SB03 - The Defender's Duty

by Shirlee McCoy

  “Is he alive?” Jude spoke more gently this time, his hand shaking as he brushed hair from Lacey’s cheek and lay his palm against her skin.

  And for the first time in too many years to count, tears burned at the back of Lacey’s eyes.

  Babies cry, Lacey Beth. And you’re no baby. You either take your punishment with silence, or I’ll give you more of the same.

  She blinked the tears away, her stomach churning, a hollow ache in her heart reminding her of what she’d wanted so desperately when she was young. Someone to depend on. “Uriah is in jail. He’ll be there for the rest of his life.”

  “What—”

  “You can ask me more questions, but I won’t answer them, so how about we just go?”

  His jaw tightened, but he nodded, his movements stiff as he closed the door and walked around the car.

  She thought he would say something when he got in and braced herself for it.

  Instead, his silence filled the car as she headed for Lynchburg, the sound of it louder than any words could have been. Tight-jawed and tense, he stared at the road, his pulse beating rapidly in his throat.

  What was he thinking?

  Did Lacey really want to know?

  No.

  Yes.

  But she wouldn’t ask because asking would open up another conversation about her past.

  She’d said enough about that already.

  She shifted uncomfortably, wanting to say something but sure anything she said would just lead back to a place she didn’t want to go.

  SIXTEEN

  Jude wanted to break something.

  Correction.

  He wanted to break someone.

  Uriah. Lacey’s stepfather.

  Was his last name Carmichael or something else?

  Jude planned to find out, and then he planned to pay a visit to whatever jail cell the scumbag was living in.

  “What are you planning to talk to Officer McKnight about?” Lacey sounded tentative and unsure, and that made Jude even more angry than he already was.

  Kidnapped. Held hostage.

  His hands tightened into fists, and he imagined wrapping them around Uriah’s neck.

  “Jude? I…” Lacey touched his wrist, her fingers barely there before they fell away again.

  “What?” He waited until she pulled into the parking lot of the Lynchburg police department and turned to face her. Her face was pale, her eyes deep-green and filled with anxiety she couldn’t hide.

  “Nothing has changed. I’m still me. My past was my past before you knew about it.”

  “You’re wrong, Lacey. Everything has changed. That line you were so worried about crossing? I crossed it the day I met you. Everything I learn about you just pulls me that much further over it.”

  “I don’t want to talk about this right now.”

  “Then when?”

  “Never.” She pushed open her door, but Jude grabbed her hand, stopping her before she could get out of the car.

  “You can’t run from your past forever.”

  “Sure I can.” She flashed a brittle smile and yanked away.

  He let her go.

  Pressuring her to let him into her life would be a mistake. If there was going to be anything between them, it had to be on Lacey’s terms. Jude knew it. He just didn’t like it.

  She tensed as he fell into step beside her. Probably expecting him to bring up their relationship or the past again. A few months ago, he would have. Nearly dying had changed him. It had forced patience on to him and into him, and he had a feeling that was going to serve him well when it came to Lacey.

  God’s plan?

  Jude was beginning to think so. He’d walked away from God years ago, but God had never turned away from him.

  The thought stilled some of the wild anger in his gut. He took a deep breath, allowing himself to feel the cold winter wind and to inhale the scent of spring rain and flowers that swirled around Lacey. “My friend in New York called me with a lead.”

  At his words, Lacey relaxed, the anxiety in her eyes fading. “That’s good news.”

  “Good for me if it turns out to lead somewhere. Not so good for the guy it’s leading to.”

  “Who is it leading to?”

  “An old sergeant of mine. I worked for him before I moved to Homicide. Five years ago.”

  “That’s a long time.”

  “It is. He wasn’t even on my radar. Fortunately, Jackson decided to dig a little deeper than I would have. He found out Jimmy took a leave of absence four months ago.”

  “Does Jackson know why?”

  “There was a death in the family. Jimmy’s seventeen-year-old son died at a boot camp in Arizona.”

  “That’s terrible.”

  “It is. The kid had been in and out of trouble for years. As a matter of fact, I brought him into the station three times the year I worked for Jimmy. The kid shoplifted, went for a joyride and grabbed an elderly woman’s bag. He was only twelve at the time.”

  “Sounds like he was really troubled.”

  “That’s what I told Jim. I recommended the treatment program out in Arizona, thinking it might help straighten the kid out.”

  “You don’t think Jim held that against you?”

  “I don’t know. Once I find him, I’ll ask.”

  “Maybe you’ll find him today. Maybe today will be the day you get the answers you’ve been looking for these past two months.”

  “It would make my life a whole lot less dangerous if that were the case.” He held open the precinct door, and Lacey stepped through ahead of him.

  “Will you go back to New York after this is over? Finish your rehab there?”

  “That was my plan, but the thought of going back to the city doesn’t appeal to me as much as I thought it would. I want to go back into police work, but there are other places to do it.”

  “Places closer to family?”

  “Yes.” He flashed his badge at the desk sergeant and asked to speak to Officer McKnight before he turned his attention back to Lacey. “Nearly dying taught me a lot about what’s important. The freedom and independence I gained by moving to New York weren’t worth the distance it put between myself and my family.”

  “Detective Sinclair?” Officer McKnight stepped into the lobby. “Come on back. You can come along, too, Ms. Carmichael. A few things have come up in the investigation, and I want to ask you some questions about them.”

  A few things?

  Ask some questions?

  Lacey tensed, her stomach tying into knots as she followed Jude and Officer McKnight to a small cubicle. She’d thought she was done answering questions when Jude changed the subject.

  Apparently she’d been wrong.

  What kind of questions could the officer possibly want her to answer?

  She knew, though.

  Her past.

  No matter how hard she tried to do what the pastor had said and put it behind her, it kept rearing its ugly head and making itself known.

  “Have a seat.” He motioned to two chairs, then took a seat across from them. “What is it you wanted to discuss, Sinclair?”

  “I’ve gotten some information you might be interested in. I thought I’d share.”

  “Go ahead.”

  Jude spoke quickly, sharing the same story and details he’d shared with Lacey. She only half listened, her heart still racing way too fast, her stomach tied in knots.

  Why, Lord? After all these years, why does this all have to be coming up now?

  Because she had never truly put the past behind her.

  Lacey knew the answer without hearing God speak it.

  Then again, she had heard Him. When she’d listened to Pastor Avery, the message had gone straight to her heart.

  “That’s a promising lead, Sinclair, but I’m not sure I want it to pan out.” Officer McKnight’s rough voice pulled Lacey from her thoughts and back to the conversation.

  “I feel the same.”

  “I’ll send
some men to visit local hotels after I have your precinct send me a file photo of your sergeant. Until then, be careful.” He turned his dark gaze on Lacey, and she knew what was coming.

  “Ms. Carmichael—”

  “Lacey.” After all, he knew more about her life than most people.

  “Lacey, I was doing some research yesterday, just kind of putting some feelers out. Found the name Uriah Carmichael in the national database.”

  “My stepfather.”

  “He’s been in jail for twelve years.”

  “That’s right.”

  “Do you have any reason to believe he would send somebody after you? Any reason to suspect what happened yesterday has something to do with your past?”

  “No.”

  “I called the Vermont state police. Talked to a couple of guys who worked…the case twelve years ago.” He glanced at Jude, maybe worried about protecting Lacey’s privacy.

  Too late.

  “I’m sure they told you that I haven’t had any contact with anyone in my family for years.”

  “They also said your stepbrother made overt threats before and after his father’s trial.”

  “I thought you said you didn’t have any siblings.” Jude’s voice was tight with anger, and Lacey wasn’t sure if it was directed at her or at what had happened years ago.

  “I don’t. My stepbrother was a grown man by the time my mother married my stepfather. We didn’t have all that much to do with each other.”

  Jude’s dark gaze shot to Officer McKnight. “What kind of threats did he make against her, McKnight? Why do you think they might be connected to what’s happening now?”

  McKnight hesitated, his eyes troubled as he looked at Lacey. He knew. Knew everything. Every shameful, horrifying detail of the nightmare she’d lived. “I don’t, but I have to check it out. I’m sure you understand that, Lacey.”

  “I do.”

  “We’ve got the local police looking for your stepbrother. If we find him in Vermont, we can assume yesterday’s attack has nothing to do with him.”

  “It doesn’t. Shane was more interested in putting on a show than in taking action. That was his MO in life. I’m sure it still is. If he ran into me tomorrow, he might make threats, but he’d never act on them.”

  “How about you let us decide whether or not that’s the case?” McKnight’s scribbled notes on a pad of paper, typed something into his computer and stood. “That’s it, then. You’ve got as much information as I do. I’ll keep you posted on the investigation.”

  “You do that.” Jude’s words were tight, his face hard. Lacey was sure he would have a lot more to say about her stepbrother.

  Unfortunately for him, she didn’t.

  She smiled at Officer McKnight, doing her best to look relaxed and at ease. As if the past hadn’t punched holes into her heart and left it with ragged bleeding wounds that would never heal. “Thank you for all your help, Officer.”

  “Thank me by being careful. We’ve been working under the assumption that Jude was the target of yesterday’s attack. Now I’m not so sure.”

  “You can be. There is no way Shane Carmichael would waste energy coming after me. As far as he was concerned, I was as insignificant as a flea on a dog’s behind.”

  Jude’s eyes widened at her words, his lips twitched and then he laughed. Loud and warm and without apology. “Watch it, Lacey. Your country is coming out.”

  “What’s wrong with country?”

  “On you? Nothing.” He grabbed her hand, his touch warm and strong, pulling her from the past and into something she didn’t dare believe in.

  She went anyway.

  Willingly.

  Like a lamb to the slaughter.

  Lamb to a slaughter?

  Not good.

  Lacey tugged her hand away, putting some distance between them. “I’ve been thinking.”

  “Do I want to know what about?”

  She ignored his gentle teasing. “Your legs seem to be feeling better than they were this morning.”

  “They are.”

  “So I thought maybe I could have the afternoon off.”

  He didn’t respond, and Lacey hurried to fill in the silence. “It’s in my contract, Jude. I get Sunday afternoons off.”

  “I remember.”

  “So why aren’t you saying anything?”

  “Because I haven’t thought of a reasonable excuse for refusing your request.”

  “Why would you want to?”

  “Why do you think, Lacey?”

  “I don’t know.”

  But she did, and the truth of it burned through her defenses, demanding her attention.

  “Sure you do. You’ve already admitted you feel something for me. Why should you be surprised that I want to spend more time with you?”

  Her breath caught, and she shook her head. “Whatever I feel? It’s just that. A feeling. I’ll get over it. So will you.”

  “Why should we? What’s wrong with spending time together and seeing where it leads?”

  Nothing.

  Everything.

  Except that Lacey wanted it so badly.

  “I want the afternoon off, Jude. That’s all. No hidden agenda. No deep, dark reasons for it. I need a break. Is that so hard to understand?” She fled down the hall, past the desk sergeant and out the door, the lie ringing in her ears, mocking her.

  She didn’t need a break.

  She needed Jude.

  And that was scarier than her stepfather, her stepbrother and a masked killer all put together.

  SEVENTEEN

  Jude followed Lacey outside, breathing in the cold, moist air, filling his lungs with it and doing his best to calm the wild beating of his heart. Hearing Lacey’s story, knowing how deeply she’d been hurt, only made him admire her more. It also made him realize how careful he needed to be with her. What he wanted out of their relationship paled in comparison to what Lacey needed—friendship, tenderness, security. Jude would give her all those things. If she’d let him.

  She stood beside his car, her back to him as he approached, but he knew she heard him. Her shoulders tensed, and she wrapped her arms around her waist.

  “If you’re going to try and convince me that I shouldn’t take the afternoon off, then don’t waste your breath.”

  “I’m not.”

  “Good, because I’m really tired and I really do need a break.” She turned to him, her face colorless, her eyes hollow and empty. For the first time since he’d met her, she looked like what she’d been—a victim.

  He smoothed silky strands of hair from her face, his hands shaking with anger over what had been done to her. His heart breaking for her. He’d spent most of his adult life working to defend the defenseless, to find justice for victims who could not fight for themselves. He wanted to do that for Lacey. Defend her. Protect her.

  But how do you defend against an invisible enemy? How do you protect against the past?

  He sighed, pulling her into his arms, pressing her head to his chest, her hair sliding over his hand and down his arm. “I’m not going to ask you any more questions. Your secrets are yours to keep for as long as you want to.”

  “My past isn’t a secret anymore, so I guess you can ask me any questions you want.” She shrugged, her arms wrapping around his waist, holding him for just a second before she stepped away.

  “I’m not talking about your past. I’m talking about us.”

  “Us? I wish I believed in that as much as you do.” She frowned, turning away again. “When I was little, I used to dream I’d marry a handsome prince.”

  “Did you?” He cupped her shoulder, feeling tight muscles and delicate bones beneath her wool coat.

  “I thought he’d be brave and strong and kind. And rich, of course.”

  Jude couldn’t see her face, but he was sure Lacey was smiling at the memory. He wasn’t, because in his mind he pictured a neglected kid with flaxen hair and big green eyes, sitting alone in a crumbling house and dreaming of s
omething better.

  His stomach knotted.

  “Of course, I grew out of that. Eventually, I realized that life was about hard work and survival. It was about seeking God’s will and about doing it. It wasn’t about love and romance and a handsome man who would love me forever.”

  “I understand.”

  “Do you?” She shifted beneath his hands, turning so that they were face-to-face. “Because I don’t dream anymore, Jude. It hurts too much.”

  “Lacey—”

  “My hand is really bothering me. I’d like to go back to the duplex and take something for it.”

  Jude didn’t mention the Tylenol he knew Lacey was carrying in her purse. She needed space. The best thing he could do was give it. “Sure. Hop in.”

  He pulled the door open, waited until she got in and closed it, freezing when he heard a quiet shuffle coming from somewhere behind him.

  He turned slowly, his hand on the gun hidden beneath his jacket.

  Nothing.

  Nobody.

  But the afternoon was as still and silent as death. Jude’s nerves crawled and adrenaline pumped through him. A warning he wouldn’t ignore.

  “Come on. Show yourself. Right here in front of the police station. Or are you too much of a coward for that?” He muttered the words and didn’t expect a reply.

  “Jude?” Lacey opened her door and started getting out of the car. “Is everything okay?”

  “Get back in the car.”

  Her eyes widened, but she did as he said, closing the door, the quiet click breaking whatever spell had fallen over the day. Rain began to fall, splashing onto the pavement, filling the silence. A uniformed officer walked out of the building, and Jude knew whoever had been in the parking lot was gone.

  He frowned, glancing around and spotting two security cameras. They might have picked something up. He dialed McKnight’s cell phone, giving him the details of what had happened as Lacey pulled out of the parking lot.

  “Do you really think someone was there?” Lacey asked, as he shoved his cell phone back in his pocket.

  “Yeah.”

  “Then the guy is crazy. What kind of criminal goes to a police station to commit a crime?”

  “It isn’t a crime to watch someone, and I don’t think he’s crazy. I think he’s getting desperate. He wants me dead and he wants it to happen soon.”