by Joey Bush
I wanted to just leave. But if I told Mom that it would just cause a scene. I wanted to do something else; but she and Bob both were set on us all hanging out together, all enjoying the great conditions on the mountain. If I tried to tell Mom I just wanted to go back to the house and hang out by myself, she’d pick a fight and the whole ugly mess would come tumbling out. As much as I wanted to talk to her—alone—about the situation, make her understand that I wasn’t some brother-humping freak, I didn’t want to have to deal with the guilt and ugliness of Bob knowing about it.
She left me alone again for a while, and I tried to get my sense of speed back, tried to do the most basic tricks. I managed to get a few in without face-planting but anytime I tried anything more advanced than the most basic grab or aerial, I ended up landing wrong. The whole situation was wrong, I thought. Every last bit of it. Mom being married to Bob, Jaxon and I wanting each other but not being able to do anything about it, the whole situation was just incredibly fucked up. I couldn’t wait for the nightmare to be over. I headed to the half-pipe and tried to gain my bearings—but I kept slipping. I decided to just stick to going down the slope, gaining speed and landing things right. I wasn’t about to give up on my progress just because my whole life was getting fucked up by my mom making a stupid impulsive decision.
At the end of the day, Mom and Bob waited for Jaxon and me to finish our last run down the slopes, and suggested we all head over to the lodge to grab dinner and get warm. “How you two aren’t freezing is beyond me,” Bob said, shaking his head.
“Young blood is always hot,” my mom said; her voice was level, playful even, but when she looked at me I knew she was still remembering the morning before, when she’d walked in on us.
“I could stand to eat something,” I said, to take the subject off of young blood and being freezing. “And I saw the fireplace in there before. It’s pretty epic.” We headed off to the lodge and I tried to pretend like all I wanted was some food and a fire. That everything would be okay.
Chapter Five
The lodge was amazing; if it weren’t for how incredibly awkward and stressful the situation was, I probably would have enjoyed it a lot more than I did. Through some weird quirk, the four of us were the only ones there other than the staff. The lodge was made to hold at least a couple dozen people; there was a giant fireplace in the middle, with low couches and chairs and soft rugs on the hearth in front of it. There was a full kitchen in the back, and a menu with everything ranging from burgers and fries to venison steaks. We sat around the coffee table near the fire, warming up, all of us exhausted from the long day on the slopes; it wasn’t quite dark outside, but it was definitely getting to be night time. I wondered at the fact that no one was around. I guessed that everyone was either in their rooms if they were staying there, or they were back to whatever hotel or home they lived in. It would have been so much easier if there were more people around.
I wanted more than anything to just get through the dinner and get back home. The day had been so long, and while we sat around the fire, warming up, my bones started to ache. I could feel every last bruise I’d managed to get during the day, falling on my face and landing on my ass on the slopes.
The waiter took our order and we sat around with hot chocolates while we waited for our food to get there. Bob was once more working on trying to get everyone talking, even though everyone was exhausted. I tried to put forth an effort for my mom’s sake, to make everything seem all right, but Jaxon wasn’t doing anything other than looking at the fire or sometimes looking at me. “Didn’t seem to be your usual smooth self on the slopes today, Jax,” Bob said, giving his son a playful shove to the shoulder.
“Yeah,” Jaxon said, shrugging his father’s hand away. “Just bad timing I guess.” Mom went on about the skiing, about what they had been up to that day.
“Mia loves snowboarding,” Mom said, blathering on and on and on. “She’s always gone at it as hard as she could. She’s great.”
“I’m okay,” I said, shrugging and glancing at Jaxon. He was poking at the fire with a metal rod, frowning and staying quiet. “I wasn’t on top of my game today.” I shrugged again. “You should’ve seen me falling all over the place.”
I was relieved when the food got there. I didn’t like being so close to Jaxon without being able to really talk to him. Maybe if we could just get dinner over with and head back to the house, everything would be okay. I could go to my room, get a shower, and watch some TV and go to sleep. I could count off another day of this ridiculous holiday and be one day closer to going back to school. I dreaded another silent meal like breakfast had been; for lunch I had gone to the lodge by myself and grabbed something quick—a grilled cheese and soup.
I was starving, and more than happy to tuck into my food. Mom and Bob were talking, but they started to lose steam. Bob ordered a bottle of wine and I sighed to myself—they were going to spend the entire rest of the holiday half-drunk, I knew. So much the better for them, I thought. Jaxon and I sat there, not speaking much, not looking at each other. There was too much at risk. If we started looking at each other, we would start texting each other. We’d start getting hot and bothered again. We would end up having sex with each other again. We couldn’t do that.
The food was good; I had a steak and fries, with carrot slaw on the side. Mom had roast chicken, Bob had baked fish. Mom insisted on us sharing a huge baked Alaska for dessert and I sat there, hoping against hope that Bob and Mom would just want to go back home and get to bed. But instead, they were staring into the fire, they were cuddling up like the newlyweds they were. “Shouldn’t we be heading back?” I just wanted to get out of the incredibly uncomfortable situation we were all in.
“I think Mia’s getting bored,” Mom said, glancing at me with a hard look.
“We’re not spending enough time getting to know each other,” Bob told her, shaking his head. I barely managed to stifle the laugh that rose up in me at the irony of it. Bob thought we weren’t spending enough time getting to know each other, when Mom, Jaxon and I all knew the truth. “And of course, Jaxon’s being all stuffy. I have no idea what’s wrong with him.” Mom shrugged.
“It’s always difficult meeting new siblings,” she said. She gave me another hard look and I turned my attention back onto the fire.
“Ah, Jaxon’s just that kind of guy. He was hell on two feet when he was coming up.”
“Mia was pretty difficult too,” Mom said. “But both of them turned out all right.”
“I doubt Mia gave you as much stress as Jaxon did me,” Bob said, shaking his head. I realized he was half-drunk and looked at Jaxon. Jaxon had his lips pressed firmly together; he was staring into the fire, pretending like nothing was going on, like he was all alone.
“Jaxon seems like a nice enough boy,” Mom said. I could hear in her voice that she was worried too. I remembered Bob starting in on Jaxon the night before—hinting at things, and Jaxon leaving the family room in a huff. He’d still been angry in the morning, but I hadn’t had any way of knowing whether it was because his Dad was obviously trying to embarrass him or because he couldn’t be with me and wanted to.
“Like I said before, he does well enough now. But there was a time when I was convinced that Jaxon was going to end up in prison for the rest of his life.” Mom laughed.
“Surely he couldn’t have been that bad. I mean, he’s your son.” Bob shrugged. His face looked less attractive in the firelight, with how stern he was, how irritable he’d suddenly become. Then he laughed.
“Well, you know, he’s not all bad, but he did give me a scare or two.”
“What do you mean?” Mom’s curiosity overcame her caution and I felt a jolt of dread in the pit of my stomach. This was a bad idea. I could see Jaxon go tense in the corner of my eye, but I couldn’t look directly at him.
“Oh, he was the worst kind of rebellious teenager. It’s probably something to do with his mother being gone by then.” Bob shrugged. “Everything a kid could p
ossibly do to get in trouble, he did.”
“Like what?” Bob grinned.
“Well he started small. You know—cutting classes, talking back to his teachers, pulling pranks.” I nodded quietly. Maybe, I thought, if Bob saw how bored we were with the topic at hand, he’d give it up. Find something else to talk about.
“That sounds about normal, especially if he’d lost his mom.”
Bob laughed. “Yeah well, that was only the tip of the iceberg. I tried grounding him, I tried taking away his privileges, but he just got worse.” Mom shrugged.
“He’s definitely got your spirit then, doesn’t he?” Bob shook his head.
“I at least had some sense when I was his age,” Bob said, rolling his eyes. “He wasn’t content to just be a pest. He started drinking. He went out to parties, you know—and I caught him swiping bottles of my gin, my whiskey.” Bob shook his head. “He was getting drunk at school!”
“Ah but kids do that,” Mom tried to laugh it off. My heart started pounding in my chest. I knew this was going bad. I thought of how Jaxon was in the frat; sure he drank, but he wasn’t the kind of person to go to class drunk. He partied when it was time to party and worked when it was time to work. He had tutored me in bio! He wasn’t some loser.
“Well, then he started going in a downward spiral. I couldn’t check it. He was going out all nights of the week. Jaxon—he got caught stealing from some store, some cheap liquor store in the bad part of town. He landed himself in juvenile detention three times in one year.” That was way more serious than I expected. Jaxon in Juvy? That made no sense. I shook my head.
“I don’t believe it,” I said, in spite of wanting to stay silent. Bob nodded, filling his cup with more wine.
“Believe it, Mia—your brother used to be a total loser. He got caught stealing a car once! He took the neighbor’s Mercedes out on a joyride while skipping school. So of course he got himself caught and was hauled before the judge on truancy as well as theft.” Bob shook his head.
It was insane. Jaxon, stealing a car? Cutting classes, getting drunk, going to juvenile detention? It didn’t add up. Sure Jaxon partied hard, and he belonged to the frat that had a reputation for the wildest pranks and the craziest adventures. I knew all the guys in the frat. They weren’t bad—but they were definitely rambunctious. I couldn’t picture Jaxon stealing things or going to school drunk, or ending up in court because he’d stolen a car. It was a totally different kind of thing.
I didn’t look at Jaxon; I couldn’t look at him. I knew it was horrible enough for him. He had to be getting upset. The night before, he had nearly gotten into a fight with his father for hinting at his misdeeds. If even half of what Bob was saying was true, Jaxon probably wanted to move on, to forget it—how would it help him if his dad kept bringing it up?
My mom laughed and I looked at her; she took a sip of her wine but I could tell she was just as uncomfortable as I was. I saw her glance at Jaxon and then she put her wineglass down. “Well, you know, Bob, kids are all crazy when they’re teenagers,” she said, putting her hand on his knee to make him stop before he interrupted her. “I mean, Mia was pretty wild herself. I remember,” Mom laughed again. “How old were you, Mia? I think 14 or was it 15? Anyway…” I groaned. I knew the story that Mom was going to tell. I hoped against hope that it would at least take some of the pressure off of Jaxon—maybe distract Bob for a while.
“Mom, that story is so dumb,” I said, playing along. I didn’t dare look at Jaxon, but I could see him out of the corner of my eye; he was getting tenser and tenser, looking like he was about to blow. “I just did stupid kid things.”
“Oh yeah, stupid kid things—like the time you tried to skip classes by telling the nurse you had a fever and you put the thermometer in your thermos. That’s just stupid kid stuff. The really good one though was totally out of left field.” I rolled my eyes, pretending to be put off by my mom’s story. It was dumb, and it wasn’t nearly as bad as any of the things that Bob had said Jaxon had done. But maybe it would help.
“Mom no one wants to hear it,” I looked at her. She knew I was playing along with her—in spite of how mad at me she must have been, I could see she was a little relieved that I was still able to read her.
“Well we’re all getting to know each other and I want to tell it. Anyway—so Mia got really into graffiti artists when she was like, 14 or 15. Thought they were the coolest thing since sliced bread.” Mom had Bob’s attention, which should have helped things, but I could tell Jaxon was still just waiting to blow. I chimed in, pretending to be more embarrassed than I was, saying that I’d just been a stupid kid back then. “So Mia gets it into her head that she’s going to be a graffiti artist in her own right. She gets this big huge plan together—she’s going to tag her first building. Of course, she doesn’t tell me about that. I didn’t find this part out until after when she’d gotten caught.”
“If it weren’t for that stupid tattle tale Laura Peters…” I said.
“Oh, she’d have gotten caught no matter what. You see, Mia thought it would be a great idea to tag the town water tower with her own name.”
“Plenty of people are named Mia!” I laughed, wanting to clear the air, wanting for everything to be okay again.
“So she tags the thing with her own name, in her favorite colors, and then of course Laura Peters confirmed that it was her.” Mom was shaking her head, laughing. “So then I get a call from the police—if she’ll go up again and paint it over they’ll let bygones be bygones.”
We laughed about it as much as we could, and I glanced quickly at Jaxon. He didn’t look as though he’d gotten over the situation. Bob himself was laughing, and I hoped—I prayed—that it would blow over in a few minutes. Mom and Bob started to talk about how stupid kids are, and how it’s a good thing that we had both finally grown up. Jaxon was getting more and more uncomfortable. I watched, looking from him to Bob, wishing that we could all just go home, that it could all be over and done with. Jaxon stared his father down; Bob didn’t even blink.
“Jaxon,” he said, his voice a little thick from all the wine. “Stop being such a dumbass. This is your past—these are the decisions you made. None of it’s ever going to stick to you legally—you were a kid. But if you can’t even admit to your own past in your own family, how are you ever going to move on?” I cringed. That was the last thing Jaxon needed, I knew. I felt my heart beating faster as the silence dragged out among all four of us. I knew it was going to be bad.
Chapter Six
As Mom and Bob started getting cozy again, talking to each other about stupid kids and what a pain they were to deal with, Jaxon was still getting madder and madder. I glanced at him as quickly, as briefly as I could and I could see it—but Bob was apparently, like usual, oblivious to the fact. I could see Jaxon was winding himself up. “You know,” Bob was saying, and I heard my heart pounding in my chest. “I’m glad I found a new wife—and I have a new step-daughter. Maybe you’ll both help Jaxon stay on the straight and narrow. God knows I haven’t been able to do it.” Jaxon stood up.
“Hey, Dad,” Jaxon said, his lips pulled back in a snarl. “Don’t you ever get tired of that same old song and dance about what a screw up I was as a teenager? I mean, hell, everyone else already thinks it’s old news. You trot out that sad sack bullshit about me landing in Juvy to every woman you date.” Bob sat up, pushing my mom away.
“You need to watch your tone, Jaxon.” Jaxon laughed.
“I’m watching it,” he said. “I’m watching you, too. Telling people how impossible I was. What a fuck up. Hell, you already married this one—you don’t have to impress her anymore. Why not learn some new material for your stupid pretend standup routine? I’ve got the perfect bit for you.”
“Jaxon…” His cheeks were red, his eyes were hard, he didn’t even hear me. Mom was trying to calm everything down, but Jaxon wasn’t listening to her either. He just plowed right ahead.
“How about this, Dad: Your son is dating y
our new step-daughter. Mia and I have had sex. You can go around telling everyone who will listen to you what a freakish family life you have—apparently the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, you banged a woman and your son banged her daughter and surprise! We’re all family.” Jaxon laughed again; it was almost a shout. “You want to know the funniest part about it? It was all under your nose. Everyone else has known about it for a day or more and you had no clue. Because you never have a clue about anything! How does it feel to be the odd man out for once?” Jaxon shook his head. “If it’s not about you, you don’t even care.” Bob’s eyes went wide and he stared at Jaxon for a long moment. I saw him glance at me, and a look of revulsion came over his face.
“What the hell are you talking about Jaxon?” Bob’s voice was quiet, but I could hear the tension in it—the anger. I saw his face go red, and then pale, and then red again. “That is the most disgusting thing I’ve ever heard of! You’ve had sex with your step-sister? Was it before or after you found out?” Jaxon laughed again—it was like he’d lost his mind.
“Both. She and I had sex before I even knew you were dating Mia’s mom, and then we had sex right under your roof the other night. You had no clue—you were all about showing off for your new wife.” Bob shook his head, shaking with the force of his anger.
“That is absolutely disgusting. You both should be ashamed of yourselves. I won’t permit it. You are never, ever to have anything to do with each other like that again.” Bob slammed back the rest of his glass of wine, shaking his head at Jaxon. “I can’t believe you.” The words hit me hard; it was disgusting, we should be ashamed. I felt as if I’d been punched in the stomach. I’d known it was wrong—at least a little bit. But it wasn’t like we were actually related. It wasn’t even as though we’d been brought up together. Jaxon and I had been strangers to each other until we’d met at the frat. Just because our parents had met separately and had gotten married in a matter of months—what the hell did that have to do with us?