I developed the habit of wearing earbuds around the house while I listened to music or my audiobooks. Partly to retreat into my own little world and partly so that I could tune out the sounds of Blake and Lucy doing things that couples do. Like talking to each other, laughing together, saying “babe” this and “babe” that . . .
Honestly, the entire arrangement felt like death to me.
Lucy was also a complete slob, but I wasn’t surprised. She never lifted a finger to clean anything and was terrible in the kitchen. Once she attempted to cook something for dinner, which stunk to high heaven, and after that, she was banned from using the stove.
I even made extra efforts to ensure the house was immaculate just to emphasize how useless she was. I would plug my earbuds in and methodically move from room to room, scrubbing, vacuuming, polishing, and dusting every surface. It somehow made me feel better to walk through a house where everything was in its place. I could demand a clean house even if it was the only thing I could control.
It wasn’t long before I noticed how Lucy started to comply with my standards of cleanliness or she would steer clear of me to avoid my wrath. She also stopped trying to be my friend. In fact, she quit talking to me altogether, and I preferred it that way.
The hardest part to handle was how my relationship with Blake had changed.
Just as we agreed, we never spoke about that night in the cabin. At times, I found myself questioning whether it truly happened; although, a moment that perfect was hard to forget. Yes, perfect and too good to be true.
We didn’t spend time together in the woods like before, though I knew he still went out there alone. Sometimes, I was almost tempted to follow, but instead, I forced myself to stay in my room and turn to my books—the one thing that had always brought me comfort. I could get lost in the stories and forget about the things in my life that caused me pain, even if it was just for a little while.
One morning, I was bent over in the laundry room, pulling clothes out of the dryer and jamming out to something on the radio, when I felt a hand lightly whack my behind. Startled, I stood and yelped.
“Oh shit! Tayia, I’m sorry.” Blake stared back at me with eyes wide with shock and regret. Clearly, that whack had been meant for Lucy. “I thought you were . . . uh, shit. I’m sorry.” He left the laundry room as if he couldn’t get out of there fast enough.
I never even got a chance to say anything.
****
“There is no way I’m calling you Nitro, Neil.” I smirked at Blake’s best friend as I handed him his receipt.
“Aw, come on, Tayia.” He looked down at me, and I could tell he was a little wounded by my remark. “It’s a big deal to be given a racing name. Do you have any idea how hard it is to get on King’s list?”
I shook my head.
“Hard. Real fuckin’ hard.”
“Well, good for you . . . I guess.” I handed him his credit card and shrugged. I didn’t understand all that much about racing, and I really didn’t care.
“You’re such a brat.” He chuckled just as Blake came around the corner, wiping the grease from his hands with a towel.
“The Plymouth is ready,” Blake announced to Neil then shot a glance over at me and smiled.
“Just in time. Neil is all set to go,” I said brightly, placing emphasis on his name purposely.
“You told her about the new name, huh? Yeah, I don’t think I’ll be calling you Nitro, either.” Blake laughed as Neil charged at him. The two men play fought for a minute before Neil backed away.
“Yeah, well, as soon as you get your ass on that list we’ll see how you feel about it.”
I knew that Blake had been considering the idea of racing. He already ran a performance shop from the garage at the house and was part of the reason Neil’s car was so fast. I knew he could do the same for himself.
“Maybe.” Blake shrugged.
“Did you hear that Hunter Knight is coming up the ranks? Last I heard, he was racing for a spot on King’s list.”
I cringed at the mention of Hunter Knight. My mind went back to the homecoming dance and the awful things he’d said to me. Sea Whisper Island was small, which meant it had been hard to avoid him over the years. I would see him at The Spot surrounded by some of the other town lowlifes. It seemed like the more time went by, the more of a dick he turned out to be. Any traces of the boy who used to stare at me in admiration during math class had completely vanished.
Blake’s lip curled in disgust before he shot a glance at me, his hatred for Knight clear on his face. “Yeah, I heard.” He tucked the greasy towel into his back pocket. “This means he’s coming for your spot, Neil. You’re the sentinel. The last on the list. It’s your job to keep him off it.”
“I know. That was the whole point of me having you work on the Plymouth.” Neil threw his hand up in the air in exasperation. “Besides, my Pretty Pimpin’ Plymouth is already the shit.
“I’ll make the car fast, but I can’t do shit about your driving skills, man.” Blake looked smug as Neil threw a playful punch in his direction.
“Shit, I can drive your mom’s car and still drag Knight’s ass. Skill ain’t a problem, son.” It was Blake’s turn to wrap an arm around Neil’s neck to try to get him into a headlock.
“My mom’s car? Is that what you said, jackass?” The two wrestled for a few minutes, laughing as they tried to best each other with wrestling moves.
“Children, children,” I interrupted, shaking my head in mock disapproval. “If you can’t get along, I’ll take away your toy cars. Besides, people are starting to stare.”
“All right, all right,” Blake said as both men took several steps apart to catch their breath. He and Neil had been best friends since their junior year of high school and acted just like brothers. “Come on, let’s go look at the car.”
Neil nodded and waved a hand at me before the two disappeared into the garage.
Less than five minutes later, the bell chimed at the door. I looked up to see Witch Face walking in with several shopping bags in hand. As soon as her eyes found me, she hurried over.
“Tayia!” she whisper-yelled then looked around. “Where’s Blake?”
“In the back.” I resisted the urge to roll my eyes at her very presence.
“Okay, good. I’m planning something for our two-year anniversary. He always seems to find out my surprises, so even though our anniversary is actually tomorrow, I’m going to surprise him tonight.”
“Great,” I responded flatly, wondering why she was even speaking to me. We hadn’t acknowledged each other in months.
“Do you think it’s possible for you to come up with some reason to send him home a little early this evening? He’s always here past midnight, and what I have planned won’t keep that long?”
“Wait a minute, are you cooking anything?” I narrowed my eyes at her.
“No.” She blinked innocently, though I thought I saw a flash of guilt on her face.
“Lucy, whatever you have planned better not involve turning on the stove.”
“It doesn’t. Don’t worry.”
“Fine, I’ll see what I can do.”
“Thank you!” she squealed and clapped her hands excitedly before walking to the door. When she reached the handle, she turned around again. “Oh, and . . . um . . . is there any way you can hang out with your friend, Janet, for a while tonight? I wouldn’t want you to walk in at the wrong time or anything.”
Jesus.
“Um, you mean Jonna? I guess so,” I managed to say before my throat tightened.
“Oh, and I promise I’ll clean everything up.” She threw that last comment over her shoulder before hurrying outside.
What was she planning that would require clean up?
This must be what silently going insane felt like.
Chapter Eleven
At eight o’clock, I stuck my head into the garage in search of Blake. I’d been in the office taking a test for my economics course. I decided to ear
n my degree online because I knew Blake needed my help at the shop. Well, that was what I kept telling myself. If I was being honest, I couldn’t bear to leave him. As much as I hated myself for still being in love with him, I couldn’t help it.
“Blake?” I called into the open space, my voice echoing off the walls.
“Yeah?” he answered from underneath a blue car sitting on a lift.
“Um, it’s almost eight. What time do you plan to leave?”
“Don’t know.”
“Will it be soon?”
“Don’t know,” he repeated, sounding irritated. “Why?”
“Well, it’s just that you’ve been staying here pretty late, and I thought maybe you should go home a little early and . . .” My voice stalled out as I watched him stand. The way his shirt stretched over his chest and bunched up around his waist showing a peek of his lower stomach made my mouth grow dry. That was until I noticed the “V” thing that disappeared into his jeans, and then the drooling began. I realized that I’d been staring at him a little too long when he lifted an eyebrow and cocked his head to the side.
“Oh, um . . . You know what? Never mind,” I stammered while backing away to the door. “You seem busy, and I’m just going to . . .”
“Actually”—he cleared his throat and tossed the tool he was using into a box— “I was thinking about grabbing something to eat at Catch. Do you want to go?” He grinned, looking a little uncertain of how his invite would be received. It had been a while since I’d seen that dimple directed at me, and I found myself nodding.
“Yeah. I could eat something. Sure.”
“Okay, I’ll get cleaned up and meet you out front in about ten minutes.” He started packing up his gear as I walked back to the office to close my computer, check my hair, and put on a spritz of perfume. While I was fully aware that I should be sending him home for his anniversary “whatever” that Lucy was planning, I thought stealing an hour of time was only fair since she’d already taken up two years of mine.
When we walked into Catch, the place was quiet. Music was playing on the jukebox in the corner, a couple of guys were shooting a game of pool, and Mr. Hal was laughing at something one of the customers at the bar was saying. We found a booth near the window and I waved to Jonna, who was exiting the kitchen with a tray of food in her hand. She nodded at us and mouthed that she’d be right over.
Blake flipped open the menu and read the items. This action seemed odd to me because we knew everything that Catch served by heart. “I wonder if that nacho crab dip is any good.” His leg bounced nervously under the table, and it was causing me to feel tense, so I tried to start a conversation.
“How have you been, Blake?” I asked. While we lived in the same house together, we barely spoke about anything other than mundane topics that either involved work, the grocery store list, or updates from our parents in Pennsylvania. When Blake lifted his eyes to me, I realized how much I missed hanging out with him.
“Good,” he answered quickly but didn’t say more.
“Blake.” I glared at him. “Seriously.”
“Do you really want to know the truth?” The question he asked hung in the air as my mind raced at what he was implying.
“Hey, you two,” Jonna greeted us as she reached the table. “Order anything but the crabby nacho shit Mama put up on the specials board this morning. I have no idea what’s in it, but it looks and smells horrid.”
I giggled and glanced at Blake.
“Well, I guess I’m not having that,” he said. “I’ll just stick with the burger. How about you, Tay?”
“I’ll have the same,” I said to Jonna, and she took off to put our order in. I turned to Blake and made another attempt at idle chatter, this time opting for a lighter topic of discussion.
“So, what’s with the nose thing?” I asked, referring to the septum ring he’d been wearing for weeks now.
“I don’t know.” Blake shrugged. “Just decided to get it one day.”
“It’s different.”
“Yeah, well, Lucy hates it.” He chuckled, not looking like he cared in the least what his girlfriend thought of his piercing. That tidbit of information made me love the septum ring even more.
“Well, I like it. I think it looks good on you.”
“Thanks.” He smiled, looking pleased.
Soon, we fell into conversation about Neil and his new name. He talked about some of his other friends who were also trying to make the list and what he thought their chances were. I let Blake do most of the talking as I watched his mouth move and admired the dimple that would appear when he formed certain words with his lips. He could have been reading the phone book and I would have been enthralled just the same.
When our food arrived, Blake grabbed the pickle from my plate and I shoved the ketchup bottle his way. I smiled because we felt like us again, even if it was only for a little while.
We continued our conversation as we walked on the beach outside of Catch. We talked about his ideas for the performance shop, and he confessed that he was secretly building his own car. The hours he spent in both shops fixing cars for customers didn’t leave him enough time for his own project. Some of the parts he needed were quite expensive, but he was determined he would get there eventually.
I told him about my classes and how much I really enjoyed the writing courses. When I looked over at Blake, he was staring at me with a smile on his face.
“You’re going to be a great writer one day,” he said. “You have a beautiful imagination.” The wind was blowing around as the sound of the ocean filled our ears. I grabbed a hold of my loose hair and tried to contain it all in one hand. Blake reached a hand up to push a fly away curl from my face. His eyes grew intense and he swallowed several times before he started to speak.
“Tay, I . . .” he began before his phone chimed in his pocket. “Shit, it’s Lucy.” He typed out a response to her text as I winced. I’d forgotten about her little anniversary bullshit, or maybe I just forgot to care. Either way, I felt a little guilty. “I gotta go. Do you want to ride back with me?”
“No.” I shook my head. “I’m going to go to Jonna’s and hang out for a while.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay.” He nodded hesitantly before turning back toward the direction of Catch. “Tay?”
“Yeah?” I turned around expectantly.
“I missed this. Us hanging out.”
“Me, too.”
We stood there staring at one another for a moment. It was difficult to decide what to do next. Should I go to him and throw my arms around him or simply smile and wave goodbye? The choice was made for us when Blake’s phone started ringing. He looked down at the screen and then let out a long sigh that was full of irritation.
“I gotta go,” he said then answered the call I knew was from Lucy. We parted ways at Jonna’s staircase, and then I watched him get into his car and drive off to be with another woman.
****
At two in the morning, I put my key into the lock and quietly made my way inside the house. Every single light was on. The dining room table looked like it hadn’t been used, and the kitchen was exactly the way I’d left it. While I was relieved to discover that Lucy hadn’t cooked anything, I wasn’t sure what to think about the pink feather boa on the living room floor. Forcing back the urge to turn and run from the house, I kicked the ridiculous accessory under the couch then turned off all the downstairs lights. My gaze went to Blake’s closed door and my heart felt like it had been sliced in two. Not wanting to linger long enough to catch any sound that could travel from that direction, I quickly climbed the stairs to my room and closed the door.
I woke up to the sound of loud voices coming from downstairs and knew that Blake and Lucy were arguing. Normally, I would cover my head with a pillow or put in earbuds to prevent hearing the unnecessary details of their relationship, but one word made me stop.
“Her!” Lucy screamed. So instead of blocking
them out, curiosity caused me to get out of bed and opened my bedroom door to listen.
“Everything revolves around her. Everything, Blake. What about me? I’m your girlfriend.”
I heard Blake mumble something, but I couldn’t make out what he was saying.
“I don’t care if she hears me! I hope she does, actually. I’m done, Blake. I’m tired of competing with your sister. It’s unnatural. If I didn’t know better, I would say that something else is going on here.”
“Watch it, Lucy,” Blake warned loudly.
“Fuck off. Both of you. In fact, fuck off together.” Then the front door slammed, rattling the entire house.
I stood at my bedroom door, waiting to see what would happen next, but there was no sound. I was torn between ignoring the whole thing and getting back into bed or running down to check on Blake. If I was honest, Witch Face leaving was exactly what I wanted, but in that moment, it didn’t feel so good knowing I was part of the reason.
Chapter Twelve
I wasn’t sleeping when I heard him open the door. When I felt him curl up behind me on the bed, I sighed before opening my eyes and turning my head.
“Blake?”
“I’m sorry,” he said against my temple. I turned in his arms to stare at him.
“What are you doing?”
“I don’t know, Tay. I don’t know.”
“Lucy—”
“Shh, let me hold you.” Blake’s voice was muffled against my shoulder. Almost instantly, I relaxed into his arms and stared into the darkness. When his nose started to skim the curve of my neck, I reflexively lifted my chin as he kissed my skin. With each press of his lips, my heartbeat quickened.
His hand slid under the hem of my T-shirt and caressed my abdomen as I nestled my backside in to his growing erection. I probably should have stopped things, but I didn’t want to. Having his hands on my body was my most favorite feeling in the world.
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