“Told me?” She raised her head, but he dropped a quick, fierce kiss on her lips and then went on. “If that night meant nothing to you, if you could walk away from it with a cold little thank-you letter, then maybe Alec was right. Maybe you were a manipulative bitch, after all. And if I followed, I'd be inviting you to make me your tame lapdog forever, make me as miserable as you'd made him. As I thought you had."
“It wasn't that! I was terrified that it would be just the same as with Alec, only worse, because ... because I'd never felt as deeply for him,” she finished. “And you'd be punishing me twice over—for what you thought I'd done to him, and because you despised me at the same time that you wanted me. I knew you felt guilty. It seemed an impossibly risky basis for a relationship. Eventually we'd destroy each other.” She caught at the lapels of his jacket. “And you hadn't said you loved me. Never!"
“I did! When I called you the next day! The last thing that I said to you was, ‘I love you.’”
“I didn't catch it. I was already putting down the phone."
He stared. Then he said a word that made her blink. “Sorry!” he muttered. “Of all the stupid ... how could I be such a fool! But I do love you. I knew that night on the island that I loved you, even though I'd been fighting it for so long. And I thought you loved me. I believed in you utterly then, without understanding anything about Alec and you. I knew in my bones that you couldn't be the person he had portrayed in his letters. Then, when I thought you'd walked out just as though I didn't matter, it threw me right back to square one. I decided I'd allowed you to fool me, that you weren't worth anything. Only ... your ghost was always there, haunting the place. And, rationalise as I might, I could never quite convince my heart. Then after talking to Steven, I saw there was another meaning to Alec's last letter. Things began to fall into place. And I realised something else. When I was staying at your house that time, he was testing us—our loyalty to him. Remember how he kept throwing us together at every opportunity? It wasn't natural. He was torturing himself with possibilities. He must have been torn apart, wondering.... It was twisted, and somehow incredibly sad."
“Poor Alec.” Celeste shivered in his arms, and they tightened about her.
“If you can forgive me,” he said, “if you can believe that I'll never doubt you again—and I swear that's over—I want us to be together forever. I want to marry you, Celeste. Please say yes. Please."
“Yes."
He looked at first as though he hadn't heard. Then he said, “Just like that?"
“What more do you want?” she asked reasonably.
“More? No more! It's enough. It's plenty! It's a hell of a lot more than I had any right to even hope for! I'll get a licence tomorrow. Wear that dress for me when you marry me ... would you, please?"
She nodded.
“And you don't mind getting married quickly?” he asked anxiously.
“I couldn't bear to wait."
“I don't deserve you,” he said with something like awe. “I know I don't, but I'm so thankful that you're willing to have me.” He kissed her as though he was performing an act of worship, and then kissed her again, quite differently.
It would never last, she thought, before thought ceased altogether, but she was rather enjoying all this unwonted humility. It was so unlike him.
It lasted though, until their wedding day. There were few guests, and afterwards Aunt Ellie served them a magnificent meal. For once she decided the occasion warranted a late night, and it was midnight before Ethan and Celeste were dismissed and were able to go back to Celeste's house.
“I can't believe this,” Ethan said, putting her on her feet after sweeping her into his arms to cross the doorstep. “I thought I'd have to beg you, convince you that I'll never treat you badly again, that I can keep my insane jealousy in check, that I'll never, never be suspicious. I came to Auckland prepared to woo you, persuade you what a reasonable human being I really am, and then when I heard you were going to that ball with Grant Morrison I practically forced Rennie's father to buy me a ticket, just so I could watch the two of you. Do you know, I almost had myself convinced that if he meant something to you, if I thought he'd make you a better husband—he probably would, too—I'd walk away."
Celeste was laughing. “And instead, you practically kidnapped me from under his nose. And what was all that about making me jealous? Rennie seems to think our marriage is entirely her doing."
“Sharp as a brass tack, that girl. She took one look at me looking at you, and cottoned on straight away. Thought she'd help things along. Why are we standing here like this? Can I please take you to bed?"
“Will you promise,” she asked, linking her hands about his neck, “to repeat that offer every night of my life?"
“Every night,” he vowed, and as she slid her fingers into his hair, he kissed her deeply, his hands running down over the beautiful dress to draw her closer. “This dress,” he muttered, “seems terribly flimsy. I'd hate to tear it. But I love the way I can feel your body through it."
She wondered if he could feel the sudden heat that coursed through her. “It doesn't allow,” she said, kissing his jaw as his head moved to nuzzle her neck, “for much in the way of underclothes."
She certainly felt what that did to him, and caught her breath as he nipped gently at her earlobe. “Show me,” he growled, “before I tear it off you and have my wicked way."
“I will,” she said softly. “I promise. Come with me.” And she led him into the darkened passageway and all the way to her bedroom.
* * *
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A Guilty Passion Page 22