by Penny Jordan
‘I’m fine,’ Selina assured her. ‘Just someone walking over my grave.’ The grave of all her hopes that Piers might love her as she loved him, she told herself mentally, trying to drag her thoughts way from him and concentrate instead on what lay ahead.
Homings was a gracious Tudor building set against a backdrop of gently rolling hills and their slopes wooded. A small river ran along one boundary and they had to drive over a narrow bridge to get through the gates. The garden was well-maintained, filled with a blaze of cottage flowers, the lawns smooth and green. Someone obviously expended a good deal of time and effort on it.
‘The garden is Mary’s baby,’ Dulcie told her, guessing her thoughts, ‘she works in it every spare minute.’
She brought the car to a halt in front of the house. The door opened and an excited Golden Retriever came bouncing out followed by a short plump woman with iron grey hair and a friendly, open face. She embraced Dulcie warmly, exclaiming, ‘Dulcie dear, how elegant you look as always. Thank goodness the girls take after Gerald’s family and not mine, otherwise I’m afraid they’d have been short-changed on looks. And this must be Selina.’ She smiled at her. ‘Come on inside my dear, you must be dying for a cup of tea. You can’t know how relieved I am to see you. Forcing Gerald to rest has been sheer purgatory, but now that you’re here, that will be your task.’
Following the other two women inside, Selina paused to admire the polished floor of the hall. A copper bowl filled with flowers sat in the centre of a polished oak table. Sunlight danced in through the mullioned windows and a sense of peace seemed to reach out and enfold her the moment she walked inside.
‘Let’s go into the sitting room,’ Mary Harvey suggested, leading the way. ‘The drawing room faces north, unfortunately,’ she told Selina, ‘and it always looks terribly cold and unwelcoming. I remember the first time I saw your parents was in that room,’ she added to Dulcie. ‘I was most fearfully scared—especially of your mother.’
‘Yes. Gerald always was her favorite,’ Dulcie agreed with a chuckle. ‘I can remember the consternation it caused when Gerald wrote home that he intended to marry you. Our parents wanted him to qualify as a barrister before marrying, but he wasn’t prepared to wait. He was afraid of losing you to someone else.’
Mary’s smile was reminiscent… ‘We were far too young,’ she said softly. ‘It’s high time Piers found himself a wife,’ she added in a more astringent tone as she poured tea. ‘Don’t you think so, Selina?’
What on earth could she say? She was prevented from having to answer by Dulcie Gresham interrupting briskly, ‘I couldn’t agree with you more Mary. I want my grandchildren while I’m still young enough to enjoy them. I don’t suppose you’d care to take on the task, would you, Selina?’ she added with a twinkle in her eyes, adding for her sister-in-law’s benefit, ‘Sparks seem to fly every time Selina and Piers meet… I’m not quite sure why.’
Once again Selina was saved the necessity of replying, this time by the arrival of a tall, elegant woman in her early thirties, her similarity both to Piers and his mother making the relationship instantly obvious.
‘Ah, Helen my dear, come and meet Selina,’ her mother smiled. ‘Selina, this is my eldest daughter, Helen. She’s very kindly been helping me to look after Gerald.’
‘Yes…how is Sir Gerald?’ Selina asked quietly, exchanging smiles with Helen. ‘I wanted to telephone before, but I didn’t want to intrude.’
‘Nonsense,’ Dulcie said briskly. ‘Gerald thinks the world of you. I can’t remember when he last took to someone so much, can you Mary?’
‘No, I can’t,’ the other agreed warmly. ‘You can’t know what a relief it is to have someone here who can talk to him about his work and stop him from worrying. Of course he often discussed cases with Piers, but sometimes they argue, and then Gerald gets terribly upset.’
‘Because both of them are too pig-headed to give in,’ Helen said calmly. ‘No tea for me, mother,’ she interrupted as Mary started to pour an extra cup. ‘I’ve got to go and collect the boys from their tutor.’
‘How are the children? I’m looking forward to seeing them,’ Dulcie asked warmly.
Helen smiled wryly. ‘Not so bad. Both of them are flagging a little with their English, and having extra lessons during the holiday hasn’t gone down at all well, but it’s only another year until they start their “O” levels so they don’t have much choice.’
When Helen finished speaking Mary told Dulcie and Selina that some friends were coming round to dinner that evening.
‘They’re bringing their son with them,’ Mary added to Selina. ‘He’s newly back from Australia and recently divorced, poor man. I’m putting him next to you, Selina. I hope you don’t mind my making use of you in this way. Gerald says I’m to remember you’re here to help him, not to make up the numbers on my dinner table, so if you’d rather rest this evening?’
‘Not at all,’ Selina responded politely. She felt oddly drawn to her hostess, who seemed both genuinely warm-hearted and slightly shy. Neither glamorous nor elegant she nevertheless conveyed a warmth towards her that increased Selina’s guilt at her own deception. She would never have been accepted so readily by this family if they knew the truth; that she was the daughter of the woman who had come so close to wrecking the security of their home.
‘I’ll show you up to your room. Dulcie you’re in your usual,’ Mary told her with a smile, adding to Selina. ‘We’ve organised an office for Gerald in the room next to the one Piers normally uses when he comes here. The one good thing about this house is that at least we have plenty of space, and although Gerald normally uses the library when he works at home during the summer recess, Dr Glover thought it might be advisable if he didn’t have to cope with the stairs at this stage, so I’m afraid you’ll be doing a good deal of running up and down, as he keeps all his law books in the library.’
‘That’s what I’m here for,’ Selina reassured her with a smile.
Her room was at the end of the corridor; large and prettily furnished in a traditionally patterned Sanderson paper with matching curtains and covers. It looked out over the gardens and the river and then beyond to the small village, and it was equipped with its own bathroom; a bonus she had not expected.
‘We had them installed several years ago,’ Mary explained. ‘Fortunately most of these rooms had their own dressing rooms which we were able to convert. I’ll leave you to unpack, and if you like when you’re ready I’ll show you round. Gerald’s sleeping at the moment. Dr Glover’s prescribed a mild tranquilliser for him just for this week but he’ll be anxious to see you in the morning.’
‘Sir Gerald won’t be at dinner then?’
A flicker of pain showed in her hostess’s faded hazel eyes. ‘No, I’m afraid not,’ she agreed. ‘Dr Glover thought it might be too much for him at this stage, although he is permitted to get up for several hours each day. He gets so bored though, poor lamb—that’s where I’m hoping you’ll be able to help us—keep him occupied and stop him fretting about work.’
‘I’ll do my best,’ Selina assured her.
Now that she was here in her father’s home, she wasn’t sure what she felt… She liked Mary and she had been drawn to Helen, too, although she had sensed a reserve in the latter; a faint holding back, which could have been explained by her aunt’s comment earlier, or which might stem from something else.
Now we had met two of her half-sisters it gave her a brief stab of pain to know that only she knew of their relationship. Doubtless if they did know they would not want to acknowledge her.
CHAPTER SEVEN
‘SELINA, do come in and meet everyone.’
Mary had told her after her tour of the house that pre-dinner drinks would be served in the drawing room at seven-thirty, and she had waited several minutes after that time before going downstairs, not wanting to be the first in the room.
Helen and Dulcie she recognised, but not the man with them, who was probably Helen’s husband.
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br /> Mary had been talking to another couple when Selina walked in and she left them to welcome her into the room.
It was a slightly nerve-racking sensation; being the only stranger in this roomful of old friends, but they soon put her at her ease. Richard and Sonia Vaughan were a charming couple, who she learned farmed locally, and Alex, their son, tall with sun-streaked blonde hair, was a quiet man in his late thirties with a rather shy smile and a voice that held just a tinge of an Australian accent.
Mary’s other great love after her garden was cooking, Helen had told Selina before dinner, and certainly the meal she had provided for them was delicious. What a difference it made to taste home-grown, properly cooked vegetables, Selina marvelled, comparing their flavour to those she normally bought at her local supermarket. Although initially shy, Alex proved to be an amusing companion. He had come home to take over the management of his parents’ farm, he explained to Selina over their main course. ‘With a failed marriage behind me it made sense to have a fresh start.’ His voice was faintly bitter and Selina was instantly sympathetic, sensing that he had not yet come to terms with the loss of his wife.
‘The only good thing is that we didn’t have any children,’ he added. ‘Melanie, my wife, didn’t want them. She thought they would interfere with her career. You work for Sir Gerald I understand,’ he commented, changing the subject and smiling wryly. ‘I’m afraid I’m becoming something of a divorce bore.’
‘Not at all. It’s only natural to want to talk about it. I’m afraid we British as a rule tend to bottle up our feelings too much.’
‘Umm. I’m not altogether in favour of discussing one’s private business at the drop of a hat, but there’s something about you that encourages one to confide in you. You have a very sympathetic smile. I believe you’ll be staying here for most of the summer?’
‘That’s the plan at the moment,’ Selina concurred.
‘Then I wonder if you’d allow me to take you out for dinner one evening? I promise I won’t talk about my divorce all night if you agree,’ he added smiling at her.
Sensing that he would be hurt if she refused Selina said cautiously, ‘I’d like that very much, but as yet I’m not sure what my routine will be while I’m here, so could we leave it until I’m settled in?’
‘Of course, although I suspect once it gets around that there’s a beautiful blonde living in the area, I’ll have to stand in line for my date,’ he said ruefully.
After dinner they returned to the drawing room to chat and drink coffee, and once again Selina found she was made very welcome within the small, intimate circle of family and friends. At one point she found herself chatting to Helen and her husband Mike. Dulcie had described Helen as the most reserved of the sisters.
‘We’re all so relieved that you agreed to come down here,’ she told Selina as they drank their coffee. ‘Daddy’s done nothing but sing your praises since you went to work for him. He says you’re wasted working as a mere PA and we all feel that now that you’re here to take charge of his precious files, he’ll be able to relax a bit more. What made you choose to work in a barrister’s chambers?’ she added curiously. ‘I mean, they pay their staff notoriously poorly, and with your skills surely industry…’
‘I’ve always been fascinated by the law,’ Selina broke in quickly. ‘I would have loved to train for the bar, but as I was saying earlier, financially it just wasn’t possible.’
‘No, of course not, Daddy was telling us that you were orphaned very young.’
Helen’s ready sympathy made Selina feel acutely uncomfortable. She hated the way she was having to deceive these people and yet what else could she do. How would they feel if they knew the truth? They certainly wouldn’t want to make her welcome among them then! The habit of concealing the details of her birth was so ingrained in her that normally she rarely gave it a second thought, but now, suddenly, it was being brought home to her just exactly what she was doing.
WHEN Selina was summoned to Sir Gerald’s presence the next morning it was to find him sitting up in a large leather chair, in the room adjacent to his bedroom, which had been turned into a study for him, looking so fit and well that Selina found it almost impossible to believe that he had virtually just come out of hospital.
‘There’s no need to look at me like that,’ he told her dryly, ‘I won’t melt. All this fuss and bother…’ He gave a brief snort. ‘Ridiculous…these doctors, nothing but a load of old women… Now, let’s get down to some work.’
Despite his assertion that there was absolutely nothing wrong with him, Selina soon discovered that he tired fast, even though he did not want to admit it. Pain and love mingled inside her as she watched him. He was her father and she had come to care for him with a depth she would never have thought possible. She ached for the relationship with him that she had been denied and yet was logical and fairminded enough to admit that it was probably better that she, one child, should have suffered, especially as she had never known him as a father, than that three other children should have been robbed of a parent.
‘You’re looking very pensive, something wrong?’
She shook her head and smiled briefly, taking advantage of his concern to say lightly, ‘I’m just tired…the drive down here yesterday wore me out.’
The grey eyebrows rose, but he made no comment, instead dismissing her with the advice that she go and stretch her legs. It was close to lunch time but still within the two hours Mary had warned her was all Sir Gerald’s doctor was going to allow him to spend on work each day.
He didn’t join the rest of the family for lunch and Mary was also missing.
‘Mother is having lunch upstairs with Daddy,’ Helen explained with a smile. ‘She adores him and always has done…too much I sometimes think… What will you do with the rest of your day?’
‘I’ve got some phone calls to make for Sir Gerald and some information to dig out, so I think I’ll take myself off to the library after lunch and get on with it in there.’
‘Well, do try to join us at four for a cup of tea. We don’t expect you to work every hour God sends while you’re here you know. We’ll be more than happy if you can just keep Daddy from exhausting himself.’
A week passed in the same leisurely, relaxed fashion as the first day. Selina was now familiar with both the layout of the house and its gardens; she had driven into the nearby town and explored its narrow medieval streets and the ruins of its once proud castle. Dulcie had returned to London and the doctor had called and had pronounced himself pleased with his patient’s progress.
She should have been pleasantly content Selina acknowledged, but she wasn’t. Seeing her father against the background of his home and family had aroused all the envy she had known as a child, although in a much milder vein and her heart ached as she wondered if he ever spared a thought for her; the child he had fathered but never known. Why should he, she told herself sternly; he didn’t want you…you weren’t conceived with his consent…you were conceived because your mother wanted to use you to force his hand…why should he spare you any thoughts…any time…any emotion.
She found her self-inflicted misery so depressing that when Alex Vaughan telephoned and asked her out to dinner she accepted.
‘Marvellous. I’ll pick you up around eight, if that’s okay with you?’
It was, and although Selina had had all her evenings free since her arrival at Homings, she nevertheless checked with Mary that it would be all right for her to be out that night.
‘My dear of course it’s all right,’ her hostess told her. ‘I’m so glad you’re going out. I feel terribly guilty because it must be so dull for you down here, away from London.’
‘Not at all, I love it,’ Selina told her truthfully. ‘I feel guilty because I’m doing so little work.’
‘You’re stopping Gerald from over-tiring himself and exhausting his nervous energy worrying about work,’ Mary told her quietly, ‘and I can’t tell you what a relief that is to me. You go out on
your date and enjoy yourself. I’ll leave the front door unlocked for you, so don’t worry about getting in at any particular time. Alex Vaughan is a nice boy, although I never took to his wife… Poor Alex, I think he was rather dazzled by her; she was extremely beautiful, but definitely not cut out to be a farmer’s wife.’
Selina wasn’t sure where Alex intended taking her, and since Mary insisted she was to have the afternoon off, she decided to drive into Meltham to see if she could find a new outfit dressy enough for evening wear and a dinner date without being too fussy.
She found what she was looking for in a small boutique down a narrow side street. A misty lilac-blue silk dress with thin shoe string straps and a slim skirt that clung lovingly to her hips and thighs. The jacket that went with it added a touch of formality that she welcomed, and it was an added bonus to discover that because it was in a small size the price had been marked down slightly. It wasn’t like anything else she had in her wardrobe, being far more frivolous and feminine than the clothes she normally bought. It suited her though, and on some impulse she couldn’t define she went into a hairdressers she had noticed on her first visit to the town and had her hair shaped and layered into a style that allowed her to retain its length while encouraging it to curl slightly—something that its previous heaviness had prevented.
The stylist complimented her on its sheen and colour adding that he had very few clients with such naturally fair hair. Selina had always thought it insipid. She would have preferred to have been dark. She trembled slightly, suddenly remembering the thick, soft feel of Piers’ hair beneath her fingers. Piers. He was never out of her thoughts. When was he coming back from New York? When would she see him again? What did it matter? She had no future with him…he didn’t love…couldn’t love her.
ALEX called for her at eight as he had promised, his eyes lighting up appreciatively when she opened the door for him.