“Do I hear a little disappointment?”
Kasey pushed back her chair and paced around the table. “Hell, I don’t know. When we were putting up the tree, we kept touching. It was all so innocent, but it was hotter’n blue blazes and I don’t know if it’s just me waking up from a two-year sexual sleep or if there’s really chemistry between us.”
“It’s definitely both. There’s definitely vibes between y’all, and you have had a long sexual nap, but what I think what you’re strugglin’ with is the guilt,” Lila said. “We’ve talked about that before but we can hash it out again.”
“When you came back to Happy, you struggled with getting back with Brody. How did it feel?”
“It wasn’t guilt but more fear. My situation was different from yours. I didn’t have anything to feel guilty about. I did have to admit that I wasn’t over Brody and open up my heart to the fact that I had to let go of the past before I could go on to the future.”
Kasey slumped back down in the chair. “I don’t know how to let go of the past. I’ve got three children, and Adam was my first love. Until what happened with Nash, I’d never even been kissed by another man. It scares the hell out of me, Lila.”
“So you’re dealing with guilt and fear, both?”
“Pretty much.” Kasey nodded.
“Hey, Kasey.” Nash poked his head in the back door. “Is it all right with you if I take the kids out to the sheep pen? I thought we’d do the chores a little early this evening and then go up to Amarillo to that Garden of Lights Christmas show.”
“How’d you know about that?” Kasey asked.
“Heard an advertisement for it on the truck radio. Okay?”
“Sure,” she said. “Keep an eye on Silas. He can escape in the blink of an eye.”
“Will do. Be back in an hour.”
Lila carried her empty cup to the sink. “Come look at this.”
Kasey left the table and joined Lila, who was looking out the window. Emma sat on a sack of feed in a rusty red wagon that might have belonged to Henry when he was a little boy. Rustin was pulling it behind Nash, who had three bags of feed in a wheelbarrow right along with Silas perched up on top. His blond curls bounced with every turn of the wheels and he looked up at Nash like he was a god or at least a superhero.
“Now that’s daddy material,” Lila said.
“Or maybe good neighbor slash surrogate uncle material.” Kasey sighed. “Lila, I’ve only known him a little over a week. Until he came into the picture, I didn’t even dream of kissing another man, much less anything more serious.”
“It’s Christmas. Miracles have always happened during this time of year,” Lila said. “Whoa!”
Kasey jerked her head around to see what Lila was pointing at. Evidently Silas had gotten tired of the ride, so Nash stopped the wheelbarrow and picked him up. Now he had the toddler in one arm and was using the other to hold a heavy bag of feed on his shoulder. The wheelbarrow had been left behind and Emma had gotten out of the wagon. She ran along beside Nash while Rustin made better time with the wagon now that it was lighter.
“He don’t seem so much like Heathcliff now, does he?” Lila asked.
“Sometimes he still goes into that dark place and I worry that he’s slipping back into that crazy world where he thought we were married. I wonder why he even thought that.”
“Maybe he knew a red-haired girl or someone named Kasey in his past and he transferred it all to you, plus you do still wear your wedding ring. And he did see you that day that we had the horrible dust storm, remember? And then when he opened his eyes after the fall, there you were, wearing a wedding ring, so he got everything all jumbled up in his head.”
He and the children disappeared behind the barn and Kasey turned around to refill her coffee cup. “I guess you don’t have a lot of drama to take back for the rumor mill, do you?”
“Remember I was a high school English teacher. I can take a simple sentence and turn it into a full-length essay.” Lila grinned. “I’ll sugarcoat everything I can, but this classified material stays between us. And remember, girl, if you need anything or just want to talk, it don’t matter how crazy it sounds in your head, just call me. You were there for me when I was going through the tough times and ever since when I’ve had doubts. I’m here for you now.” Lila hugged her. “Now I’ve got to get back across the fence and finish up a whole stack of entries into the computer while Brody plows up forty acres to put in a winter wheat.”
“Thank you,” Kasey said.
“For?”
“For taking care of all my jobs while I’m over here. I know you’d rather be outside with Brody rather than sitting in front of a computer. And for being my friend and understanding,” Kasey answered.
“That’s what family is for and I’m really glad to finally be a Dawson,” Lila told her. “See you in church tomorrow, right?”
“Oh, yeah. I expect there’ll be talk when Nash goes with us. Where is Sunday dinner?”
“Why not have it right here and invite Gracie and Paul?” Lila grinned.
“Catch more flies with honey than with vinegar? Sounds like a good plan to me,” Kasey said.
“Hey, I was being sarcastic, but I can see the benefits. Why don’t you go for it?” Lila slipped into her jacket and headed outside.
Kasey followed right behind her. “I’ll make some calls to everyone. I can cook a pot roast and everyone can bring a side dish or dessert. You can bring that corn casserole that the kids love. Betcha Gracie won’t come.”
Lila looked back over her shoulder. “I wouldn’t take that bet for anything. I’d lose my money.”
Kasey motioned toward the barn out beyond the yard fence. “I’m going out to check on the kids. Want to come along?”
“I’d best get back and do my spy duties or they might throw me off the ranch and I’ll have to go back to teachin’. See you tomorrow.”
Kasey watched her drive away in the ranch work truck and then walked on out to the barn. She found Silas wandering around inside the sheep pen with a couple of small lambs. He had an arm around each of their necks and was leading them around in circles, with the mama sheep following behind him.
“He’ll be a natural at training show sheep,” Nash said.
She was torn between looking at him, leaning against the fence post, looking all sexy, or watching Silas with the lambs. After less than a minute, he won out over the toddler and the sheep.
“He’s really does have a way with animals.” Nash moved close enough that she caught a whiff of his aftershave. Something woodsy and oh, so sexy.
“Look at how gentle he is with them,” he said.
“Where are Emma and Rustin?” she asked.
His neck bent slightly toward the inside of the barn. “They’re training dogs. Rustin is teaching Hero to be a cattle dog by making him learn to sit. And Emma is working with Princess. I think the dog might be going on tour with Emma when she gets on the stage to entertain from what I hear. Princess will wear a pink collar and sit on the stage beside her while she sings. Emma gets to wear a tiara and cowboy boots with lots of shiny stuff on them.”
“Welcome to my world,” she said. “Make yourself right at home and keep a gun handy to protect your sanity.”
He laid a hand on her arm and squeezed gently. “Don’t think I’ll need any protection. I’ll dive right into the deep end of the insanity pool if you’ll go with me.”
* * *
The air was brisk enough that the kids had to keep the hoods up on their coats that night at the light display, but the stars sparkled around a big old round lover’s moon. Nash was glad that Kasey knew exactly how to get to the Garden of Lights Christmas show because he sure didn’t know his way around Amarillo. Not yet, anyway. By the time he’d lived there a couple of years he’d know every street and alley.
Two years? His grandmother’s voice sounded so real in his head that he turned slightly to see if she was standing beside him. You stayin’ two years?
> He tilted his chin up slightly, like he would if he were really arguing with her. Maybe I will. I’ve felt more alive this past week than I have since I got shipped home from that last mission.
“Ahhh, lookit.” Emma pointed toward an archway of lights. “It’s my castle.”
“Hey, there’s Kyce. He’s my friend. Mama, can I go say hi to him?” Rustin pointed toward a couple of little boys with their parents.
“Rusty!” Kyce yelled across the distance and raced over to his side. “I didn’t know you were comin’ to this tonight.”
“Me neither, but we did. Is that your brother?”
“Yep, he’s in the third grade. His name is Zayne. Can you go with us?”
“Not tonight,” Kasey answered for him. “He needs to stay with our family.”
“Mama, come and see Rustin’s mama and daddy,” Kyce hollered and motioned to his parents.
“Hi, Kasey. I heard you’d come back to Happy. Don’t know if you remember me,” Kyce’s mother said.
“Of course I do, Mallory. You graduated with Jace, right?” Mallory had a mop of brown hair, green eyes, and if it was true that freckles were the result of angel kisses, then the angels must have loved her a lot. “This is Nash Lamont, our neighbor over on the Texas Star. We’re stayin’ with him for a while until the doctor says he can drive again.”
Mallory nodded. “This is my husband, Brad. We live between Tulia and Happy on a little spread. Kyce and Zayne go to school in Happy.”
“Kyce, like ice with a K,” said the little brown-haired boy with a round face and big brown eyes. “And that’s spelled K-Y-C-E.”
“And I’m Zayne with a Y, too,” announced the other little boy with a smile that showed two big teeth that his slim face hadn’t grown into yet. “Is Rustin with a Y?”
“No.” Rustin quickly spelled his name. “And this ain’t my daddy. He’s our cowboy and we live with him.”
Mallory blushed and whispered. “It’s a good thing that you’re doin’, Kasey. Adam would be so proud, him bein’ a serviceman and all.”
“Yes, he would,” Brad agreed. “We’ve got to get these boys home now, Mallory. We got to get the cake made to take to my parents tomorrow down in Tulia.”
“Sure thing,” Mallory said. “You should let Rustin come play some afternoon.”
“Sounds good. Good-bye, Kyce and Zayne, both with a Y,” Kasey said.
“Pleasure to meet y’all,” Nash said.
“Yes, it was.” Brad ushered the boys away.
“So where did you get Rustin’s name?” Nash asked as they made their way through the light display.
“It was Adam’s great-grandfather’s name on his mother’s side and he always liked it.”
“And Emma?”
“From a book that Granny read to me when I was a little girl about a princess. Her name was Emma and she had blond hair. That’s about all I remember, but I loved the name. And before you ask, Silas was my great-grandfather’s name on the Dawson side of the family.”
“Well, I like all their names and they fit their personalities so well. Is Kasey a nickname for Katherine?”
“No, I’m just plain old Kasey with a K.” Her smile put all those stars up there and the lights on earth to shame. “How about you?”
“Mama says that she got pregnant with me on her honeymoon in Nashville, so she named me Nash.” He took her hand in his and squeezed gently.
“Fits you. And would you look at that?” She pointed toward a cutout figure of a cowboy with a guitar in his hands. Sparkling red lights outlined the guitar and the cowboy’s hat.
“And why does Nash fit me?” He didn’t drop her hand but kept her fingers laced with his.
“Sounds like a cowboy’s name,” Kasey said.
“And not an army captain’s name?”
Kasey smiled up at him. “Captain Nash Lamont does have a ring to it.” It was her turn to squeeze his hand.
“Me sheeps.” Silas tugged at her leg. “Look, Mama.”
A gorgeous nativity scene was to their right, complete with a blinking star up above the manger. Two wooden sheep were huddled up next to a couple of shepherds, and someone had covered them with real wool.
“Look at baby Jesus, Mama. I want a baby sister,” Emma declared.
“Jesus is a boy, silly,” Rustin told her.
“I know that.” She shot a dirty look toward him. “But I got two brothers. I need a sister.”
They walked through an arch into a clearing that looked like the setting for a fairy tale with a gold carriage set in the middle.
Emma clapped her hands and said, “Mama, when the prince takes me away, I want it to be right here.”
“What?” Kasey asked.
“Like in the storybook,” Emma said. “He’ll take me away in that wagon right there.”
“Honey, that’s a long way in the future,” Nash said.
“What’s future?” Emma ran over to the carriage and crawled inside. She peeked out the door and waved at the family. “I’m a princess.”
“Yes, you are, chère, and future is when you are thirty,” Nash said.
“Or thirty-five,” Kasey said right behind him. “And this is the end of the tour. Are y’all ready for ice cream?”
“Is Granny Hope thirty-five?” Rustin eyed the carriage but he didn’t get inside it with Emma.
“No, she’s five hundred,” Emma answered as she got out and joined them.
“You better not tell her that,” Kasey said. “Wasn’t this fun, kids?”
“Yep,” Rustin said. “But I wish they’d have had a bronc or a bull to ride instead of a stupid old carriage out of a fairy tale.”
“It’s not stupid,” Emma protested.
“Did someone say ice cream?” Nash asked.
“Yes!” Emma shouted.
“Little corn has big ears,” Kasey said.
“My grandmother says that same thing.” He laughed. “We could call it their night snack and they could go right on up to bed when we get home. I understand that we’re having Sunday dinner at our house tomorrow, so we might need to get things ready for that.”
“I should’ve asked you before I made those plans, Nash.” Kasey frowned.
“It’s your house, too, so you don’t have to feel that way. It’s the least I can do, since you’re disrupting your life right here at Christmas. How many are we expecting?”
“Maybe eight or ten in addition to us,” she said with half a groan. “And you aren’t comfortable around people and Gracie in particular. I’ll call it off as soon as we get home.”
The idea of that many people around him made Nash start to retreat inside himself again, but he refused to go there. He took two deep breaths and smiled at Kasey. “I’m glad that Addy sent half a freezer of beef with me when I moved over here. Maybe we ought to lay out another roast or two and invite a few more folks. We could do it all up buffet style.”
“We’ve got plenty thawing out, and we’ll have to make it a buffet. There’s no way fifteen of us can get around a dining room table that seats six.”
I will pass this test. I will go to church and survive being among all those people and then having fifteen at my house for Sunday dinner. I’m going to do this for Kasey and the kids.
“What are you thinking about?” Kasey asked as they made their way back to the van.
“My multiple personalities are ganging up on me,” he teased.
“If there’s fewer than three they don’t have a chance.”
“Why’s that?”
“You could take on three with one hand tied behind your back,” she joked. “And which Nash is winning?”
“The one you rescued.” He threw an arm around her shoulders. “Have I thanked you for that?”
“I believe you have,” she said.
Silas wiggled in the stroller and reached his arms toward Nash. “Hold me.”
“Come on, buddy. I bet you’re tired of looking at the world at knee level to everyone. I’ll carry y
ou the rest of the way.” Nash deftly undid the strap.
Silas giggled and pointed at the lights up ahead. “Me king!”
“King of the mountain! We should play that when we get home,” Rustin said.
“I’ll beat you this time,” Emma said.
“Will not!” Rustin argued.
“Me king!” Silas joined in the fuss.
“Emma is mean when she plays,” Rustin tattled. “She hits below the knees.”
“Am not! Boys are mean,” Emma argued.
“Sure you want a house full of kids?” Kasey asked.
Nash opened the van door and settled Silas into his seat. “Yep, I sure am.”
Evidently everyone in the whole Texas panhandle went to the ice cream store after they’d been to the light show because the place was packed and folks were lined up all the way out into the parking lot.
“It’ll be midnight before we get them home if we wait in line.” Kasey groaned.
“Then let’s go at this another way. Hey, kids, how about we stop by McDonald’s drive-by window and y’all can have a chocolate milk shake.”
“You’re a genius,” Kasey said out of the side of her mouth. “Lids and straws and no mess.”
“With a little help, I get something right every once in a while.”
Chapter Eleven
Nash had grown up going to a little white church down in Louisiana, and when he spent time in Jefferson, Texas, with his grandmother, she’d never let him miss a single Sunday. When he first joined the army he’d gone to chapel every Sunday, but then missions began to get in the way. The past two years it hadn’t been a time issue but a people one.
When he finally got things unscrambled that first time, he blamed God for Adam’s and his other other team members’ deaths. There were bad, evil people in the world that should have taken their last breath instead of those who were giving their lives in service. He’d lost brothers in combat and kept the faith, but that day the explosion and then the little boy’s death turned out to be the straw that busted the old proverbial camel’s back.
After many months, he had come to grips with the fact that it wasn’t God’s fault but his own. A soldier was accountable for his own actions and took responsibility. Nash could well remember the day that he’d been out in the pasture with his sheep and the realization hit him and everything reversed. He’d been shifting blame over to the Almighty when it all belonged to him. That was the day that the black hole doubled in size.
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