by Ella M. Lee
As I tried to wash off a year of terror and blood.
What now? the tiny voice asked me.
Now? Now, dawn would come again. A better dawn than the last one, better than the last year’s worth. A free dawn. A new day where I could escape all of this.
The tiny voice laughed. But it did feel nice to kill another vampire, didn’t it?
I laughed, too. It had. It had felt so good to take all that rage, all that hurt and pain, and turn it on its source.
You could keep doing it, the tiny voice said, and the idea sent a thrill of cold ruthlessness up my spine.
Shock gutted me, surprise at the very idea that I could love killing. But vampires weren’t humans. They were monsters, and so few people could protect the world from them. Maybe I could try. Maybe I’d have to try, because I didn’t know if anything else would ever fulfill me like killing vampires did, if anything would ever feel that nice.
Ren feels that nice, the tiny voice suggested. I wanted to ask it when it had started liking Ren, but I thought I already knew.
My mind strayed to the comfort I felt with him. Would I even be capable of leaving him? Forget Ren? My body tightened in panic at the idea. Could I soul bond with a demon then leave all that behind for a normal life? I didn’t think so.
Maybe I’d been fooling myself ever since that magic had taken hold, telling myself I craved freedom when really I didn’t want to run away.
When I finally decided to leave the haven of the hot water, my eyes fell on the gold disk with the emerald set in its center. I’d left it here only a few days ago. Less than a week. It felt like forever. Those first hours here with Ren felt as distant as the human life I’d had before I knew about vampires.
How could I be so changed? It felt like this world had alchemized me, just as surely and completely as Ren had changed that little disk. Now I was something totally different, and there was no going back.
I touched the thread inquisitively.
Come here? it encouraged, and I was happy to oblige.
Ren sat on the couch. He looked pale and handsome and not at all like a demon—no trace of those shadows right now. Healthy. Happy. Playful, even, with his handsome green eyes and amused expression.
The fireplace was lit once again. The city sparkled beyond the windows. A box of chocolate chip cookies sat on the table, with two glasses of cold milk next to it.
My heart skipped a beat and my lower jaw trembled. Home. This place felt like a home, and delight filled me as I went to join Ren. It would not last forever, but I would take what happiness I could. I couldn’t help but feel like after this week, I deserved that.
Chapter 49
“So what’s the deal with your sister?” I asked. “That looked like some fight.”
Ren threw his head back and laughed.
We were seated together on the couch. I’d decimated the cookies. He’d decimated an entire dozen eggs by—to my horrified fascination—eating them raw and whole. He’d popped them into his mouth and crunched down on them like they were the most delicious things ever.
He offered me one and laughed when I gave him a disgusted look.
But now we were done with the food, and I was leaning into him, my head on his shoulder as he played with my hair.
“I told you, my sister and I disagree on the correct paths for things,” he said. “She went a step too far, though. She sent the assassin to our father, and she helped hide the Kallatric Dagger with Shaw. She was trying to prevent me from destroying it.
“When she came here to visit me, she tried to talk me out of my plan to retrieve it. I thought she was concerned for me, but she was only concerned I would succeed. At Shaw’s…she was covertly protecting the dagger. And when that didn’t work, she was going to take the dagger from me and flee.”
“Where did you send her?” I asked.
“That was a portal to the Shorn Realm. I put her out in a pretty remote part of it, and I bound her power and bound her into her full-demon form. That form tires easily and can’t fly well. It should take her a year or so to get home. Maybe she’ll have calmed down by then.”
I watched him, stunned.
“You can do that?” I asked. “Bind her? Throw her anywhere you want?”
“Yes. I’m stronger than her. I told you, there are reasons both of us might be suited for the throne. One of mine is that I’m the most powerful of my father’s children, by leaps and bounds. But there are also reasons each of us might not be suited for the throne. I have a different path, of this I am certain.” He shrugged. “It hardly matters now. My father will live. He and my mother can deal with our kind for the time being.”
“What will happen to El?” I asked. “Isn’t she…in trouble?”
Shadows flickered in Ren’s eyes. “What happens to El is not my decision. I will speak to my parents about what occurred here. They will investigate if they so choose. They will speak to El—when she returns—and make their judgments. I don’t think she will be so quick to exert her influence again.”
“Are you going home then?” I asked.
“I need to return home briefly to speak with my family, to make sure things are okay, but then I’m coming back here.”
“I thought you couldn’t stay here long? Your magic…”
He chuckled. “I’ll be fine. Long is relative.”
“Don’t you have, like, princely things to do?” I asked.
He shook his head. “That would be too akin to having rules. I can do whatever I want. It is not unusual for me to be absent from home.”
I grimaced. “Don’t you like being home?”
He hesitated. He looked around his apartment, and something like contentment pinged through the thread. “I like it here. The food is better.”
“You’re not supposed to eat lemons, you know.”
“But lemons are delicious,” he countered.
“You really are a demon. There’s a circle of hell for people who eat raw lemons.”
“I can’t wait to explore it,” he answered, kissing my temple.
I caressed the thread again, and he shivered, closing his eyes.
“We can dissolve the bond whenever you want,” he said softly. “It only takes a minute.”
Panic ripped through me, and Ren’s muscles tightened as though he felt it. His eyes were sad and distant, his shoulders shifting as though his wings—although not present—were ruffled.
“These things we feel for one another…” I said, choked. “Are they just because of the bond? Will they go away when it’s gone?”
How empty will I feel without you? I wanted to ask.
Ren shook his head. “I don’t think so. What we feel for each other has nothing to do with the bond. It just allows us to share those feelings.”
So you genuinely love a demon, huh? the little voice asked me.
Shut up, I shot back, but I gripped the thread and held it closer, a thrill running through me at the idea that what I felt was real.
Was it love? I had no idea. Probably not yet, but whatever this was could blossom and grow in that direction. If I let it. If Ren let it. I hadn’t even asked yet if love was a thing his kind felt. I should probably learn more about him before I settled on my feelings, before I mistakenly called anything love.
But the ache deep inside me told me love sounded like a really nice thing, a thing I wanted.
I took his hand and stroked it.
“I understand more now,” he said. “About humans. About you.”
“Well, I’m glad you learned a lesson,” I replied, the joke handily smothering the overwhelming nervousness and fear I felt at the idea that he might not want me like I wanted him.
“This bond is nice,” he said tentatively. He offered me a shy smile. “I like it. I like you.”
I swallowed. “Yeah. And you are…well, you’re pretty amazing.”
His shy smile widened into a grin, and that grin warmed my heart. It felt so amazing to be close to someone, even a demon. Ren’s s
trong, safe presence next to me destroyed the last shards of anxiety that had been lodged in me since leaving Shaw’s estate.
He cleared his throat. “You’re free. It wasn’t part of the conditional bond, but I promised that I would help you, and I will. I can kill some vampires for you, if you want. I can give you money. You can go far away and live a good life. I can put a mark on you, an invisible one, so that no vampire or demon would ever touch you. You’d be mine, and they’d know it.”
“My own personal guardian angel,” I teased, poking him. “Complete with the beautiful wings.”
But he didn’t engage. He didn’t smile. This was Ren in serious mode. He was practically broody right now, and it alarmed me. Thoughts weighed on his mind—that was clear.
“I can make you forget,” he offered. “Like Hannah.”
It looked like it killed him to say the words. The bond was silent; he didn’t want me to feel whatever he was feeling, but I saw the tumult of emotion behind his smoky green eyes.
I shook my head. “I don’t want to forget.”
I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t ever do that. I couldn’t go back to some innocent life, naive in the face of the monsters in our world who hunted and killed humans like me. I’d promised I wouldn’t forget Maggie, or Jess, or Hannah. Or any of the others whose names I would never even know, like those girls in line with me at the auction.
And I didn’t want to forget Ren.
If it meant keeping Ren, I would keep all the dark things, too. And if I could, I would fight them alongside him.
Ren, I said, tugging the thread, holding it gently.
Affection glimmered in the gold. Ari.
Ren tilted his head toward the windows. They faced east, giving us a stunning view of the rising sun.
“It’s going to be a beautiful day,” he said. “You could go out there. You could leave right now.”
“And if I wanted to stay?” I asked, choking on the last word. “If I want to keep the bond?”
Ren’s eyes opened, perfectly clear and lit with fondness in the morning sun. “I would like that very much.”
I kissed him softly and let him put his strong arms around me, feeling the rise and fall of his chest and his serenity rebounding through our thread. I could live with this. With Ren, I could face whatever might come next. He and I both still had a lot to learn about this world, but I wanted to do it together.
“Then I’m staying,” I said.
He touched my cheek and tilted my chin up for another gentle kiss. “We can take care of each other. We can keep one another safe.” His confident, affectionate words completely disarmed me.
I smiled for the first time in what felt like ages. Not a weak smile, not a guarded smile, not a smile meant to deceive or deflect or pacify, but a real smile. With teeth, with wrinkles, with what felt like light behind my eyes.
About the Author
Ella M. Lee is a graduate of Bennington College who spent years in the tech industry before getting back to her story-crafting roots. In her spare time, she likes to travel, cook, drink tea, and spend Saturday mornings repeating moves, spins, and jumps over and over again for her figure skating coach. She has a loving husband and two semi-loving cats who share her home near Boston, MA.
For more information about Ella and the Soul Bound series, please visit www.ellamlee.com. If you have a minute, please consider leaving an honest review of this book on the website of your choice. Reviews are critical to the success of independent authors like me!
Also by Ella M. Lee
The Fire Within Series (Urban Fantasy)
Fire Within
Ignited
Ashes
Table of Contents
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Chapter 34
Chapter 35
Chapter 36
Chapter 37
Chapter 38
Chapter 39
Chapter 40
Chapter 41
Chapter 42
Chapter 43
Chapter 44
Chapter 45
Chapter 46
Chapter 47
Chapter 48
Chapter 49
About the Author
Also by Ella M. Lee