by Marie Wathen
“I was right Breesan. You already know I want you but there are things that I want to explain to you before we go further. But baby, I damn sure want to go further.” Nodding, she nervously licks her lips and I can’t resist licking them too. Feeling her smile, I run my tongue along her bottom lip then softly bite it. “Do you like that baby?” I ask releasing her plump lip, she whimpers and pulls away nodding, but her eyes remain filled with wild desire.
Redden cheeks call for my touch and I softly place my hands on the side of her face, caressing my thumbs over her blush. Her whole body trembles from this single, tender contact.
“It’s nice and you’re – the most incredible kisser. But we really shouldn’t keep doing this. It’s –,” Pausing, she struggles taking a deep and ragged breath “– it’s cheating.” Trying to pull away from me, she yields as I tighten my arms unable to let her go. Looking at her confused, I truly don’t know what she’s talking about, unless she made a commitment to Morgan after sharing one kiss with him.
Fuck that.
Shaking my head I growl low and deep. “No, you’re mine and you’re not going any damn where. No more getting upset and running from me Breesan. I just can’t take that shit again. Talk to me baby. Why do you think this is cheating?”
Refusing to believe she could be his, but if it is true I need to hear the words from her mouth. Her body stiffens while her face screws up with regret. Wondering what’s causing this reaction, I silently implore her with my eyes still locked on hers.
“Don’t tell me not to run away from you when you should be the one walking out of here. I don’t want to play games Marcus. If you think kissing me is appropriate while you have a girlfriend then that’s fucked up.”
A girlfriend? Is she joking? Her eyes are serious and there is no humor in her words.
Placing my hands on the sides of her face, I look her in the eyes. “I don’t have a girlfriend and I’m never going to play games with you. Who told you I have a girlfriend?” I wonder if Morgan set me up making her believe I’m with Elise. There’s no way I’ll ever go back to that unrestrained evil.
“I saw you. At the bookstore,” she whispers. Confused, I run through my memory of recent trips to the bookstore but come up blank.
“No baby. I haven’t been to the bookstore,” I state. Narrowing her eyes on me, she studies my face for the truth because she thinks I’m lying.
Running her hand through her hair, she looks toward the door. I’m losing her. “Yes, you were with a really beautiful woman in front of the bookstore. You looked very close, like intimate. The way she was touching you and in public too. If she’s not your girlfriend, is she one of the women you just screw? Dammit, she is one of your women, isn’t she?”
Relief washes over me in a wave and I can’t help but laugh. Watching her face twist in confusion as she struggles with wanting to know the answers to her questions, I stifle my amusement and lay my forehead to rest on hers. I look her in the eyes so she sees the truth in mine.
“That beautiful woman is my sister. I’m staying at her place until I can find one. Sam met me at the city center that day because we were condo hunting.” I don’t tell her the whole truth, but I plan to tell her everything soon. We have a lot to discuss and I’m not going to allow anything in our pasts to come between us. “I want to tell you everything but this party is not the place to do it.” Relief washes over her features as she relaxes into me again. As she nods her head, her lips turn up and the brilliance of her smile knocks me out.
“That really is good news. I was afraid. I thought you really do have relationships like…” She trails off as the blush on her cheeks creeps down her neck. Smiling wickedly, I shake my head, relieved that we cleared this problem up. I place a sweet kiss on her forehead. “Okay, I believe you, but there is something else that I want to talk about, and it can’t wait. Something happened earlier with Morgan.”
Taking a deep breath, I tighten my grip on her. She places her hands on my shoulders and presses her forehead to mine.
“Hey, there’s nothing between us,” She whispers. Discerning as she confesses, her features are delicate and her voice is like an elixir, both sooth my uncertainty and I relax. “I don’t have feelings like that for him. And, I don’t believe he really meant to kiss me. He was caught up in the moments we shared. Fun seems out of normal character for him with a woman. I haven’t talked with him about it, but I think it’s just his natural expectations. And I just happened to be the woman he was with today.”
I shake my head completely confounded. “You are amazing. You really give him a lot of credit. I know Morgan very well and I can tell you that he wants more than friendship with you.” She laughs softly while shaking her head deliberately.
“I’m not naive. He is a player. A very good player, but he didn’t get anything from me in that kiss. I didn’t even react. Well, except for getting up and walking away from him. I just left him sitting there while I turned into a damn robot and went to my room.” Her nose crinkles admitting to such a languish reaction. She is usually always prepared and reactive.
“Morgan is a big boy and it’s about time he got a taste of rejection. I’m just glad I refrained from hunting his ass down and beating the hell out of him when Tristan told me about it.” Narrowing her eyes, she looks surprised. She runs her hands up my shoulders and neck, lacing my hair in her fingers and pulling me close. Growling, I smile at her forcefulness.
She looks directly into my eyes. “You knew he kissed me,” She states seriously. Letting her absorb my confession, I nod slowly. “The kiss didn’t mean anything but what if …?”
Before she can say more I cut her off. “His kiss is unequal to the significance of our kiss. You know it is impossible Breesan. We’ve been craving each other since the first night we touched. I know it left me breathless and it fucking killed me walking away from you. Hell I don’t know anyone who feels tingling sensation, but baby when you touched me it was like I was shocked back to life.” Placing both hands on the sides of her sweet face, I rub my nose on the end of hers and she smiles sweetly.
I need her so fucking badly.
“I tried Breesan. I really tried to stay away from you. And I said some stupid shit just to keep you away, but I can’t do it anymore. Fuck baby, my conscience recognized you as mine before I did. You torque my heartbeat and steal my breath and you fucking own every one of my damn dreams and now – now I have a reason for happiness again. And, it is right here,” Sliding the pad of my thumb over her mouth, she rewards me, “this smile.” Lying in the curve of her lips rests the crux of my universe.
“Do you really feel all of that for me?” Despairing, her eyes lower and settle at my mouth. As if it were impossible for me to feel this much for her so quickly, she needs to see the words coming from my mouth.
“I mean abso-fucking-lutely everything I say. Before you over analyze what’s happening please tell me, am I…” Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath, release it, and pray, “– are we what you want?” I desperately need her desire to echo mine.
She looks into my eyes again. The intensity of the slate tinted windows to her soul shows so much inner-turmoil. She battles a natural self-preserving instinct due to her confusion with such intense emotions. As much as I want it, I can’t rush her. This has to be something she wants. Can she lower her defenses and experience all this relationship has to offer? My heart pounds hard in my chest, and rapidly increases as I anticipate her response. This feels like falling in love and I’m desperate for her to want us too. Please want me too.
“What is it baby?” I whisper, nuzzling against her cheek.
“Marcus, there are things about me that, once you know them, I’m afraid my appeal will turn to disgust. I know what my heart wants, but my head is saying something different and I always listen to it. Answering your question honestly, I can’t deny how I feel about you. It’s unlike anything I’ve ever felt. I seriously really need you, but I don’t know how to do a relationship.” Sha
king, her tears begin flowing down her flawless skin. Cradling her close to me she continues, I give her my full attention. “I’m not invested in any relationships Marcus, not even with Anna. She cares, maybe she even loves me, but I push her away. I do it to protect myself. I’m scared because my heart has been torn apart.”
Mygod she’s tearing my heart to pieces. How do I reassure her that I won’t hurt her?
“I’ve loved. I love my dad. I don’t know if I’ll ever get him back and I’m so scared to accept that he’s gone.” Taking several long breaths, she continues slowly, “When I do accept it, I will be empty because it will kill me. That’s why I don’t have friends. I don’t know how to let anyone in to love me since I’ve kept them out for so long.” Burying her head in my chest, she releases hard sobs and I’m barely hanging on from her heartache.
There’s so much more to her than what meets the eye. She is a tough, abrasive, and beautiful young woman, but her heart and spirit are completely broken. I’ve never seen or felt so much anguish and she actually doesn’t know what it feels like to be loved. Since meeting her, I thought she was tough, but she is more than that. She is strong; stronger than any person I’ve ever met. I’ve watched her under surveillance, around her friends, and those few lucky times when we were together. Putting up a shield blocking her feelings, she’s been numb for so long and now this thing between us is pushing through that shield, awakening her.
Her cries soften, but the pain remains. She wipes her eyes with the back of her hand and pulls her hair away from her face. I feebly attempt helping her, pushing a few strands off her damp cheeks then rubbing away the rest of her tears with my thumbs. I place a soft kiss on her swollen lips and on each of her now red, puffy eyes. Pulling me to her again, she hugs me. A real hug that reveals affection that radiates inside my soul. She has no idea how much she soothes me too.
Ohgod, can I fall for her any more than I already have?
Lifting her chin, I meet her eyes. She narrows them, scrutinizing my reaction now that she’s calm. Is she afraid I’ll run from her disclosure? Hell, that’s the last thing I can do. No matter how hard she tries to talk her way out of us or squirm away, I will follow her and love her.
I love her. As shocking as this thought should be, it explains everything. Her crossroad is giving herself to me, battling against every learned instinct. As ready as I am to confess my feelings, she’s not ready to hear them.
“I’m scared of giving myself to you and getting hurt too,” I say with conviction and it’s true. What Morgan and Elise did was bad, but I was strong enough to walk away from both of them with my heart in one piece. Giving it to her, then losing her will shatter it entirely. “I would give anything for us to have a guarantee that I’ll never leave and that you’ll never hurt me, but you know we can’t guarantee either. I promise not to push you away and I promise to catch you when you run. I promise I will fight with everything in me to be right here with you. I promise I won’t force you to do anything you’re not ready to do. I promise giving us a chance could be the best thing to happen to both of us. I want us Breesan.”
“When you were attacked at the club I was destroyed, baby. I thought you were lost to me before I even got the chance to tell you how I feel. Then afterward I didn’t know how to say the words. I still don’t know how to tell you everything but I’m going to be right here with you, every second of every day, and you’ll never be alone,” I finish confidently, knowing that I mean every damn word.
“OK,” she says slowly, while running her eyes all over my face. She is still searching for lies, maybe? She just has no idea how much of a truth this is. “I won’t lie to you Marcus. I need you to keep these promises. And before we can start a relationship I’m going to need more time. I’m sorry. Can you be patient with me for just a little while? I want to trust you. No – I do, I already trust you, but I’ve never had a boyfriend. I’ve only been kissed twice in my life and they were both today. I don’t know what you expect from me. I only hope I can give you what you want.”
Knowing Morgan was her first kiss, my heart clenches from the sorrowful graven that remains. Determined not to let her innocence sway me either way, I tell her my intentions.
“We’re going to take our time. I won’t rush you into anything you’re not ready to do. Make no mistake baby I’m so fucking head over heels for you.” I laugh nervously, nearly confessing my love for her.
Biting down on the corner of her bottom lip, she nods timidly. “Me too,” she confesses.
I didn’t expect her to admit that bit of information. Kissing her now, I take my time savoring not only her taste, but our declaration. Confessing fears and acknowledging what is between us is the pathway healing our pierced souls and we need our connection even more now.
“Do you see my smile? I haven’t had a reason for one until now,” I confess proudly. She smiles back and mine broadens.
Damn what this girl does to me. It scares the shit out of me to think that I have to tell her about working for her stepmother. But I am telling her. There’s nothing that I will ever keep from her. I don’t want her to feel betrayed by me, ever. My job with the task force is dangerous and I need for her to know everything so I can protect her. She lets out a long satisfying breath.
Relief
“When can we be alone again?” she asks smiling shyly. Knowing she wants to spend more time together invigorates me.
“I have work tomorrow. That’s something I need to talk to you about too.”
“Oh, yeah I guess since we’re seeing each other you probably can’t do your job anymore. Or do I need to quit the gym?” she says regretfully. She means the jiu-jitsu instructor job at Kole’s; there’s no way she knows about the others.
“No, it shouldn’t be a problem. The classes are private so it won’t affect anyone, but that’s not my real job. Breesan, I work for the government. I’m in law enforcement and I’ve been working for the joint task force on tracking down a drug cartel that works in the Gulf of Mexico.” Her expression echoes shock. If this shocks her then she’ll be fucking blown away with the rest of my confession.
“What the heck are you two up to in here with the lights off?” Storming into the room, Anna causes Breesan to jump off my lap.
Nervously, she adjusts her clothes and tugs her hair clasp out of her messy hair. I grin knowing I’m the reason it is messed up. Quickly whipping it back into a messy bun, she piles as much of it as she can wrangle on top of her head. She bites on her bottom lip so hard I’m afraid she’s going to bleed soon. Reaching over with my thumb, I ease it out of the biting hold. She cuts her eyes at me and I shake my head with a smirk on my face that I hope it eases her nervousness.
“Are either of you going to answer me? Clearly you’re kissing him Breesan. Let’s skip the part where you try to deny it. Why don’t one of you explain to me what is going to happen next?” Anna’s snippy tone toward Breesan, along with the acknowledgment of our kissing, calls to my feral nature; awakens a raging beast. I growl deeply and she directs her attention to me. “And you better be careful acting all beastly toward me. I’ll neuter you where you stand Marcus Walker!” She warns, glaring seriously at me.
A strange giggle comes from the adorable woman behind me. Apparently my beast mode jumped into action and pushed her behind me, adequately blocking Anna’s attack on the woman I love. Pulling me by the arm until I turn and look at her, she smiles and in an instant my beast calms. She leans in close to me and speaks softly enough to prevent prying ears from hearing.
“She keeps a pink switchblade in her front right pocket at all times. She may or may not know how to neuter you. I’d rather you didn’t provoke her to test that theory. I’ll talk to her. Can you give us a few minutes?”
I absolutely do not want to leave her and it has nothing to do with Anna. My body is drawn to her and I can’t stand being away from her. She nods her head encouragingly and begrudgingly I mirror her movement. Leaning down, I cup her cheek with my hand. She clos
es her eyes at our contact, allowing a smile to sneak across her lips. For the second time today she takes my breath away. I kiss her soft on her cheek where my thumb brushes. Her eyelashes flutter and I pause until she opens them for me.
“I’ll be right outside that door” I point, determined for her know I’m not going anywhere. “And I’ll expect a kiss when this girl talk is over.” She laughs and promises to make it a good one.
“Make it quick Anna Banana.” Provoking her enough to hear her release a loud huffing noise followed by a slamming door, I laugh proudly.
Once in the hallway I check my phone noticing I have a missed call from Tristan. I need to check on him. Staying in the gym all afternoon I effectively missed the party, but most importantly avoided my father. Rationality kicks in and I think about what our next step will be.
Dammit. I didn’t get to tell her about my jobs. I want her to know tonight but I’ll wait until tomorrow when she’s had some time to sleep on it. I pray she doesn’t change her mind in the meantime.
Chapter 22
Breesan
My protective lines fade. I let him in and it feels incredible. With Marcus I say goodbye to my old life because tonight all things change and I don’t want to be broken anymore. Giving him what I’ve never given another; all of me. I smile at my strength through the darkness that’s been my purpose for this solemn life; until him. But now as I watch it fall away I realize that mine was a sick and twisted life. Acknowledging it secretly to myself, I actually feel the cracks in my heart heal slowly. Could this be real?
No doubts, it is real.
Glancing up, I see Anna standing with her back against the closed door, her arms loose around her waist. She has the biggest, stupid smile on and I dread hearing it. I’ll listen to her all night if she doesn’t require me to tell her how I feel because I can’t do this with her. I need time to process everything I’m feeling for him. Confessing things to him was easier than I would have ever guessed. I want him to know everything. And if he can keep his promises to me, I will tell him everything. He too has things he wants to tell me. I wonder if some of it is about his brother and Elise.