Not entirely true. He knew Estes …
Covering his face with his hands, he wanted to scream from the horror of it.
At least Acheron doesn’t remember. Unlike Styxx, his brother would never know what had happened to them. What they’d been forced to do.
It’s all my fault. All of it. Had he just stayed home, like Estes had said, it wouldn’t have happened. He should have worried about his own ass more than Acheron’s.
I won’t ever make this mistake again. He’d come to help his brother and Acheron had handed him over to their uncle. It was a lesson he wouldn’t forget. Ever.
He would never forgive Acheron for that. How could he? Given how twisted Estes was, it was the worst sort of betrayal.
Styxx looked down at the words branded on his groin and rage filled him anew. While Acheron was marked with a general slave symbol, he didn’t have “whore” written on his body.
In two languages.
If anyone ever saw it, it’d be worse than having them ask about the scars the priests had given him. They would know Styxx had been whored.…
No. Trained and then whored.
Consumed with hate and fury, Styxx picked up the stool next to him and slammed it up against the glass, shattering it. Bellowing with the weight of his humiliation, he pounded the wall until he was spent and too tired to continue.
Surrounded by broken glass, he sank to his knees and raked his hands through his hair. How could he ever face his father? Or anyone else knowing what’d been done to him?
Acheron was right …
For all his title and worldly position, Styxx was powerless.
October 28, 9533 BC
Styxx’s hands shook as they rode through the gates of his father’s palace grounds. He found no joy at his homecoming. Just an awful sense of dread and desolation. But at least now he’d be free of his uncle’s men, who’d proven to be every bit as depraved as the bastard they served.
As they neared the palace, he looked up to see his father, Ryssa, and their servants gathered to welcome him back. The musicians started their fanfare.
It took every ounce of his will not to jerk his horse around and spur it into a dead run to get as far away from here as he could. He couldn’t imagine what punishment his father would give him for leaving without notice. He could already hear the rant in his head.
Is that your answer to your problems, boy? To run away like a coward? To abandon your kingdom because you didn’t feel well, et cetera, et cetera.
He’d be lucky if he didn’t get slapped on the stairs in front of everyone.
Dismounting, Styxx took a deep breath and forced himself to climb the steps to where his father waited. He’d only taken two of them before his father came rushing down them to grab him into a fierce embrace. He cradled the back of Styxx’s head in his great paw of a hand and held him as if he were a small child.
“I have missed you, boy,” he breathed before pulling back to place a kiss to each of Styxx’s cheeks. “No, not boy.” He put his hands on Styxx’s shoulders and smiled at him. “You’re a man and I mustn’t forget that.”
Who are you and what in the name of Hades have you done with my father?
Terrified, Styxx glanced around, but no one else seemed to think this odd.
His father pulled him back into his arms and held him there for a full minute before he kissed his head and released him. “How was your trip?”
I’d have rather journeyed through Tartarus with scorpions strapped to my groin.
“Fine.”
“You look as if you’ve grown again. I swear you’re taller every day. Let me know if your armor doesn’t fit and I’ll have more made immediately.”
You’re fucking with me, aren’t you, old man? We’re going to go inside the palace and then you’ll slap the shit out of me.
Taking his arm, his father led him to Ryssa, who greeted him with her usual snotty aloofness.
At least someone hasn’t been partaking of lotos.
She lightly kissed each of his cheeks. “I want you to know that you almost killed your father with worry. Until he received Uncle’s letter, he thought you kidnapped or worse.”
“Ryssa!” his father snapped. “Mind your place, woman.”
“I am minding my place, Father. He should know what he put you through with his thoughtless selfishness. It’s time he learned to think of someone other than himself.”
“Bah, pay her no heed. She’s a woman. She doesn’t understand the needs of men. Come, Styxx, I have the wine warmed and fresh bread and cheeses for you. I’m anxious to hear how things are with Estes and Atlantis.”
Styxx felt his sister’s glare on him the whole way up. And he also noticed the one person who wasn’t there. “How’s Mother?”
His father sighed heavily. “Ever the same. Lost in her cups.”
And hating them all with every sip she took. Except for Ryssa, who could never do wrong.
As they entered the dining room, his father released him so that he could take a seat while the servants brought them refreshments.
This messed with his mind even more than what Estes had done to him. “Father? May I ask something?”
“Absolutely.”
Styxx indicated the mini banquet that was set out. “What is all this? I was expecting your anger and censor.” The back of your hand across my mouth …
“To be honest, I am angry. Furious, point of fact. But when your uncle wrote to me, he reminded me of a few things.”
His stomach drew tight with dread. “Such as?”
“That at your age, I was married and expecting my first child.”
Both his father’s wife and child had died during the birth. He’d married Styxx’s mother a year later.
“And that I was only a handful of months older than you when I ascended to the throne. He was right. I do still see you as an infant and I have too long treated you as one. I should never have had you whipped on your return. You’re too old for that. It’s time I trusted myself and your tutors to have given you the foundation you need to be the man I know you can be. Far too long, I have allowed my fears and doubts to color my sight where you’re concerned.” He tapped his fingertip against the table. “From this day forward, that changes.”
Leaning back, his father rang for his servants. “Fetch the prince’s gifts.”
Completely floored, Styxx didn’t move until they brought in a kopis, xiphos and hoplon and placed them on the table before him. They were supposed to have been given to him months back, but his father had refused.
You’re not fit for them.…
Rising, his father handed him the sword. “Galen assures me that this will please you.”
Amazed by its beauty, Styxx stood and unsheathed it. Similar to Galen’s, this one was marked with a laurel crown and the words “to be rather than to seem.” Then he looked at his red hoplon that held a black phoenix with the same crown above it. The crest was topped with the words “I defend.” Even though he’d been informed of their creation, this was the first time he’d actually seen them.
“Thank you, Father.”
His father inclined his head to him. “You are now the champion of this kingdom, and you have earned the honor.”
Strange, he felt more like a fraud. He wasn’t a man. In truth, he wanted to go hide until his shame and pain were gone.
How would you look at me, Father, if you ever learned what was done to me? That he was so weak and ineffectual that he’d been held down and used against his will, and that the only thing he’d been able to do was cry while they violated him.
Even their scold …
His father gave him a quick embrace. “I know you’re tired from your journey. Go and rest. We can speak later.”
Yes, he was tired. But more than that, he was confused and he had no one to turn to with it. No one to confide in. The bitter reality of that slapped him hard. He was alone in his hell and maybe that was the way it should be.
’Cause the gods kne
w he never wanted anyone to know the horrors he’d been through.
As he turned to leave, his father stopped him. “By the way, your room’s been moved.”
“Pardon?”
“It was a boy’s room.”
Frowning, he followed his father up the stairs to the opposite wing, where his father’s chambers were. While his father’s room was at the end of the hall, Styxx’s was just off the stairs now.
His father opened the door then stood back for Styxx to enter. The moment he did, his eyes went wide. Massive compared to his old room, this one was finally the size of his sister’s. Made up of four rooms that opened into each other, it had its own dining room, bedchambers, receiving area, and bathing room.
“Does it please you?”
“Yes, Majesty.”
His father started to leave then grabbed him into another massive embrace. “Your sister was right,” he whispered in Styxx’s ear. “I thought I’d lost you forever. I pray to the gods that you never know the sorrow and fear I felt in my heart when I found you gone with no explanation, and I pray that I never know it again. I love you, Styxx. To the depth of my soul.”
The incongruity of that statement with the things his father had said and done to him in the past …
It ranked with his mother’s semi-sober declarations of maternal love and affection she’d occasionally given. And they all left him baffled.
If you really loved me, how could you banish my twin as if he was nothing?
How could his father have walked out on him when he’d been broken and bleeding in the Dionysion?
No matter what his father said, did, or gave, nothing would ever undo either of those actions. How could it?
Clapping him on the shoulder, his father turned and left.
Styxx set his swords and shield on the dining table and tried to come to terms with everything that had happened to him in such a short amount of time. Nothing felt real right now. It was as if he walked in a dream, detached from his body and from the world.
And while he had no memory of what Estes had done to him these weeks past, he had full knowledge of the hunting party, the scold and the journey home.
I will never be the same.…
Styxx opened his purse and pulled out the herbs his uncle had sent home with him. Wanting to get away from everything, he went to his bed. But not even that was comforting.
His father had placed all of his linens and pillows in here, not knowing that the smallest pillow on that bed had belonged to Acheron.
Styxx ground his teeth as a wave of pain so severe it left his heart bleeding ravaged him. They had been so close as boys. Best friends. He’d shared everything with Acheron.
And now …
Acheron hated him as much as Ryssa did. His brother had no use for him whatsoever.
He winced as he remembered Estes’s confessed perversions about his time in Atlantis. He still didn’t know if it was true or not. I hope to the gods that I never know. Because he wasn’t sure he could handle it if it was the truth.
Dropping his cloak, he looked down at the bruises that verified his use. Why wouldn’t the damn things heal already? Not that it would matter. Even once they were gone, he’d still be branded as a whore.
That mark would be with him forever.
Unable to deal with it, he dropped a handful of herbs into the kylix near his bed and poured wine over them. The sooner he could drug or drink himself into oblivion, the happier he’d be. He gulped it all down in one shot and then glared at the pillow that reminded him of the childhood he’d lost. The love and friendship he’d never have again.
The innocence.
Most of all, it reminded him of the fact that when he’d risked his life to save Acheron, Acheron had called out for Estes and caused Styxx to be taken. While he’d tried to free Acheron, Acheron had trapped him.
“You fucking bastard!” he snarled, grabbing the pillow. His rage spurring him, he threw it into the fire and let the flames burn it to embers.
Then he sank to his knees on the floor and tried his best to blot out everything. But it was useless. The new memories tortured him even more than his old ones had.
I am damned.
And there was no escape from his mind that flogged him a thousand times worse than any scold ever could.
October 30, 9533 BC
“Did you say or do something to your sister?”
It took Styxx a moment to make sense of those words from his father. He’d only seen her once since his return. She’d asked him about Acheron and he’d refused to speak a word of anything to do with Atlantis. She’d called him selfish, slapped him, and left.
Blinking, he looked up from his breakfast and shook his head. “No, Father. Why?”
“She’s gone to visit my sister in Athens. I know she gets her whims and travels, but this one seems more sudden than normal.”
Styxx rubbed at his brow as his head spun. While the herbs Estes had given him made his thinking fuzzy, they removed the pain and voices. It was worth the delayed reaction time to have that small peace.
“Ryssa doesn’t talk to me about such things. Perhaps you should ask Mother.”
“She flies into a rage if I go near her.”
But she never tried to stab you in the heart.
“Then I’m at a loss, Father. I’ve never understood Ryssa’s mind.”
“I wonder if it has anything to do with her maid.…”
“Her maid?”
“The one you impregnated. Ryssa’s been in a foul mood since the chit confessed it. She dismissed her immediately.”
“I didn’t—”
His father held his hand up to silence him. “I took care of the matter. Don’t let it concern you.”
If he were sober, he probably would, but as it was … whatever.
His father left him.
“I still didn’t sleep with her,” he mumbled, reaching for his kylix of wine. He’d never touched a woman and now he doubted if he ever would.
Even his wife.
The last thing he wanted was to risk anyone seeing the word on his groin. And with a woman, if she did, she’d run and tell everyone about it because that was what they all did. He had yet to meet one capable of a maintaining a secret unless it protected her.
As for men?
He’d rather die than ever do that again. So here he was, a well-trained tsoulus who was celibate. He would laugh if the entire matter didn’t sicken him so.
Estes had taken much more than his virginity and innocence … more than his little brother, he’d stolen part of Styxx’s soul and all of his future.
How could he ever trust anyone now?
All of his dreams of finding a woman who could love him … gone as fast as Estes had drugged him that first time.
He would hate his uncle if he had any room left for it. But he hated himself too much to hate anyone else.
Fuck it, he snarled silently as he reached for his pouch and pulled out more of the herbs. He was getting low on them. Later, he’d go into town and see if he could find someone who peddled them.
For now.
He sucked his breath in sharply as a sudden pain went through him, and placed his hand to his groin where the brand still hurt at times. The moment his fingers accidentally brushed against his cock, he jerked his hand away.
I can’t even masturbate now. Because every time he touched himself, even to bathe or piss, he remembered Estes holding him with their hands entwined.…
Grimacing in distaste and horror, Styxx grabbed the rest of the herbs and dumped them in his cup. “I just want to forget everything.”
He downed the entire contents of the cup and cursed out loud. Why, when Estes had the ability to remove it, had his uncle left him with the memory of the nine days he’d spent with them in the woods?
Because he’s a fucking sadistic whoreson.
And Styxx was his well-used whore.
November 4, 9533 BC
Styxx clenched his hand before his fat
her saw it shaking uncontrollably. They were holding open court sessions for the nobles and citizens, and he knew well how his father reacted whenever he tried to excuse himself. He ground his teeth to keep them from chattering.
What is wrong with me?
He felt ill and disoriented, and for once, he hadn’t drugged himself. Theoretically, he was sober. But it sure didn’t seem that way.
“Majesty? Is His Highness all right?”
Styxx cringed at the senator who’d asked the question. Why did someone always have to pull him into a fire?
His father glanced over at him then gaped. “Styxx? Are you ill?”
He wiped at the sweat in his eyes. “I’m fine, Father.”
To his shock, his father came over to him. “Look at me.”
He obeyed as his father placed his hand to his brow.
“Fetch a physician!” His father stepped back. “Teris? Carry the prince to his bed and be quick about it.”
He must be near death for his father to be this concerned. “I’m fine, Father. We can continue.”
His father shook his head as Teris, his father’s personal guard, moved to pick Styxx up. “Have the rest of the sessions canceled with my apologies. Tell them we’ll resume in the morning.”
When Teris reached to touch him, Styxx bolted from his throne. “I can walk.” But it wasn’t easy. He was so dizzy.
“At least let Teris help you.”
Styxx shook his head. He never wanted to feel another pair of male hands on his body again. They could all rot in Tartarus.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, Galen appeared by his side. “Give me your arm, Highness.”
Styxx relaxed at the presence of the one and only person he trusted, and did as Galen ordered. At least when Galen knocked him around, he was open about it.
And Styxx always had a weapon in his hand.
Galen draped his arm around his shoulders and walked him to his room. Without a word, he put Styxx to bed then withdrew as the king came forward to stand next to Styxx.
“Galen?” Styxx called.
The old man turned at the door. “Yes, Highness?”
“Thank you.”
He saluted him. “Any time you need me, good prince. I am ever at your service.”
Styxx (DH #33) Page 16