"I'm sorry."
She shook her head. "That wasn't the worst part."
"Fighting sounds pretty bad to me. My parents barely raised their voices, not at each other nor at my sister or me."
She turned to look at him for a moment. "We never argued in front of the kids either, but I suspect at least Michael overheard from time to time. Jason is too young to understand."
"What was the worst part?"
Seeking solace from the ocean, she turned back to the water. "Not fighting."
"I don't follow."
Sadness and regret for all the years wasted filled her heart. "At least when you're fighting, that means the other person cares enough about the situation to share their point of view—emotion is still there. Once that stops…apathy is far worse than hate or anger. Not long after the fighting stopped, the affair started. He slept on the couch most nights, and I drowned myself in work and the boys to keep from thinking about it."
"But you got lonely…"
"Yes, I got lonely." She directed a sad look in his direction. "And then I met you."
He put his arm around her, pulling her close. She allowed herself the small comfort since she had no idea how long it would last. "I know the rest of the story, I think."
Not even close… "When I got home, I decided the status quo needed to change. We were living a lie. It took me several months to work up the courage, but one day I came home early to surprise Nathan. My intention was to tell him I was sorry for the distance and that I wanted to try and fix things."
Cody's body stiffened in response to the truth she shared.
She put her hand on his leg to offer comfort. "I'm sorry, but you wanted the truth."
"Go on. It's not the first time a woman has used me." Resentment edged his voice and cut into her resolve.
"It wasn't like that. The bottom line is that when I arrived home with a bottle of his favorite wine, I found him in bed—our bed—with Monique, the woman we'd hired to clean the pool."
"Shit…"
"Yeah, shit. Now, you know. I filed for divorce the very next day."
"Does your family know?"
"What do you think?"
His body softened and he pulled her close again. "No, they don't. You're taking the heat for the failed marriage to protect your sons from the truth about their father."
She exhaled slowly. He wanted the whole truth, and she needed to give it to him. "That's part of it, yes. But, I shoulder some of the blame too. I stopped fighting. I didn't give anyone else a reason either, just irreconcilable differences. Mother would never let me live it down if she knew I'd allowed, permitted, or in any way condoned my husband cheating on me. It's epic failure no matter how you analyze the situation. Either I couldn't hold my man or I let my ambition drive him away. When given the choice, especially with my mother, I'll take the latter. She still blames me, but it's nothing compared to what it would be if she knew the truth."
"Your mom sounds like a real hard-ass."
Evelyn laughed, the sound now empty and sad. "You have no idea."
* * *
Several minutes had elapsed, and he enjoyed simply holding Evelyn. She'd done it. She'd told him the truth. Now he owed her the same in return. "I guess it's my turn?"
She moved away from his hold and turned to look at him. "I'd like for you to tell me, but I also understand that it needs to be when you're ready to share." She smiled faintly in the moonlight. "I try to not coerce my witnesses unless absolutely necessary."
"No cross examination either?"
He closed his eyes as she brushed her fingers along his cheek.
"I'll simply listen but reserve the right to ask clarifying questions…if I may?"
Cody clasped her hand against his cheek before turning his head to kiss her palm. So soft. A small pang of regret pulled at his heart. The rough callouses on his hands were yet another reminder of the hardships of war. He longed to go back to the time when art was his only concern. He wouldn't change anything, though. Jerry had given his life fighting in the war. Regret surfaced only over what he'd lost, not what he'd done. Each decision led him further away from his sketchpad and imagination into a world filled with harsh reality. "You may, but I reserve the right to plead the fifth."
Evelyn grinned. "Deal."
Cody returned her smile before fading into the memory he needed to share. "Several months after my thigh had healed, my new commanding officer put me on what he termed light duty until confident I could perform at one hundred percent, both physically and mentally. In other words, no active combat. At the time, the restriction pissed me off, but in retrospect, I appreciate both his position and effort to look out for me. No sense having a lame duck by your side in battle. Makes an already difficult situation even more dangerous.
Evelyn nodded and took his hand. "Makes sense. I for one am glad he was looking out for you."
His laugh sounded bitter, even to his own ears. "Have you ever been in a meeting where you believed you knew who supported your position only to be blindsided by someone you thought you could trust?"
Her eyebrows furrowed in concentration or maybe worry. "A time or two, yes. Why?"
"Part of my light duty included patrolling the base. Every night, another guy and I walked the perimeter. The camp was set up with rows of buildings, some for sleeping quarters, some for meetings, some for eating and socializing, and of course, some for storage. There was also a large area designated as the parking lot where jeeps and other motorized vehicles were kept. Additionally, we had a lot of barrels in different locations, mainly used for storage. All of these locations could potentially be great hiding places for the enemy, so different soldiers patrolled the base twenty-four seven."
Evelyn opened her mouth, but Cody pressed his index finger over those very kissable lips.
He silently prayed she'd still want to kiss him when this night ended. "Let me finish, then you can ask clarifying questions if needed." Please God, don't let there be a need.
She nodded and squeezed his fingers tighter.
He lifted their joined hands and kissed the back of hers this time. "One night, I was paired with a new kid. He couldn't have been much past eighteen. He'd been scared shitless since he arrived. I have no idea why he signed up. Truthfully, he didn't look cut out for war. I'm surprised he passed all the required psych evals. Anyway, he and I were walking the perimeter. I was trying to talk to him to calm his nerves a bit. All of a sudden, his eyes got as big as baseballs, and he started freaking out. He swore he heard something…someone behind the cluster of buildings in the back corner of the base property, maybe twenty or thirty yards from us. I sent him to cover the right flank, and I went to check the left. We agreed to meet in the middle after checking all the buildings and hiding spots along the way. I kept my back to the wall of the buildings I had to pass in order to maintain my cover. A big gap between buildings meant hustling to complete my final check of the area. The fence represented the last place anyone could be hidden, on my side anyway."
He stopped. The next part was the hardest. His muscles tightened, reducing his ability to breathe. The wound in his shoulder burned with the memory. He shook his head and forced air in and out of his lungs.
"What happened?"
"After searching the area behind the buildings where he suspected the noise came from, I couldn't find anything or anyone. I stepped out to give him the all clear and… I don't know what happened, but he must've thought I was the bad guy. He raised his rifle and took a shot at me."
"Oh, God…" Evelyn's voice resonated with a horrified whisper.
His heart thudded violently in his chest as the rest of the events of that night played out. "After he shot me, I crawled to hide behind one of the buildings."
"Why? Didn't he realize his mistake?" The horror in her voice morphed into shock.
"I guess not. I radioed for help, but with the lateness of the hour and the fact we were all the way at the back of the compound, no one would arrive in time. The
shot fired would have alerted someone, but without a sitrep, they'd have to proceed carefully. I managed to get myself hidden behind some barrels, and despite the pain in my shoulder, my weapon was raised and at the ready."
"He found you, didn't he?" A solemn statement rather than a question from her.
"He did. I tried talking to him. Needed him to realize I was the good guy. But something inside of him had snapped." Cody closed his eyes, picturing the young man standing before him. "I don't scare easily, but this soldier…eyes wide, body trembling, his skin glowed from beading sweat. He wasn't himself. I knew in that moment…"
"You shot him."
Her saying it out loud challenged his emotions on this whole subject, robbing him of any measure of happiness he'd found over the past few days. "I did. I truly believed it was him or me. He'd raised his weapon, and it was aimed squarely at my chest."
Evelyn moved to her knees and ran her hands over his arms and chest in a soothing motion. "It was. You did what you had to do to stay alive."
This was the hard part. "It's more than that. Not only did I shoot an unstable man, but I set the whole damn thing in motion by not reporting him to my CO before we left. I then compounded matters by sending him off by himself. The whole situation makes me angry."
"You were doing what needed to be done to ensure the safety of your camp."
"If you say so…" He waited. He knew she'd ask. She may not be as curious as her sister, but you don't become a successful attorney without knowing the right questions to ask.
There was a long silence. He couldn't take it anymore. "Ask me."
"I don't need to. I already know the answer. You were trained to shoot to kill. Trained over and over again. That training saved your life."
He'd killed before, in battle, but this was different. "The investigation is still pending. I'm supposed to hear something in the next few days. When they took the statements of others who'd interacted with him during the day, they reported edgy behavior as well." He looked at Evelyn. The lack of his action taunted every fiber of his being. "Just like me, none of them had reported it. I had to kill a man that day because no one bothered, myself included."
Evelyn pulled him into her embrace. Her voice comforting him the same way he'd witnessed her do with Jason from time to time. "This was a clear-cut case of self-defense, no question. You can't blame yourself. We all have bad days. Edgy behavior can be caused by many things—excessive caffeine or lack of sleep to name a few. I imagine you see quite a bit of that over there. You're not a trained psychologist, and you did your best under difficult circumstances."
She cupped his chin and lifted his face until her blue-eyed gaze blazed into him, reaching into the very depths of his soul. "You listen to me. If anyone is to blame here, it's the doctor who cleared him as fit for duty."
Deep down, he knew she was right. But, she couldn't possibly understand the full depth of his guilt and anger. She'd never killed anyone standing in front of her, wild eyes or not. Looking into those fathomless blue depths, he prayed she never had to make such a life and death choice. He'd deal with his anger and whatever decision the review board handed down. She'd already mentioned how complicated her life was. He wasn't going to make it any worse.
Her warmth left him as she stood. The air trapped in his lungs refused to move. She'd finally come to her senses and realized how horrible he truly was and decided to leave his sorry ass alone on the beach. He'd take the next flight home and hole up at his sister's house until he finished his commitment to the government or eighteen months at Leavenworth. Then he'd try to figure out what the hell he was going to do with the rest of his life. His parents had clearly shared their plans. Maybe they were right, and he should give up on his dreams. He wasn't ready for that either. This whole situation sucked.
A T-shirt hitting his face brought him back to the present. What the hell? He looked up to see Evelyn unbuttoning her shorts and slipping them down her long, slender legs. No black lingerie this time—matching baby blue. "What are you doing?"
"I'm celebrating life tonight. Whether you believe it or not, I worried about your safety every single night after I came home from India. I'm embarrassed to admit the number of times I slept in your shirt. Twice you've cheated death, and I want to commemorate the fact we're here together. Alive."
Evelyn started walking toward the water. Her hair blew gently in the breeze as she waded into the surf. Her silhouette against the moonlit water captured his imagination and attention as nothing—no one—else ever had. He might have unresolved crap in his life, more trouble than one man needed at any given time, but Evelyn's faith in him provided hope that someday he could move past the crazy twists and turns of life and find a little piece of happiness.
He lost his shirt and shorts in record time and jogged the short distance to catch up to her. Taking her hand, they walked until they were chest high in the water. She turned her back to him and pulled his arms around her.
Just like that last morning in India. He wanted to show her how much he appreciated her faith in him. He nuzzled his face into the curve of her neck, plying her with gentle kisses.
Her head lolled to the left, giving him more access. Her earlobe, jeweled with a small gold hoop in the bottom piercing and a small diamond stud in the top, captured his attention. Using his tongue, he toyed with the precious metal before kissing the sweet spot behind her ear.
"Mmm, I like that." She guided his hands to her breasts. "I have no idea what third base is, but I enjoyed second this afternoon and would like to revisit."
His hands cupped the perfectly rounded flesh and squeezed gently. He closed his eyes and remembered the sun rising over the water in India. Remembered the way Evelyn felt in his arms that morning. Remembered his heart breaking, knowing they would have to say good-bye. He lowered his head enough to place tender kisses near her ear. "This brings back memories."
She turned in his embrace and lifted her legs until they were circling his body.
So perfect together. He cupped her bottom and held her in place, never wanting to let her go.
Though the moon hiding behind the clouds lowered visibility, the sound of her breath whispering across his face and the rapid beat of her heart against his chest, spoke volumes. "I remember…"
The heat from her lips warmed his face. Light, airy kisses on his forehead, cheeks, and chin. Everywhere but where he wanted them most.
Stifling the urge to ignite the smoldering passion building below the surface, he inhaled and exhaled slowly. He needed to calm his body. Focus. Be in the moment.
She wanted slow. He'd give her slow.
Continued deep breaths in and out muted the rest of the world, allowing him to see the vivid masterpiece of this moment. The feather touch of her hair as the wind gently blew it against his neck. The satin of her lips brushing across the stubble on his cheek. The pillow of her breasts rising and falling rhythmically with each breath. The strength in her long legs as they held his body close. Okay, the last thought didn't help him with slow…
Gently disengaging their upper bodies, he slid his hands around her waist—smaller than he remembered from before. She's not eating right. "Let me take care of you." He whispered into her ear.
The languid movements of her body tightened, and her head rose sharply. "I don't need anyone to take care of me."
Wait. What? Her legs moved away from his body.
Not good. His grip on her waist allowed him to turn their bodies until her back pressed firmly against his front. He moved one arm around her waist to hold her in place. He guided the other hand lower toward the apex of her thighs. With a gentle stroke along the satin, he could feel the slight tremor in her body. "I meant this kind of taking care of you."
"Oh…"
Though he couldn't see, he could almost feel the blush covering her body. The smile against the curve of her neck wouldn't be stifled. "While I'm sure you can take care of this yourself…do you really want to?"
Her hand covered his a
nd began to guide him in his efforts. Together. He liked the thought of that. Not just for tonight, but for many nights to come.
CHAPTER TWENTY
Evelyn woke to the sound of sizzling bacon. The rumbling in her stomach reminded her she could use some sustenance. Drawing in a deep breath, the smell of Cody's cologne mingled with the breakfast scents. She ran her hands lovingly over his T-shirt and smiled. Last night had been emotionally and physically rewarding. It felt good to finally tell someone about what happened in her marriage. Cody was the only one who knew the truth.
Cody.
The man who quietly and softly found his way into the innermost parts of her heart. He knew firsthand she wasn't perfect and still wanted her. Thinking of the way his hands brought her pleasure last night curved her lips into a smile. Yes, he wanted her. Curves and edges and all that went along with the complicated woman she'd become. Or had always been. She hoped when their vacation ended in a few days, they'd be able to find a way to make their relationship work. Truthfully, she had no idea if she could break away from a lifetime of habits to do something…someone so completely different.
Michael's head popped into the room. "Mom, if you're going to say good-bye to Cody, you need to get up and get out here."
Good-bye? Good-bye! What the hell. Years of practice allowed her to keep her voice calm as she responded. "Give me five, and I'll be right out. Please tell him to wait."
"Okay."
Okay? Nothing about this moment was okay. What happened between all they'd shared last night and him leaving this morning? Throwing the covers back, she pulled on the pair of shorts she'd left beside the bed when she crawled in after spending most of the night out on the beach. She'd almost made it to the door when she stopped. No bra. While Cody wouldn't mind, there were lots of other people in the house. She scoured the room for something…anything she could put on. She spotted a sweatshirt hanging on the hook outside the closet. She grabbed it and pulled it over her head. One more deep breath. Calm. Cool. Collected.
Remember the Night: a Heroes of the Night military romance novel Page 10