by Elaine White
His friend shrugged, as he waited for Fearghas to return from tennis practice. With a longer session to prepare for an upcoming tournament, he hadn't gone back home as usual, but had agreed to meet his boyfriend at school. And Harrison had a feeling it was making him a bundle of nerves.
“How are the nightmares?” Harrison whispered, knowing that he'd started having them more often, now that Antonio had been sent to the centre. Sterling was such a nice guy that he felt guilty, even though Antonio had put his life at risk and planned God knew what for him.
“You know, I never expected them to get any better just because he's been sent away,” he began, with a faint smile. When Sterling looked up to meet his gaze, he laughed. “I wasn't disappointed. Nothing has changed.”
Harrison nodded and reached into his locker for the gift he hadn't been sure whether to hand over or not. It was just a little pouch, but he turned and handed it to his friend with a smile. “My mum made this for you. Says it's a combination of camomile and lavender. Both will make you sleep better, hopefully. Have just a little in your tea before you go to bed and keep the rest under your pillow,” he advised, watching Sterling eye the pouch uncertainly.
Knowing how logically minded he was and that he wouldn't trust a few herbs or scents to eliminate his nightmares, he tapped the pouch. “Ask your Pops; he's used things like this for his patients. He's asked my mum to make up different kinds, because they can be used for all sorts of things,” he admitted, hoping that eased his mind.
“It's not that I don't trust you,” Sterling insisted, blushing faintly as he tucked the pouch into his jacket pocket. “I'm just kind of scared. When I first started remembering what happened, it was all really basic and kind of like watching a movie in my head. I knew what happened, but it didn't really feel like it happened to me.”
Sterling shrugged again and turned to lean his back on the lockers beside his. “The more I have the nightmares, the more I remember things. Like the pain and confusion, when they hit me the first time; the fact that the grass was wet beneath my fingers; Fearghas arguing with them. I even–” he stopped and peeked up through his fringe, “I even remember how much it burned, as I swallowed the water and I was sinking down, because my legs were just so heavy that I couldn't keep kicking.”
Harrison didn't know what to do, so he simply pulled Sterling into his arms and hugged the ever loving crap out of him. He'd never had to experience anything so frightening and, as strong as Sterling had been, everyone could see that he still struggled. His straight-A grades had slipped a little, with his maths test coming in at the eighty percent level, then his next two tests following suit. Thankfully, the teachers all knew and appreciated what he'd been through, so when he was unhappy with a score, they let him sit it a second time.
But he was worried.
Fearghas and Sterling were the cutest, most adorable couple in school. The first official openly gay couple they'd ever had and it was ground-breaking. But that was also a lot of pressure to lay on their shoulders, especially when Sterling was already struggling with the one event that had actually brought them together.
“Use the tea and talk to your Pops,” he advised quietly, finally releasing Sterling to offer him a smile. “I promise it will make you feel better. Pops is amazing at what he does,” he said, remembering all too well how comforting it was to talk to someone who knew how he felt and what was going through his head, without having to say too much.
His friend nodded and reached up to rub his hand over the back of his neck. “Can I ask...what it was like? I mean, he's always a little philosophical with me, but I've never really seen him at work,” he confessed, looking a little scared and Harrison understood why.
Closing his locker, he leaned on it to give Sterling his full attention and thought about what he knew. He'd gone to see Pops Durand when he was a kid, after he was diagnosed with cancer at the age of ten. His mum was an herbalist and natural healer, but she'd insisted that he see Pops as soon as the diagnosis came, to talk about how he felt. It helped that Pops had suffered his own scare with cancer five years before, when Sterling was too young to remember it.
Pops had been through surgery and never had to worry about it again, because it was caught early. Harrison had been about to go through chemotherapy though, and he really wasn't sure how to handle it as a kid. All he'd known of cancer back then was that it killed people, so talking to Pops had given him comfort and confidence to trust that he would be okay. And he was, eventually. With some side effects, some weaknesses and uncertainty about his future, but always with support.
“Your Pops is...brilliant,” Harrison replied, with a smile. “He knew what I was going through, what I was worried about and he knew how to talk to me like a human being. I wasn't some stranger and he didn't pretend I was. It was like...like having another dad, just when I needed one,” he admitted, turning to look at Sterling. “You know Dad was working all the hours he could so that Mum could take time off to be with me all the time, but I missed him. I knew he was doing the right thing, but it didn't really feel like it at the time,” he explained.
His dad was in one of those office jobs where he didn't get paid for time off, sick days or anything that would have let him relax and be with Harrison at the hospital. He didn't even get compassionate leave for anyone not in his immediate family, which was a little ridiculous.
“Pops helped me realise that I might be stuck with this...version...of my body, but it doesn't change who I am on the inside,” Harrison said, waving a hand over his large frame. Before the treatment, he'd been a lanky Latino kid who was always teased for being too tall, too skinny, too skin and bones. Now, he was the complete opposite. “I might be fat, sickly pale and short, but I'm still a rockstar.”
Sterling laughed aloud and leaned his head on Harrison's shoulder. “You really are. You've always been my friend and you always will be,” he promised, with a sweetness that made him feel warm inside. “You don't care that I'm an asexual super geek and have an unhealthy obsession with books. And I don't care what the heck you look like, because you're strong, sweet and brilliant. You're my friend and that won't change, no matter how hot, skinny, overweight or scarred you might be.” He squeezed his arm and slid his hand down to lace their fingers together.
Harrison held on tight, locking those words of support and love up tight in his heart. He'd always known that Sterling was his best friend, even if they gave each other space when they needed it. Knowing that wouldn't change, even with his new relationship with Fearghas, made him happier than he'd been in a long time.
After making sure Sterling was alright, Harrison headed to his maths class to hand in his homework before class, since he'd already been a day late with it, thanks to a recent migraine. His teachers understood his limitations, so it had been nice to know that he could talk to them when he had a problem and come to a compromise.
It was on his way back that he noticed some sort of commotion in the hallway. Being short, he had to weave through the crowd and stand on his tiptoes to get a glimpse of two figures walking through the front doors.
Crap! That would be the two new kids he was supposed to show around school. They were earlier than he'd expected.
“Sorry. Excuse me!” he called, as he pushed his way through. Just his luck, he was at the complete opposite end of the hallway and everyone was too busy staring to get out of the way.
He noticed how quiet it had gone, then he finally broke through and found Kenichi at his locker. Harrison opened his mouth to ask for a little assistance in parting the crowd, from his friend who was one of the nicest, well liked guys in school. But just as he did, he noticed a look of shock passing over his face as he pushed off his locker.
With nothing but tension in his shoulders, Kenichi walked over to the two new guys, both of whom looked just as surprised as he did.
Harrison cocked his head in curiosity, watching along with the rest of the crowd, as Kenichi approached the taller boy. He was quite beautiful; s
trong facial features, lovely dark skin and eyes that sparkled and were more expressive than most other guys their age.
For a moment, he didn't understand what was happening. Kenichi was talking to the new boy quietly, both tense and uncomfortable, until he suddenly crashed forward and snogged him.
Harrison blinked and laughed aloud, as he watched Kenichi basically pounce on the new guy; lacing their fingers and kissing him before backing away to face the crowd.
“Well? What's everyone staring at? You've never seen two guys say hello before?” he asked, challenging the entire crowd to say something.
Since Fearghas, the most popular guy in school, had recently come out as gay and fallen head over heels for their loner, loser geek, Harrison doubted he'd get a reaction. And, true enough, the crowd stayed silent and only moved out of his way to let him pass as he headed for his locker.
It was almost infuriating the way people just stepped aside to let him through, while Harrison had to fight for every step. Except, Kenichi was lovely and he had no idea why people did what he wanted or made life easy on him. He didn't even realise that he was a local hero, leaving school to take care of his dad and then voluntarily going back to school. It was that down to earth attitude that everyone loved so much.
Harrison made his way through the crowd to Kenichi's locker, to introduce himself. When he heard them talking, Kenichi calling the new guy his boyfriend, it all fell into place and he backed away. This guy was the one he'd met at the carnival a few weeks ago. This was the guy he'd been pining over for weeks. So he'd leave and give them a few moments alone.
He returned to his locker and smiled to see Fearghas walking in the front door. He waved and Harrison waved back his hello, but didn't detain him. Sterling had gone to his locker to rearrange his books and distract himself, and Harrison was sure that the two would need a minute alone to say hello. Sterling had had a tough night and now a possible remedy, so he figured they'd want to talk about that before he or any of their friends interfered.
By the time Harrison had finally sorted his own books and re-locked his locker, Kenichi walked over with a beaming smile. “Hello, you. And, no need to say anything, I saw. I figure you'll be Alvin and Javon's guide?” he said, so that he didn't have to explain himself. Honestly, it was kind of nice to see him finally getting what he'd wanted for the last few weeks.
“Yeah.” Kenichi grinned even wider and stuffed his hands into his pockets. “I never thought I'd see him again, and I just didn't realise how stupid that was until I was back here. I mean, I should at least have taken his number or something, right?” he asked, even though he'd asked all of them the same question persistently for the last few weeks.
Laughing, he gave the same answer as always. “Yes, you should have. But, now you don't need to. You'll see him every day. So, go back to your boyfriend and leave the singletons to get some work done before class,” he ordered teasingly.
Harrison shooed him away and almost laughed again at the fact that Kenichi left without a word. Normally he'd argue, say something smartass about Harrison's aversion to dating or insist he join them.
It was nice to not run through that argument again.
Chapter 2
A few hours later, Harrison sat in his English Literature class watching his teacher, Mr Erroll. At thirty, he was one of the most attractive and intelligent people he'd ever met. Mr Erroll had been the first one to stick up for him with the school board and acknowledge his academic limitations, when he first transferred to high school.
His support had meant everything to Harrison, but his academic struggles were part of the reason he remained single and uninterested in dating. With the combination of the side effects from his chemo, years ago, the struggles with his weight and academics since then, he really didn't see the point in adding in the complication of dating to his life. Or trying to explain all those problems to someone who might not want to deal with them.
It was better being alone. Less hassle.
“So, I want you to turn this into a physical task, too,” Mr Erroll said, turning away from the board to address the room. “Go somewhere outside to read, try different environments and read the same passage in each place. Tell me if your thoughts or interpretations change depending on where you read the piece. Take a tape recorder or just take notes on how you feel, what you're thinking before you start, then again as you're reading and when you're done,” he explained, running through their latest assignment.
With a sigh, he swept his gaze around the room. “This is a very emotive piece, so I don't just want comments of “I liked it” or “It made me sad.” I want a real exploration of how you're feeling as you read it, after you read it. Tell me how your mood affects your reading, how your reading affects your mood. Everything,” he insisted.
Being a highly sensitive person, Harrison figured he had this assignment in the bag. He still kept his mood diary that Sterling's Pops had taught him to keep during his therapy. He found that it calmed him down, when he was feeling particularly upset or angry, to know that he could just lose himself to some music and write out his feelings as graphically as he wanted to. No one ever had to see them or know.
Writing down the assignment in his class book, he decided he'd start on the lunch break. It was immediately after this class, so he could get some peace and quiet, while his friends were off at their RPG club. He could even get another reading in after school, since tonight was Sterling's movie night with his Pops. That meant his friends were busy today, leaving Harrison to get ahead on his work. And knowing Kenichi, he'd be busy with Alvin and Javon, showing them around town or hanging out with his boyfriend.
Either way, today was his day.
By the time he was packing up his books to leave for lunch, the appeal of Mr Erroll's beauty had worn off in the face of a new challenge.
“You sure you don't want to join us?” Karsyn asked, as he hung out of the door leading to the RPG room. For a star football player, he was a bigger geek than Harrison was.
He could only flash a smile and hold up the novel he was going to read. “I'm heading to the park, to get some work done. Sterling and I always steal Monday lunch for ourselves,” he admitted, reminding them that he and Sterling took some 'alone time' from each other and their friends on these days, to cater to their more introverted personalities.
“Aw, come on. We're starting a new game, right from scratch, so you can totally join in,” he insisted, batting his nerdy eyes and pouting in a ridiculous imitation of little Freddie's more flamboyant nature. His little brother was the sweetest, most femme kid he'd ever known, with a beautiful geeky heart big enough to love them all.
“Tell Freddie I'm sorry, but not this time,” he apologised, knowing fine well that Karsyn wouldn't try so hard unless the whole group wanted him to join in. But Harrison had never been one for dragons, mages or magic unless they were in the pages of a book. “I promise that I'll join you on Thursday for pizza night and we can play board games, as always. But I have a project.”
Karsyn laughed and nodded. “I hear you. You and your projects,” he tutted, offering a wave before backing away and letting the door shut.
Harrison loved his friends, he really did. At no other time of his life had he had friends who would understand that a 'project' demanded undivided attention, sparked his curiosity and encapsulated his thoughts so much that he didn't want to do or think about anything else. With no other friends could he turn down an outing, such as the RPG group, but promise to make another event that week and know that they would trust him implicitly to keep that promise.
To be the small town boy he was, gay and with a geek heart, sick and overweight, and to have as many friends as he did – popular kids, loner kids, ordinary people his own age – was some kind of miracle. If his school had been like a lot of other schools in the country, none of them would be happy or free to be themselves, because of bullying, homophobia or even just the usual horrible teenage teasing.
This was the one scho
ol that Harrison had ever been to where Zero Tolerance was actually enforced.
Leaving the corridor, he ventured out of the building and through the massive parking lot full of cars. Passing by Fearghas' little yellow Mini, he smiled and dragged his sleeve over his hand to wipe off a bit of mud that had splashed onto the hood. No doubt from when he left the tennis court heading for school. With the mark gone, Harrison kept walking until he reached the back gates that led into the park behind the school.
It was quiet, with only a few people walking dogs and a couple of kids at the skate rink off to the far right. Choosing a bench on the left, with his back to the trees and the sprawling meadow of the field ahead of him, Harrison placed his bag between his feet and took in a deep breath of clean air.
Finally. Alone.
Extracting his book, he placed it to his right and grabbed his wrapped sub roll to place on the left. It took a total of two seconds to stretch his legs out in front of him and wriggle his toes inside his trainers, to get fully comfortable, before he picked up and unwrapped his roll.
The first bite was heaven: a salad mix with peppers and cucumber, enough to give it heat and a refreshing coolness. It was a great combination and made him feel better after his hectic morning and the usual chaos of a school day.
Three bites in, he grabbed his book and returned to where he left off, reading the next passage and thinking about how he began the reading as content and peaceful, while wondering if that was how he'd end it, too. It wasn't a long reading; a chapter of adventure in a book they'd already finished reading for class. But this was the part where one of the main characters died and the most evocative scene of the whole novel.
Like Mr Erroll said, it was a pivotal part of the story, but also the bit that had made him cry on his first reading. This time, Harrison wasn't in a crying frame of mind, so he wondered if it would have the same effect here and now.