by Joey Bush
“I should’ve gotten you here sooner,” Parker said. “Come on, let’s check it out; I’m sure they’ll let us see something.” We walked over, the smell of livestock pungent in the air.
“I’m not so much into the animal aspect of the fair,” Parker said, wrinkling his nose. “But those guys are cute.” He nodded toward a group of Shetland ponies who were ignoring us and eating from a pile of hay. “They’re kind of like big, shaggy dogs.”
There were rabbits of all sizes in hutches, and chicks and roosters and chickens. “I think it’d be kind of fun to live on a farm,” I said, imagining what it would be like to get to see animals like this every single day.
“It’d be a lot of work,” Parker said, stifling a yawn. “Every single day. Multiple times a day. My dad’s younger sister has a horse farm and she’s like, married to that shit. She has horses instead of children, basically.”
We hung around the animal exhibit a little longer and then made our way to where all the rides, games, and food vendors were. The aroma changed from farm animals to greasy, fried food. The sky had just started to get dark. In the distance, I could hear shrieks of delight from one of the rides, a contraption made up of steel cages people sat in that flipped them through the air. Past that, the Ferris wheel was lit up, and moving at a more agreeable pace.
As we walked, I couldn’t help but notice the way basically every single girl we walked by checked Parker out, and then seemed to throw a disdainful look at me, as though they couldn’t believe he was choosing to be here with me.
I looked at him and smiled, right as he let out a huge yawn. “Sorry,” he said, almost bashfully. “I’ve been more tired than usual. I blame my hectic training schedule.”
“What are you training for?”
“I race bikes.”
“You do?”
“Yeah. I’ve actually got a race coming up this weekend, not too far from here. It’s on a farm. Well, part of it is. Hey, you should come with me, if you want. There’s a ton of animals there, too, and we’d be there early enough for you to actually be able to see them.”
“That sounds pretty cool,” I said.
“Great,” he said. “It’s on Sunday. We’ll need to get an early start, but it’ll be a nice drive. I’ll come pick you up at eight.”
25.
Graham
I got a text from Todd around six in the morning, saying he’d gotten food poisoning and had spent the entire night in the bathroom, in front of the toilet. There was no way in hell he’d be able to ride today. Also: was this Francesca person who just texted him THE Francesca? And if so, why was the universe punishing him by giving him the runs the very night a hot chick gets in touch and wants to meet up?
Yes, and, no fucking clue. But she’s in town for a little while, was my response.
So, I made the drive out to the race myself. It did cross my mind to invite Chloe, but I figured she’d be busy working on her sculpture, and I’d feel bad leaving her by herself while I was riding. It would be for a few hours, at least, and even though there’d be other people there, she might find it boring.
I didn’t have much trouble finding the farm where the race was being held at. It was one of those picturesque places, with red barns set amidst verdant-green hills, dotted with black and white cows and fuzzy sheep. It was the epitome of wholesomeness, and everyone seemed be in a better-than-usual mood. Guys that normally completely ignored me smiled; a few even nodded or said hello. I was a little late, as usual, so I got my bike off the rack, found my helmet, sunglasses, and made sure I had a water bottle. I took a few warm up loops around an empty pasture that seemed to be reserved for just that. The sun was bright in the cloudless sky, but there wasn’t a touch of humidity in the air. It was just one of those spectacular days.
I was riding down to the start line when I saw her. At first I thought it was just her doppelganger, and I even made the mental note to tell her that there happened to be a girl with an uncanny resemblance to her at the race today. But then she turned and her eyes met mine and it was Chloe. And who was she standing next to?
Parker.
I rode over. The look of surprise on her face probably matched the one on my own.
“Fancy seeing you here,” I said. Parker had been fiddling with his brake cable, but stopped when I approached.
“Graham,” he said, not realizing that I’d been addressing Chloe. “You ready to get your ass handed to you today, my good man? I know this course is tough, but I’ve got my good-luck charm here today.”
Chloe stood there, her shoulders creeping up toward her ears, eyes darting from Parker to me and back again.
I ignored Parker. “I didn’t realize you were into mountain bike racing,” I said to her.
“I’m not really.” She couldn’t seem to hold my gaze. “I just ... Parker just invited me along. I ... I didn’t realize you were into it.”
Now it was Parker’s turn to look confused. “Hold up—you two know each other?”
I refrained from saying that yes, we knew each other, and not just in the Biblical sense. I didn’t say anything, because I wanted Chloe to answer.
She held her arm out. “He gave me this tattoo,” she said.
Parker barely even glanced at it. “Oh. Yeah, Graham here’s a man of many talents.”
There was a strange tension building in my chest. I’d never considered myself a jealous person, but I wanted nothing more than to demand to know what the hell she was doing here with Parker, of all people. Was this some sort of joke?
But I wasn’t going to let either of them see me rattled like that. I could keep a cool exterior regardless of how I was feeling on the inside, and that was exactly what I intended to do right now.
“Right. Well, see you guys,” I said, and I pedaled off before either could say anything else.
*****
I wanted to completely eradicate every single thing I was feeling; fortunately, a bike race was a great place to do exactly that. I didn’t want to be like Kurt and end up doing something stupid. I also couldn’t really remember ever feeling like this, maybe because none of the other girls I’d been with in the past I’d liked this much. I’d certainly never entertained the idea of being in a real relationship with any of them—not the way I had with Chloe.
But I kept seeing her, standing there with Parker, and there was a part of me that knew they looked right together. There was some part of me that actually understood that shit my mother had been saying to me. Yeah, I’m sure Chloe’s parents would much rather see her with a guy like him than me.
I couldn’t focus. Every time I tried to, I kept thinking about her with him. I pedaled harder, faster, but the thoughts were overpowering and refused to be ignored.
And I didn’t want to feel like this.
I kept pushing it harder and harder, going into corners too fast, not using the brakes when I should, passing people in really precarious areas. I didn’t run anyone off the trail, but I came close a few times. I also wiped out in the rock garden, bailed a few times over some roots, and mistimed my approach when bunny-hopping a big log most people dismounted to get over. I didn’t care because the pain felt good and was at least a distraction from my thoughts.
And despite all these falls, I somehow ended up finishing the race first.
*****
After the race, I felt battered and sore, and I sure as hell would be hurting tomorrow when I woke up. Not just fatigued muscles, but bruises, scrapes, and a couple lacerations that had dripped blood down my calves and into my socks. I didn’t care. I threw my bike into the bed of the truck instead of putting it on the rack. I was about to get in when I saw Chloe.
“Hey,” she said, her voice nervous. “Are you okay?”
My throat felt like it had closed up. “Yeah,” I finally managed to say. “Tough course out there today.”
“You’re bleeding.”
“It looks worse than it actually is.”
“Oh.”
We both stood t
here, not saying anything. “I wasn’t expecting to see you here today.”
“I know,” she said. “I wasn’t expecting to see you either. I didn’t know you did these things.”
“This is the second time I’ve come across you out with another guy.”
She opened her mouth to say something but then stopped, a confused expression on her face. “Huh? Second time?”
“I saw you at a restaurant with some other guy,” I said, not caring that I was bringing it up now. “I didn’t mention it because I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it.”
“I ... I don’t even know who you’re talking about. A guy? When? Where?”
“I don’t know,” I snapped. “And it really doesn’t even matter. Except that I’m now running into you again, with another guy! Who I happen to know, and who I think is a total douchebag.”
“I didn’t do anything with him,” she said. “It’s not like that.”
She had that hurt expression on her face, the same one the first night I met her when I told her I wasn’t going to give her a tattoo. The thing was, I believed her. But I could also still hear my mother’s voice, insisting how different people like Parker and Chloe, and my father, were from us.
“It’s fine if you do,” I said. “Feel free. Enjoy.”
I didn’t wait for her to respond; I just got in the truck and drove away.
*****
I took a detour on the way home and just ended up driving, the road unfurling in front of me in a straight line. By the time I’d finally made it back onto the Cape, I’d decided I’d just break it off with Chloe. Whatever “it” was. I pulled my phone out of the glove box. I wasn’t going to text or call her now; I would let her know in person. I kept one eye on the road and the other on my phone as I scrolled through the names, looking for Francesca.
26.
Chloe
Graham took off before I had the chance to say what I really wanted to. I’d spent the entire duration of the race trying to think of just what the right thing to say would be, because I knew some sort of explanation was in order. Even though nothing had happened between me and Parker, and wasn’t going to.
But I knew the second I saw him by his truck that he wasn’t going to be interested in hearing whatever it was I had to say.
When Parker came over to me, I was still just standing there in the same spot, looking in the direction that Graham’s truck had gone even though it had long disappeared.
“Hey,” Parker said. He’d changed out of his bike clothes and had a polo shirt and a pair of shorts on, but he looked worn out, his hair still slick with sweat, mud spatters dotting his cheeks. “So, how is it you know Graham?”
I turned away and forced a smile. “You know,” I said, “I don’t actually. I don’t really know him at all.”
*****
It seemed as though no one could wait to hear how my outing with Parker had been; on the drive back from the race, my mother kept texting me, asking how it was going, and then Tara got in on the text action, saying that if I got back in time, we should go out to dinner, but not to worry if I was going to be out all night ....
“I’m normally way more energetic after a race,” Parker said, “and I usually like to go swimming or out to eat or whatever, but I am wiped.” He gave me an apologetic smile. “So, you mind if I just drop you off back at your place?”
“That’s totally fine,” I said. He smothered another yawn. “Maybe you should go take a nap. I know if I had to do a race like that, I’d probably sleep for a week. Well, I doubt I’d actually even be able to finish.”
“You get used to it,” he said. Neither of us had said anything about Graham coming in first. Graham himself didn’t look like he even gave a shit, and he left before the they’d handed out the medals, so the highest step on the podium had been empty. “Although, I’m feeling much less used to it than normal. I swear—I know it probably just sounds like a bunch of lame excuses—but I really am usually feeling so much better after a race.”
My mother was sitting out front in one of the Adirondack chairs, with a glass of iced tea and a book. I was sure to Parker it looked like a completely normal scenario, but she had moved that chair from the backyard to the front, and I couldn’t remember the last time I’d seen her sitting outside with a book.
“Oh!” she said, putting the book down and waving.
“Don’t feel like you have to stay and mingle,” I said.
He was already getting out of the car. “I can at least get out and say hello.”
“How was it? Did you have fun? Look at the two of you!” My mother sounded like she was about to burst with excitement.
“Well, it was a rather poor showing on my part,” Parker said. “It certainly wasn’t my best race.”
“That’s okay!” my mother exclaimed. “Why, I’m so impressed that you’re even out there to begin with! Now, how many miles was it?”
“Thirty-two.”
“Now, that is just super human!” She widened her eyes and looked at me. “Could you imagine that, Chloe? Riding a bike for thirty-two miles? And not just thirty-two miles, but thirty-two miles over rough terrain, am I right? It’s not on pavement, now, is it?”
“You’re exactly right,” Parker said, and my mother beamed. I smiled wanly.
“Anyway, Mom, Parker was just saying how tired he is, so he’s going to head home,” I said.
“Oh, really? Would you like to come in first? Have some lemonade?”
“Mom, we’ve been driving for a while and he’s had a long day.” Ew, she was like totally enamored with him.
“Next time,” Parker said. “Chloe’s right; I just want to get home and take a shower and maybe a nap.”
“Okay, then. I’ll just give you two a minute. Nice to see you Parker, looking forward to seeing you again!”
She hurried off, not back to her chair though, but inside, leaving the two of us standing there.
“Errr, sorry about all that,” I said.
“What, your mom?” He shrugged. “She seems nice. Anyway. Thanks for keeping me company today, I had a good time.”
He started to turn for the car door but then hesitated. He came over to me and we both just stood there.
“Well,” I said, “thanks for—”
He leaned down and kissed me, just a peck, not like a real kiss, but I turned my head at the last second and he ended up kissing the side of my face, but not my cheek, lower, almost my jaw.
I felt my face starting to get hot, but he seemed completely unbothered. “I’ll see ya around,” he said. And then he got in his car and drove away.
*****
The last thing I wanted was to be interrogated by mother about what our day had been like, so I texted Tara back and said I could meet up with her. She said she was melting in this heat and wanted an iced latte, so we agreed to meet down at the local coffee shop, Staccato.
We sat at one of the outside tables, under the umbrella, sipping our iced lattes.
“Spill,” Tara said. “All the details. Tell me.”
I grimaced. “It’s not as awesome as you think. I think I really messed up.”
She looked at me curiously. “Uh-oh. What happened?”
“What happened is we ended up seeing Graham. At the bike race. I had no idea that I’d run into him there. I mean, what are the chances?”
“What was he doing at the bike race?”
“He was in it! He was doing the race. I had no idea.”
“So how’d that go?”
“He wasn’t psyched.”
“You had no way of knowing he’d be there; it’s not your fault. You weren’t doing anything wrong.” Tara shrugged. “Am I missing something here? What is the problem? I mean, it’s not like he walked in on you guys doing it, did he?”
“No, nothing has happened between us!” I yelped. “I agreed to go to the county fair, because he came to my house and asked me and my mother was right there and if I said no, I’d never hear the end of it from
her. We had fun, but it wasn’t like this great romance between us or anything. And then he asked me about the bike race and it just seemed like something else fun to do, and I just agreed without really thinking about it.”
“Because you did nothing wrong. You just need to talk to Graham. If he’s bothered seeing you with someone else, that means he actually likes you.”
“Or does that mean he’s really possessive and controlling?”
Tara frowned, thinking. “Controlling is not good, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being a little possessive.”
“I guess I just don’t know the rules for all of this. I mean, do I assume we’re going out because we slept together?”
“Oh, hell no! No, you do not. The whole relationship topic is actually a conversation you have to have, whether or not you guys are boyfriend/girlfriend or just casual, or what. I mean, assuming is all well and good until one person assumes one thing and the other person assumes the exact opposite. Just look at me and Michael! I assumed that everything was fine between us and he was probably thinking about that other girl! If he had actually grown a pair and talked to me about this before just going out and sticking his dick in the first pretty thing that caught his eye, then we might have been able to salvage our relationship. I think you just need to talk to Graham. Just be a mature adult.”
“The other thing this made me realize was that Graham and I don’t even really know each other that well. If we did, I would’ve known that racing bikes was an interest of his. But I had no clue.”
“I’m hearing a lot more about Graham than I am about Parker. How’d it go with him? Did he wear Spandex? God, he must’ve looked good.”
“He tried to kiss me when he dropped me off.”
“Oh my god! Tried? What happened?”
“Well, no, I guess he did kiss me, but I turned my head and he ended up kissing me here.” I gestured to the lower part of my face. “It was actually kind of awkward. Except he didn’t seem that bothered by it. Is he just one of those people that is completely unbothered by that sort of thing? Like he’s that confident? I’d be mortified if I tried to kiss someone and they turned their head at the last second. But he didn’t seem phased.”