I watch her pull her gun from the drawer and holster it. She hands me mine and I do the same. When she turns I kiss her. She shocks the shit out of me leaning in and opening her mouth. I pull her to me and lift her up. Too many nights of her sleeping against me is fuckin’ with my control and I have to fight to put her down. “Fuckin’ hell,” I growl out. “You’re not making this easy hot lips.” I smile at her.
She looks a little dazed, but shakes her head no. “No to hot lips.”
“Fuck and that was working pretty well for me just now. Go before I call Trapper and tell him I'm not showing.” She laughs and runs out the door. She's not ready and I'm not pushing this. Fuck I'm an idiot. I fight with myself on the way to pick up Trapper. It won't be good if she isn't ready. I want good. I'm eight years older than her and need to act it.
With my head settled I get Trapper to Dunkin’. He's in a good mood. Anita is going to move in with him. I'm happy he found her. I tell him to get Done to move her and he's smiling like it’s Christmas morning.
At the shop I get my bike ready and wait on Vinny. He shows five minutes before the driver calls. Fuckin’ Brother had me worried. We meet the truck on the highway with two Transport Brothers and make the long uneventful ride to Maine.
***
Sheila
Drake is a damn mess. I get them back in the Jeep and head to Dunkin’. I need coffee and he needs to calm the hell down. He doesn't say a word while I drive or order our coffee. When I pull out he starts again. “What am I going to do? She needs more than I can give her.”
I want to tell him to grow the fuck up and make a decision here, but he's just a kid. “You decide on a plan for your life and work all the things you need to do into it.”
“She deserves more than homeless and living in a dorm. I don't have anything. I don't even know what she needs and now I have to decide whether to go to school or take care of her. If I choose her I have no way to give her what she deserves. If I choose school, I lose her.”
“It's not easy. It's not optimal. It's not fair. You need to decide with some information behind it. Talk to Lily and get what you need to make that decision. You may be surprised.” I feel for him. He just found out her mother left for Florida, he doesn't know the father and he's got a deaf baby to provide and plan for. “Everyone in the Club signs. We grew up with deaf and special needs. She doesn't need anything but love and a little extra work. You've been doing it so far.”
He doesn't say anything all the way back to the yard. At the house he asks if I can keep Stella while he talks with the RA. It's not like she can hear the conversation, but I tell him I have errands and I'll drop her back later.
Me and Stella get my errands done and I stop in at Jess's. I explain what's going on while the kids play. She points to Justice. I look over and laugh. Fuckin’ kids. He's showing her how to say ‘friend’. When she signs it he hugs her and points to Aquyà and her and signs ‘friend’. She hugs Aquyà. “That is too fuckin’ cute.”
“See if she can go to the daycare with them. This is the only day they aren't there. It will be good for her to learn how to sign. They love showing off.”
“They're not showing off, they're helping.” I'm glad they are; it will be easier for her to learn from kids than adults.
I call Prez and tell him what's going on. He tells me to call the daycare and get her in starting tomorrow. I take care of that, watching her sign ‘water’ and ‘cookie’ to Jess. When she's done we sign ‘bye friend’ and bring my little wonder girl home. Drake will be happy she's already learning.
When I get to the house Drake isn't here and the RA went to the store. I call into Ops. Brantley is on making this easier. “Drake is gone; can you track him? I have Stella but need to get to therapy.”
“On it Sheila. I'll call you back.”
Twenty minutes goes by and I decide to take her with me. I grab her crayons and paper and pack her back up in the Jeep. On the way I call Brantley. “I'm taking her with me. I'll call you when I get out.” He rogers me making me smile.
Therapy sucks. I tell her everything that happened with the gang. They didn't rape me the traditional way, they all took me from behind. I had never had anal sex and what happened was painful and humiliating. I tell her every fuckin’ word they said and all the little details I never spoke out loud. The leader was supposed to take me vaginally so no one went there. I was a bloody mess, but didn't know how to say it to the Brothers. I didn't know if I could wash up when I got to MC-Baxters or what I was supposed to do. I'm so glad Prez sent Eliza in for me. She called Nancy and Amanda right away, asking all the questions I couldn't. Amanda examined and helped me get clean. It was a disgusting process with an enema and sitting on the toilet when all I wanted was to drink away their words and the pain. When I'm finished, she squeezes my hand. I'm so glad I never have to repeat it again. I wipe my eyes and tell her I've had enough.
“You certainly have. I'm proud of you Sheila. It takes courage to relive all the details that are holding you back. Now that they are out, take some time to pinpoint the worst for you. Everyone is different. It could be the shirt you had to wear. The color of shoes someone was wearing. Anything that seems small, but annoys the hell out of you.”
“Homework. I'm glad Jax is away.” I take a deep breath.
“How is the sleeping going?”
I can't tell her about Dakota, but I did tell her about Jax. “I've been sleeping all night. Not one fuckin’ drink.”
She smiles. “Jax is good for you.”
“Yeah.”
“Are you still waiting?”
I roll my eyes. “Yeah, but I don't want to be.” I think I decided that this morning.
She nods. “You may need some time. Don't rush it. Are you feeling pressure from Jax?”
I laugh. “No. I should be, but he's willing to wait for me to clean up my act.” She takes in a breath and I hold up my hand. “I know what you're going to say, but it's my life so I can describe it how I feel it. I'm a fuckin’ hot mess and know it. When I get through this I'll have new descriptive words, but for now – that's all me.”
She smiles and tells me my next appointments. I text it to Darren so he can fix the schedule for me.
Stella turns when I stand. I put her crayons in the box and take her papers. She's so fuckin’ cute. She colored every bit of the paper. I don't point out the floor that's got some lines on it but I do show her papers. The therapist finds her coloring on the pages fascinating. She didn't take a new page until the one before was covered in color. She's a cool kid.
When I get us in the Jeep I call Brantley. “I'm out Brother.”
“He's at the house. He went to see if Ralphy could get some information to his sister. Dakota says she isn't coming back. Drake needs to plan for that. Dakota talked to him already.”
“Fuck. That's not good. I think he was hoping the sister would come back and take care of Stella.”
“She's younger than he is, Sheila. Even if she did come back, he's more responsible. She's just a kid.”
“Jesusmaryandjoseph! This poor kid isn't ever going to catch a fuckin’ break. Jessie's twins taught her some words today.”
He laughs “That's the good she got today. I need to go.”
I hang up telling her where we're going. Since she can't hear me I don't know why I do it.
I bring her and her papers in the house and Drake comes running. “Sorry, I needed to get word to my sister. It's hard making a decision about someone else's kid.” I nod, but don't answer. She's his now, as far as I'm concerned, it's his decision.
I tell him about the daycare and have her sign 'friend’, ‘water’, and ‘cookie.' He laughs and tries signing with her. I show him and he gets it. He's amazed. I leave them to play, stopping when I see the RA. He'll drive them over to the daycare in the morning. He likes that Stella is learning to talk. He was worried too.
I make it home to Jason waiting on the porch. He comes through the garage when I pull in. “Nice sur
prise.”
“I was at Ops when you called in. Brantley told me you just left therapy. I figure that's not an easy day and I know Jax is gone. I can stay. If you need me to not talk, I can do that and just be here.”
I smile at him. “It wasn't fun at therapy, but I'm okay. It's getting easier.”
He looks relieved. “It took me a while for it to be easier too. You should have told me you were going to therapy. I didn't know you were still carrying this. I could have stayed here with you.”
He's cute. “It wasn't time J. Now I can deal with it. Before I couldn't even say the word rape.” He nods with a sad look. “Go home J. I'm good and getting better.”
He hugs me. “Call if you want some company.”
“I will. Thanks for showing.” I watch him leave with a smile. I fuckin’ love my family.
I fill the tub and relax back thinking about what the therapist said. They all had filthy mouths but the way they used bitch and the tone of their voice was the worst. Like I didn't matter. For a couple of hours, I didn't matter. I don't know how Eliza and Tess did it. I wanted to scream and fight back, but Jason was back there and I didn't want him fighting to help me and get himself killed. The only sound I made was with the first guy. I couldn't hold that one in. All the rest I did. I heard them beating my brother and kept quiet so he wouldn't hear. To him I mattered. Thinking about it, I mattered the whole time. I just couldn't see past the pain of that moment. Nancy, Amanda, Eliza, my family, the Brothers – they all showed me I mattered. They still do. Looking at it now doesn't seem so hard. What I told Jason is true. It's easier.
My phone pulls me out of myself. “Hello.”
“Hey beauty, you busy?”
I laugh. “No and beauty isn't working.”
“I got here. I'm in one of their racks wishing I was at the Club. It's primitive. No Prospects running hospitality, no food, no cleaners and if you can believe it, no fridge in the room. I even have to go out to use the toilet.”
I can hear his smile and laugh. “That does sound primitive.”
“Really it's a bed and a roof. I can't complain.”
“How was the ride?”
“Always good. How was therapy?”
I tell him about therapy, Jason, and that it's getting easier. I can hear that he's happy from his tone. He asks about Stella and I smile. He's a good guy. “She's deaf. They think she was sick and not treated as a baby. Drake is freaked. He took off today to get word to his sister through Ralphy, the kid that stayed with the other runners.”
He pauses before he talks and I know the thoughtful look that's on his face right now. “That's rough. The sister took off to Florida didn't she?”
“Yeah. I have Stella at the daycare with Justice and Aquyà. They taught her how to sign a couple of words today. It was cute.” I smile remembering.
“I'll cover her if it comes up.”
I really like Jax. “Princes are covering her. I called Prez when we got back and he told me to set it up and get her in for tomorrow.”
“Good. That's good. If it becomes an issue, I'll take it. I'm glad she means something to the Princes. I shouldn't be surprised. Everyone does.” He's smiling again. I was just thinking that. Everyone matters to Prez and the Princes. “You want kids?”
I'm surprised by his question. “Yeah.”
He laughs. “You got a number or preference, Tricks?”
“I don't think you get a choice. Never thought about how many and fuckin’ Tricks sounds like a prostitute.”
“You want your kids in with the Little Brothers when it starts?” He doesn't say anything about Tricks.
“Yeah.” I wish I was in it from when I was small, but I loved growing up the way we did. “I'd want them in it young.”
“Me too.”
I like this so I ask him. “You want kids? How many and preference?”
“Yeah and I don't care.”
“You ever going back to Family or HS?” I would like him on the Teams.
“I like where I am now. If I'm needed, I step back in, but I got shit to keep me busy with Nomads and Transport.”
I think about him taking Trapper out, helping with the dogs, and setting up mentoring with the Brothers. I guess he's got a full plate. “Yeah.” I don't say the other shit he does.
“You like where you are?”
Prez is the only one to ever ask me that question. “Yeah I do. I like the Center and PD. I didn't go to school for it like you and Eliza, but I learn a lot with her. I like training and HS too. I'd be ready to shoot myself if I was stuck in one place all the time.”
“You were always the jack-of-all-trades moving from one place to another.”
It's been bugging me so I ask, “What did you see in a smart mouthed kid like me?”
I wait for him to answer. Maybe he won't. “Diego was found and Little Ben called a meeting. He explained what was going on and how everyone could help Diego by letting him be a little boy playing and laughing like everyone else. He said it would replace the bad memories if he had more good ones. I watched you cry for your new brother. You were street smart and Badass, but your brother got hurt and he meant something to you. I watched to see what else mattered. It was always your family or anyone hurt. Lily left and you cried for your friend. You were so excited and hugged Rich at least ten times when he gave you his truck. You had money and could have bought a brand new one, but you were touched because he thought of you. Those sweet and soft reactions were so different than the hard Sheila that wouldn't put up with bullshit from anyone. I liked seeing the sides of you that didn't always show and weren't so obvious.”
“Wow. You saw a lot. Now I'm embarrassed I asked.”
He laughs. “An older guy should explain the attraction. It shouldn't be a T&A answer. Besides, Tiny would have killed me if I said that.”
I laugh. “Yeah.”
“You going to sleep okay, Velvet?”
I shake my head. “Velvet is not fuckin’ happening and yeah I'll sleep. Therapy was a bitch, but made me think. It's like I told J, it’s getting easier.”
“I'm fuckin’ relieved to hear it. Dakota said it, but I'm glad you feel it.”
“I need to get out of the tub and get my shit done so I know what I'm doing tomorrow.”
“Fuck. You've been in the tub all this time and I hear it when you're hanging up. My fuckin’ timing needs to be reset, Hot Stuff.”
I crack up. He's fuckin’ funny. “Hot Stuff ain't ever being used and you may be right. Your timing is off.”
“I'm at a warehouse tomorrow then a meet. I'll text when I'm clear. If you're off call me.”
“I will. Night Jax.”
“Good night sweet girl. Dry every spot on your body thinking about me doing it. I will be.”
He hangs up before I can say no to the name and oh my friggin’ God! My whole body shivers thinking about him drying every spot on my body. I think he would too. That thought makes the bad better.
Chapter Six
Two days
Jax
Shit. I look down the bar and see a whore put my phone down. I finish with the Brother and walk back to where I was sitting before he pulled me away. I was waiting for Sheila to call before that.
I grab the phone giving the whore a look and walk out the door. Hitting her back I'm smiling. “Hey Hot Shot.”
“Finished with the whore? I'm a little busy now.” She's gone.
What the fuck? I hit her number again and it goes right to voicemail. The fuckin’ whore answered my phone. Jesus. I leave a message. I'm glad I'll be leaving tomorrow. Fuckin’ whores and hangers don't quit here. I wasn't in the Club before the bluff building, but I heard it was like this one. Women aren't held very high and they act it.
Since I'm not talking to my girl tonight I decide on a ride. The coast here is beautiful.
***
Sheila
“He's a little busy sweetheart. When he's done and zipped I'll let him know you called.”
What the f
uck? Done and zipped. I take a breath and feel the tears. We've talked about everything while he's been up there. I'm falling in love over the phone and he's fuckin’ the whores when he's not talking to me. He's said shit making me believe he's been waiting. Brothers don't do shit like that. At least not our Brothers. I see it in the other Clubs, but never with MC or Princes.
I shake my head. Fuck him. I'm making progress and I'm not losing ground over him. It was just a dream anyway. When does a long time crush walk into your life and make that dream come true? Never. It never fuckin’ happens in real life. When he calls I brush him off and shut off my phone. I grab a bottle and head for the bedroom.
Chapter Seven
Two days
Sheila
I get an HS text and we fly to Security. Just as we hit the lot we're told to get to grid 48. That's mostly woods and outside of town two. We get directions in and stop in front of a Vet and his dog. What the fuck is he doing way out here?
He found a body and walks us back to it. No! My head is screaming, NO! I call it in while Eliza checks him for a pulse. I know he's dead. Fuck. Everything is running through my head but the biggest thing is Stella. I keep stopping on Stella. Chevy tells me Jessie is on his way.
I look at him thinking he was going to school. Lily had him enrolled, with help for Stella, but that isn't happening anymore. He was beat with something heavy. Maybe a bat or pipe. Eliza says what I'm thinking. I'm glad I learned something from her, but it's fuckin’ Drake. Why would someone kill Drake?
Jessie shows with a detective from the PD. He says basically what we think and that he was dumped here. Jessie closes his room off at the house putting a Brother outside. He tells me to handle Stella until they figure out what the fuck is going on. I nod and stand by Eliza. It's early, so picking her up now won't do anything but give her time to notice he's not around.
Enforcer: Book Four (Princes of Prophecy) Page 7