But there was nothing I could do about it.
“I think I’m going to buy a gun.”
Christopher was eating on the other couch, and he stopped in mid-bite to look at me. “What?”
“I need a handgun, something small. Maybe a Glock.”
He put down his bowl of rice and chicken. “You aren’t serious, right?”
“I think it’ll be good to have.”
“Is this about Hank?”
Who else would it be about? “Yeah.”
“Honestly, I think guns are dangerous. You’re more likely to hurt yourself.”
“Not if I take some gun safety courses and truly learn how to handle a deadly weapon.” I wasn’t ignorant enough to think I could learn everything in a day. There were a lot of precautions when it came to carrying a firearm.
He ran his hand through his hair as he shook his head. “Calloway said he has men keeping an eye on Hank. I don’t think you need to resort to that. Plus, I’m right across the hall from you.”
“Calloway won’t protect me forever,” I reminded him. “One day, he’ll move on and protect someone else.” It was painful to imagine him being as attentive to someone else as he was to me, but that was a fact I would have to accept. “And Christopher, you’re going to have your own life too. Having a gun will make me feel safe when I have no one to rely on but myself.”
“I think you should think about it for a while, do some research. Because people accidentally kill themselves with their own weapons all the time. That’s a fact. I’m not just pulling that out of my ass.”
“I know.” I ignored his growing hostility. Whenever he was concerned about me, he usually grew protective and angry. “You know I don’t take anything lightly.”
He grabbed his bowl and started eating again, his eyes glued to the TV despite the red tint to his face. He knew he should combat his anger when he was around me. When it came to arguments, I usually won. And Christopher knew I was too stubborn to change my mind about most things.
Hank grabbed me by the throat and squeezed my windpipe so hard I couldn’t breathe.
“Let go of me!” I fought back, kicking and throwing my arms down.
He hiked up my dress and separated my thighs with his knees. “I’m gonna fuck you until you cry, sweetheart.”
“Stop!” I threw my arms forward and pushed as hard as I could.
I jumped upright in bed and opened my eyes, seeing my dark and empty bedroom. The door was shut and locked, and the faint sound of traffic could be heard in the distance. I clutched my chest as I breathed through the agony. “Just a dream…just a dream.” The hot tears were warm on my face, and I snatched my phone off the nightstand and called the first person who came to mind.
Calloway answered immediately. “Sweetheart, everything alright?”
I couldn’t slow down my breathing, couldn’t stop the panic inside my chest. “I had a nightmare… Hank…he…” I didn’t want to say the words out loud. Once I did, they would become even more true.
Calloway shuffled in the background like he was moving. “It’s okay. He’s at his apartment. One of my guys just checked in with me.” The sound of moving keys and then the door opening and closing came to my ear. “You’re safe.”
I pulled my knees to my chest as I sat alone in the dark, clinging to Calloway’s strong voice for comfort. “Where are you?”
“I was at home. I just left.”
I knew exactly where he was going, but I didn’t object. I was still upset, still terrified.
Ten minutes of silence passed. I didn’t want to go into details about my dream because they were irrelevant. They would just work me up even more. I hadn’t had a dream like that in a really long time. Now I realized how much I took for granted. When I slept with Calloway every night, I never had a restless night of sleep. I always slept like a baby.
“I’m outside.”
I stared at my bedroom door before I got up and walked to the front of the apartment, the phone still pressed to my ear. I checked the peephole just in case, even though that seemed pointless. The memories of the nightmare were still fresh in mind, and I couldn’t shake the feeling of terror.
I unlocked the door and opened it.
Calloway hung up and placed the phone in the pocket of his jeans. Instead of a hard expression that I couldn’t read, his features were as easy to decipher as the words of a children’s book.
He stepped inside without waiting to be invited and circled his arms around my body. The second his powerful body was wrapped around mine, I felt absolutely safe. Nothing could touch me, nothing could hurt me.
I buried my face in his chest and closed my eyes, realizing how much I missed the way he smelled. It was such a simple trait, but I definitely took it for granted. My hands bundled together against his stomach, and I concentrated on the way he breathed, doing my best to match it.
Calloway held me that way for a few minutes before he shut the door and locked it behind him. He took my hand and guided me to my bedroom where my mattress sat, the sheets a mess from the way I’d convulsed during my nightmare.
He pulled his shirt over his head and dropped his jeans, his powerful body just as strong as I remembered. His pecs were large, and his tight stomach led to a V at his hips. He was still the sexiest man I’d ever seen in my life.
He got into bed and pulled me with him, cuddling with me like no time had passed. One arm sat around my waist, while the other rested in the crook of my neck. My leg was pulled over his hip and across his waist. He was soft underneath his boxers, not interested in sex. His chin was thick with hair since he hadn’t shaved in a week. The usual brightness in his eyes was no longer there either. “As long as I’m breathing, no one can hurt you, sweetheart.” Although his face was just inches from mine, he didn’t lean in to kiss me.
And I wanted him to kiss me. “I know.”
He leaned in and pressed his lips to my forehead, giving me the kind of embrace I didn’t want. It was soothing and warm, full of love and affection. It gave me shivers and left me wanting more. “Good night.”
I moved farther into his body, fighting back tears. I’d never been so happy and sad at the exact same time. I was grateful he was there to chase away my demons, but I was miserable that he would be gone the next day.
And we would be back to normal.
My alarm woke both of us up the following morning.
I leaned over his chest and smacked my hand down on the button, silencing the ringing sound before it had a chance to annoy me any further. Sleep was heavy in my eyes, but I actually felt rested for the first time in weeks.
Thanks to Calloway.
He opened his eyes, the same sleepy look on his face that I wore on mine. Except he looked naturally sexy, his hair messed up from the way I ran my fingers through it. His beard was even thicker, but it looked great on him. “Morning.”
“Morning.” I was so happy to see his face first thing in the morning. I had gotten to do it every single day until he broke my heart. Even after the way he hurt me, I still found him to be the most incredible man I’d ever known.
I didn’t want him to leave.
His momentary joy disappeared once he realized we were in the exact same position we were last night. We were still apart—for good. He moved to the edge of the bed then pulled his shirt over his head, hiding the prominent muscles of his back. Then he stood and pulled on his jeans, his knees and phone rattling as he pulled his pants over his long legs.
I hated watching him get dressed. I hated watching him prepare to leave.
I left the sheets that were now saturated with his smell and stood beside him, in my gray sweatpants and an old t-shirt. I didn’t bother changing because he’d already seen me this way. I didn’t look much worse than I usually did anyway.
Calloway walked out, and I followed him to the door.
Christopher was already awake, wearing slacks and a collared shirt as he ate a bowl of cereal over the sink. He was in the middle of
chewing when he spotted Calloway come around the corner. He stopped eating, his eyes popping wide open.
Calloway gave him a quick nod before he walked out the front door.
I followed him even though there wasn’t much point. It’s not like we would have an amazing kiss before we went to work. We were back to exactly what we were before—old lovers. “Thanks for coming over…” I shut the door behind me so Christopher couldn’t overhear us.
“I’ll always be here for you.” He held my gaze with his arms resting by my sides, his jaw tight like he was trying to stop himself from kissing me. He slid his hands into his pockets then stepped away. “See you later.”
I couldn’t bring myself to say goodbye. I never wanted it to be goodbye. “See you later…” I watched him walk all the way down the hallway until he reached the elevator. Instead of waiting for it to rise to this floor, he turned and took the stairs.
I walked back inside, even more heartbroken than I was when we first broke up.
Christopher leaned against the counter with his arms across his chest. His half-empty bowl of cereal sat on the counter. He never wasted food, but he’d obviously made an exception this time. “Uh…what’s going on?”
He had the right to ask since this was his apartment. I wouldn’t make a fuss about it. “I had a nightmare last night. Calloway came over to make me feel better.”
“Oh…are you back together?”
I swallowed hard and couldn’t meet his look. “No.”
“Oh…” Christopher rubbed his chin and stared at the floor. “I was hoping that you two worked it out.”
We could never work it out. “Unfortunately, no.”
He rubbed his chin again, having nothing to say. “I need to get to work, but I can be a little late if you want to talk about it.” He eyed his Rolex on his wrist.
“No, that won’t be necessary.” I walked past him and headed back to my room. “I’ll be okay, Christopher. Don’t worry about me.”
“Just a few days ago, you told me you were going to buy a gun.” He turned his body toward the counter and grabbed his mug of coffee from the surface. “So, no, I’m not going to stop worrying about you.”
11
Calloway
Now that I’d spent the night with her, held her, comforted her, I was horny as hell. I missed being inside her, making love to her right before we both went to sleep. Even the vanilla stuff was incredible.
I missed her so much I almost didn’t care about my needs.
But then I was reminded that nothing had changed. I would always crave Rome, but I would always need my darker fix. Going over there the other night wasn’t a smart idea. It only set me back in terms of heartbreak. But when she called me and needed me, I didn’t hesitate.
I was there for her—in a heartbeat.
But my desire for her was clouding my judgment. I couldn’t think clearly because I hadn’t had sex in three weeks. Maybe that wasn’t long for some people—but that was an eternity for me.
I needed her.
I’d been drinking all night when I opened my top drawer and spotted the black thong she’d left behind. It was right on top of my socks, an erotic piece of fabric that had been soaked with her arousal more times than I could count.
I pulled it out of the drawer and brought it to my face, taking a deep breath to smell her scent. I couldn’t make anything out because it was clean and had been stuffed inside my drawer with my own clothes. Unfortunately, it smelled like me more than it smelled like her.
But that didn’t stop me from getting rock-hard.
I carried her panties to the bed and got undressed. I lay back on the mattress, squirted lube in my hand, and then went to town on myself. I wrapped her thong around my dick and used it to jerk off, feeling the fabric rub against my skin with every pump of my hand.
It wasn’t as good as her pussy—but it was good enough.
I pictured her bent over my bed, her hands tied together behind her back with my tie. Her ankles were secured together in chains so she couldn’t run away from me. I placed my hand on the steep curve of her back and pushed her down, squishing her into the mattress. My hips worked furiously to fuck her harder, driving into that warm pussy that I owned.
“Fuck.”
I came in record time, shooting toward the sky then splashing across my chest. Her panties still rubbed against my cock and my hand, soaked in a mixture of lube and come. It was a powerful orgasm despite the fact that she wasn’t really there with me. But her thong was strong enough to do the trick.
Now I felt a little better.
I didn’t see her for the rest of the week.
Days came and went, and she didn’t contact me again. Hopefully, her nightmares stopped altogether. Christopher was right across the hall from her, and I knew where Hank was every second of the day, so she had no reason to be scared.
Maybe she didn’t have a nightmare at all. Maybe it was just an excuse to see me.
I wished that were true. If it were, I wouldn’t have slept with her all night. I would have done a lot more than that.
The gala was the following night, but I hadn’t spoken to Rome about it. She and I avoided each other like we hadn’t shared an affectionate night together. Fortunately, we didn’t have any conference calls or meetings, so there was no reason for us to interact. The only sign of her presence was a short email she sent me the other day, which was so professional it annoyed me.
At the end of the day, I wanted to walk down to her office and talk to her about our plans for the following night. But coming face-to-face with her seemed too intimate. Last time we were close to each other, I almost pushed her up against the wall and crushed her mouth with mine.
When I headed to the elevator, I texted her. I’ll pick you up at 7.
The three dots appeared on the screen. Okay.
Do you need help picking out a dress?
I’ll manage.
I don’t mind getting you something. She had a nice salary but not enough to pick out something fancy. I didn’t mind buying her anything she wanted—even the Hope Diamond.
Calloway, I’m fine. I’ll see you tomorrow.
I got inside the elevator and watched the doors close. When her dots faded and she went radio silent, I suddenly felt lonely. When I walked through my front door, I would step inside an empty house. She wouldn’t make dinner while I showered upstairs. We wouldn’t share a bottle of wine over our meal. We wouldn’t relax on the couch and read while we stared at the fire.
The thought was so depressing that I decided not to go there.
I decided to go to Ruin instead.
The bass from the music thudded against my ears. To a novice, the beat would be uncomfortable against the eardrum. But I enjoyed the loudness. It was much better than the silence of my empty house.
I moved through the crowd and watched the couples dance under the strobe lights. Flashes of blue and green moved across the dance floor and the walls. Men wore dark masks, while the woman adorned themselves in chains. Some women didn’t wear tops at all, showing off their nipple piercings.
I moved farther into the club and approached the bar. The bartender noticed my presence immediately and ignored the customers who were there before me. He poured me a scotch then tended to the others, treating me like royalty.
A light hand rested on my arm, her nails painted blood-red. “Hello, Calloway.”
I looked into the face of a beautiful woman I’d never seen before. Judging from her skintight black corset and dark jeans, she was looking for a Dom to beat her into submission for the night. “Call me Cal. Pleasure to meet you.” I patted my hand on hers before I pulled away, not wanting to be touched.
She didn’t make another move. “I would love to call you Master for the night, if you’ll have me.”
I swirled my glass before I took a drink. I swallowed the amber liquid hard and felt it burn all the way down my throat. It baffled me that beautiful women wanted me to dominate them, begged me to do it
, but Rome wouldn’t even give me a chance. I could change her life, but she wouldn’t give me the trust I deserved.
No matter how much I resented her, I wasn’t ready to fuck someone yet. I would think about her the entire time, and the connection with this woman would feel forced and unsatisfactory. “Maybe some other time.”
She pouted her lips, her lipstick just as red as her nails. “My girlfriend will be disappointed.”
I turned back to her, an eyebrow raised.
She glanced over her shoulder to another beautiful woman, a brunette with humongous tits that actually looked real. She held up her hand and gave me a seductive wave with her fingertips.
The woman standing next to me continued on. “That’s Amanda. I’m Ribbon.”
“Ribbon?” I asked.
“Yeah,” she said. “Or whatever you want to call me. So how about the three of us?”
I had to admit, I was intrigued. I could command one to whip the other. I could control both of them, have them do things with my authority alone. I could have Ribbon spank Amanda until she screamed. Then I could make her eat her pussy. It sounded perfect because I wouldn’t get my hands dirty. “Let’s go.”
I sat in the back of the car at the curb of Christopher’s apartment. I hadn’t left the back seat and walked upstairs just yet, choosing to waste time by stalling. It was unusual for me to feel nervous, but I felt uneasy about seeing Rome.
Because I missed her so fucking much.
I would hold her waist and pretend to be her date for the evening, but I would be back here dropping her off again. I was just torturing myself—torturing her. I had been a Dom for the evening, commanding two women to carry out whatever command I issued. They touched each other, kissed each other, spanked each other—but I still wanted Rome.
I wished Hank hadn’t fucked her up so much.
When I’d wasted enough time, I finally went to her apartment and knocked.
Christopher answered the door in jeans and a red t-shirt. He obviously had no intention of going out tonight. “Hey.” He stepped away so I could walk inside. “Rome, he’s here,” he called down the hall.
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