As we walked, she gave it a squeeze.
“It gets better.”
I looked at her, and wondered for the first time, what her life must have been like when she was my age. Did she have lovers before Grandpa, or was he the first? And did she get lonely now that he was gone? She must have seen her share of heartbreak, but here she was, still as tough as ever.
“You promise?” I laughed a little, and wiped another rogue tear away.
She nodded, looking straight ahead, toward her little yellow house.
“I promise.”
And in that moment, I believed her. There would be life after Gavin Fletcher.
All I needed was time, and everything would work itself out in the end.
But I wondered, as I sat at the bright kitchen table, how long it would take before I stopped feeling like my world was tearing apart at the seams.
***
Gavin
“What do you mean, she’s gone?” I said. “She can’t be gone!”
“It’s what the note says! I’m not making this up. Here.”
Malcolm handed me the note that had been taped to the suitcase full of Aolani’s new clothes. The clothes I’d made her buy for the journey. It felt like a slap in the face to have them left here—like a box full of my things left for me after a nasty break up. And I supposed that’s what it was.
I snatched the paper from Malcolm’s hands and read it over myself.
I’m sorry to leave so abruptly, but it’s the right thing to do.
It won’t do either of us any good to drag this out longer than we have to.
I’m going home for a while, so I won’t be using the address you have on file.
Please send my last check to the following:
Aolani Kahale
233 Ohana Dr.
Oahu, HI 96706
Thank you for everything. I mean that.
-Aolani Kahale
I flipped the note over, hoping for something, anything, more, but that was it. That was all she’d left behind when she fled from me, out of my life, without a word. After the way I’d behaved, I shouldn’t have been surprised, but I still felt her absence, and her cold note, like a punch in the gut.
She was gone, and all she wanted from me was to wrap up the business affairs between us. It felt so final for a moment that I almost gave in to despair.
I’d lost her. I’d really lost her.
But then, as I looked into my brother’s worried eyes, I felt something welling up inside of me stronger than my sadness and my fear. Determination. She was the one, and you didn’t just let the love of your life slip through your fingers. You fought. You fought tooth and nail, goddamn it, and that’s what I was going to do.
I wouldn’t make the same mistake twice.
“I can’t let her get away, Malcolm.”
He clapped me hard on the shoulder and grinned.
“Then go get her, brother. Go get her.”
I crumpled the note in my hand and grinned back.
No matter what it took, I would tell Aolani that I loved her. I owed her, and myself, that much.
That night was a sleepless one as I sat at my hotel room desk, hurriedly making my arrangements.
***
Aolani
“I haven’t seen you smile since we got back,” Kali said. “Do you want to talk about it?”
We were walking along the beach, the oranges and pinks of the sunset reflecting off the shells of the tiny crabs digging holes in the sand. My sarong flapped around my legs, my bare feet feeling deliciously cool with each step. This was my favorite time of day on the island. It felt like home.
“I’m not sure what there is to talk about.”
Kali sighed in obvious frustration. “Come on, ‘Lani. It’s obvious something happened between you and that guy.” She made a fist. “Want me to kick his ass for you?”
I stared at her for a moment, so serious beside me, her hands clenching at the idea of punching Gavin in his handsome face, and suddenly, I was laughing, the feeling so foreign after these last couple of days that I felt the surprise like a splash of cold water in the face.
Kali grinned back at me. “So you do want me to kick his ass. No problem, 'Cuz. I’m on the job.”
At that moment, we heard our grandmother’s shout and turned toward the house.
“Aolani! You’d better come on up, babe!”
We both looked at one another, and I raised an eyebrow. We’d already had dinner together—what could cause Grandma to holler for me at this time of night?
I jogged up the beach with Kali close behind me, my stomach dropping at the thought of some terrible news. Was there an illness in the family? A hurricane warning? Whatever it was, it couldn’t be good.
I pushed open the screen door, and my breath caught in my throat. Kali ran into me with a soft “oomph.” Sitting at my grandmother’s kitchen table was Gavin Fletcher, a glass of iced tea in front of him, and a bouquet of roses the colors of the sunset outside in a vase in front of him. He rose as soon as he saw me. I noticed that he’d dressed up, despite the heat, wearing a linen suit with a light blue dress shirt unbuttoned at the top just enough to want to see more.
He ran a hand through his chestnut waves, shining in the natural light filtering through the open window. He looked as anxious as I was confused.
“Aolani. Can we talk?”
In that moment, my emotions seemed to blend, my thoughts spinning together into a cacophony in my mind. I wanted to hold him. I wanted to hit him. I wanted to cry in his arms. I wanted to throw him out and tell him to go straight to hell.
I wanted to make love to him and forget we were ever apart.
I opened my mouth to speak, but it was suddenly dry, the lump growing in my throat making it difficult to say anything.
“Go on now,” Grandma said, giving me a be-polite-to-your-guest-or-else look.
I turned to look at Kali and saw the skepticism in her eyes. I nodded at her that it was okay, then turned back to the man who’d traveled so far to find me.
“Alright.”
I turned and walked back onto the beach, swiping at my eyes to make sure they were dry. I didn’t want him to see my cry. Not ever again.
I heard the screen door close softly behind me, and his footsteps as he caught up.
“Aolani…”
I turned to look at him, now striding beside me, his long legs matching pace as I steered him toward the packed sand. The light was beginning to fade, the violent streaks of orange and fuscia blending into the oncoming blues and purples of the darkening sky.
I stopped when we were out of earshot, a cluster of rustling palm trees blocking my view of the house.
“What do you want, Gavin?”
I raised my eyes to his face. In the fading light, standing before me, the lines of his strong jaw and kissable mouth outlined by the last rays of the sun, he looked more handsome than I’d ever seen him. My heart ached to look at him, but I was no longer sure if it was grief or something else. Something only he could stir inside of me.
“I came here,” he said, stepping close. “To apologize, although I don’t know if there’s a way to show you how deeply sorry I am, lass.”
I wanted to roll my eyes, to tell him I didn’t believe him, but something in the tone of his voice, so low and steady, made me realize he was totally sincere. He sounded like a man bearing his soul.
“I acted like an absolute boor to you, Aolani. You gave yourself to me, and I held you at a distance. I didn’t treat you with the respect you deserve. The respect you still deserve.”
I looked down, but his hand on my arm made me meet his eyes, now shining with emotion. I bit my lip, trying to keep it together.
What was this? Was it really just an apology? Or did he want something more from me? Why had he come all this way?
As if reading my mind, he pulled me closer and spoke again.
“You are the most amazing woman I’ve ever met, Aolani. You made me feel things that
I never thought I would again. You have to understand… I never meant to hurt you. The promise I’d made…”
I nodded and stared down at my feet. I couldn’t look at him. I just couldn’t. His promise. The promise that he could never give his heart to another woman. To me.
“Please. Please just listen to me.”
The urgency in his eyes made me look up again.
“Are you going to explain yourself again, Gavin? Tell me you can never love me? Because I’ve already heard that little speech. I’m all set on that front.”
The scathing sarcasm I’d been trying to muster fell flat as my voice shook. It hurt too much. Everything was still too fresh. The wounds too near the surface.
I knew one thing, though. If he told me again that he couldn’t love me, I was going to scream.
“No… God, no, lass. I… Oh, Christ, how do I explain? I’ve been such an arse. I understand why you’re upset. You have every bloody right to be.”
He ran his hands over his face, and through that luxurious hair of his, hair I still wanted to run my fingers through after all of this.
“The promise I made was after my first love, my fiancée Fiona, drowned. After she died, I promised I’d never love another.”
I sucked in a breath. I don’t know what I’d been expecting, but that was definitely, not it. The sudden image of the ring in his drawer flashed in my mind. His fiancée. Oh, God.
“She was my first love years ago. And although I’ve been with other women, I’ve never loved again.”
He reached out and took my hand in his. I didn’t pull away, my small hand warming against his palm.
“Until you, Aolani. You changed all of that.”
Our eyes met, and I felt the tears rising up in mine. I tried hard not to let them spill over. “I didn’t know.”
“How could you know? It was a secret I’d kept for so long—a pain I’d tried to bury for so many years—I wouldn’t have even known how to tell you. It seemed like a betrayal. All of it. But in the end, I couldn’t help how I felt.”
He raised my hand to his lips and kissed my palm. Tingles ran down my arm, and I shivered beneath his touch.
“I still can’t. I love you, Aolani Kahale. More than I’ve ever loved anyone else.”
I stood, speechless, as he pressed my palm to his cheek, his eyes urging me to say something, anything, in response. This was what I’d wanted for so long. Hell, this is what I’d dreamed about so many nights as I lay beside him, feeling the heat from his body and listening to the rise and fall of his breathing. But now that it happened, all I could think about was that day in the Edinburgh hotel. That day he’d put me in my place as his employee and nothing more.
“How can I trust you?”
The tears fell now, and no matter what I did, I couldn’t stop them. Gavin reached over and brushed them away, the tenderness of his touch making my body heat, and my heart clench in my chest.
“I’m so sorry I hurt you, Aolani. I’m so very sorry.”
He bent down and kissed my hair, and I gave a shuddering sob against his jacket. He held me for a moment as I cried, and I didn’t pull away—didn’t want to pull away—but I didn’t tell him I loved him or that I could forgive him. Because right then, I wasn’t sure if I could.
“There’s one more thing I want to say, and then I’ll leave you be. You are an incredible woman, Aolani, and if nothing else, I want to do what I can to help make your dream come true. I believe in you with all of my heart, and I want to be the first investor in a photography studio. Your photography studio.”
I looked up at him, my forehead furrowed, wondering if this was all some trick, or worse, a dream.
“What?”
“Whether you say you love me or not, whether you want to throw me out and never see me again, I want you to have that. You deserve that and so much more. I know you’ll be a success, Aolani. I want to give you your studio. Anywhere you’d like it to be—here or Edinburgh, or the middle of the desert for all I care—I’ll make it happen for you. I’ll build it, and you’ll run it.”
I stared at him in shock, running back over all he’d just said.
“My own studio? You’re… you’re offering me my own business?”
“Aye, and I’ll be your first investor. I’ll take whatever share of the company you deem is fair. We can meet with the lawyer of your choosing whenever you’d like and draw up the paperwork.”
“My own studio…” I muttered.
This was so surreal. Too surreal. My grandmother always said “If something seems too good to be true, it probably is.” Her voice echoed in my thoughts, and I frowned up at the beautiful man, who I now suspected was trying to buy me. The thought made me sick.
“What if I don’t love you?”
Gavin’s eyes widened, then filled with a look of pain. “I’ll understand, and it won’t change a thing. It will be your company to run. We can take care of any business matters through the lawyer, and I’ll keep them on retainer for you.”
He ran his hand over my arm again, but this time I pulled away.
“I mean what I say, Aolani. I love you, but if you don’t want me, I still want you to have this. You’re incredibly talented. The world needs people like you to fulfill their dreams. To use their gifts. Even if we never see one another again, that will be my gift to you.”
I put a hand to my forehead, to quiet what felt like the beginnings of a major headache. My thoughts were so jumbled, dashing from his declaration of love, back to the hotel, then flitting across the idea of my very own studio, back to the uncomfortable notion that he thought I was someone who’s heart was for sale.
Just because Gavin Fletcher was rich didn’t mean I would jump when he said so. Just because he was gorgeous and wounded and apologizing and bearing himself to me didn’t mean I could trust him as far as I could throw him. Did it?
“I need to think,” I said.
“Of course.” Gavin backed away, his hands held up to show he would give me the space I needed. “I’m staying at the Four Seasons. I’ll be here until you give me an answer, either way.”
He looked back at me, and for a moment, I wanted to throw all caution to the wind and jump into his arms. To kiss him and hold him and let him give me everything I’d ever wanted… but then he was turning away, and walking up the sandy shore toward the road between the houses.
He turned back just as he was almost out of earshot and called out to me.
“Think about what I said, and I’ll be back tomorrow.”
I raised my hand to let him know I’d heard.
Think about what I said.
How could I not? How could I not think about the fact that Gavin had come all this way to tell me he loved me. To drop the bomb about the studio. And to what? To turn my whole life upside down, was what.
I would definitely think about what he said. I would toss and turn all night long, hearing Gavin Fletcher’s voice echo in my mind.
***
I nursed a cup of Kona coffee the size of a big gulp as I looked across the kitchen table at my grandmother, now pushing a plate of white rice, eggs and spam my way.
“Eat. It will help take your mind off things.”
“Grandma, I don’t want to take my mind off things. He said he’ll be back today, and I… I still have to figure out what I think about all of this.”
“You mean you don’t know?” She frowned at me from across the plastic tablecloth. “How can you not know? Do you love him?”
I blew a piece of hair out of my face and leaned back, crossing my arms.
“I… I thought I did.”
“Thought you did? When was this, Aolani?”
“When we were traveling together. Working together. It was when we got to Scotland that he broke my heart, and… Well, now I just don’t know.”
“Ah,” Grandma said, leaning back. “I see.”
“What?” I frowned at the old woman sitting across from me. “I know that look, tutu.”
My
grandmother smiled at me, the corners of her eyes wrinkling. “You do love him. You’re just being a chicken shit.”
“Grandma!”
“What?” she said, sipping out of her own coffee mug. “I tell it like it is.”
“But…”
I thought of all of the reasons why I was afraid to go to Gavin, to give him my heart, and suddenly, all I could hear were his words on the beach.
I love you, Aolani Kahale. More than I’ve ever loved anyone else.
I saw the look in his eyes—the look that told me everything I needed to know—but still, the fear remained.
“But what about the studio, huh? Didn’t you always tell me if something’s too good to be true, it probably is? I’m just trying to be smart about this. Like you taught me.”
She reached across the table and patted my hand. “Babe, when it comes to love, sometimes you have to get out of your own head. Get out of your own way. Did he say he’d give you the studio no matter what?”
“Yeeees,” I began, but Grandma raised a finger.
“So what’s the problem? He’s not trying to buy your heart, kiddo. He’s trying to give you his.”
I sat back at that, and suddenly, I was crying again, my mouth open in a sob, tears rolling down my cheeks. My grandmother’s hand tightened around my own, letting me cry it out, gasping with the power of the emotions finally breaking free of the dam I’d built around them.
“But w-what… what if I’m wrong? What if he hurts me?”
“Do you think he will, dear one? When you think of the kind of man he is, what do you see?”
I held my grandmother’s hand like a lifeline as I thought back, about the way he was with his crew, the way he joked with the photographers, the warmth of his love for his brothers… and even the promise he’d tried so hard to keep to Fiona. The promise of love to a woman long gone.
“He’s a good man,” I said, my tears wetting my cheeks although my breathing was steadying now. “He lost someone, and thought loving me back would be a betrayal to her.”
Lush Curves 6: Safe Harbor Page 2