by Lylah James
I didn’t have to turn to Maddie to know that she was staring at me in shock. I felt her stares burning holes into my skin. My panic grew with each passing second.
My fingers tightened around the comforter. Turning my head to the side, I stared at Maddie in alarm, begging her with my eyes to save me from this.
She must have seen the desperation in there because her face turned hard and she glared at Milena.
“That’s none of your business. Leave,” she ordered harshly. Milena glared back and then huffed in annoyance before walking away and closing the door harder than usual.
Maddie turned her head toward me again, her eyes softening as she stared at me expectantly. “Ayla, what were you doing with Alessio’s jacket?” she asked.
“Maddie…” I looked away. I couldn’t bring myself to lie to her. Not after everything she had done for me.
Swallowing hard, I looked back up into Maddie’s understanding eyes. She understood me. And she had been there for me when I needed her the most. Maybe she would understand this time too.
“You don’t have to—”
“I sleep with it,” I said.
Maddie’s mouth hung open in shock as she stared at me with wide eyes. “What?” she sputtered.
“I sleep with it.” My fingers were entwined tightly together, my knuckles almost white. “It keeps the nightmares away.” My voice was small, as shame and embarrassment took over my body.
Maddie must think that I am pathetic, I thought as tears blurred my vision.
“Alessio’s jacket keeps your nightmares away?”
I nodded, and then felt her hand on my shoulder.
“Ayla, look at me,” she urged.
I stared into her compassionate, hazel eyes. They were free of judgement, instead glowing with understanding.
“Ayla, is that why you got the nightmare three nights ago? Was that the trigger? Because you didn’t have the jacket?”
I felt the color drain from my face as my body went numb, my muscles coiling tightly at her words. “Yes.” It was hard to say the word and I sucked in deep breaths, trying to calm my racing heart.
“Oh, Ayla. Come here.” Before I could move, she had pulled me closer, her arms wrapped tightly around my shoulders. She moved her hand up and down on my back, soothingly, as I choked back a sob. “Let it out. I’m here.”
It felt good to be finally be understood. To have a shoulder to cry on.
I didn’t cry this time, though. Blinking the tears away, I just let Maddie hold me and offer me comfort.
Palming my cheeks, she made me look straight into her eyes. “I’m going to ask you something. Answer me honestly, please,” she started. I swallowed hard at her confession, but nodded. “Is it his jacket that keeps the nightmares away, or is it him?”
My heart stumbled at her words and I closed my eyes. The truth was evident. I didn’t want to believe it. I didn’t want to acknowledge it, but it was right there and I couldn’t hide from it anymore.
“Him,” I whispered, my voice hoarse from my tears.
It was the truth. Alessio brought me peace. He was the one who made it all go away. He gave me life. He was the one who made me…feel.
Alessio was my peace.
Opening my eyes, I stared at Maddie, only to see her giving me a wobbly smile. “That’s all I wanted to know. Why don’t you tell him?”
“No!” I said, my voice cracking. Shaking my head, I grabbed her arms. “No. You can’t tell him. Please, promise me. Don’t tell him. You can’t.”
I was panic-stricken, fear building inside my body.
Alessio couldn’t find out. He couldn’t. I didn’t want him to think differently of me. I didn’t want him to think that I was stupid or pitiful.
Even though I was all of the above, I didn’t want him to think that. Maybe he already did, but this truth would only make it worse.
Maddie soothed me gently. “I won’t say anything. It’s okay. Calm down. It’s okay.”
“Promise,” I whispered, my breathing harsh.
“I promise.”
Maddie rubbed my hands and then nodded toward the bathroom. “Why don’t you go take a hot bath? I have to go help Mom with lunch, and then I will come right back up.”
“Okay,” I agreed, realizing I needed that. She nodded and waited for me to get off the bed first before doing the same.
“I’ll see you later,” she said with a smile.
Nodding, I went into the bathroom. I closed the door behind me and opened the tap, letting the tub fill with water. I shrugged off my nightgown and twisted my hair up in a tight bun.
After the tub filled, I climbed in and let the water surround my cold body. I made sure my arms were on the edge and not submerged in the water. The doctor said I shouldn’t get my stitches soaked or they might get infected.
The warmth started to penetrate my pores and I relaxed and closed my eyes. It felt so good. I didn’t know how long I stayed like that, but when the water started to get cold, I washed up and stepped out, quickly wrapping the towel around my body, and keeping the cold air away.
I quickly got dressed and walked out of the bathroom. As I made my way toward my bed, something on it caught my eye. My steps faltered and I let out a gasp.
Alessio’s jacket. Running toward it, I stopped in front of my bed and grabbed the jacket, pulling it to my chest. My fingers were wrapped tightly around the fabric, my breathing hard as I tried to wrap my head around this.
I looked down at it, my mind, breathing, and body instinctively calming.
Maddie.
It must have been her. That was the only option. Happy tears blinded my vision, and I sent a silent thank you to her.
Thank you. Oh, thank you so much.
I couldn’t wait to see her so I could thank her in person. It felt like she had given me my life back. My peace. This was all I needed.
I was holding the jacket tightly to my chest when I heard a knock on the door. My body stiffened at the sound and I lurched forward, pulling my pillow up so that I could hide the jacket underneath. Straightening back up, I called out softly, “Come in.”
The door opened to reveal Alessio. My heart stuttered at the sight. He walked inside but didn’t close to the door, instead staying in the doorway.
“Are you busy right now?” he asked.
I shook my head and he nodded, looking satisfied with my response.
“Come. I want to show you something,” he ordered gently.
My eyebrows furrowed in confusion and I didn’t move.
Alessio took a step forward. “Do you not trust me?”
I couldn’t believe he asked me that question. Wasn’t it obvious? Even though I shouldn’t trust him, I did. He was my enemy, yet I trusted him more than I had ever trusted anyone.
I walked toward him, my heart doing the same pitter-patter dance it always did whenever he was near. Stopping in front of Alessio, I peered up at him through my thick eyelashes and noticed a slight twist to his mouth and the faint indentation of the dimple on his cheek.
“I trust you,” I whispered.
“Good.” He nodded, the corner of his lips slowly turning up in a slight smile. It was barely there. So faint that I would have missed it if I wasn’t paying attention. “Let’s go,” Alessio said, turning around. He didn’t look back to see if I was following, but he knew I would. And so I did. Without any questions asked, I followed him.
We walked down the stairs silently, and when he led me outside to the back garden, my steps faltered. “Where are we going?” I asked.
“Just wait and see. I don’t want to ruin the surprise,” he muttered. A resigned sigh brushed across my lips and I nodded in agreement.
But I was curious. And a little giddy with excitement.
My excitement quickly evaporated when he led us into the woods behind the estate. As we walked further, I started to grow nervous. Leaves and twigs crushed under my feet as I followed Alessio silently. He appeared determined in his lead.
This wasn’t
good. Not good at all.
My eyes went wide and I stopped walking. Alessio must have felt it because he turned around and stared at me expectantly.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, cocking his head to the side in question.
“Why…where…are we…going?” I stuttered in fear and panic.
“I told you, it’s a surprise. C’mon. We are almost there.” When I didn’t move, he sighed. “Ayla, trust me. Okay? I’m not going to hurt you.”
At his words, the fear slowly settled, but it was still there.
Stupidly, I followed him.
And when I finally found out what he wanted to show me, I was glad I followed him.
When the forest started to grow less dense, my eyes finally settled on an opening where light cascaded around the woodland, bringing life and beauty to trees that it touched. And faintly I could hear the sound of rushing water. It felt refreshing and I quickened my pace so that I was right behind Alessio.
Finally breaking free from the trees, Alessio came to a stop. I almost stumbled into his back, but quickly righted myself. “We are here,” he murmured softly.
My eyebrows lifted in question and I walked to the side, so that I was standing next to him. And when I finally saw what he wanted me to see, I gasped out loud. My hands came up to cover my mouth in shock, as I took the magnificent beauty in front of me.
“Oh my God,” I whispered in complete utter shock.
I took a hesitant step toward the stream that ran in the middle on the woods. The rocks glistened in multiple hues of brown, black, and red. The water running over them sparkled under the bright sunlight.
Beautiful and colorful wildflowers surrounded the edge of the stream. They were all different colors. Purples, yellow, red, white. They only intensified the breathtaking beauty in front of me. On the other side of the creek, there was a field filled with the same flowers.
The only sound I could hear was the water moving and the sweet singing of the birds. I was completely awestruck and speechless.
It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I couldn’t tear my eyes away.
My body felt light and free. My stomach twisted with butterflies and I smiled widely.
“This is so beautiful,” I breathed. I felt Alessio moving closer. He was so close that I felt his heat penetrate my body.
“It is,” he agreed softly.
We were silent for a few minutes, both of us basking in the beauty.
“I come here when I want to clear my mind,” he said. Tearing my eyes away from the stream and the field, I turned toward him. He was already looking down at me, his eyes glistening in the sunlight.
Keeping his gaze on mine, he continued gently, “I thought that maybe you would want to see it. You need it more than I do.”
“Thank you.”
This made me deliriously happy.
“I thought this would help. I don’t know how to make you feel better. I’m at a loss, but maybe this can give you the peace that you need. Even for just a little while,” Alessio confessed, looking a little nervous.
He didn’t know that he already brought me peace. What he just gave me was more than I could ever ask for. He didn’t know, but he was my peace.
“Thank you,” I said again, my throat closing around the words. “This is truly so beautiful.”
Alessio nodded and stayed silent, his eyes never shifting from mine. But I was the one who broke the connection. Turning back around, I stared at the creek and field again, another smile stretching across my lips.
I turned my face up toward the sky and into the sunlight. Closing my eyes, I basked in the serenity and welcomed the warmth that brushed over my skin.
I was always trapped inside my father’s mansion. Never allowed to leave. I was only allowed to walk around in the backyard but never further away. When I escaped, that was the first time I had been outside the gates and into the real world.
Keeping my eyes closed, I felt Alessio watching me. He made me feel warm and happy. I opened my eyes but didn’t look at him. Instead, I stared straight ahead.
I didn’t know how long we stayed like that. Me admiring the beauty while Alessio kept his gaze on me. But after some time, my feet started to hurt from standing and I felt Alessio shift beside me.
“We should go back. It’s almost time for lunch,” he said, softly.
I turned toward him, and blinked up, disappointed. “We can come back tomorrow,” he suggested.
I nodded and then looked back at the stream. “C’mon,” he urged. When I felt Alessio moving away, a sudden panic filled my chest. I turned around to see his back to me.
I didn’t know what came over me, but I lurched forward and grabbed the back of his jacket, halting his movement.
Alessio glanced back toward me, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion and question. My hand was shaking and I didn’t know why.
I wanted…no…I needed something, but I didn’t know what it was. My fingers tightened on the fabric of his jacket and his eyes shifted to them. Alessio turned around and I had no choice but to let go. I felt empty.
Bringing my hand up, I placed it over my chest, trying to calm my wildly racing heart.
“Ayla?” he questioned.
His eyes were intense on mine as he waited for me to say something. Taking a deep breath, I stepped closer to him. His eyes widened slightly and he cocked his head to the side, waiting.
I stopped and then looked down.
“Can you please hold me?” I asked softly.
Alessio had given me this beauty but I needed something more.
I needed him, his warmth. His arms around me, holding me safely. I needed the peace that only he could give me.
I simply needed him.
When I felt Alessio moving closer, my heart stuttered. He stopped only an inch from me. I felt his finger on my chin and he slowly tilted my head up so that I was staring into his eyes. He seemed surprised.
“Are you sure?” he asked. I swallowed hard and then nodded. That was the only answer Alessio needed. He wrapped his arms around me, and gently pulled me into his body, holding me firmly in his embrace.
My head was right over his heart and I closed my eyes. His heart was beating just as loudly and fast as mine. Placing my hands on his chest, I curled into his body, sinking into his warm, gentle embrace.
My fingers tightened around the fabric of his jacket as I held on, never wanting to let go. His warmth surrounded me, until the only thing I could smell, feel, and think was him.
We stayed like that for what felt like eternity. And when he started to pull away, I didn’t want to let go. So I didn’t. My fingers stayed wrapped around the fabric as I tilted my head up to stare at Alessio.
He blinked down at me and I saw him bring his hands up. His fingers feathered over my cheeks and I sighed in contentment.
Alessio’s gaze was soft and warm on mine, as he palmed my cheeks gently. He slightly bent down, his lips inches away from mine.
My heart did a flip at the thought of his lips on mine. My fingers tightened on his jacket and I instinctively moved even closer until our bodies were pressed together.
I didn’t feel repulsed. Instead, all I felt was…peace.
Alessio stared into my eyes and then moved his gaze to my lips. I saw him swallow hard and he looked back into my eyes again. I knew what he wanted.
So, I gave him a small nod.
His eyes flared in surprise but then his lips pressed ever so gently on mine.
I gasped against the fullness of his mouth and relaxed into his hold. He held me so gently, as if I was made of glass and he was scared of breaking me. His lips were soft on mine.
Alessio was exceedingly tender as he explored my mouth. His lips moved over mine, almost feather-light, and then he created the slightest pressure.
It was intoxicating. I felt a rush I’d never felt before, and I never wanted it to end. As he continued to kiss me, his tongue brushing lightly over my tender lips, I felt his fingers caress my cheeks
and then he deepened the kiss just a little bit.
When I let out another sigh, he slightly pulled away, his lips only an inch away from mine. He was breathing hard, his chest heaving under my palm. I felt the exact same way.
Looking up at him, I found him staring at me with wide eyes, filled with emotions I couldn’t place.
When I brought a hand up and touched my tender lips, his eyes softened even further.
What he didn’t realize was this kiss…
This kiss was my first real kiss.
Chapter 38
Alessio
Ayla’s gaze was fixated at the beauty in front of her, while all I could see was her. The small yet sweet smile that stretched across her lips had lightened up her whole face. Her vivid green eyes were glistening with excitement and pure happiness. Her cheeks were slightly flushed and I couldn’t take my eyes off her.
All I could think was how beautiful she looked in that moment.
She tilted her head up at the sky and closed her eyes. I took a step closer and then stopped. Swallowing hard against the ball of emotions in my throat, I turned my gaze away from her and stared straight ahead.
We were both silent for some time. For some reason, I felt nervous. This place was sacred. After my mother’s death, I would come here almost every day, desperately trying to clear my mind.
It felt like I had given her everything that I had. Everything that I held close to my heart, it was hers now. And I didn’t know how to feel about that.
I was confused. The way my heart stuttered when I looked at her. And the way I always found myself lost in her. I didn’t understand those emotions. I wish I knew how to deal with them. They only got me frustrated.
Taking a deep breath, I looked down and then cleared my throat.
“We should go back. It’s almost lunch time,” I said softly. I felt Ayla shift beside me and I looked up just in time to see her turning toward me.
She seemed disappointed, losing her smile. “We can come back tomorrow,” I said.
And there it was. That beautiful smile again. She nodded and then looked back at the stream.
“C’mon,” I urged, taking a step away from her and turning back around toward the path that led to the creek.