Kayla and Lucas were sitting close together, talking softly. It was obvious they were trying to behave in front of the young scouts, because they kept their touches brief and even those seemed inadvertent. But even when they weren’t kissing or caressing, there was still an intimacy between them—as though they shared the very deepest aspects of their souls.
Brittany, on the other hand, wasn’t sharing even the outer edge of hers with Daniel. She sat beside him stiffly, concentrating on making her s’mores rather than talking with him. It was apparent that he felt awkward. Seeing them together, I couldn’t imagine that a blind date would be any worse. At that moment I truly appreciated that I’d always had Connor.
Not that we were doing any talking or touching each other—inadvertently or otherwise. But at least we were acting comfortable around each other again.
The girls weren’t talking much either. A couple of them looked as though they were going to drift off to sleep right where they were sitting.
I glanced surreptitiously at Brittany. “I don’t think the elders should get into matchmaking,” I murmured so only Connor could hear me.
“I’ve been thinking the same thing,” he said, equally quiet. “It’s a disaster.”
I jerked my head around to stare at him. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught sight of Brittany suddenly studying me. I leaned in to Connor as though we were going to get cozy and whispered in his ear, “I don’t think it’s that bad.”
He tucked some strands that had worked their way out of my braid back behind my ear, his knuckles skimming my cheek, his eyes growing warm as though we were talking about personal things. “He’s not even trying. I don’t know. He could at least…talk to her.”
I found it interesting that he thought Daniel was the problem while I thought it was Brittany’s attitude.
“Maybe they just need a little more time to connect.” I really wanted to stay positive regarding her chances of finding a mate.
“Man, I’m so glad I didn’t have to do the whole dating scene.”
I felt an uncomfortable tightening in my chest. “You don’t think that’s the reason we’re together—because we were convenient—do you?”
“No.” Leaning in, he kissed me tenderly.
One of the girls shrieked, then started to sing, “Connor and Lindsey, sitting in a tree…”
Connor and I broke apart so fast that I almost got whiplash.
Several other girls joined in. “K-i-s-s-i-n-g…”
Of course they ended the song wrong—they forgot to mention that after love comes transformation—but I decided not to correct them.
After that, it took their leaders a while to get them settled and into their tents. They decided to sing about Lucas and Kayla, then Brittany and Daniel. I’d never seen Brittany blush so much. I figured she would have run into the woods if she could have done it without looking cowardly.
Kayla was taking the first shift of the night watch, which left Brittany and me alone in our tent. We got ready for bed in silence. When the lights were out, I lay in my sleeping bag staring upward, thinking about Connor and wondering why we didn’t cuddle more, why—far too often—simply talking seemed enough for us. Had we been together for so long that we’d grown immune to each other’s bodies? Was I taking him for granted? Would I feel differently after I shifted?
I was already starting to notice some differences.
“Brit? Does the forest smell…richer to you?” I’d noticed fragrances during the day’s hike in a way I never had before.
“What do you mean?” she asked.
“I can’t explain it. Everything smells more alive. I know the change will bring on heightened senses—do you think it starts before the change?”
“Yeah, maybe…I mean, now that you mention it, yeah, things smell…bolder.”
She said the words, but I didn’t hear any commitment in them. Quite honestly, I didn’t hear any truth. I rolled over to my side. “What do you think of Daniel? I mean, he seems nice.”
“He’s okay.”
“You could try a little harder, you know.”
“Easy for you to say. You’ve never had to try. You’ve always had Connor.”
I thought about confessing that she might be right regarding what I had with Connor—and how convenience didn’t necessarily mean we were right for each other. But as long as I didn’t give voice to my doubts, they didn’t seem real.
“I don’t want to talk about Connor and me,” I said, far more sharply than I’d intended.
“I don’t want to talk about Daniel.”
“Good night, then.” I rolled over to my other side. Why was I even attempting to be nice, to help her with the selection of her mate? It wasn’t really my business.
“Lindsey?” she called out hesitantly a few minutes later.
I almost didn’t answer, almost pretended that I’d already fallen asleep. “What?”
“What if…what if I’m not a Shifter?” she said in a small voice.
I bolted upright, too stunned by the concept to respond. Hadn’t Connor wondered the same thing about her?
“What if that’s the reason none of the guys can connect with me?” she continued. “What if there’s something wrong with me?”
“Oh, Brittany, that’s…that’s just…” I didn’t know what to say. “Of course you’re a Shifter.”
“I feel like all the guys just look through me. Even Daniel smiles at me the same way that he smiles at the Girl Scouts—like I’m cute, but nothing special. There’s never any fire.”
Fire? Was she referring to the scary thing I felt whenever Rafe was near? For the long term, wasn’t it better to feel comfortable with someone, to feel in sync? Fire could burn you to a cinder. It was just lust, not love—wasn’t it?
But my insecurities weren’t what she needed. She needed reassurance.
“Look, Brittany, I’m sure it has nothing to do with you,” I said, even though I wasn’t sure at all. Even Connor had doubts, but this close to the first full moon after her seventeenth birthday wasn’t the time to reinforce these crazy ideas. “We only have a small pool of guys working as sherpas. It stands to reason that eventually there’s going to be a disconnect. God, your true mate could be…I don’t know. In California, maybe, or Florida. And this year, so few came for the celebration. Any other time, you might have connected with someone there. It sucks, totally. But maybe Daniel could be a surrogate until the real thing comes along.”
“The first time we shift is supposed to have an element of romance about it. I don’t think I can settle for a guy holding my hand when I want him holding my body. I’d rather just go through it alone.”
“You could die.”
“Or maybe I’d liberate us from this archaic tradition.”
You only think it’s archaic because you don’t have a mate. Personally, I didn’t want to go through it alone. I wanted the magic of the transformation and the wonder of bonding that followed.
“Anyway, I’ve got two weeks to decide what to do,” she said. “I’ll figure something out.”
She was back to sounding like the same defiant Brittany I knew. Everything would be okay. As I drifted off to sleep, I felt certain of it.
The night was dark. The moon had yet to rise. A slight breeze was blowing my hair around. Connor came up behind me, wrapped his arms around me, and kissed the nape of my neck. A tingle traveled down my spine. I leaned into him.
“Soon,” he whispered near my ear. “Very soon.”
I turned within the circle of his arms and welcomed his kiss. It was heated with passion. He skimmed his fingers up my bare arms, and wherever he touched, I felt scalded.
I heard crackling and popping. I grew so hot, I thought I would melt. Drawing back, I found myself staring into Rafe’s brown eyes, not Connor’s blue ones. Somehow, without me noticing, he’d changed. I could see him clearly now, because the trees surrounding us were ablaze, and great orange and red flames were leaping into the sky.
Ignoring the danger we were in, Rafe pulled me back into his arms and lowered his mouth to mine until we became the fire and were consumed….
I woke up breathing heavily and sweating. I scrambled out of my sleeping bag and stumbled from the tent, welcoming the feel of the cool night air against my face. I’d slept in my clothes, so all I was missing were my shoes, but I was accustomed to going barefoot so I wasn’t bothered by the ground beneath my bare feet.
Connor was standing near the fire. He took a step toward me. “You okay?”
Nodding jerkily, I started to comb my fingers through my hair and remembered that it was braided. Only in my dream had it been free. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just a bad dream.” Although not in the traditional sense of nightmares. I was more afraid of myself and the images I was conjuring than I was of any monsters.
Kayla had been sitting on a log. She got up and walked over. “You’re so pale. Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Absolutely. Why don’t you go to sleep? I’ll finish your shift.”
“Lucas thought we’d pay more attention if—”
“I know. Weren’t keeping watch with our mate. Connor and I will behave.”
She glanced over at him. He nodded and jerked his head toward our tent. With a shrug, she smiled and patted my shoulder. “All right, then. Thanks.”
She disappeared into the tent.
Connor took my hand. “Come sit by the fire. You’ll feel better.”
I doubted that. “There was a fire in my dream. Everything around me was burning. Just hold me for a minute.”
I didn’t wait for him to give me an answer. I walked toward his outstretched arms, never doubting that he’d welcome me there. He’d been my rock forever.
I tilted my head back and gazed deeply into his blue eyes. I don’t know what he read on my face, but he dipped his head and kissed me.
The kiss resembled nothing in the dream. It was pleasant and sweet and warm. It was reliable. It was constant. It was real.
The kiss in the dream…it was just…well, it was just a dream.
Connor led me over to the log where Kayla had been sitting. Once I was settled on it, he crouched in front of me and tucked some stray strands behind my ear.
I swallowed hard. “The summer solstice, when you couldn’t find me…I was with Rafe.”
A sadness touched his eyes right before he said quietly, “I know.”
“You caught his scent on me.”
He nodded.
“Why didn’t you say something?”
“You’re either mine or you’re not. If you’re mine, I’ll fight to keep you. If you’re not…maybe I don’t want to know.”
I skimmed my fingers along his cheek. Unlike Rafe, he seldom had stubble. “Nothing happened. We just went for a ride on his bike. I needed to get away from the doom and gloom for a while.”
“That’s what Rafe said.”
“You confronted him?”
“Of course. Actually that’s what my dad and I disagreed on. He thought I should have challenged him.”
“That’s insane! You can’t kill him just because he took me for a ride.”
“Relax, Lindsey. I don’t have any plans to challenge him. I like to believe we’ve become a little more civilized over the years and can settle many of our differences in human form, not wolf.”
“But is that the reason he’s no longer part of our sherpa team?”
“No. The elders really are worried about Brittany. If she and Daniel don’t click, they’ll probably put someone else with us.”
I thought about telling him that she wasn’t feeling the connection with Daniel, but we still had a few days for things to change.
Suddenly the hairs on the nape of my neck prickled—and not in the nice way that they had in my dream.
“Connor, do you get the sense that we’re being watched?”
“Yes.”
My breathing slowed as I tried to figure out from which direction someone might be watching us.
Connor suddenly spun around. Two girls were peering out of their tent. They both released high-pitched giggles and ducked back inside.
Connor chuckled. “I don’t remember ever being that young and silly.”
“I don’t think it was them,” I said as I stood up. I turned in a slow circle, but the earlier sensation that I’d had was gone.
“They were all I picked up on.” Connor scented the air. “Nothing unusual.”
I couldn’t shake off the feeling that there had been someone else. “Lucas was probably right. We shouldn’t keep watch with someone we’d rather snuggle with or talk to.”
Connor grinned. “He is wise, our leader. You keep watch here. I’ll circle the camp.”
I knew he wasn’t going to find anything. Whoever it was had left. But it didn’t stop me from wondering who it had been and, more important, what that person wanted.
EIGHT
We trekked for two more days, leading the girls farther into the forest. There were parts of the national forest where few people traveled, where there was more wildlife and more danger, but we avoided those places and helped the girls and their troop leaders set up their final camp in a relatively safe place. After we finished ensuring that the camp was secure, we had plenty of daylight left, so we began preparing for our departure from the group. Brittany and Daniel would stay behind with them. Normally, we’d have just left one sherpa, but the elders had given orders to encourage Brittany to bond with Daniel.
I didn’t see it happening, but a few more days together couldn’t hurt.
“We’ll be back in plenty of time to have you at Wolford before the full moon,” Lucas said to Brittany.
“Whatever,” she responded, as though she was bored with the whole thing.
It was the most important night of our lives, and she acted like she couldn’t be bothered. Grabbing her arm, I dragged her away from the group.
“Hey!” she protested, jerking free of my grasp.
“Brittany, you’ve got to snap out of this. Daniel is trying—”
“There’s no connection. Zero. Zilch. He and I both know it. I’d rather go through it alone.”
“Just think of him as a lifeline. He could be there…just in case.”
“It can’t be as painful as the guys say. And if Lucas was just a distraction for Kayla—thank you very much but I can find my own distraction. I’ll be fine.”
I gave her a big hug. “We’ll both be fine,” I whispered and hoped it was true.
We were able to make better time without all the supplies we’d been lugging and because we weren’t herding more than a dozen rambunctious girls. We began to make our camp as sunset approached, and I realized that with any luck, we’d be back at the forest entrance by tomorrow night.
Lucas and Connor went off to capture a rabbit. Kayla was building a fire. I was restless.
“I’m going to go pick some blackberries,” I said to Kayla as I grabbed a small container.
She twisted around to look at me. “Are you sure you should go off by yourself?”
“I saw brambles in some of the thickets we passed. They aren’t far. I won’t be long.”
“Just be careful.”
“Always.”
I headed back in the direction from which we’d come. Funny thing was, the blackberries were farther away than I remembered, and they weren’t quite on the trail. I slid into the gulley and clambered up the other side where I could see berries peeking out through the thicket. Carefully avoiding the thorns, I plucked one and popped it into my mouth. Wild berries were always tastier than anything found in a store.
The container was half full—I am an optimist—when I became acutely aware of a presence and the hairs on my arms lifted. As slowly as possible, I peered around and that’s when I spotted it.
A mountain cougar.
“Nice kitty,” I whispered beneath my breath, knowing I was in trouble. If my scent was that of a human, maybe he’d move on. But we Shifters smell like wild animals.
He gave a deep, throaty purrrr and bared incisors that could tear flesh from bone. Cautiously I shifted my weight, prepared to leap into the brambles and hoping the thorns would serve as a deterrent. My mouth was so dry that I couldn’t have spit if my life depended on it. My heart was pounding so hard that I was surprised the others couldn’t hear my blood whoosh-whooshing between my ears.
I saw the cat’s muscles tense.
I leaped up and screamed just as he lunged.
A blur of movement knocked into the cat right before it slammed into me. I felt the heat of the bodies, the air rushing past with the force of the collision. I fell down and scrambled back, my gaze locked on the battle. I could see now that a wolf had attacked the cat. Not just any wolf. One I knew.
Rafe.
What was he doing here? And what if he lost this fight?
I got to my feet and took a step forward, a step back. I wanted to stop it. I didn’t want Rafe getting hurt. My heart was racing. I wanted to scream for help, but I couldn’t risk distracting him. My fists were closed so tightly that my nails were digging into my palms.
The cat’s shrieks rent the air, quickly followed by the wolf’s growls. They were locked in combat. Swiping at each other, snarling, burying their teeth into each other. I could see that Rafe was bleeding. I wanted to rush over to him, to help him. I wanted him safe. I wanted the cat gone.
The cougar finally broke free and raced into the thickness of the forest. The wolf took a step toward me and collapsed.
I raced over, sat on the ground, and put his head on my lap. He was bleeding near his shoulder and his hind-quarters. As he tried to lift his head, I pushed it back down, gently stroking his fur. “Shh, shh, just relax. You need to heal. You’ll be all right.”
Holding his gaze, I thought I’d never been so grateful for anyone’s arrival, but it was more than the fact that he’d saved me from a cougar attack. I was just so glad to see him. I wanted to know what he’d been doing, how he was doing. I had a hundred questions for him, but mostly I just wanted to hold him. He licked my bare knee, as though he wanted to communicate that he was feeling the same. I didn’t scold him for sneaking in a kiss.
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