My Clarity

by M. Clarke

  “Fine,” her tone was bitchy. “We have a history together and you’re going to kick me out, even when I’m pregnant.”

  Anger rushed through my veins and I could feel my muscles tighten. I would not give in to her manipulating ways. “Like I said, be ready to leave in two hours.” I slammed the door behind me.

  I made a phone call to a friend who worked at the hospital, and she provided me with some phone numbers where someone in Clara’s situation could turn for help. If I was going to make this right between Alex and me, I needed Clara out of my life.

  Working at the Administration office had its perks. Having access to personal information, I jotted down the address for Cynthia’s apartment, assuming Alex was living there.

  Nervous feelings shot through me as I stood in front of the door. I had no idea what I was going to say to her. After a few long, deep breaths, I knocked on the door.

  “Uh…Elijah? Do you have the right address?” Cynthia blinked.

  “Hi. Is Alex here? She lives here now, right?” My heart was thumping too fast.

  “Yes, but she isn’t here right now. Would you like for me to tell her you stopped by?”

  “No, I’ll come back later. Do you know when she’ll be back?”

  “She might be at work.”

  “Thanks,” I said quickly and left.

  Alexandria

  I’d been debating for a while whether I should give Elijah his Christmas present, even though it wasn’t Christmas anymore. After all, he had been my roommate. It was only a small friendly gesture. With the wrapped box in my hand, I headed to his place. I didn’t know why I felt so nervous. We were friends, after all. I also needed to give him my set of keys.

  Knowing this was not my place anymore I knocked on the door. I was completely surprised to see a girl open the door. It was Clara. I had not expected to see her and worse, I didn’t expect that stab in my heart, especially seeing her wearing Elijah’s sweatshirt. “Is Elijah home?” I asked. He sure moved quickly. Not that it was any of my business.

  Clara gawked at me just like she did the last time. “Aren’t you the girl that was living here?”

  “Yes. I don’t live here anymore. I moved out.”

  “Oh,” she nodded, happily. Her facial expression softened. “What happened? He kicked you out knowing I would return?”

  Ouch! That was mean. “No. I moved out on my own.” I narrowed my eyes at her. “Can you give the keys to Elijah for me?”

  “Sure,” she shrugged. “I’ll let Elijah know you stopped by. He should be right back. He went out to get something for me. I’m pregnant.”

  The shock of her words shot through me so fast that I thought I was going to drop dead. I guess I hoped in the back of my mind that if Elijah knew Liam and I had broken up…just maybe there was a possibility for us…a very slim one, but this news just killed it. There was never going to be a chance.

  “Congratulations.” I tried to sound excited for her, but I couldn’t help the way I felt. “Anyway, I better go. I guess the keys will be yours now.” I don’t know why I made that comment. I gave a quick fake smile and walked away.

  “Hey, did you need me to give that gift to Elijah?”

  I stopped and looked at the box in my hand. “It’s not for him,” I replied and left with a crushed heart.

  Elijah

  I swung by the dining hall to see if Alex was working. I couldn’t find her anywhere. Lexy was at work so I assumed Alex wasn’t at her place. Then all sorts of thoughts flooded my mind. What if she was with Dean or some other guy? I was probably the last one to find out she had broken up with Liam. They’re probably all over her. First things first, I needed Clara out of my life. When I entered my place, I saw Clara all comfortable, laying on my bed with one of my favorite sweatshirts on.

  “What are you doing?” My tone was not friendly. “I told you to be ready to leave.”

  “I didn’t think you meant it,” she whined, sliding off the bed. “What’s your problem?”

  I never thought I would be this cruel, especially to a pregnant woman, but I figured her being pregnant at all was questionable. I didn’t answer her. Instead, I handed her a slip of paper. “I’ve already made contact for you. She’s expecting you when you’re ready.”

  “You want me to go see some woman I’ve never met?” She started to take off her clothes. When she came toward me seductively, I walked out of the room.

  “Fine. Just kick a pregnant woman out,” she stammered, standing in the living room looking all pissed off, as if this was my fault. “By the way, the girl that used to live here stopped by and asked me to give you her keys.”

  My heart and stomach did a somersault. Shit! I just missed her. “When?”

  “About thirty minutes ago, I guess. I don’t remember. I’m not your secretary.”

  “Where are the keys?”

  “On the kitchen counter.”

  “She saw you in my sweatshirt?”

  “Yes, but so what?”

  I knew Clara better than anyone else in this world. I backed her against the wall, towering over her, looking at her with a deadly look in my eyes. “What. Did. You. Tell. Her?” I seethed through my clenched teeth slowly so she could hear the conviction in my tone.

  Clara shuddered and wouldn’t look me in the eye. “Nothing. I mentioned that I was pregnant, but I didn’t tell her it was yours.”

  “But you didn’t tell her it wasn’t mine either, Clara. When are you ever going to get it? I don’t love you. I will never love you. We’re done. I don’t ever want to see you again. Don’t call me. Don’t stop by. Don’t even text me. If I ever see your face again, you better run the other way because I don’t know what I will do to you.”

  Clara nodded with a whimper. I had never spoken to her like that before. She got out of my place so fast, it almost made me feel bad.

  Not knowing when Alex would be home, I decided to head to her place after dinner. Hopefully, she would be home by then. I texted her, letting her know I got the keys, but she never texted me back. When I stopped by her place, nobody was home. This only made me more desperate.

  I was about to text Lexy and ask her if she knew where Alex was, but I knew how girls tended to stick together. I didn’t know if Lexy would talk to me on the phone so I went to her place instead. Talking in person was a great way to read peoples’ faces.

  “Lexy,” I hollered, banging on her door. “I know you’re in there. I heard your television. I’m going to keep knocking until you open up.”

  Lexy opened the door, but not all the way. “Elijah. What’s the matter with you?”

  “Do you have a guy in there with you?” I asked sheepishly.

  “No. What gave you that idea?”

  “‘Cause you won’t open the door.”

  “Maybe I don’t want to see your ugly face.” Her lips perked up, playfully.

  “Who wouldn’t want to see my face,” I joked back.

  “I know one person for sure.”

  There was my answer. I looked at her for a second with a wicked plan, and without her permission, I picked her up. Lexy screamed. “Put me down.” That’s when Alex ran out of the bedroom, then froze when she saw me.

  Our eyes locked for a split second, but I swear I just saw heaven. There was no need for words. I felt my heart thump happily, radiating toward her. I might have given her a dorky grin. I wasn’t sure. Seeing her made me realize how much I cared for her and missed her. Afraid I would drop Lexy since she wouldn’t stop squirming, I gently placed her down.

  “Did you need something?” Alex tried to give me a smile, but it was faint, and there was something different about her. She didn’t have that glow, the liveliness about her. It was dead. I was sure I was the reason it was gone.

  “No, I came by to ask you a question.” That was such a stupid thing to say but seeing her after all these weeks, my tongue was twisted.

  “I’ll be right back.” I heard Lexy say with the sound of the door closing. I didn’t
bother to look. My eyes were deadlocked on Alex. I didn’t even want to blink. I was so afraid she would disappear.

  “So, what’s your question?” Her tone was a bit cold.

  “Why didn’t you text me back?” I ask softly.

  Alex shifted her eyes to the dining table. That’s when I saw not just her phone, but a wrapped package with my name on it. “Is this mine?”

  “No,” she snapped, reaching for it, but I was faster.

  “Can I open it?” I held it like it was the most precious thing,

  “No. It’s not for you. It’s…it’s…for my other friend,” she stuttered.

  “Alex. We’ve been roommates for the past five months. I know your likes and dislikes. You slept in my bed. We shared the same bathroom. I’ve seen you practically naked. I’ve heard your beautiful voice. We shared milk and cookies. I know when you’re not telling me the truth.” With each word, I took another step toward her as she took another step back, until there was nowhere to go. “So don’t lie to me because I can read you.”

  Alex gulped as her back hit the wall. “It’s just a stupid gift. You probably already have it.” She tried to make it sound like it was no big deal, but when you go out of your way to buy something for someone, it means you were thinking of them. And knowing Alex was thinking of me during the Christmas holidays tugged at my heart.

  When I unwrapped the gift, it was a ‘Grease One and Two’ DVD set. That put a huge smile on my face. She was the only person that knew how much I liked them. I had never told anyone else. “I don’t have these. Thank you.”

  That put just a hint of a smile on her face.

  “Maybe we can watch them together?” I asked. She didn’t answer so I asked her another question. “You broke up with Liam?”

  Alex blinked her eyes. “You knew?”

  “Of course I do. I’ve been waiting a long time for you to leave that bastard so I could make my move.”

  She looked at me disconcertedly.

  “Don’t tell me you had no clue?” I turned my head to the side as I trapped her with my hands planted on either side of her waist.

  “But…but….”

  “Clara?”

  She nodded, trying to look anywhere but at me. “You love her. I know you do. You have her name tattooed over your heart.” Her eyes started to tear.

  “I think it’s time I showed you my tattoo.” I took off my jacket, then my sweater. “I won’t lie to you. I did get a tattoo of her name, but when I saw whom she really was, I had the letter A altered and added the letters…T and Y. I changed the word to Clarity.”

  Alex’s eyes grew in wonderment. When she traced the word with her fingertip, I shivered from the contact. Her simple touch always made me feel electrified. It sparked through my body, making me crave her even more.

  “Why? What does it mean to you?”

  “It’s everything I want in my life,” I started to say after I pulled back my sweater over my head. “I don’t need material things. Ever since I lost my family, that is all I ever wanted back, to have a home, a family. All I wanted was clarity in my life. Something that made sense, something that I could hold onto, someone I could love without a doubt and be my home. Alex, you’re my clarity. You. Are. My. Home.”

  Tears streamed down her face, but I knew she still needed more convincing. I could see the uncertainty in her eyes. What was it? Then it came to me.

  “Clara’s not pregnant with my child.” I framed her face with my hands and smeared her tears away with my thumbs. “She was my past and I’d like to keep it that way. As for you, I’d like you to be my future. Alex, I’m going to shape up and be the man you deserve. I’ve stopped smoking, and I promise no more racing. I want you more than the things that may kill me. I’ve missed you. Please come back home with me.” I paused. “I know we’re doing this all backwards, but who cares.” I nuzzled the tip of my nose to hers. “Freckles, please be my roommate again so we can start dating.”

  I thought Alex was going to faint. Seeing her knees bent, she was sliding down the wall. I caught her before she touched the ground, and held her tightly in my arms. Oh, how I missed her body molding perfectly into mine, her scent filling my nose, and her hair on my face. “Alex,” I whispered. My heart pounded against my chest, afraid of the possible rejection. “Say something.”

  Chapter 33

  Alexandria

  I couldn’t believe the beautiful words coming from Elijah. I was utterly speechless. Never imaging this scenario as a possibility, I was in shock. Minutes ago, I thought Clara was pregnant with Elijah’s baby and there was no chance of us ever being together. I had no idea he had all these feelings for me. “Am I dreaming?” I asked softly.

  Elijah’s body shook with mine when he chuckled. “No, but I can make your dreams come true if you’ll let me.” He released me and wrapped his arms around my waist. “Let me in, Alex. I swear I’ll make it up to you every day. Let me be the one who gets to say you’re mine, the one who gets to take care of you, the one who gets to take your sadness away and replace it with happy memories. Let me be the one who gets to hold you at night and tuck you into bed. I want to be with you.”

  I didn’t need too much convincing after that. “Okay, Elijah,” I nodded as my lips lifted, trying to hide the enormous smile and not look too desperate. Feeling the need to say something to him after he poured out his feelings, I did the same. “You were always the one I wanted. My heart was already set on you from the moment we met. I just didn’t know it. I just didn’t know how to let Liam go.”

  “Sometimes we don’t know how to let go of what’s comfortable. We just need a little push. But I also know I pushed you away. We can make this better now. Come home with me.”

  I gave Elijah the biggest smile that I could, no longer holding anything back. That was my reply, but it was cut off when his lips began savoring mine. He pulled me tighter to him as his arms traveled up my back.

  “You taste like milk,” he said, giving me sweet little kisses on my lips while speaking.

  I laughed at his comment. “I just had some.”

  “With cookies?”

  “Yup.”

  “I don’t taste the cookies. Maybe I need to reach in deeper.”

  There were no more words. His tongue slid into my mouth, reaching deeper. With hunger and desperation, he conquered me, sucking me in, making me want more than just a kiss. Panting, he pulled away.

  “I’m going to do more than just a kiss if I don’t stop,” he said breathlessly. “And I’m sure Lexy would like to come back inside.”

  “Where did she go?”

  “I bet she’s outside, waiting.”

  “Oh, no. We better let her in.”

  “We can tell her the good news on our way out.” Elijah gave me that mischievous grin. He was up to something. “Do you have a warmer jacket? I need to take you somewhere.”

  “Where? And no, I don’t have one.”

  “To your Christmas present.” He twitched his brows playfully.

  “I don’t need a Christmas present. You already gave me you,” I said, and I really meant it.

  “Oh, no.” He shook his head with a grin. “You’re not getting out of this one.”

  “What?” I walked to Lexy’s room and grabbed my purse. Elijah reached for my hand. “I’m not going until you tell me where you’re taking me,” I said with a playful scowl.

  “Remember when you told me you wanted to do something for your dad, but you were too chicken to do it.”

  My eyes grew wide with excitement and a whole bunch of nerves flooded through me. “I’m still a chicken.”

  “But you want to, right? You just need a little push, right?”

  “Elijah, I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready.”

  “I’ll be right there. I’ll hold your hand.”

  I paused to think, but no matter how much I wanted to do it, I was scared. “I need a push.”

  “You got it, Freckles.”

  Next thing I knew, Elijah p
icked me up off the ground and threw me over his shoulder as he walked out the door.

  “Put me down, Elijah,” I laughed, smacking his ass. It was nice and firm, just how I thought it would be. “I didn’t mean this kind of push. And what about Jimmy and your frat code?”

  “I don’t care. He can kick my ass a thousand times. I’m not letting you go. No fucking way. You’re mine.”

  Lexy had great timing. She was headed back to her place from wherever she had gone. “Everything okay there?”

  “We’ll call you later, Lexy,” Elijah said, passing her. He didn’t even stop. “Don’t wait up. I’m taking my roommate back.”

  Chapter 34

  Alexandria

  “I’m not getting on that. That thing is huge.”

  “That’s what all the ladies say,” Elijah said, teasing in a sultry tone.

  “Hey, I wasn’t talking about….” I stopped and giggled, not knowing whether he was thinking I meant something perverted. With Elijah, it was easy to think that way. His bike was shiny silver, with a black leather seat; and it was the coolest thing to know he actually drove one. He had made my ultimate bad boy dream come true.

  “But I was,” he winked. He placed his leather jacket over my shoulders, helping my arms through the sleeves. “I’m guessing you’ve never ridden before. I need you to stay safe. After my leather jacket, this Harley Davidson is my other pride and joy.”

  The sleeves of the jacket hung past my fingertips and it looked like a dress on me. Laughing, I flapped them as if they were wings. When I looked up, Elijah was giving me a naughty grin, checking me out. “What?” I looked at myself.

  “Sexy. I’m imagining seeing you naked underneath my pride and joy leathers.”

  “Maybe one day you will.” I shyly turned away with a smile, only to look back again when I felt the helmet slip onto my head. It fit perfectly. Then he put on his.

  After Elijah swung over and sat on the seat, he helped me settle behind him.