. Elise
"Oh, damn. Thanks for letting me know." Laden with heavy emotions my voice breaks, my eyes lower to the ground, and my chest fills with an intense ache.
A fierce clarity jolts me back to reality; she is lost to me, but she never really was mine to lose. I enter the house through the side door that passes through the mudroom and travel down the stairs to the gym. I need to hit something and a punching bag will keep me from going to jail. I thought she was mine. It’s the same shit all over again.
Elise
Chapter 19
Morgan
(Graduation Party, 8 hours earlier)
Staying home last night wasn't part of my plan, but after Barret’s demands, what choice did I have? I decided that instead of picking up Waverly and the guys to go out, I would have them come over here. She didn't answer my calls. When I got her voice-mail, I left a message letting her know the change of plans. I wanted to tell her in person that we will no longer be hanging out. No more sex-fests either.
When we started whatever it is that we are doing, we both understood the ramifications. She doesn't have any claim on me and I sure as hell don't want any claim over her; other than the occasional night of sex. We aren't exclusive. Prior to Tristan suggesting I shouldn't invite her over, I had asked her, Jack, and Ian to bring some friends from the club and we'd join in on the fun.
Now with Elise being brought into our mix, everything is going to get all fucked up. How can my parents think this is a great idea? Oh that’s right it is not about me, this is business. Fuck. It just had to be her. This complicates everything. Just when I decide I want Breesan and I can’t explain what I’m feeling for Waverly, Elise gets added to the equation.
Without speaking with Waverly last night I'm not sure what to expect from her today. Since the night at the castle I’ve notice a change in her and I don't understand it. I know she'll be here later. I just need to get to her before she encounters Tristan. I’m in no mood to take shit from him about her.
Sluggish from being up so late shooting pool with the guys, I drag myself into the kitchen where mom, Gran, and Aunt Gretchen are cooking a huge lunch. I plop down in a high back chair at the island. There are bowls of fruit and croissants, leftovers from breakfast, overflowing in the center. I pull a chocolate croissant off the top and take a big bite. It's a buttery flaky dream. Aunt Gretchen snaps my hand and shakes her head to show her disapproval.
"Morning honey, stayed up late I see," Mom sings to me. She is always too peppy in the morning.
"Yes ma’am. Good morning Gran, Aunt Gretchen. Something smells amazing." They all beam up at me for the compliment. I stretch my arms over my head and feel the muscles ache in protest.
"Dad and uncle Beck are on the driving range. Why don't you stop by the villa and grab your brother? It will thrill them to have you both join them? It's been ages since you four played."
"Nah, I'm waiting on a friend to come over."
I glance up to see three shocked faces staring at me. I let them absorb what I said and start the rest of the conversation. I would rather get through this part of the inquisition than have Breesan subjected to their scrutiny.
"Do we know this friend?" Gran smiles and I nod.
She places a cup of black coffee in front of me and I take a huge sip and pop another piece of the delicious pastry in my mouth before answering.
"Yes Gran, it is Breesan Maxwell. She is good friends with Tristan.” My mother is staring at me with a sad expression at the mention of her name. I know she expects me to marry Elise, but I’m not prepared to give up my friendship with Breesan yet. Clearing the air with Gran and Gretchen, and pacifying my mother, I add “Before you pounce on her, we’re just friends."
Not bad for an unplanned response. They appear unhappy about having to pass on an opportunity to pounce on her for details but they agree.
"Great! Now I'm going to shower and then head out back to help granddad with the grill."
"Son, is this the same girl who lives next to Anna Knight?" Mom is piercing me with a concerned stare awaiting my response.
"That would be her." I hide my grin, knowing they can see that I am developing a bit of a crush and I don’t want to disappoint my mother.
"Oh, well that is interesting." Her voice drops to a curious murmur.
"So you already know her. Great, then there is no reason for me to worry about you dragging information out of her."
“Darling, don’t forget about brunch with Elise tomorrow, and your father will be joining us.” Her attitude is annoyance.
I nod then kiss all three women and traipse back up to my room and flop back down on my bed and fall into an instant slumber. A soft knock on my bedroom door rouses me from a deep sleep. Pulling myself up to the headboard of my bed, I wipe my hand over my face and through my hair.
"It's open." Groaning, I roll over, searching my bedside table for my cell to check the time. It's after one now. I assume Tristan's friends and Breesan are here already. I hope the she-wolves did not attack her like they promised. Looking up from my cell, I run my gaze up a pair of long sexy legs in a tiny yellow bikini to a flat tone abdomen, further up to a familiar pair of tiny breast and long neck. She looks beautiful today. I want her, but in my room is not where she should be since I’m not sure I’ll be able to control myself.
"Hey," she whispers.
I can't understand my fear of her being here and what this means to me. Wanting to tell her the truth, we need honesty about what is going on between us. I don't want to hurt her.
"What are you doing in here?" I groan deep and low.
Keeping my hands off of her isn't easy. I can't help the smile that spreads across my face as she bounces over and plops down on my bed. Sliding under the covers and curling her body up next to mine, she tucks tightly under my arm, with her chest pressing against my abdomen. Feeling her crushed against my side, her warmness and sweet honeysuckle scent engulfs me. Looking at me from under her long dark eyelashes, she flashes a breathtaking smile. This feels so amazing; I can't jeopardize us. Rolling her onto her back, I lean down close enough that my teeth grazes her ear. Moaning she presses her body up to mine.
"Shhh. Being in here is definitely a bad idea for you," I growl, my lips pressing against her soft neck.
Raising my body, I move to get up and away from her quickly. Grabbing my bicep with one hand and running her other hand around my neck, she pulls me down to her. Tracing her tongue down from my ear along my jaw line and up my chin, I shudder. Her breath is warm, barely touching my mouth as she hovers there waiting. Remaining frozen, she expects encouragement from me that what she is doing is ok. Glancing from her lustful eyes to her pouty little mouth she takes it as an invitation to press her lips hard on mine. She tastes so sweet and my need for her is overwhelming. I push down hard on her mouth with my mouth and her body with my body.
Being like this with her now is wrong because I have other responsibilities. Not now. It's just not right. But ohgod it feels so right. Her hands are tugging my hair hard to pull me closer. There is no space between us, only a tiny bikini and my Calvin Klein boxer briefs. I can't get any closer. But ohgod, I need to get closer. My hands are exploring her hot body. This will never be enough. But I can't have anymore. I can't have her. My body tenses
up and I draw away from her. Hearing her whimper from the distance I am putting between us, I roll off of her and slide off the bed. I'm pacing the end of the bed and running my hands through my hair.
Shit! Shit! Shit! What have I done?
"Dammit, what the hell are you doing in here Waverly?" She looks hurt, but I have no choice I must end this fiasco now.
"You invited me to the party. Or did you forget?"
Sliding out of the bed, she moves around to my side. Taking several determined and seductive steps, she slides her hand sensually across her body. Holding up both hands, I shake my head pleading with her not to do this. Moving her hand from her thigh, she traces up along the top of the waistband of her bikini bottom, making smalls circles with her fingers all along her abs. She dips one finger into her belly button, twirls it along the edge and then glides it in an upward motion to the underside of her breast running her hand along the length.
Her other hand moves to her hair, exposing her neck and revealing those damn sexy stars that own me. Turning my attention back to the first hand, she moves it up the side of her breast, touching the exposed skin at the top of her bikini. Stopping, she lifts her hand away from her body then slowly slips her middle finger into her perfect little mouth, twirls her tongue around it to get it all slippery and wet. I can't stop the growl that rushes out of my throat. Sliding the wet finger out, she traces from her mouth down her chin and neck and back to the top of one breast, skimming it along the seam of her bikini, slipping her middle finger under the material and then down into her cleavage.
Her bottom lip tucks between her teeth tightly and I just want to suck it into my mouth tasting her sweetness. That sexy hand grazes over the top of the other beautiful breast delving under the material with that naughty finger of hers. Her hand is now on a slow downward journey to the side to her stomach again, to the waistband of her bikini bottoms moving lower and lower. Keeping her eyes on her hand all along, she watches the entire slow, torturing journey of her exploring fingers so intently until now. Glancing up to meet my eyes, they are full of lust and want. Jealous, I want to trace that exact route, only slower with my tongue.
Mygod she drives me wild. Desperately I want to pull her body to me and taste every inch of her. My body vibrates with desire for this sexy woman standing before me, displaying how much she wants me to take her. I can't deny it, I need to feel her, crave to taste her, and long to hold her. She moves closer. I'm running out of restraint. Our gazes lock and I am completely lost in her. Licking her lips with her pink tongue, I act only on instinct as my body draws closer to her. Grabbing her, I tug her tight little body forward and crush it into mine. A fierce kiss devouring each other’s mouths and now her hands work hard pulling off my shirt.
Wanting nothing more than to move us right back to my bed, it takes everything in me to reign in my self-control before she unmans me. Seizing her hands, I stop her explorations abruptly. Pulling her tiny hands into one of mine securely, I grab her chin with my other lift her face so her eyes meet mine. Pure desire for me slams into my chest, proving she wants me as desperately as I need her.
Reigning in my urges, I clear my throat needing to clarify the situation. "We need to talk. I’ve had fun with you but we can't see each other anymore. Babe, I don't want to hurt you but I have commitments that I’m obligated to follow," I explain. Confusion breaks across her face.
“There’s someone else,” I add. Reaching up she slaps me hard across the face. Jerking away from me she dashes to the door. Turning back to glare at me, her eyes flash with hurt that also covers her beautiful face. Stopping at the doorway for an extended beat she waits. I give her nothing, no apology, no words, and no hope.
"You are a real bastard Morgan!"
Like a gale force storm she charges out of my bedroom, leaving me wondering if I will regret my choice. Extremely frustrated by her sexy display followed by her outrageous retreat, I must find a way to quickly calm down since I plan on searching out Breesan. Rushing through a shower, I quickly slip into a pair of swim trunks forgoing a shirt; after all it is a pool party. Grabbing a thick towel and shades off my dresser, I make my way down the stairs. I bump directly into a beauty with mesmerizing gray eyes, full of apprehension and looking intently at me.
"Hi." I offer her a smile, full of promise that hopefully eases her distress.
"Hi." Tweaking up, the corner of her lips increase to a full smile.
"Have you been here for long?" Wanting to keep everything light, I plan on just enjoying the entire day with her. Later I’ll focus on taking her before Marcus can.
"Well according to your Gran, I got here just after you went upstairs promising to hop into the shower and quickly return. That was about three hours ago." Shaking her head in disbelief, she grins. Quirking an eyebrow up high, she indicates an insistence of an explanation.
"Ouch, that hurts." Placing a hand over my heart, I dramatically feign heartache.
"What are you talking about?" She giggles and I like that sound.
She slaps my hand away from my chest playfully. Capturing her wrist, I trace the inside with my thumb and pull her close. She places her cool hands on my bare chest. Hearing a soft moan deep in her throat I'm done for because she has such an intense effect with the smallest of sounds. I like her sounds, and her touching, and I even like it when she slaps me.
"You seem upset that I didn't come down sooner. Am I mistaken or are you actually happy to see me." Teasing her she shifts from foot to the other and her nervousness begins to bother me. Drawing her hand up to my mouth, I place a kiss on the inside. Her body trembles and she locks her eyes on mine.
"Yes, I did."
Now this is interesting. She is here to see me and that is not the answer I was expecting. Grinning, I take a moment now that I know she is here for me and let my eyes take in all of her. She is so beautiful and her body is amazing. She is wearing a teal bikini that has the long string ties on the sides of her bottoms and a barely there top just covering her generous breasts. Growling out an approval, she startles giggles and steps away. This time I don't fight her retreat because I don't want to scare her away. In fact, I hope to get as close as possible with her tonight.
"Damn girl. You look good." I waggle my eyebrows. She rolls her eyes modestly at my truthful observation. "It sounds like there's a party outside. What do you say we get out there and join them on celebrating your freedom?" Biting her bottom lip she grins vibrantly and bobs her head, more excited than I’ve ever seen before.
Taking her small hand into mine, I excitedly escort her out back. Suddenly not ready to share her, I change course. Dragging her past all the partygoers playing in the pool and around the garden, we walk out the back gate. Looking to her I hope she won't resist as we make our way to the soft white sand, but she continues to trail along. We kick off our flip-flops, walk the short distance to the edge of the sand, and let the water crash over our feet.
The ocean temperature is lukewarm and feels so good. Guiding her out to the sandbar, I plop down tugging her with me. She stumbles, losing her balance and falls down on to my lap. I'm not complaining because I have hopes of getting her into a similar situation soon, but today I must take it slow. Sensing her embarrassment, I move her off me and make a joke to ease her comfort.
"Hey pretty girl, falling for me already?" She chokes on my stupid humor then we laugh together.
"It is so beautiful out here. The sandbars are the coolest. We are separate but we really never fully can be because it’s all connected underneath." Picking up a stray stick, she draws circles in the sand between her bare feet. Distracted by her teal painted toenails I realize she caught me staring at them.
"Yea...Uh, yeah" I stutter, still mesmerize but now by the glow of the afternoon sun in her long silky hair. "I like to be alone out here. Just take some time away from life, stuff and your generalized bullshit." I grin hoping to recover from my stupor.
She stares at the house with a deep look of concern on her face. I wonder if
I should press her to tell me what she's thinking about. Our conversation stalls and I begin to think that maybe bringing her out here is a bad idea. She seems comfortable with me, yet guarded. I don't know what to do to break through to her and let her see that letting me in will be ok. I've never tried to get close to any woman before but I truly desire closeness with her. Reaching over I place a hand in one of hers. Interlacing our fingers, I tug pulling her out of the remote location that her mind wandered. Shaking her head, she tilts it to the side slightly. Seriousness lies in her eyes and I hope I'm prepared for what she’ll reveal.
"Is she your girlfriend, the cute blonde?" Struggling to keep my grip from hurting her hand, I realized she saw Waverly leaving from upstairs. Releasing my hold, I draw my knees up and place my elbows on each. I bend my head down and run both hands through my hair. It's confession time.
"Waverly?” I shake my head. “No. I’ve never had a girlfriend. I, – we are friends. She wants more. She doesn’t say it but I recently started feeling it. She may have been led on by me. I'm just not prepared for that with her." I shrug.
Facing her, I see disillusionment in her eyes, I have disappointed her. Why do I think I can ever have a normal relationship with a normal woman? Nothing will ever be normal for me again since I’ve got to marry Elise. Besides, I'll never be good enough for Breesan. And I’ll never be strong enough for Waverly. Giving up on whatever bullshit fantasies I concoct about having something real, I push forward with my explanation.
"Look, this is awkward and I feel terrible. She wasn't supposed to be at the party today. You probably think badly about me but nothing happened. Well not exactly nothing, we kissed. Dammit, I'm sorry Breesan. It makes me looks like shit asking you out and then kissing another woman. You just got through telling me that you came over today hoping to see me and I go and screw it up in the first minute."
Letting out a huff, I jump to my feet, walk to the edge of the ocean, and my toes sink in the sand with each wave. Crossing my arms over my chest, I look down at the wet sand covering my feet and solicit mercy.