by Hall, Andrew
‘Water, love. Please,’ he said hoarsely. Tabitha nodded and searched for the cup in the gloom.
‘Liv and Will, they’re gone,’ said Chris, staring at the floor. A chasm of silence followed after it.
‘Yeah,’ Tabitha replied, lifting the cup of water to Jim’s lips. She probably could have expressed more feeling about the loss, but it wouldn’t come. She’d shut down. Like after her dad’s funeral when she was little, when she cried so much that she ran out of tears. The only thing left inside her now was a pit, black and bottomless.
‘End it for me,’ Jim pleaded with Tabitha, gasping as he swallowed more water. ‘Just do it.’
‘You’re not going to kill him,’ said Chris, a ghoulish face in the corner, lit by the dim glow of candlelight.
‘That’s not your choice,’ Jim croaked. ‘I’m still here, you know. I decide whether I want to die or not. I just wish one of you bastards would do it. I don’t care who.’
‘You can’t ask us to do that, Jim,’ Tabitha replied.
‘No, I can see that,’ he said angrily. He turned his head to look at Chris. ‘I thought this prick would jump at the chance to do me in.’ Chris glared, and said nothing.
‘Fine, I’ll do it myself,’ said Jim. With a grunt of agony he hauled himself up on the bed, and reached over for an assault rifle left propped up by the fireplace.
‘Jim, no!’ said Tabitha, wrestling the gun out of his grasp.
‘It’s my choice!’ he snapped, trying to pull the gun back. Tabitha felt just how weak his arms were when she tugged the rifle out of his hands.
‘There’s no bullets left,’ said Chris, getting up from his seat. ‘And even if there was, I don’t want your blood on my hands. I can’t deal with this. I’m going upstairs.’
‘You can’t!’ said Tabitha, disbelieving. She watched Chris turn his back on the scene and climb the stairs; easy as that. ‘Well I hope you sleep well then, you piece of shit!’ She yelled after him. ‘We’ll try not to make too much noise for you down here!’
‘You’re not man enough to do a job that needs doing!’ Jim shouted, watching Chris climb the stairs. ‘I’d put you out of your misery, you can bet on that!’ Chris disappeared into the gloom upstairs. Tabitha heard their whispered voices. Jim was breathing heavily.
‘You’re trying to wind him up,’ said Tabitha, checking Jim’s foot. At least the bleeding had slowed right down.
‘I thought it’d be easy,’ said Jim, wincing as he got himself more comfortable on the blood-sodden bed.
‘How do you feel?’ she said.
‘Like my insides are on fire,’ he replied. ‘Like my bones are melting.’ Tabitha reached out to hold his hand, but he winced and pulled away. ‘It hurts,’ he said in apology.
‘I’m going to get you through this,’ said Tabitha, offering him more water.
‘No you’re not lass,’ he replied, looking her in the eyes. ‘There’s no cure for this.’
‘But the venom’s stopped,’ she said, helping to lift the cup to his lips. He took a trickling gulp, and gasped as the water went down his dry throat.
‘It’s not stopped, it’s just slowed down,’ he told her. ‘I can feel it, in here,’ he said, rubbing his chest with his old fingers. ‘With any luck, my bloody ticker would just get the message and stop.’
‘You can’t talk like that,’ said Tabitha, voice trembling. She wanted desperately to reach for his hand, but she couldn’t. ‘You can’t die,’ she said, as the warm tears welled in her eyes. ‘You’re all I’ve got left.’ Jim smiled sadly and reached his hand out, and took hold of Tabitha’s despite the obvious pain he was in. He kept his hand gripped around hers for as long as he could, and then dropped it back down on the bed.
‘You’re not the religious sort,’ he observed, resting his head down deeper on the pile of cushions behind him.
‘No, I’m not,’ Tabitha agreed, sniffling.
‘My wife, Mary, she was very devout,’ he said. ‘Prayed all the time, for everything.’
‘Aren’t you religious?’ said Tabitha.
‘Well yes, but not a patch on her,’ he replied. ‘She was a real saint. Especially for me. I was a real troublemaker.’ He grinned at the memories. The pair of them sat there in silence for a little while, with the candles flickering a dim warm glow on their faces in the dark.
‘Mary’s going to be waiting for me,’ he said. ‘If I make it up there, of course.’
‘Of course you will,’ Tabitha replied.
‘You don’t even believe in heaven,’ Jim chuckled. ‘You don’t need to pretend.’ Tabitha smiled. ‘Mary always had enough faith for the two of us,’ he told her. ‘I was never very good at it. But I think there is a better place up there. And I think she’s waiting for me there. She’s probably cleaning the place right now. Always bloody cleaning everything.’ Tabitha laughed.
‘She sounds like my mum,’ she said.
‘I bet she was a woman of God too,’ said Jim.
‘She was,’ Tabitha replied, smiling at the thought of her. ‘She was a strong woman.’
‘Well now I know where you get it from,’ said Jim. ‘Was she a stubborn little madam too?’ Tabitha laughed.
‘Runs in the family,’ she said.
‘Well, she’ll be waiting for you up there too,’ said Jim. ‘That’s what I think, anyway.’
‘It’s a nice thought,’ Tabitha replied, smiling. But only a thought, she told herself.
‘So what do you think comes after all this then?’ said Jim. ‘Nothing?’ Tabitha hesitated. How was she supposed to tell this to a dying man?
‘It’s alright, you can tell me,’ he said, as if he’d read her mind. ‘I know what I believe.’
‘Well, yeah. Nothing,’ said Tabitha. ‘Like falling asleep, but not dreaming. And never waking up. Just… not existing.’
‘Well, that doesn’t sound all that bad either,’ Jim replied. ‘Bit boring though, if you ask me.’ Tabitha smiled.
‘Well, we wouldn’t know how boring it was if we didn’t exist any more,’ she said.
‘Nah, give me the pearly gates any day,’ said Jim, coughing and wincing at the pain. ‘Unless I’m heading down.’
‘Of course you’re not.’
‘Ah well, it’s not up to you,’ Jim replied knowingly, with a strained cough. ‘I just hope Mary’s done enough praying for me, because I haven’t.’
‘You’re going straight up there when it’s your time, Jim,’ said Tabitha. ‘But it’s not your time yet.’
‘Well, we’ll see,’ said Jim, with a wet crackling voice. ‘It’s in my lungs, the poison. I can feel it stinging. Oh God, I wish the thing had just given me the full bloody dose. I’d be dead by now.’
‘Don’t say that,’ Tabitha replied, voice trembling.
‘Just end it for me love,’ Jim pleaded quietly. ‘Please.’
‘You can’t ask me to do that Jim,’ said Tabitha, broken hearted, wiping away her warm tears. ‘Please don’t ask me.’
‘Alright love. I’m sorry,’ he said sadly. ‘Come on then, tell me more about your mum.’ Tabitha smiled at the thought of her; a little flicker of light in the dark.
By dawn Jim had convinced Tabitha to get some sleep. All her grief and tears had hit hard in the early hours, and it was only through sheer exhaustion that she fell asleep. It couldn’t have been too long since then when she woke up, since the light around the door outside was still just a dim glow. But the door was half open.
‘Jim?’ she said, looking around the empty keep. ‘Jim!’ she ran outside into the dawn light; birds filled the pink sky with high songs. She saw a shape up on the wall, moving gently in the breeze. Jim’s empty skin was still clutching on to the dead spider’s leg, with the needle buried in his arm. Shell shocked, like wandering in some waking zombie dream, Tabitha knelt down beside Jim’s corpse and gently pulled the spike out from his skin. His thin pale remains were wet and porous like a sponge; Tabitha watched his blood drip from her palms after only a t
ouch on his arm. She heard the door of the keep creak open then, and looked around. Sylvia stared at her, and terror crept across her face.
‘You killed him,’ she said, staring at Jim’s empty skin and the silver claw in Tabitha’s hand. Tabitha dropped the spider’s leg.
‘He did it himself!’ Tabitha replied. ‘I’ve just woken up and found him out here!’
‘She’s killed Jim!’ Sylvia screamed into the keep.
‘He did it himself!’ Tabitha yelled back, panicking, stepping away from Jim’s empty body.
‘Why would I kill him? I woke up and found him like this, I swear!’
‘He couldn’t have come all the way out here on his own!’ Sylvia said accusingly. Chris rushed to the door, and saw Tabitha backing away from Jim’s remains with blood on her hands.
‘What the fuck?’ he mumbled, staring at Jim. He looked back at Tabitha, his eyes wide with fear.
‘What did you do?’ he asked her, with a look of revulsion.
‘Isn’t it obvious?’ Sylvia chipped in, fixing Tabitha with a stare. ‘She was hungry!’
‘What? No!’ Tabitha protested. ‘I know this looks weird, but I swear I’ve just woken up and found him out here! You have to believe me!’
‘Does that sound a bit too convenient to you?’ Sylvia asked Chris, backing away towards the door. ‘You’ve seen what she’s like when she’s feeding. It was only a matter of time before she moved on to us. Starting with the weakest first.’
‘What?’ said Tabitha, walking down the steps off the wall. Chris and Sylvia were muttering to themselves.
‘Jim was asking her to kill him all night,’ Chris mumbled, glaring at Tabitha in horror.
‘Then she’s a murderer at best,’ Sylvia replied, pale-faced. ‘At worst… she’s a cannibal.’
‘What are you saying?’ Tabitha demanded as she crossed the courtyard, struggling to hear their lowered voices by the keep.
‘Back inside,’ said Chris, as Jackie and Tony peered out at the scene. ‘Everyone, get back inside!’
‘No!’ said Tabitha, running for the door. Chris ushered Sylvia back inside and slammed the door shut, turning the key in the lock before Tabitha could reach it.
‘I didn’t do anything!’ she screamed at the door. There was no reply. All she could hear were panicked tones inside, muttering between themselves. ‘Jim did it to himself, I just found him!’ she screamed. ‘You have to believe me!’ there was a sudden slam on the other side of the door.
‘I bet you drank his blood out didn’t you, you fucking freak!’ Chris yelled. ‘If I had any bullets left I’d put them right through your skull right now, I swear to god!’
‘I didn’t do it!’ Tabitha yelled back, punching the door. Teeth gritted, she punched it again, aiming for the lock. Her third hit cracked the wood.
‘She’s going to get in, she’s going to kill us!’ Jackie screamed. Tabitha heard only muffled panic inside the keep as she carried on punching dents and cracks into the wood.
‘Get a knife or something!’ said Tony.
‘They’re all outside!’ Sylvia replied.
‘We’ve still got the bayonets!’ said Chris. ‘Bring the rifles down, and the bayonets!’ Tabitha stopped, and heard Jackie crying inside the keep. It was fear. She was making them afraid for their lives. Tabitha stepped back from the door, away from the terrified voices inside. She walked over the scorched stones where Liv and Will had been standing, into the ashes of the garden where she’d lain Laika to rest. Everything, taken from her. Everything a ruin. Like the world had ended all over again.
The keep was quiet for a long time. Tabitha tried the door, but gave up when she heard Jackie start screaming again.
‘Leave us alone!’ said Sylvia inside, cold and officious. The matriarch standing up to the monster at the door. Tabitha sighed and walked away. She took Jim’s skin and clothes from the wall and buried them in the ashes of the garden, where his allotment would have been. He would have liked that. She hoped that he did find Mary again, cleaning up heaven ready for him to arrive. She couldn’t think of a brighter thought than that; it even eased her grief a little bit. She walked up the steps back onto the wall, and looked out over town. She couldn’t try to stay here with these people, not now. Sylvia was right; it was best to just leave them alone. But where could she go? There were more threats out there than just the spiders; Tabitha knew that better than anyone. She looked back at the scorch mark, and the ashes of the garden where she’d put Jim and Laika to rest. She wished she could cry, but all she felt was numb. Emotionless. As if she’d shut down completely. The wind blew cold today, and the sky was grey and overcast. Stark gloomy weather to match how she felt. She heard the trapdoor shut on top of the keep behind her. Turning around, she saw Chris looking down at her from the top.
‘Feeling brave enough to talk to me now?’ said Tabitha.
‘Everyone I get close to dies, but the freak still lives,’ said Chris. He looked down on her with nothing but contempt. ‘I shouldn’t have been surprised that you’d finish off Jim. I mean, you’re the only constant in all their deaths. It’s like Sylvia says. At worst, you’re a cannibal. At best, you’re a curse.’
‘Don’t pretend you’re grieving for them,’ Tabitha replied, ignoring the accusation. She dragged over a dead spider and sat down on the steps up to the wall. ‘You’re grieving for yourself, and how screwed you are without them.’
‘Fuck off,’ Chris snapped, looking down on her. ‘I was a Ghost too. And I knew them better than you ever could.’
‘You weren’t a Ghost,’ she replied, wrenching apart the spider’s armour. ‘You never believed in what Will was trying to do. You weren’t prepared to fight for it. You weren’t one of us.’ Chris glared at her. ‘Like you said that time, it’s always been about survival for you, and only you,’ Tabitha continued. ‘Now that they’re gone, you’re lost. You’re not heartbroken for Will, or Liv, or Jim. You’re heartbroken for poor Chris. And you’re worried how much harder it’s going to be without them around to carry you.’
‘Fuck you!’ he shouted down. Tabitha smiled, and knew from the silence that followed that she’d struck a nerve. Chris watched her gulping down the spider’s blood. It made his skin crawl to see it; she could tell.
‘If it was up to you, you wouldn’t have let me through that gate on the first day,’ said Tabitha. ‘You might even have shot me on sight.’ Chris shrugged. ‘Well, you’ll be glad to know that I’m leaving today,’ she said. She could see how relieved he looked, even at this distance. She sucked down another gulp of cold silver blood, a dancing static flavour in her mouth. ‘Well, all I can say is, I’m glad there were good people here like Liv and Will, and Jim. People who wanted to reach out to strangers like me and give us a home, and not hide away in their tower like you.’
‘Yeah, Will tried to reach out to the world,’ Chris said sarcastically. ‘And look where that got him. Look where it got all of us. We could have been safe here, if only we’d not tried to play soldiers and bring a war down on us. And it’s all your fault.’
‘My fault?’ Tabitha chuckled, tearing a leg off the spider. ‘How do you work that one out?’ she watched Chris’s face as she drank the blood from the severed leg. She delighted in his horror. She wanted him to see everything she was.
‘Will never had any of these ideas before you came here,’ said Chris. ‘Nobody did. Then a fucking… vampire freak shows up, and suddenly everyone’s ready to take on the world.’
‘So you’re saying that it was wrong to go out and help people? That outsiders don’t belong here?’ she said, shaking the last few drops of silver blood into her mouth. She prayed that Chris would take the bait. She wanted the others in the keep to hear his answer.
‘I’m saying all this is your fault!’ Chris shouted back, not giving her the pleasure of railing against his housemates in the keep. ‘What happened to Will and the others is your fault! If you’d never come here, then they’d still be alive!’
‘
It wasn’t my fault!’ Tabitha shot back. ‘I haven’t killed anyone!’
‘You brought all this down on us!’ he yelled. ‘You killed all of us the second you showed up here, and you brought all those fucking spiders with you!’ Tabitha thought about screaming back, but she stopped herself. She even toyed with the idea of throwing the dead spider at him, and praying that some of its venom found its way into his skin. But it really wouldn’t have helped her case.
‘I’m just going to go,’ she said, pulling away the barricade to get to the gate. She took one last look at the ashes of the garden, and the scorch mark where Liv and Will had stood. One last look at the wall where they’d fought together for their home, and the place where Laika had saved her life. Then all the grief and the tears came at last; a stinging hymn that rose up out of her lungs and left her body like an aching tide. Maybe her heart left her then too, she imagined, already broken up to dust inside her, and just sighed out into the breeze like ashes. She had to leave this place. She turned away sadly, and pulled the bolt open on the gate.
‘Tabitha,’ said Chris. She turned and looked up at him. ‘We found a bullet.’ He was aiming a rifle at her; her own hunting rifle. He shot her in the throat. Tabitha gasped and fell to the ground, clutching her burst bloody flesh. The others crowded around Chris on top of the keep, looking down at her writhing on the cobbles. Saying nothing. Tabitha felt the current streaming out of her, bleeding breath from a silvery crater in her neck. All she heard was her own gasping breaths, and a bird singing in the distance. The wall and the scorched garden blurred and disappeared as she lay there gasping, bleeding, for the longest time. Tabitha swallowed blood with a slick gulp and fought for her last breath, and her body slumped lifelessly on the courtyard.