He began caressing me everywhere, but where I wanted him to. His hand traced along the skin of my now exposed stomach, between my breasts and along the sides of them, but he never touched them. He kept me pinned beneath him, and still wouldn’t release my hands or gag.
“Jules, I swear I’ve told you the truth. I need you to trust me again, and if you need to compel me to get the answers you need then do it.”
He reached over me to untie the gag, and I could feel the sleepiness I always got when sunrise was getting close. I wiped the drool from my face, thanks to the gag, massaged my jaw a little and looked him over. He was sitting on me still, and looked miserable about it, yet he was determined to make me believe him, to get me to trust him again.
“I just have one question for you Will.”
“Are you going to compel me?”
“No, I trust you, and I’m sorry I forgot that.”
“What’s your question?” He looked a little nervous, and I guess after the way I had behaved I couldn’t blame him.
“Will you forgive me, for acting like I did, for forgetting my trust in you?”
His answer came as he crushed his lips against mine devouring them in a kiss, he slid his arms under my back pulling me as close to him as he could possibly manage.
He let me lay back on the bed, as the sun rose and my world went black.
Chapter Five
I woke the next evening to find William sitting in the chair he had shoved under the door the night before. The room was back to normal, the blankets off the window with no evidence of any sun-proofing of any sort. He was sitting with one leg bent over his knee, he was dressed and ready to go, and seemed to be lost in thought. I half-expected to wake with him in bed next to me like we had done for a few nights at home. Tonight he seemed distant and withdrawn-- not exactly in the cuddling mood.
“Hey, how long have you been up?”
“Not long. As soon as you get dressed we can go. I assume you plan on coming home or have you made other arrangements?”
I was a little taken aback at his indifferent attitude. I thought I had made myself clear I was sorry for not giving him a chance to explain himself.
“Is everything okay?”
“Fine. I’ll meet you at the car. Your shoes and jacket are still in the corner.”
He left the room without as much as another word or glance. I quickly put my shoes on and grabbed my jacket to follow him out. He was sliding into the Audi as I came out of our room. It was a sleek and sexy Audi R8; its V10 engine could launch you from 0-60 in 3.7 seconds. It was powerful, fast and took corners like it was on rails. I loved that car. William had stopped letting me drive it when he found out how fast I’d been going. He loved it too.
“You brought the Audi, I’ve missed my car,” I said with a grin.
I let my fingertips graze along her hood as I slowly drifted over to the passenger side door and jumped in.
“Your car? I don’t think so, you aren’t even allowed to drive it anymore,” his half-cocked grin was back as he seemed to have forgotten he was giving me the cold shoulder. Then just as quickly his face was back to neutral, he threw the car in reverse and took off out of the parking lot.
I decided to try again to find out what was bothering him, “Will, about last night. I really am sorry for the way I behaved. You were right in saying I was acting like a child. I said I trusted you and would give you a chance to explain. Then I ran the first opportunity you had to do just that. Will you forgive me?”
“I already told you I did, there’s no need to ask twice,” he said still looking ahead.
“Then why are you acting like this, why won’t you talk to me?”
“I am talking to you.”
I didn’t say anything for a minute. I wasn’t sure where this obstinance was suddenly coming from, but I did know enough to realize arguing with him would get me nowhere. I would have to wait him out, and that I was good at. I decided to turn on the radio and act as though his disregarding attitude wasn’t bothering me. I was surprised to find hip hop flowing from the speakers.
“Huh.”
“What?”
“Nothing, just not what I expected you to be listening to, that’s all.”
I liked the song and went to turn it up, but couldn’t figure out which button controlled the volume, “How do you turn it up?” I asked scanning the control panel. He must have hit a button somewhere because the volume went up and the music started flowing over me.
“What do you mean? What did you expect me to be listening to?”
I was curious at his reaction to my off-hand comment. William looked like he was in his early thirties, a very good looking model-like early thirty, but the fact remained he was a little over 160-years-old.
“Oh, I don’t know,” I was starting to move a little to the music, “I guess I was expecting something along the lines of Glory! Glory! Hallelujah or Shoo Fly Don't Bother Me. You know.”
I was suppressing a smile as I tried not to laugh at my baiting him and continued swaying to the music. I really did like this song and I couldn’t help but let the music move me. The bass was filling up the car and making me move almost without my own volition. He was giving me a disbelieving look with his mouth agape.
“You really should watch the road you know. I’d hate for this beauty to get a scratch on her.”
“Glory! Glory! Hallelujah? Jules, how can you possibly think I’d be listening to something like that?”
“Well, you are what like 160 years old aren’t you? Isn’t that what you listened to back then? I just thought you’d still like it. There’s nothing to be ashamed of William, we can change it if you want. Would you prefer God Save The Queen?”
I put my arms on my head as I started to dance a little more; I was mostly trying to hide my face at this point though. I couldn’t suppress my smile anymore, and knew he’d figure out I was messing with him. At least he was talking to me now.
“Jules, the only way you will ever make it in this world is if you learn to change and adapt. You must learn to change with the times and with it their customs. Of course I don’t dress and act the same way I did 160-year- ago. I would surely be found out if I did.”
“Yes. Surely,” I replied with mocked seriousness.
“Are you mocking me?”
“Only a little.”
Just then the song changed and classical piano came pouring through the speakers, seeming even louder because of our conversation. I burst out laughing and William quickly turned the entire thing off.
“That doesn’t mean anything; lots of people listen to classical music today.”
“I know that.”
“Then why are you laughing?” He was starting to sound more than a little angry now.
“Geez, William calm down. I was only giving you a hard time. I actually like classical music. I listened to it all the time while I was going through medical school. It helped me concentrate better than most other types of music; you can put it back on.”
“Forget it, we’re almost home.”
We were back to strained silence once again, and I still didn’t know what was bothering him. He had never acted this way toward me before. We had always had an easy friendship and attraction neither of us really understood right from the start. He had been there for me since day one of my turning. I really was sorry I had forgotten that. Without him, I never would have killed Nathaniel or gotten Christian back.
He was right about being almost home though, we soon pulled into the drive of William and Ana’s house; our house. It was more like a mansion, but home sweet home it was these days. The two story house, built of old stone blocks and brick was surrounded by a black wrought-iron fence, which opened upon our arrival. The front of the house has a huge front entrance with four large stone stairs leading up to an over-sized front door. It has two tower-like structures on each side of the house with windows completely surrounding it. William drove around back to a separate three car garage and pull
ed in turning off the engine. I wasn’t sure when I’d be alone with him again so decided to ask what was up. I guess I wasn’t as good at waiting him out as I thought.
He was about to open his door to leave when I blurted out, "I just don't get why you are acting like this, either you forgive me or you don't. If you do, then drop the cold shoulder act. If not, tell me what I need to do to make it up to you. I said I was sorry and I meant it."
"Look, I do forgive you okay. I just realized a few things this evening. One of them being, you don't feel the same way about me as I do you."
"William, that isn't true--"
"Yes, it is. And it's okay, you recently lost everything, your husband included, and I don't want to push you into anything. But I'm also not going to sit around falling in love with you knowing you can't feel the same way about me right now. I won't do it Juliana."
"What are you saying? I care about you."
Of course I cared about him. If I hadn't, I would never have slept with him or shared blood with him.
"I . . . I do care about you," I said again, not sure who I was really trying to convince.
"Yes, but what you can give me right now isn't enough. I want to be with you completely. I want you to trust me without question, to run to me, not away from me. I can't be with someone that's afraid of me. I think we need to start over."
The silence that filled the car was deafening in its stillness. He was right. There was a piece of me that was still afraid. It was the real reason behind why I ran. I was trying to run away from it all, and back to my old life. My real life.
"I’m not afraid of you William. I’m afraid of me, of what Ana did to me, of what I'm becoming. It's everything. It all scares me. I’ve never been in love with anyone other than Antonio; I slept with all of two men in college. You have to understand how hard this all is for me. I don't want to lose you though." I turned my eyes to him, and looked at him with the fullest sincerity I could offer. He had risked everything for me, and he did mean a lot to me.
"You haven't lost me,” he said finally turning to look at me. “I'm still going to be here, but I also won't sit around and be your emotional punching bag either. I deserve better than that, and so do you."
"What am I supposed to say to that?"
"Say you'll let us start over."
"Um, okay? I still don’t understand where all this is coming from.”
After sitting there for a moment in silence each, deciding we had said all we could at the time, we got out of the car and headed into the house both of us surrounded by a cloud of our own sadness. It was for the better--probably, but this didn't feel right. It felt like I was losing yet another person I cared about.
When we got inside I found Ana sitting in the library, it was my favorite room in the entire house. She had a cup of coffee at the end table by the couch and was pretending to read. I say pretending because in all the time I had lived there, which granted hadn't been that long, I had never once seen her even glance at a single book on the shelf. She had most likely read them all before, several times, but this was all show. She was trying to act as though my running away hadn't affected her, seeming to forget our conversation at the hospital.
"Hello, Ana."
"Oh, hi Juliana."
She didn't look up, but continued to stare at her book.
“Good book?” I asked with feigned interest.
“Very.”
“Really? What’s it about?”
She didn’t say anything and I was starting to think she wasn’t going to answer me. Then she had the audacity to actually flip the book around so she could look at the cover and see what she was pretending to read.
She opened her mouth to start to give me an answer, and I cut her off, “Oh, don’t even bother. I know you weren’t even reading it in the first place; you were just waiting around to see if I was going to show up. Well, here I am and before you start to lecture me, yell at me, throw me into the wall, and flash your fangs at me, let me start by saying I’m sorry, okay. It was wrong of me to leave. You and William both risked a lot, no, you risked everything, to help me rescue Christian, and I am forever indebted to you both for that. You both said you would explain all the secrets to me after that was done. And instead of giving you the benefit of the doubt, when you have never given me a reason not to trust you, I called you both horrible names and fled from you. I truly am sorry; can you find it within your heart to forgive me?”
Ana just stared at me her turquoise eyes wide with shock. I could feel the surprise coming from her through our bond. I guess she was expecting another fight from me, and I couldn’t really blame her. Not after the way I had been behaving lately.
“Yeah. Of course, I’ll forgive you. I’m glad you came home. You are staying . . . right?”
“If I can, that is if you and William still want me too.”
She looked questioningly from me, then to William leaning against the fireplace, and back to me again as if looking for answers to unspoken questions.
“Why wouldn’t William want you to stay here? What’s going on?”
“Nothing is going on. I just wanted to be sure I was still allowed to stay after what had happened, that’s all.”
I walked past her and into the kitchen to make a fresh pot of coffee. None of us could drink it, but we often made it during times of stress. The aroma was enough to be calming; it often reminded me of my days of being human. I would drink coffee by the pot back then. I hadn’t tried cooking any foods to see if it had the same effect. That seemed a little more wasteful.
Ana followed me into the kitchen and sat at the table while I finished with the coffee.
“Want a cup?” I asked her.
“No, I’m good. Is everything okay? You seem, I don’t know, depressed?”
I spared a quick glance toward the library then back to the cupboard to grab a coffee cup.
“No, I’m fine.”
“He’s on the phone. He won’t hear you.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Ok, well when you decide you do. You can talk to me, I will probably understand better than you realize. He did break my heart once too, remember.”
“It’s not that ...” I was starting to tell her what had happened when William came striding into the kitchen with a definite purpose to his abrupt interruption.
“That was Sebastian on the phone. He wants to meet Juliana.”
“What!” Ana and I exclaimed together.
“Sebastian, the Director of the Council, that Sebastian? What does he want from me?” I asked looking between them both for answers.
“He didn’t say, he just said he wants to meet you, and we’re supposed to bring you to the New York office in two weeks.”
Chapter Six
William, Ana and I had made our way back into the library. We each held a cup of coffee up to our noses as we sat in silence staring off at nothing, trying to figure out what this meant.
“Do you think he knows?” I was, unsurprisingly, the first to break the silence.
“Which part, exactly, are you referring? The fact that you can compel me, your maker, which has never happened in all of vampire history; that you are resistant to all forms of compulsion, even from a 400-year-old master vampire; that we killed said master vampire or that your human son discovered your existence? None of them are good Juliana, even if you did compel Christian into forgetting,” Ana said exasperated.
Ana seemed especially stressed out. She had put her coffee down, it was obviously not helping, and began to massage her temples. William still hadn’t said anything and was continuing to stare ahead. This was a moment of truth for me. I had told them that I had compelled Christian, when I really couldn’t. After what Ana just said they had obviously believed me.
“Why isn’t it good? That I can compel and resist it? Won’t it be helpful in the fight against The Coven, can’t I help you guys?”
“No. You are not going to be a part of this,” Willia
m said just as firmly as he had when he gagged me last night at the hotel. He stood up and started pacing the room, roughly running his hands through his hair. He always did that when he was stressed or looking for the right answer to something.
“I don’t understand. I thought you said these were supposed to be the good guys, the ones who ordered my death, but still according to you two they are the lesser of two evils, right?”
“Yes, they are the good guys, but they will use you nonetheless. Once you’re in Jules, you’re in for life, there is no getting out. I want you to be free. Free to choose, free to live and do whatever you want.”
William was looking at me with the full focus of his deep brown eyes. He had small specks of gold that shown throughout them, and every once in a while I’d get to see the true depth of his emotions that lay hidden within. It broke my heart to know he didn’t want to be with me anymore.
“And what if what I want is to choose you, William, what then?” My response took him by surprise as he gave me a look of shock, his eyes opened wide.
“This isn’t about that, and I do still want you Jules. You know why I can’t be with you right now.”
He turned away from me, arms bracing himself on the fireplace mantle. I was about to bring up the subject again when Ana interrupted me. I had almost forgotten she was there.
“I’m not sure what you guys are talking about, but William is right, as soon as they find out about your abilities they will pull you in, and there will be no getting out for you, ever. None of us want to see that happen. Then there is the issue of Nathaniel."
“Sebastian is going to be pissed we killed him. He was a higher up who was leading The Council to the final plans of The Coven. He shouldn’t even have been here in Chicago, and now that he’s dead I’m not sure what will happen. We don’t know when or where the big outing of vampirekind is going to be, and everyone is losing their leads since he was killed.” William finished for her.
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