by Ava Manello
Chapter Twenty Four
Sally
The guys all seem rather quiet around me when we get off the bus at the hotel in Newcastle. They’re normally a lot more jovial, cracking crude jokes and taking the piss. Not today. They must have had a heavy night drinking.
We check in as normal, agreeing to meet in the bar in half an hour. I open the hotel room door and sigh. It’s only been a week but already I’m tiring of the plain décor, the minimal furniture. I miss my comfortable sofa. Right now I just want to crash out on my sofa, piled high with cushions, and lose myself in music TV, and my Kindle. But no. We’re going out for dinner.
I think I’ve been out more in this past week than I have in the last year put together. It’s a good job Alex and Tiny insist on dragging me along to the gym because all this eating out would play havoc with my waistline otherwise.
I’m hoping I can persuade Alex and Tiny to go to the little tapas bar. I’d gone there when my Mum’s friends had invited us before we went to a comedy show at the Arena.
The food was great, the ambience was casual and low key, and the best part is it’s only about five minutes walk from where we’re staying.
I regret asking them as soon as we walk in. The place is packed. The waitress shows us to a table against the wall. Tiny takes one look at the space between the wall and the table and tells me that Alex and I will have to sit there. He won’t fit. He takes the chair opposite us, leaving Alex and I to squeeze onto the sofa style banquette.
The lighting seems a lot lower than the last time I was here as well; it’s giving off far too much of a sensual, romantic vibe.
I tell myself I’ll be fine. And I am, until the food arrives. The thing with Tapas is that it’s a little bit of everything. Lots of bite sized pieces of food. We’re provided with knives and forks but for the most part we just use our fingers.
Alex is the most sensual eater I have ever seen. His long fingers dip the food into the sauce, and he licks his fingers clean after he’s put it in his mouth.
I’ve definitely read too many erotic books as all I can imagine when he does this is those fingers pleasuring me, and when he licks his fingers again I almost come on the spot.
I call the waitress over and ask for a glass of iced water. The temperature in here has shot up. I remove my jacket and undo a button on my blouse in an attempt to cool down.
Alex and Tiny exchange a look of confusion. They’re both still sitting there with their jackets on.
“Think that last piece of chicken was just a bit too hot for me.” I manage to mumble.
Tiny laughs, I love the warm timbre of his laugh, and the way it lights’ up his face.
“You’re such a wuss. You were fine the other night when we went out for curry.” He reminds me.
“Must have just been that piece of chicken.” I repeat. “Must have had too much spice on it.”
He gives me that fatherly smile he’s so fond of using on me. He makes me feel like a little girl at times, bless him. I can just picture him as a father. He’s like a big cuddly bear. I feel safe with Tiny.
I wish I could say the same when I’m around Alex. Safe isn’t a word I dare use. When I’m around Alex I don’t want to be safe. I don’t want to be a good girl. I want to act out every fantasy I have from the books that I’ve read. And that’s bad. It’s very, very bad.
Chapter Twenty Five
Sally
The last few weeks have gone by in a blur. It’s been one long cycle of travel – hotel – show – gym - travel. Through it all my attraction to Alex has only heightened if anything.
I’ve even managed to bring together the bones of the article about the dating site. A couple of the guys that I messaged were happy to share their stories when I mentioned that I was a journalist, as long as names were changed.
There’s one guy who’s just too busy building his career and travelling with work to find the time to go out and date. He’s bright, intelligent, and solvent. He wanted to get to know someone online first, get a feel for her, before he meets up for a chat. He’s not looking for long-term commitment. Just a little company. Someone he can take to dinner, and hopefully encourage him to have the odd down day at the beach or just out walking.
If it hadn’t been for my unhealthy obsession with Alex I might have been tempted.
Yes, my obsession with Alex is worse than ever. It doesn’t matter that I can’t have him. The more I know I can’t have him, the more I want him. It’s like forbidden fruit.
I’m pulled from the article by the sound of the phone ringing. Damn. I hate being interrupted when I’m mid flow writing. I look at the screen to see it’s Ashley. I haven’t spoken to her since before we set off on tour, so I accept the call.
“Hey sweetie. How are you? Long time no speak.” I greet her. In return I can hear sobbing down the phone line. “Ashley. Are you ok? What’s wrong? Is the baby okay?” I’m panicking now. This isn’t like Ashley. She’s normally so cheery.
“It’s Gary. He’s left me.” She sobs even harder.
“What happened?” Even as I ask the question a feeling of dread spreads over me. This has got to be something to do with the dating site and me. I just know it.
“Sally, he kept muttering that it was all your fault. He thinks you said something to me about the dating site he was on. I found it on my own but he won’t believe me. I think he’s so angry he’s going to hurt you Sally.”
Shit. That doesn’t sound good.
“Never mind me, are you okay?” There are so many questions running through my head right now. Not least is how Ashley found out about the dating site?
“I’ll be fine. Honest. You know me. I loved him, but these past few months I’ve realized he’s not the guy I thought he was.” She pauses and I can hear her blowing her nose at the other end of the line.
“He started getting aggressive, the way he’d talk to me, and the things he’d ask me to do. I mean come on, I know I’m a bit of a prude but this was just too much.” She pauses; I can hear her take in a deep breath before she continues.
“He hit me.” Shit. This isn’t good. Before I can say anything she continues.
“I knew something wasn’t right so I started checking up on him. Nights he said he was working late I’d ring the office and they’d tell me he’d left earlier. I started checking the bank statements and I could see he was eating out and going to hotels but it wasn’t with me. He left his laptop open the other day so I checked it and that’s when I found the dating site.” She breaks down into sobs again.
“He said he was single without kids.” She screams down the phone. That had shocked me when I read it, so I can only imagine how much it hurt Ashley.
“Look, I’ll be fine. It’s you I’m worried about. I’ve kicked him out, but the way he kept going on about you got me worried. What did he mean?”
Where the hell do I start? It’s going to sound like I was condoning what he did now.
“I’m writing an article about a dating site and I came across his profile.” Ashley starts to interrupt, but I stop her. “Look, stop, before you say anything. I called him out on it, just in case it was some silly mistake. He said he was only using it for chat. I’m not sure I believed him, but it’s not the sort of thing you can tell your friend over the phone is it? I think your husband might be cheating on you. I was going to come tell you as soon as I got back from this stupid tour.” I rush the words out before she can interrupt again.
“You should have rung me.” I can hear the disappointment in her voice even over the phone line. I’m a terrible friend. Maybe she’s right.
“If it had been the other way round would you have told me news like that over the phone? Really?” I ask. Ashley goes quiet for a moment or two.
“No…” she reluctantly offers. “I’d have waited till we were in the same room, and I could have hugged you after I told you.” I breathe a huge sigh of relief. I still feel like I’m in the wrong for not telling her, but she’s right. That�
�s what I’d planned on doing as soon as I could get to see her.
“Sally. Watch your back, please.” She begs. “He won’t listen when I tell him it was nothing to do with you. I’ve never seen him so angry.” I can hear the concern for me in her voice.
“I’ll be fine. I’m on tour for another couple of weeks still. He’ll hopefully have calmed down by the time I get back.” I hope that’s the case. Gary isn’t a small guy; he’s taller than me and heavier than me. I’ve never seen him angry before. But I can imagine. I’ll worry about it when I get back, and not before.
We spend over an hour on the phone after that, just chatting about how Ashley’s going to manage on her own. She’s damned resilient that girl. I offer my baby-sitting services reluctantly. I adore her baby daughter, but I don’t have a maternal bone in my body. She’s a friend in need though; it’s the least I can do.
By the time our conversation ends Ashley seems a lot calmer. I think most of the tears were her worry for my safety. Now I’ve assured her I’m out of the way and safe it’s helped.
I don’t have to feel guilty over joining the dating site. It wasn’t me that ruined her marriage. It was her husband at the end of the day. As she says, better she finds this out now before her daughter’s old enough to understand what’s going on.
I suddenly feel homesick for my little house, my friends, and my old life. Being on the road makes everything feel unreal.
The anonymous hotel rooms rob me of my sense of where I am. I could be anywhere. I find myself having to check my diary to see where we are some mornings. As we often stay in the same chain of hotel even the rooms are identical. I’m beginning to feel like a mouse in a wheel, just treading my way around the same path, day after day.
I just need to get through the next two weeks and I can go back to normal.
Chapter Twenty Six
Sally
I put the phone down and check the calendar. Have I missed the fact today is Friday 13th by any chance? Nope, it’s not. Yet after that second phone call I’d be forgiven for thinking it is.
Fred called. He didn’t want me to have to wait for the news until I got back to the office. He’s very sorry, but once this tour is over, my role at the paper has been made redundant.
He’d come out with the usual platitudes, he’d enjoyed working with me, he’s sorry, he’s sure I’ll land on my feet.
I don’t know whether to laugh or cry right now. Can anything else go wrong? I really hope not. I check the time on the phone and realize it’s time to head down to reception. I’ve agreed to meet Alex and Tiny for lunch.
As I’m making sure my hotel room door is locked I hear the click as another door further down the hallway opens. It’s Alex’s door. I’m about to say hello when I see a scantily clad female leaving his room. I can’t hear the conversation between them, but she’s touching Alex’s arm possessively. He reaches over and gives her a kiss on the cheek before she turns and struts her way back to the elevators.
What. The. Fuck. It can’t be. Alex isn’t like the rest of the guys. For fuck’s sake he’s gay. So why did I just see him kissing some skank goodbye.
When I said today couldn’t get any worse. I was wrong.
Chapter Twenty Seven
Sally
I can’t go downstairs. I can’t face anyone right now. I slot the card in the door and wait for the green light that shows I can open the door. It doesn’t work. I try again but I can’t get the card to work. I’m starting to shake from the tears I’m holding in.
I’m trying the card again when I feel a hand reach from behind and take the card from me.
“You’ve got it the wrong way round.” He takes the card, inserts it the other way and the light goes green.
I can’t face him right now. The tears are too close to the surface, burning the back of my eyes.
“Aren’t you supposed to be coming downstairs for lunch?” he questions.
“Not feeling well.” I mumble, rushing into my room. Shit. He’s followed me in.
“Anything I can do?” He offers.
“Just leave me alone please. I’ve had a shitty day, some bad news and I just need to be alone.” I crawl onto the bed, hugging the pillow to my chest, trying to hide behind it.
He won’t let it go though. I feel the bed sag as he takes a seat at the side of me. He draws me into his arms, and it’s almost my undoing.
“Let it out babe, I’m here for you.” He offers. If only he was. If only he knew.
I can’t stop myself though. I let the tears free. Alex holds me close, which only makes me cry harder.
I cry for my friend. I cry for my job. But, most of all, I cry for Alex.
Chapter Twenty Eight
Sally
This is the second time I’ve found myself tucked into Alex’s arms crying my heart out. This isn’t me. I’m normally so strong. I don’t let things get to me.
I try to tell myself it’s just the shock of everything happening all at once, on top of each other.
My sobs slow down but I don’t try and move away. Just for a moment I want to stay here, safe in his embrace. To pretend that this is something more. It’s childish. It’s selfish. Right now I don’t care. I need it.
“What happened?” his voice is quiet, gentle.
“Too much. Everything.”
“Come on, share it. It will make you feel better, honest.” He offers.
So I do. I tell him about the phone call with Ashley, about losing my job. But, I don’t tell him how my heart is breaking over him.
Alex looks really concerned when he hears about Gary. I try to tell him it’s nothing but he doesn’t believe me.
“Promise me you won’t go anywhere on your own?” he asks, anxiety in his voice.
“Don’t be silly Alex. Gary’s not a threat. He’s bloody miles away for a start.”
Alex puts his hand on my face, forcing me to look at him.
“I’m not messing around Sally. Promise me you won’t go anywhere without one of us with you.”
“Okay. Okay, if it makes you happy.” I mutter. He needn’t think I’ll be going anywhere with him, that’s for sure. It’s taking every bit of strength I have just to sit on this bed with him right now.
“We’ll work something out about your job. There’s got to be loads of papers or magazines that would love to have you on their staff.” He sounds so positive when he says it. I’m not so sure. Everywhere is cutting back in this economy. There are reporters out there with a lot more experience than I have that are still out of work.
“Look, come down to lunch. The guys will cheer you up. And we’ll work out something. You’re one of us now, we always take care of our own.” He passes me a tissue. I blow my nose. There’s nothing feminine or lady like about it. It sounds more like a bloody elephant.
I look up at the mirror, seeing the mess left behind by my ugly crying session. Ugh. That’s going to take some fixing.
Alex doesn’t want to leave me alone to even fix my face. He’s adamant I’m not even allowed to walk down one flight of stairs on my own. This is bloody ridiculous and I tell him so.
He just gives me that stubborn look of his and ushers me in the direction of the bathroom to sort myself out.
I give in this time, but only because I look as bad as I do. He needn’t think I’m listening to him once we’re out of this room. He’s lost any chance of that after having that girl in his room, that’s for sure.
Chapter Twenty Nine
Sally
Lunch is a pretty heated affair. Alex tells the guys I’ve lost my job when I get home. Eric offers to pull the advertising but as I point out, that would just mean I’d end up going home earlier.
I almost choke on my coffee when Alex tells me he has a spare room I can have if I end up unable to pay my rent. He’s telling me that he’s on the road a lot so it would be pretty much just me on my own most of the time.
That doesn’t help. Being in Alex’s house, constant reminders of him, sitting
there when he brings one of his boyfriends home. I don’t think so. I offer a polite rejection.
“You can rent Alison’s flat from her when she moves in with me.” Tiny offers. That option I actually give more credence to. “I won’t charge you rent till you can afford to pay it.” He’s such a big brother figure. I don’t want to lose touch with him when this tour is over.
“I’m sure I’ll be fine.” I reply. Actually, I’m not sure I will be, but I’ll be damned if I’ll let Alex know that.
Then the big goof opens his mouth again. If I were sat any closer I’d kick him under the table.