“I’m thankful you didn’t use some awful language to say what you just said.”
“She got pretty close, to my mind. Gracelyn, what’s got into you?”
“Rebecca, I haven’t really talked to anyone over fifteen for weeks, so you all should allow me some adult conversation. I’m younger than you, but I’ve been an adult woman for a long time.”
“Yes, indeed. No arguing that,” Rebecca replied to her. “And you’re right, Wayne has a very nice build.”
“A nice butt,” Gracelyn said with emphasis. “Plus, he’s a real nice color. Kind of a burnished tan. Have you looked at that man’s arms? I love men’s arms.”
Rebecca shook her head, understanding Gracelyn was on a roll.
“Of course he’s real lucky to have you, Claudia.”
“I’m sure he knows that, dear,” Claudia replied. “And, yes, I have looked at his arms. I think I told you all I was in his arms.”
Gracelyn giggled, then went on.
“You know, I have a theory. Men of a certain age either stay looking good or they start to go down. Have you noticed that? Wayne is one of those men who is always going to be handsome. Partly because he has a good spirit. That shines through.”
“You always amaze me, Gracelyn,” Rebecca said thoughtfully. “Those are wise observations.”
“I am a writer. I observe.”
“Of course. That makes sense to me. What did you observe about Randall Leighton?”
“You mean that doctor? Rebecca, I’m glad you asked. He’s quite a character. Sort of wild and refined at the same time. A lot of depth there, a lot of passion. Are you going to say why you asked about him?”
Claudia began speaking before Rebecca could answer Gracelyn’s forthright probe.
“Rebecca, I didn’t want to bring this up, but that night he stayed here during the storm, the whole time we were eating dessert, he kept turning his head to look at you, whether you were talking or not. Now, I didn’t want to jump to conclusions, but it seemed to me there was something brewing, at least on his end.”
“He keeps in touch.”
“What kind of touch?”
“Gracelyn!” Rebecca playfully slapped Gracelyn’s thigh. “I can see right now no one is safe from your questions. There’s really not much to tell.”
“Do you mean he isn’t your type?” Claudia asked with sincerity.
“I’m not sure I have a ‘type.’ ”
“Sure you do, Rebecca.” Gracelyn challenged. “Just think about it. What do you notice most about a man? What makes a man attractive in your eyes?”
“I’ve been married so long, I haven’t thought about it recently. I like large hands.”
“Is that all?”
“Hands are important, Gracelyn. And long fingers.”
“Rebecca, you’re boring.”
“I’ll admit to that.”
“Rebecca’s not boring at all. She’s just not as verbal about things as you are,” Claudia protested.
“What you should say, Claudia, is I don’t have Gracelyn’s powers of description.”
Rebecca’s mind was somewhat eased, thinking that with the scandal brewing around the Wilsons, she might be able to keep her trip to Leighton’s clinic to herself. She had rather not breach Julia’s privacy, even after she left town.
Gracelyn’s high-energy voice broke through her thoughts.
“He did seem very cerebral. That would be a good match for you, Rebecca, that is, if you’re looking. I’m certainly not. I think I’m going to be on vacation from men for a long time.”
“Well, you certainly can be if you wish. Give yourself time to heal. But then again, don’t rule anything out.”
“That’s right, Gracelyn. Rebecca told me a few weeks ago to keep my hands open for the universe to drop something in it.”
“Sometimes I hate men. They seem to be all the same.”
“Believe me, Gracelyn, they’re not, just like we’re not. You’ll find your soul mate after you find yourself again. You’ve just been offtrack for a while and Bernard is still not gone from your thoughts. Can you be a little patient? All that pain will ease in time, and you’ll be a new person.”
“Rebecca, it’s so hard.”
“Well, like anything else, take it a step at a time. You stay up in Chicago as long as you like. Claudia, are you planning to stay the week?”
“Yes, I want to take Herbert shopping. I thought he might like some new clothes. He’s a handsome young man.”
She cleared her throat.
“Did I mention that Wayne is going to drive his van up on Thursday and spend the night? He’s offered to drive us all back Friday.”
“That should work out well.” Rebecca’s mind was on what she would say at the trustee meeting two days from now.
“Claudia, I think Herbert has a crush on you. When we were rehearsing the play he asked me, ‘How’s Miss Claudia?’ more than once.”
“Oh, that’s sweet. I’d love to have a son like him. He’s so brave about his handicap, like he doesn’t even notice it. And he’s bright.”
“Won’t Herbert be jealous of Wayne?”
“Gracelyn, hush. I think they’ll get on fine. You’re just trying to torture me. Herbert’s a boy, and remember, he’s an orphan. He likes me because I mother him and he’s grateful that I bought him new glasses. Raphaela has so many children over there, she can’t get to them all.”
“You know, that’s true. Claudia,” Rebecca traveled back from her disquieting reverie. “I think I’ll see if Herbert can come over for a few weeks until school starts and take Jake outside for walks. He won’t have much company with Timothy gone, and Herbert might enjoy making a little money.”
“That’s a wonderful idea, Rebecca. I like having him around.”
“Claudia, you all right about tomorrow?” Gracelyn asked her sister, her tone shifting.
“I’m fine. There’s a lot I don’t understand. But I’m fine. I wonder how he’s going to feel when he realizes where he is, and for the rest of his life, he’ll be alone. I wonder if he will live long enough to face his demons. He’s as much a stranger to himself as he is to me. I wonder if the people there can do anything for him. It’s over for me. But for him, it may just be beginning.”
“Girl, we’ll just pray,” Rebecca said softly. “We did as much as we could. We did our duty. Don’t dwell on it too much.”
“You know, this sounds terrible. But there are days when I don’t even give Bernard a thought. It seems so far away when we were together, almost like another life. But then other times, I start crying and I can’t stop. I don’t know if I’m crying for something I lost, or because I’m afraid of what I have to do for myself. Most of the time, I’m betwixt and between.”
“Gracelyn, that’s growing pains. You and Claudia, the three of us, we know what’s behind us, we know that pain. But we don’t know what’s ahead of us, and even if we think it can’t be any worse, well, we can’t be certain. It hurts to start over, it just seems like more pain. We have to keep telling ourselves everything’s going to work out, and keep going. Sometime next week, we’ll visit Bernard. He probably won’t last long. So, Gracelyn, that will save you the trouble of explaining anything to anyone about your feelings for him. You’ll be free to be with someone else or not. Remember, I always said the menfolk will see us on a regular basis once they’re put away. But Claudia, since you’re going to divorce Timothy, you can really let that go, and you and Wayne can continue to be out in the open. I don’t think we’ll hear anything back from the churchwomen, since as far as they’re concerned, you walk on water. With Pastor having his troubles, I don’t think we’ll hear anything from the men. If there’s a need, Gracelyn or I can run up to Briney Memorial and bring back a report to the congregation. After we take Jake to Sacred Lamb, I’ll visit him often enough. I won’t mind that.”
“Will Randall mind?” Gracelyn was curious, realizing she knew very little about the workings of Rebecca’s heart.
“Maybe not. I’ll invite him to go with me. It’s not like Jake will know the difference.”
“That’s true. Rebecca, will you divorce Jake?”
“I’m planning to. On paper, anyway.”
“I see. He wasn’t really a bad husband, was he, Rebecca? He didn’t seem to be. It’s just that he had that accident.”
“Gracelyn, you’re prying. Give Rebecca some privacy.”
“I’m sorry, Rebecca.”
“That’s all right. Jake worked very hard. I know he wanted to make me happy.”
“Don’t you wonder why our lives weren’t different? Why it had to be so hard for the three of us?”
“Gracelyn, it’s harder for a lot of people than it’s been for us. What we have to remember is, it won’t be so hard now. It was just hard being wives.”
The three sat silently, reflecting on Rebecca’s last words.
“Good morning. I couldn’t sleep.”
The Cates sisters turned their heads around all at once to see Julia Wilson standing beneath the archway of the kitchen door.
“Come in, Julia. I just mentioned to Claudia and Gracelyn that you were here. Gracelyn promised us some pancakes, so I hope you can eat something.”
Claudia sprang to her feet and pulled out a chair. Taking Julia by the hand, she spoke soothingly to her.
“Sit right here. Once you eat something, you’ll probably sleep like a rock. Can I get you some coffee?”
“Oh, no thanks. Rebecca gave me coffee earlier. But I would love some warm milk if it’s not too much trouble.”
“No trouble at all.” Claudia darted to fetch a large ceramic mug from an overhead cabinet and milk from the refrigerator.
“We’re happy to have you with us this morning. I told my sisters you were headed to Ohio. So just relax, and don’t think about anything except a nice hot bath and getting some rest.” Rebecca smiled gently at their visitor. “Claudia, Julia told me she left everything behind, so I thought we’d pack a bag for her.”
“That’s a wonderful idea, Rebecca. Julia, you tell me if this is too hot. And I went ahead and sprinkled some nutmeg on top.”
Julia tested the milk. “This is just fine.” She sipped slowly from her mug.
“Right after we eat, I’ll take you upstairs and you can go shopping in my closets. I love doing makeovers,” Claudia said as she resettled herself at the table.
“Claudia, don’t get carried away. Julia might not want a makeover, just a few things so she can travel fresh.”
“Well, really, a makeover sounds kind of good.”
“Great!” Claudia said happily. “Honey, looking good is always the best revenge.”
Julia smiled. “I did want to talk,” she said, looking directly at Rebecca.
“Just so long as you know everything you say stays in this room,” Rebecca replied.
“That’s right, Julia. We’ve all been there,” Gracelyn said softly, turning from the counter and pausing from stirring pancake batter.
“I don’t mind talking to all of you. I admire all of you a great deal. I’ve never been close to women who were really sure of themselves, who did spectacular things. When I came to this town two years ago, the first thing I noticed was the three of you sitting together in church service, so dignified. It wasn’t just that you drove up in a Mercedes and lived in a fine house. It was how the three of you always were so easy talking with everybody, like you made up your own minds and didn’t wait for a man to tell you what to say, and how everybody respected you. Even if people were envious of what you had, they respected you. Now, since Claudia started speaking out Sunday mornings and invited the churchwomen to her marvelous tea and Gracelyn did that play, you don’t hear anything but good things. My husband, he’s not the kind of man who would ever let a woman hold her head up.”
“Do you have any sisters, Julia? That’s meant a great deal to us.”
“I do, yes. One sister and two daughters. They’ve wanted me to leave my marriage for a long time. I guess I’ll have to figure out why I stayed so long.”
“Don’t be too hard on yourself. At least you’re moving forward now,” Rebecca said gently.
“I’m very happy being around my daughters. I know I’ll see more of them away from their father. I should have protected them more. Things could have turned out very badly for them. I guess I’ll have to figure that out too.”
“Julia.” Rebecca said firmly. “Do you realize how many women never do what you’re doing? That says a lot. Please keep that in mind. It just so happens that the three of us always had more money than our husbands, so we didn’t ever have to kowtow to them the way a lot of women do. None of us wanted to walk away from our marriages. The reason we can now is we’ve decided to let go of anything that doesn’t bring us peace of mind. You’re a lot stronger than you think, because you’re starting out with nothing. Pretty soon, you’re going to know yourself in a whole new way. You won’t even recognize the new Julia.”
Julia smiled. “I’ve been thinking about that a lot. I already feel different. I was trained as a nurse, but I think I might go back to school. I’ve always been interested in learning foreign languages. When I sat less than six feet away from Hillary Clinton, I just decided anything was possible.”
“Anything is.” Rebecca paused for a moment. “Gracelyn, do you need some help with the food?”
“No, I’m just keeping the pancakes warm while I scramble some eggs. You sound hungry, Rebecca.”
“I am, at that. I waited to eat so we could all have breakfast together. Julia, you know I’ll be at that trustee meeting tomorrow night. Is there anything you want me to say to them about your leaving?”
“I was just thinking about that. If you don’t mind, I’d like to write a letter to the trustees. There are some things they need to know about church business. My husband stole money. Always a little at a time, but steady. He bought things for our house, expensive things, and wrote them down as expenditures for the sanctuary. I know exactly what those things are and I can list them. Also, he’s had at least two girlfriends in the congregation since we’ve been here. I don’t know how you feel about naming names, but at this point, I’ll just write it all down and you do what you think best. One of the women left town. The reason he was so hard on that Bartleson girl was because her mother, Amelia, turned him down. When he doesn’t get things his way, you can’t put too much past him.”
“My Lord.” Rebecca shook her head.
“I don’t know how you say this to a roomful of men, but maybe it needs to be said. I couldn’t do some of the things he wanted me to do, things the Bible talks against. But I did agree to have breast surgery. I thought it would calm him down. It did for a minute, but then he was back to wanting me to do other things. I was too scared. I was worried about having problems with the implants. Thank God I saw a good doctor. But the main thing you need to know is that my husband used church money to pay for it. He told the trustees I needed surgery for ‘women’s problems.’ ”
“Uhm hum. I can understand that,” Rebecca intoned. “That way, they’d feel too awkward to ask questions. I’ll be certain to follow through, Julia. Thank you for letting me know all of this. I’ll go over the books this evening and see what I can find. I think it’s best that the church knows they’re being cheated.”
“Well, I’m grateful to you, and I know the church is important to your family. After I’m gone, it’s not going to bother me who knows what my husband has been doing.”
“As long as you’re sure.”
“Yes, Rebecca. I’m sure it’s the right thing.”
XII
REBECCA SAT ON the edge of her bed, slowly massaging her feet. Earlier that evening, she had heard Claudia down the hall rattling away to Julia as she pulled out items from her wardrobe for her trip to Ohio. Rebecca smiled, thinking how Claudia enjoyed this sort of thing, and wondering what sort of makeover she had given their pastor’s departing wife. Though she couldn’t hear Gracelyn up in h
er attic, her youngest sister would be writing, working well into the night. Gracelyn’s discipline could be remarkable; her work made her happy.
Rebecca thought about her own happiness, her orchids, and how she enjoyed nurturing them into perfect bloom and showing them to vendors. And she thought of Randall Leighton. He would be hers now. She was out of danger. She did not feel like she was betraying Jake. She had in fact settled into a fondness for him, losing all bitterness about what he had done to cause difficulty in her life. She could regard him now as an old friend from her past, someone she would keep in touch with, but who would not be at the center of her life. Even if she divorced Jake, she knew she would still be a friend to him, and not leave him stranded at Sacred Lamb.
Rebecca felt at peace for the first time in many weeks. She decided she had better try sleeping again, since she, her sisters, and Julia would leave early in the morning, the Cates women for Chicago and Julia for the airport en route to Ohio. Rebecca was slightly baffled by the dream that awoke her. She was standing in the dining room holding a blue-and-white-patterned ceramic vase she had just filled with water. Somehow, she lost her grip on the vase and dropped it, the shards making a circle around her feet, imprisoning her. She was afraid to pick them up and afraid to walk forward. Then the front doorbell rang. As she was standing still, sunlight streaked through the window and fell onto Rebecca, covering the length of her. After that, the dream ended. Rebecca shook her head as if to dismiss it and lay down again.
The scene outside the Cates mansion the next morning was bustling, but orderly. Rebecca stood aside the Mercedes, which she had earlier driven midway down the driveway, and watched as Herbert steered the heavily sedated Timothy toward the car. Gracelyn appeared in the front doorway fully dressed, her energies high.
“Herbert!” she called out. “We’ve got muffins and sweet rolls. Do you want juice or some milk?”
“Milk’s fine, Ms. Gracelyn. Thanks.”
Gracelyn disappeared inside the house. A few moments later, she reappeared carrying a picnic basket, and went to sit in the backseat of the Mercedes, anchoring Timothy on one side.
Laelia Page 17