by Penny Jordan
He bent his head, his hand cupping her breasts, his tongue painting delicate circles of delight round first one erect nipple and then the other, until she trembled in aching need, winding her fingers into his hair. His hands moulded and shaped the swollen fullness of her breasts, his breath exploding on a harsh sound of pleasure as Selina arched upwards, inviting him to taste and pleasure the deep pink buds of flesh he had aroused. His mouth burned against her skin, the grate of his teeth against the sensitive flesh a fierce throb of delight.
When his mouth sucked rhythmically on the tender crest of her breast Selina felt pangs of aching need spread out from it to the pit of her stomach, her whole body aching with need for him, the small whimpers of pleasure she couldn’t stem, filling the silence of the room. When Piers released her breasts, returning to plunder her mouth, she clung eagerly to him, her hands stroking down over his body, her hips writhing instinctively against the hard pressure of his. When his hands slid from her waist to her bottom, holding her intimately against him, she gasped in aching need, pressing moist kisses along the column of his throat, feeling the muscles ridge beneath her mouth. His hand, caressing the smooth line of her thigh, made her ache with longing for his possession.
When he moved away from her, she shivered in intense disappointment, instinctively fearing his rejection, reaching up towards him and scattering impassioned kisses against his shoulders and chest. When her mouth brushed the hard nub of his nipple he muttered her name rawly, winding his fingers into her hair and imprisoning her against his body. His ‘God yes…touch me there,’ made her pulses race in feverish excitement, her tongue brushing tormentingly against the hard nub of flesh until he cried out, gripping the soft skin of her upper arms, his body shuddering convulsively as she repeated her caress against his other nipple.
Lost in her sensual exploration of his body, Selina was dimly aware of his hand stroking delicately along her inner thigh, but when he touched her more intimately, caressing the inner core of her femininity, pleasure exploded inside her, her teeth biting passionately into his skin, her hand finding his hard maleness and caressing it tentatively at first and then more urgently as Piers ignited in her body a wild feverish need to be filled completely by the maleness of him.
The touch of his mouth against her inner thigh made her shudder with renewed pleasure, even whilst she tried to push him away; shy of the intense intimacy of his caress.
‘Your skin feels like silk.’ The warmth of his breath against her body sent tiny thrills of pleasure darting through her. She loved him so much… An aching pain dragged inside her and she shivered, but not in passion this time. Piers didn’t love her. Where it had been soft and pliant her body was now strangely stiff and resistant.
‘What’s wrong?’
She could see Piers frowning slightly as he released her. Her tongue seemed to have swollen in her mouth, making it impossible for her to speak. How could she explain that she loved him and that because of that the thought of him making love to her simply to appease his desire was suddenly almost nauseating? She wanted him to want her for the same reason she wanted him. What she wanted was something she would never have, she told herself sardonically, but it was impossible to recapture her earlier mood…her intense sexual desire was gone, leaving in its place a deep sense of self-revulsion.
She shivered beneath the oppressive weight of it, as Piers released her and then turned to study her. All desire had fled from his face too, his eyes starkly bitter. ‘I don’t know what sort of game you think you’re playing,’ he began, pulling on his trousers, and throwing her own clothes towards her, ‘but…’ His head turned sharply towards the door, his forehead creasing in a frown. Like someone turned to stone, Selina grasped her clothes protectively in front of her as the door swung open and her father walked inside, coming to an abrupt halt as he realised that Piers was not alone.
He must have said something to Piers, but Selina was too heart-sick and filled with self-disgust to register what it was. The moment they were alone and the door closed, she turned on Piers, her face as white as her underclothes, her eyes blazing with a bitterness she didn’t bother to hide as she said tensely, ‘I suppose you planned that didn’t you… You wanted him to see me like this…to…’
‘To what?’ Piers was now as angry as she was herself, his mouth compressed in a cruelly savage line. ‘To realise that he isn’t your only lover? Why did you let me take you to bed, Selina? Fancied a second string to your bow did you, and didn’t anticipate being caught with me by your other lover? Get out,’ he told her thickly. ‘Get out of here before I throw you out.’
He turned his back on her while she pulled on her clothes, with fingers that were suddenly numb. Her embarrassment at being faced with Sir Gerald in such an obviously compromising situation had simply been that of any daughter found in bed with her lover by her father, but Piers had totally misread the reasons behind her emotional outburst. Bitterness welled up inside her. Let him think what he wished about her… She didn’t care any longer… She didn’t care about anything any longer. Knowing only that she couldn’t bear to stay in the house a moment longer, she fled from Piers’ room and headed down the narrow flight of back stairs into the garden.
CHAPTER EIGHT
THE heat outside was oppressive, but Selina ignored it, wandering feverishly into the more remote parts of the garden. More than anything else she wanted to escape; to close her eyes and find herself back in her own small flat…back in time, in fact, to before she had ever contemplated going for that fateful interview. If she could only have that time over again how differently she would react. She shivered suddenly despite the heat. How could she face Piers after what had happened between them? How could she face her father?
She would have to face them, she told herself bitterly; and since that was the case she might as well face them as bravely as she could. Piers could not have made his lack of love for her more clear if he had shouted it from the rooftops, what in another man might have been excused on the grounds of intense jealousy could only, in him, be another indication of his contempt for her. How could he believe she could respond to him as passionately as she had done and yet still be involved with Sir Gerald?
Sick at heart she retraced her steps towards the house, slowing tensing when she saw Piers standing by the door she had come through, a deep frown creasing his forehead. Her pulse rate increased in direct ratio to her slowing footsteps, her heart thumping heavily. What was Piers doing here? Surely not waiting for her? Moistening dry lips Selina forced herself to move forward. Piers saw her and just for a moment the expression in his eyes puzzled her, but he masked it quickly, his voice almost curt as he demanded. ‘What the hell was all that about?’ He reached over to grasp her arm, but she evaded him, sliding sideways past him and into the house, welcoming the footsteps on the narrow stairs that warned him that they were not alone.
‘Ah Selina, my dear, there you are.’ Mary beamed at her, apparently completely oblivious to the tension in the atmosphere. ‘Gerald was just asking where you were.’
‘I’ll go up to him now.’ Much as she dreaded the embarrassment of facing her father, anything was better than standing here and being forced to endure any more of Piers’ insults.
Sir Gerald smiled warmly as she walked into the room, his smile fading a little as he took in her pallor, and the bruised vulnerability of her eyes.
‘Selina, my dear, come and sit down.’
When she shook her head and moved instead to the desk, picking up the nearest file, bending her head so that the smooth fall of her hair hid her expression from him, he added quietly, ‘Please do not be embarrassed—if anyone was at fault it was me. I should have known better than to simply barge in like that.’
There was a moment’s silence when Selina could not bear to look at him and then she heard him say diffidently, ‘Selina, please don’t think I’m interfering, or in any way disapproving, but you’ve come to mean a good deal to me in the short time we’ve known one another
…in a purely avuncular fashion, I hasten to add,’ he inserted holding up his hand to prevent Selina from speaking. ‘Are you in love with my nephew?’
The question was so unexpected that for a moment Selina didn’t know what to say. ‘Why should I be,’ she asked a little bitterly at last. ‘He isn’t in love with me.’
‘My dear, any fool, even an old fool like me, can see that you’re not the sort of girl who spends her life hopping in and out of young men’s beds. There is an air about you that is, for lack of a better description, almost virginal.’ This time his smile was faintly wry. ‘You’ll have to forgive me for speaking to you like a Dutch Uncle, but in a way I feel responsible for what has happened.’ He frowned slightly, ‘It’s just that Piers normally confines his romantic pursuits to women rather more sophisticated than you are yourself. I know I shouldn’t interfere… I don’t know why I am doing really, except that I was hurt very badly myself once and I’m fond enough of you not to want to see you going through what I endured. Piers hasn’t had a very easy life,’ he added abruptly. ‘He lost his father at a very early age and then something happened which scarred him badly and for which I fear I’m very much to blame.’ He turned slightly away from her as though faintly embarrassed and Selina felt her heart start to pound unsteadily. Instinct told her that she was about to discover the truth about his involvement with her mother and she held her breath, uncertain as to whether or not she wanted him to go on.
‘It’s no great secret that many years ago I was involved with another woman—it made front-page headlines at the time, although I doubt you will be able to remember them, you couldn’t have been much more than a baby, if that. I thought myself so deeply in love that nothing else mattered save being with this other woman. My wife knew of my affair—I didn’t make any attempt to hide it from her. Our marriage had been a good one; indeed a happy one…we had three lovely daughters, and our life together had fallen into a comfortable pattern. I was nearly forty—just a little older than Piers is now, and he was, oh, about eight I suppose. After his father’s death he looked to me as the main male figure in his life, and I was very fond of him, for his own sake, not just because he was my sister’s child. In many ways I suppose Piers is the son I never had. He looked up at me…hero-worshipped me in a way I suppose. He was away at boarding school at the time and in a moment of self-conceit I’ve long since regretted I took the woman I was involved with down to the school with me one weekend. We took Piers out to lunch, and it pleased me to see how easily my ladyfriend charmed him, here at least was one member of my family who wasn’t turning against me, or so it seemed at the time.
‘What cruel fools men can be when they deceive themselves. It wasn’t the only visit we paid Piers… His school was in the Yorkshire Dales with a delightful hotel nearby… I didn’t intentionally draw him into what was happening, but he was drawn in…and I suspect just as I was besotted so was he in his own boyish way, but of course he didn’t realise the real nature of our relationship. She was just a friend of mine whom he’d met. I didn’t swear him to secrecy or anything like that. It didn’t seem necessary, and when my sister came to see me and asked that I didn’t go to see him again unless I was on my own, it took some time for me to realise what had happened, and that Piers had written to his mother in all innocence telling her about my friend and how charming she was. When she found out she was bitterly furious. She’d make the little sneak sorry, she told me. I’d never seen her like that before. It shocked me…brought me back to reality perhaps, I don’t know.’
Selina could well imagine her mother’s reaction. She had never liked losing an admirer no matter how young or how old. Her heart contracted with pity for Piers, her love for him making it easy for her to picture the idealistic boy he had been… Oh, how her mother would have revelled in that childish hero-worship and how furious she must have been at Piers’ innocent betrayal.
‘Unknown to me she went up to the school… She had been there before with me and the headmaster at first saw nothing wrong in permitting her to take Piers out for the afternoon. It was only later when the boy returned alone, obviously shocked and distressed, that he telephoned me and I discovered what had happened.
‘Of course I tackled her about it the moment she arrived back in town. “Someone had to tell the little brat a few home truths,” was all she would say in response to my questions and when I eventually got to talk to Piers he wouldn’t say a word about what had happened. My guess is that she was cruelly unkind to him, and I suspect that incident has cast a shadow over all his involvements with your sex. I don’t think he’s ever truly come to terms with her cruelty…. Of course when he realised the truth he was doubly bitter. He felt that by allowing himself to be bedazzled by her he had betrayed my wife and his cousins…it took him a long time to come to terms with what had happened just as it did me…’
‘You parted from this woman then?’ Selina didn’t know how she managed to ask the question. Her mouth was dry with tension, a deep inner need to know if he had ever given a thought to her all through the intervening years over-riding her sympathy for Piers momentarily.
‘Yes…but not without a good deal of heartsearching. You see by this time she was carrying my child. In those days abortions were illegal, and even if one could have been procured, I doubt I would have been able to accede to the destruction of my own child.’
‘But you don’t…you don’t see her at all?’
If he had noticed her slip in betraying her knowledge of the sex of his illegitimate child, he obviously wasn’t going to mention it. His voice was taut with tension as he said slowly, ‘No… No…we…that is her mother and I decided that it was best for her sake if there was no contact between us. Besides I owed it to my wife and existing family to cause them as little additional pain as possible. I had already hurt them so much… At the time it seemed the most sensible thing to do…to give up all claim to her…’
‘Have you ever regretted it?’ Selina’s voice was husky; fraught with deep tension. Neither of them seemed to be aware of the intensely personal nature their conversation had taken; both of them too involved in what they were feeling to speak dishonestly.
‘Many times… Every time I look at a pretty girl like you Selina I wonder about my own child…if she hates me…if she thinks of me at all…if she even knows that I exist, and I pray that if she does she forgives me…’
‘For what? Giving her life?’ As the words of comfort left her lips, Selina knew suddenly, blindingly, that she meant them; that all her bitterness was gone, washed away in the sure flood of knowledge that thanks to this man she possessed the great gift of life…
She was healthy; intelligent and free…what greater gifts could any father give his daughter? It was as though a huge burden had suddenly been lifted from her shoulders. She felt tears sting her eyes and brushed them away with the back of her hand.
‘You’re crying.’
There was curiosity as well as caring in his voice and Selina tensed instinctively. She was still not ready to reveal the truth and probably never would be now. It was enough that she knew herself loved, no matter how remotely.
‘Piers thinks we’re lovers.’ She blurted out the first excuse that sprang to her lips and saw Sir Gerald frown in disbelief.
‘It’s true,’ she cried wildly. ‘He thinks I’m some sort of adventuress bent on finding myself a wealthy lover…’
‘Most illogical of him,’ was Sir Gerald’s initial comment. ‘Why on earth should he make such a ridiculous assumption… Ridiculous in that a pretty, intelligent young girl like you would even look at an old man like me,’ he explained tightly.
‘He thinks I’m motivated by money…greed,’ Selina explained. She would have said more but the telephone shrilled and Sir Gerald went to answer it.
By the time he had finished Selina had had time to collect herself, her expression calm and slightly wary. ‘I think I’ll go for a walk before dinner,’ she told him lightly.
He didn’t ar
gue, but simply looked rather intently at her. ‘Yes…’ he said at last, ‘but don’t go too far. They’re forecasting thunder and it’s been very oppressive all day. There’s a very pleasant walk along the river bank which I always find particularly soothing when I’ve got something on my mind. Something to do with the movement of the water, I suspect.’
Giving him a brief smile, Selina opened the door.
She didn’t see anyone as she headed for the river bank, for which she was extremely thankful. Still intensely keyed up from Piers’ lovemaking and harsh rejection, it was hard for her to absorb all that Sir Gerald had told her. He had been scrupulous in avoiding laying all the blame for their affair on her mother’s shoulders and for that alone she would have loved him, but his evident concern and anguish over the child he had fathered, so different from the emotions she had thought her conception had aroused within him for so many years, were something she was finding it hard to come to terms with. There was pleasure in the knowledge of course, but there was also pain and anguish…sorrow too in having to acknowledge that there was no other decision he could have made in the circumstances. An adult’s perception of life differed vastly from a child’s and having met Mary she could well understand that he would have been loathe to cause her additional pain and humiliation.