by Daya Daniels
“What?” I ask when her brown eyes cease to blink at me.
I didn’t want to explore what this thing was that Nico and I were doing. Everything I had with this man is moving faster than a whore busting out of church.
“Hmmm.” She groans and then steps away again.
I go back to scrubbing. “What did you do with this pot?” I ask with a squeak, scrutinizing the burnt bottom of it.
“I don’t know. It got burnt, Cass. Why don’t you ansa my question?”
“I don’t know, Mama. We’re just hanging out. I haven’t known him for long.”
Ayana sucks her teeth and dips down to peer through the kitchen window at Nico outside. “He’s handsome, Cass. What’s a man dat handsome doing still alone and not married?” She questions.
I shrug. “I don’t know, Mama.”
“If something too good to be true, Cass it usually is.”
“What are you saying?”
“I don’t know.” She chirps. “He doesn’t look gay.”
Ayana was one of the most suspicious women I knew. She taught me to be cautious when it came to men but sometimes she went overboard.
“Mama.” I scold.
I had no intention of telling her just yet that Nico had a daughter – those judgments could wait...
She laughs a little and sips her tea. “He’s a good-looking boy. It’s nice to finally meet him, Cass. I’m glad you brought him here.”
I smile.
“Maybe he’s been waiting for you.” She whispers.
“I hope so.” I murmur.
Ayana shrugs. “I see the way he looks at you when you’re not looking. It’s different. His eyes have a sparkle in them, when he looks at you dat makes me curious about what’s going on in dat handsome head of his. It makes me, I don’t know. I guess I’m worried this might be it for you.”
“I don’t look that far ahead. I’m just trying to be happy and he makes me happy. We’re friends.”
Ayana meets my eyes and gives me a nod and then a tiny smile spreads across her face. “Where’s ya sister?”
“I don’t know.”
“She was drunk when I saw her last around here somewhere. Christ to mercy she gets on my damn nerves.”
Ayana hates when people drink, even though my father does nearly every day. She’s sixty now and deep in the church. I’m still uncomfortable drinking around her, terrified of the opinions she’d hurl my way.
“Why don’t you relax, Mama. Let Symone worry about herself, okay.” I suggest.
Ayana’s brown eyes morph into slits. “Don’t tell me what to do, young lady.”
“Oh, my God.” I whisper to myself when Ayana goes stomping off looking for my sister, which only solidifies that tonight will end badly.
I take a deep breath watching Nico through the windows. He’s playing with a few of my little cousins, spinning them around and tossing them in the air. It’s clear the children are in love with him. He looks so carefree. He tears his focus from the tiny body he holds in his hands and meets my eyes, as though he knows I’m already watching him. He gives me a wave and a handsome smile, then goes back to skylarking.
Nico
“Isso é fofo. This is cute.” I compliment looking around the tiny bedroom, that looks like Tinkerbell had an epic meltdown in here.
Cass sits on the edge of her small bed and puffs a brown lock of hair away from her face. “I’ve been meaning to repaint it.”
I smile. “No. No. It’s cute. Tatiana would love it.”
She laughs just as I slide in to sit next to her. My mass causes the mattress to dip and her to lean into me a bit more. I wrap my arm around her back and press a kiss to her forehead.
“Your family is nice.”
She huffs.
“Your sister doesn’t care for me much but the rest of them seem okay.”
Cass narrows her eyes at me. “Symone isn’t exactly the friendly type.”
I only hum in response, knowing what she’d just said translated to “my sister is a jerk.” I stare off in the distance out the window, taking in all the colorful kites that litter the sky. Cass gives me a long look as though she wants to speak but she doesn’t. Her eyes go sorrowful for a moment and then brighten just as swiftly. She runs her fingertips over some of the writing on my forearm.
“What are we doing, Nico?”
A dent is etched between my brows. It bothers me that she seems so deep in thought. It bothers me even more that she has to ask this question. I bounce playfully on tiny bed and Cass giggles. I tip her chin with my thumb and index finger.
“I don’t know what you mean.”
She sits straight. “I don’t know. I guess I can’t explain it. I just wonder what we’re doing.”
“We’re hanging out, Cass. We’re getting to know each other. We’re having incredible sex and we’re falling in love.” I whisper the last part.
A calmness spreads across her features and her serene brown eyes stare at me. I pull her into my lap and drag my hands over her thighs. Her face turns sad for a moment. I nudge her in the hopes that she’ll talk.
“Love.” She whispers.
“Yes, love.”
She laughs. “I’ve never heard a man use the word so loosely.”
My face smashes up at her statement. “I don’t know what you mean.”
She sighs. “I don’t know. I always told Rupert I loved him but he avoided the word like it was death in itself.”
“He never told you he loved you?”
“No.” She whispers. “I guess because he didn’t.”
“I’m full of love, Cass and I’d like to give it to you. I’d like to give a lot to you.”
She runs a hand through my hair and kisses my cheek.
“Você poderia me amar? Could you love me?”
“Of course.” She says softly. “I’m just not used to this.”
I jerk her against me again.
“You being so upfront about it. I mean, I just found out you have a daughter.”
Cass stares out the window when she says the words. Two kiskadees land in the window sill. The sheer white curtains blow around the vision of the two birds doing what looks like kissing. I’m fixated on the sight in front of me. Escucha Me by the Gypsy Kings echoes from the speakers outside. I spot Joseph doing a shimmy across the grass to the music, holding a beer in his hand.
“Where is her mother?” Cass asks interrupting my trance.
“In Brazil.” I explain still staring at the birds.
“Were you in love with her?”
“No.”
Gaia and I’s relationship, if you could call it that was complicated. The look on Cass’ face begs me to enlighten her but I’m not sure how I could without creating a strange lasting impression.
“It was a horrible relationship with her mother. It was all wrong from the very start. She was after all the wrong things.” I breathe out. “She got pregnant behind my back – long story but I took responsibility. To make matters worse, when Tatiana was two I found out she wasn’t mine. Gaia, her mother was off in school. She didn’t want to be a mother. Technically, it was me who encouraged her to keep the baby from the beginning.”
Cass lets out a deep breath.
“It was a fucking disaster. A trainwreck actually.
“To make a long story short, Tatiana’s mother had no room for children. She didn’t know who the father was and after two years, Tatiana was mine, you know. What was I supposed to do?” I ask, remembering the heartbreaking news.
“Gaia left and she never came back, pretty much. So, Tatiana lives me with me. Right now, she’s with my mother back home.”
Cass gives me a sidelong glance and swallows thickly but she doesn’t speak. It seems the story I just told her, rendered her speechless.
“I’ve never been married, Cass. I don’t think I’ve really ever even been in love but I want it, believe me.”
“I was worried that story was different. I don’t maybe even more compl
ex than it just sounded.”
I run a hand over my jaw, picking apart her statement. “You thought I was married? Or, used to be married.”
“Yes.”
“I’ve never been married, Cass. Would it bother you if I had? I thought women loved men who showed they weren’t afraid to make a commitment.” I mutter, dragging my fingers over the soft skin on her arms.
“No, it wouldn’t have bothered me if you were married before.” She whispers with a giggle. “But I know divorced men come with complications and being a second wife can be taxing when not done correctly. Being a stepmother also has its own set of fun rules and regulations.”
I smirk. “I suppose...in regards to all of it. Except, you wouldn’t be a stepmother when it comes to Tat.” I mumble.
Cass gives me a long look. “Okay.” I whisper, praying she knew what my statement really meant.
“You’re leaving soon?” She asks.
My forehead furrows at her statement. “What do you mean?”
“I overheard you saying that you’d be home soon, the other night. I’m sorry. I was sort of eavesdropping.”
This is the one thing I didn’t want to discuss with Cass – the possibility of me leaving. I knew long distance relationships didn’t work. It was the equivalent of trying to remain in love with a ghost.
“I’ll be gone at the end of July just for a few months and then I’ll be back.”
Cass’ eyes flicker with apprehension and then land on mine. “You were always leaving, I know.” She says cheerlessly.
“I won’t be gone long if I can help it, Cass. I can promise you that.”
She nods and I squeeze her tighter.
“What’s your home like in Brazil?”
“It’s right on the water.”
“Of course.” She whispers.
“It’s comfortable.”
“Sounds nice.” She whispers, running a hand over my jaw.
I suck a finger into her mouth, tasting her skin. She shifts against the hardness in my pants and kisses me.
“I want you to see my place.”
Cass giggles. “In Brazil.”
“Yes.”
She laughs out loud. “I can’t go to Brazil.”
I don’t push, just kiss her lips.
“Cassandra!” Ayana calls out.
“That’s my cue.” She mumbles wriggling out of my lap and crawls across the floor like a caterpillar.
“I’ll head back outside.” I whisper, standing. “Until you’re done.”
Nico
“Brazilian.” Cassandra’s Aunt Muriel says in a sing-song voice, dragging her fingers over my bicep. “Oh.” She winks.
I lift my brows at the way this woman is blatantly flirting with me. I shift away from her a little, when she adjusts the large umbrella on top of her head that’s supposed to be a sunhat.
“Brazilian.” She smiles. “You’re very handsome, Mr...”
“Nico.” I say.
“Nico.” She giggles.
I take a deep breath and stare out at the distance. Cass disappeared again to help Ayana hide some Easter eggs for the children. Symone occasionally offers me a beer. Joseph is clearly drunk, dancing and singing to the music that alternates between reggae to calypso every now and again.
I take a long sip of the beer in my hand and plop down on one of the lounge chairs. Aunt Muriel continues to glance at me in a way that makes me feel uncomfortable. Despite the fact that she’s older than the Bermuda cedar tree across the yard and smells like an old toothbrush, she looks at me like I’m a Brazilian sport horse she wants to mount.
I give her an uncomfortable smirk and guzzle the rest of my beer. Standing, I head across to the cooler to get another one. Shouting jerks my attention to the kitchen window where Ayana and Symone seem to now be going at it at the top of their lungs, in an Tony Award-worthy performance. I let out breath out wondering how Joseph managed to stay out of M.A.W.I (the mental hospital...just so you know) putting up with these two women for as long as he has. I pop the top of my beer.
“Stefan.” An unfamiliar voice says.
I spin around to find a man approaching with his arm extended in greeting. I shake it looking him over. He’s tall, slim, dark and dressed in a tailored suit that looks like it was picked out by the undertaker.
“Nico.”
He nods and looks me over in an obvious way.
“I’m Symone’s boyfriend.”
“I’m here with Cass.”
“Yeah, I’ve heard.” He smirks, bobbing his head a few times. “You’re not from here, are you?”
“No.”
He steps closer, narrowing his eyes. “Where are you from again?”
“Brazil.”
“Right.”
I continue to drink my beer, taking in the comical sight of Joseph dancing with Aunt Muriel. The old man has some moves straight out of Lambada. Stefan’s still looking at me. I huff at the very unfriendly greeting I’m being given, even though he’s trying his best to seem sincere. I tower over him by at least four inches but by his quasi-patronizing demeanor and the way he cocks his weak chin out, I can tell this gajo thinks he’s ten feet tall.
“What do you do again?” He asks.
I grin and put the cool beer to my lips again. “I’m a fisherman.”
“Right.” He snips. “And you live on Ambrose’s boat?”
Why do I feel like I’m in an episode of The First 48?
It’s beyond me how he knows all this, unless he’s already stalking me but I respond anyhow. “Yes.”
He laughs softly and runs a hand over his jaw. “Do you make any money doing that?”
“Yeah, some.”
“I mean, I don’t know how much money you could possibly be earning slinging fish but the seasons here change.”
“As they do everywhere on earth.” I add.
Stefan laughs.
I spot his expensive cuff links that glint against the hot rays of the sun and chuckle. This prick is as pompous as they come. He reaches down and shuffles through the ice in the cooler to find himself a beer. When he retrieves the bottle, he pops the top and takes a long drink.
“And Cass is living on that death trap with you.”
I turn slowly and attack him with my glare, debating if I want to ruin this wonderful party with an incident of assault and battery. “Are you implying that I’m trying to kill my girlfriend?”
“Girlfriend? No, no. Nothing like that.” He bowls over with laughter then stands straight again.
I only grunt in response, still looking at him with narrowed eyes.
He gives me a slippery smile and loosens his tie, while paying close attention to my attire. I run a hand through my hair.
“Cass is a good girl. I don’t understand her decisions.” He chuckles. “You know, quitting a job that she’s spent the last seven years trying to get, moving back here.” He laughs, looking in the direction of the stone house behind us. “I don’t get it.”
“I guess it isn’t for you to get.”
Stefan groans, staring down at his shiny shoes. “It’s irresponsible.” He mumbles.
“Excuse me.”
“I said, it’s irresponsible.”
I grin at this smug bastard.
“We all can’t just hop up and say fuck it to go live our dreams. Cass had a promising career and was close to getting engaged.” He says proudly.
“Engaged?”
“Yes, to a very good friend of mine.”
“But he never actually asked him to marry her.” I point out firmly.
Stefan stutters his words out. “Well – no – but. They – they. He was going to.” He finally says.
“But he didn’t.” I interrupt.
“Well, no.”
“So, they weren’t actually engaged then...”
“I guess they weren’t but they were going to be.”
“Well, almost doesn’t count. Does it?”
Stefan taps me on the shoulder. My eyes
flicker between the palm he’s planted on me and his eyes. He removes his hand slowly and laughs nervously.
“I’m a barrister in the high courts in London some of the time, just like Cass’ ex. I don’t know if she’s told you about him.”
I huff. “Nope, not a word but I’m not entirely sure why she would anyways.”
“Rupert has a top job in London now but he comes back to the island every now and again.”
“Fancy.” I mumble.
“Yes, he’s well-respected, admired and nearly worshipped amongst his colleagues.” He laughs.
Worshipped...like some sort of God???
“Uh huh.” I say without emotion.
Stefan shifts where he stands, his once shiny shoes now seem to be as dull as his personality.
“So, you’re a drop out?” He questions, suddenly speaking again.
“Excuse me.”
“A drop out...of highschool, college. Which one?”
What. The. Fuck?
I run a twitchy hand over my jaw.
“I’m only assuming because of the job and all...”He rattles out.
“Neither.”
“Neither...”
“I didn’t drop out of either.” I smirk.
“Oh, that’s good. Where’d you go to school, if you don’t mind me asking – college that is?”
“I went to Cambridge.”
“University of Cambridge.” He says, as if he doesn’t know the one I’m referring to. “In England.”
“Sim. Yes.” I mumble, sliding my Rayban’s on.
“Oh.” He whispers.
He remains quiet for a little, while I watch of the children run around that remind me so much of Tat. I laugh at the version of Pin The Tail on the Donkey that they’re playing, scattering every now and again in contagious laughter.
“Cass - she’s in love with you? If you don’t mind me asking.”
A smirk tugs at the corners of my mouth. “Well, you see the thing is, I do mind you asking.”
Stefan’s hard features crumble like stale biscotti. He doesn’t speak, only struggles to keep an angry smile back.
Every thought of Cass pushes me into feeling more serene than I do even when I’m on the water. I’ve waited my entire life for a woman like the one I have now. I pray I can keep her. The truth is, I have no fucking idea how I’ll keep her. In the distance, she’s sitting in a chair, painting a colorful butterfly on the shiny cheek of a little girl with ebony braids down her back. Cass giggles and the little girl places a kiss on her cheek in thanks. I warm at the vision of her, so carefree and happy. Her hair is up in a loose bun and she’s changed into a short sleeve T-shirt, wearing the same cute yellow shorts she had on this morning that I wanted to rip the fuck off her.