Chapter 23
eric
upon arrival to the site, I waited for most of the people to get out of the bus before I followed. Everyone dispersed over a huge area, and we started walking toward a specific destination led by the camp leaders. It was a wide area between the trees at the bottom of the Rocky Mountains. Eric and a few guys went to collect wood for tonight’s fire; the girls began pitching the tents. Some other group searched the area for dangerous insects and threw a kind of powder that they said had a bad smell that would chase the insects away without harming them. I didn’t smell anything at all. The leaders divided us into working groups and assigned a specific task for each of us to do. I was allowed to build my tent first, and then I had to help the others put all the water we carried under the shade. In fact we needed to find the perfect spot, even build it if we had to.
It took me a longer time than everyone else to pitch my tent of course. Everyone was finished and many were just staring at me waiting. Finally Angela volunteered to help me out; she was always smiling and happy. Her joyful spirit got into me; soon everyone volunteered to help us out too. I wasn’t much in the mood for smiling, but I appreciated so much the help of the girls around me. I never had this kind of help before from friends, let alone from people that I barely knew.
Two minutes later we had finished setting up the tent. It was tiring to do all the hard working jobs; I wasn’t used to so much physical activity. I kept my eyes on the group of guys that included Eric; I didn’t want him to realize that I was among them yet. Today Eric looked so much like the times when Julie used to be in a coma. He was angry and not very talkative anymore. I think it was the first time when no one really liked him, no one but me.
“So you’re not going to talk to him?” asked Angela.
“Oh, no, not yet.” I took the water bottles and placed them under the shade of the little broken branches that the girls constructed.
“Why not?”
“I’m just not ready yet.” I hoped she didn’t have any further questions.
“Well, it’s the right time because he went in that direction all alone.” She waved with her hand toward the direction he had taken. “Why don’t you follow him?”
“How do you know so much?” I smiled.
“It’s easy, I’m looking at you, no?” She turned in the opposite direction that Eric had taken and started walking toward it. It was as if she was giving me the privacy I needed to decide on following him. It took me a few seconds before I agreed with her.
I followed him, watching him from a considerable distance as he just walked calmly away from the camp. He walked for maybe half an hour, crossing a huge distance. I tried not to make sounds as I followed him, not without difficulty though. It was starting to get dark, and I worried because I didn’t know where I was, and if I lost him I would truly be lost. Luckily he wasn’t making turns; the direction he took was just a straight walk. I reminded myself that I had my phone with me and the battery was still almost full. Finally he stopped walking and sat on a flat rock. I waited a little and started reciting to myself everything I needed to say, but suddenly it felt as if I lost all words. When I finally found enough courage to start walking toward him, he quickly noticed me and seemed to be frightened a little at the sound of the leaves crushed underneath my feet.
I think at that point my heart remembered to beat for several reasons altogether. The strength of the beats I was hearing forbade me from hearing anything else. I swallowed hard, pulling myself toward the seated young man that at some point I almost trapped. I straightened myself as I carried on without looking at his face, this time in order not to fall.
“Eric,” I managed to say, although the hardest part was that I couldn’t hear my own voice as I spoke. I took a moment to recapture my breath, noticing now that I wasn’t able to see anything besides the black and white spots swimming around before my sight. I finally went down on my knees trying to breathe.
vHe whispered continuously, asking me to breathe, and he kept caressing my forehead until the darkness faded and I started seeing a little bit better. As my breathing stabilized, he opened his water bottle and offered it to me to drink. I took a sip as the few sparks of stars that were soaring around my head little by little began disappearing.
“Eric.” I grabbed his hand, which was folded around my stomach.
“It doesn’t matter now, Julie, just get better…please.” He sounded scared.
“I’m okay now.” I turned my face toward the side where he laid his chin on my shoulder, touching our faces. Without any control I happened to close my eyes, and he paused for a few seconds then pulled away. “Help me to stand up.”
He walked two steps until he was facing me; he took my hands and pulled me up. I was still a little dizzy but it was nothing. I took a deep breath, finally finding enough courage to look at his face again. I lifted my head and felt like a stranger as his eyes couldn’t recognize the love we had for each other. He looked at me as if I was back in Cassandra’s body. His barely opened eyes were so defensive and cautious. I swallowed, noticing that he was still holding me with one hand.
“You should drink some more.” He offered me the bottle once again. “I didn’t know you were coming here.”
“It was a last-minute decision.” I nodded.
“How did you know about the camping trip?”
I shook my head, obviously signifying how unimportant his question was in light of the importance of what I came to say.
He nodded. “Amy…”
“Listen.” I wrapped my hand around his. “When I first opened my eyes after the coma, I remembered you as Eric. I didn’t know if you were my brother or my friend, I didn’t even know we were engaged. With time, I started remembering things that were not to our favor. I was feeling confused…”
“You don’t need to explain to me…”
“Eric, just let me finish what I came to say. For once just hear me out.” I almost shouted at him, and he was frightened.
He sighed and decided to listen, maybe because he was afraid to leave me alone there while I was fainting.
“When I remembered Robert,” my eyes suddenly felt warm and tears formed rapidly, “I remembered a feeling that apparently I wasn’t feeling at the period just before the coma, and that’s where I should’ve waited to remember more.”
“Remember what?”
“Remember the day just before the accident,” I sort of whispered. “I’m not sure if it’s exactly the day before the accident. It’s when we swam in a lake, and later we heard the crying of a little girl. You ran toward the sound and found her. She had been missing for several hours. While bringing her back to the police station she slept over your shoulder as you carried her for one hour. You said you’d be very happy if you had a little girl like this one from me…and you’d call her whatever this little girl’s name was.”
“Sela,” he said with weeping eyes.
“I couldn’t remember her name.” The taste of my tears was a little strange, both sweet and salty. “Eric, this is why I love you, because you are different. This kind of difference made the love that I had for Robert look like a small boat in the ocean of our love.”
He just breathed heavily as tears ran down his face.
“Eric, if you don’t love me anymore…” My voice sounded like I was crying.
I removed the ring from my finger, and he watched me with sad eyes.
“This belongs to you.” I wept.
He just looked into my eyes like he had seen a ghost. I had never seen his eyes so opened before and so shocked. I myself was little frightened.
I placed it in his hand and was silent for a minute. “I want it back. If you want…I want it back.”
I turned around and started walking back toward the camp. I never looked behind me, but I knew Eric followed at least to make sure that I was all right. Upon my arrival I quickly walked toward my tent and leaned my back on the trunk of the nearest tree. Angela saw me from a close distance
; she had an uneven smile on her face. A minute later Eric appeared from behind the trees; he quickly went into his tent and never came out. I wondered who built Eric’s tent; it must have been the boys. I waited for about three hours for him to come out. He didn’t. I was glad that our tents weren’t so far from one another. The boys lit the fire finally; a strong light cleared the darkness.
“So what happened?” asked Angela as she handed me a stick with a grilled potato hanging over it.
“I’m not hungry.” I shook my head.
“Well, you should eat. You kinda look white.” She shrugged her shoulders.
I took the stick from her just to stop negotiating over that subject. “He’s just silent.”
“Hmm…,” she mumbled. “Give him time.”
“How do you know that we have a problem?” I was really curious.
“Well, everybody knows that.” She sniffed. “Some people gossip too much.”
“You don’t look like the type that does.” I pealed the potato.
“I just listen and I choose to believe what I want.” She stared at me as I peeled the skin off, burning my fingers. “You should do it quickly so it doesn’t get to your fingers.”
“Thanks.” I tried to follow her advice, realizing that it was actually efficient. “Thanks, Angela, you know…not just for the potato.”
“For nothing.” She smiled as she stared at the fire.
“I have no idea where you came from but…I guess…”
“I’m glad.” She smiled.
The night’s hours ran in leaps and bounds. Angela’s tent was adjacent to mine. I could hear her snoring from a short distance. I was already so exhausted that I started falling asleep while sitting down at the door of my tent. Finally I decided to lie down for a while. The guys were spending the night in watch turns—each two guys for about four hours. Altogether we were like nineteen persons including the leaders. By two o’clock everyone was supposedly asleep except for the two guys watching.
I lay in my tent watching the reflection of the fire over my tent sheets. I recalled the scenario of our talking earlier this late afternoon and wondered if I should have said anything differently. I cried silently for some time until I heard the guys changing teams of watch. I cried even more silently until my throat was hurting. A few minutes later Eric’s shadow passed over the sheets of my tent, and I quickly got into a sitting position following his darkness from one side to the other. He walked in between the fire and my tent barely for a moment, then the shadow disappeared. I stayed in my sitting position wiping away my tears. Suddenly it frightened me as his shadow reappeared from the other side of the tent and came closer while kneeling down.
“Eric,” I whispered.
“Shhh,” he whispered back.
I wondered why he didn’t come to me from the zipping door side of the tent; perhaps because he didn’t want anyone to see him approach me. Apparently from his side he was able to see my silhouette with the fire behind me. I thought of ripping down the sheets of my tent that stretched between us as we kneeled before each other.
Finally he placed his hand on the sheet and I placed my hand against his, hardly feeling the warmth of his skin through the nylon. Only a second later he leaned his forehead against the tent, and I laid mine on his. I started crying silently as we caressed one another like cats do with their heads, my tears dropping down on the sheet.
I couldn’t see him with my eyes but I saw him with my soul. It’s where everything felt different, like something huge came to an end, and everything else started living. There I didn’t regret any part of my life that was actually a reason that brought me here to this spot right now. I just wished I was courageous enough when I was Cassandra to actually understand the meaning of not giving up on life, of fighting for what we want, what we believe.
My whole body’s anxiety was suddenly gone. Eric kissed my forehead, well…actually the sheet of the tent between us. He then placed a soft kiss on my lips. This kiss…was our first kiss, our first Eric and Cassandra’s kiss. A second later, he disappeared.
note from the author
I think I always had dreams that I found unusually smart, the kind of dreams I could illustrate into books. I woke up on a morning thinking of this dream I had: what if we were able to stop death by actually transferring a part of the brain or the whole brain in a hopeless situation to another body whose brain already died but whose body remained alive on machines. I wondered which one was going to be alive and if the same was possible at all. I started searching the Internet for failed or successful attempts of brain transfer. What I found bit by bit joined the story in my head, which many times I dreamed of too, and the whole of it—with the encouragement of everyone around me—summed up into Different Minds.
about the author
Joyce Rayess’ father believed that English should be the primary language for his children; he placed her and her sister at an American school where she discovered her passion for writing at the age of twelve. At age thirteen she wrote her first novel during a school summer vacation. The Gift Revealer was never published as she believed it touched her soul as it spoke about her aunt who passed away two years before she wrote it.
Currently Joyce lives with her family in Lebanon and owns a distributing company for women’s wear. She published several articles in academic books for children, and at the age of twenty-eight she published her first novel, Different Minds.
Her next novel The Monster.
acknowledgments
Sincere thanks to:
My parents, Emile and Asmahane, for their patience and belief in my small steps within the journey, for the late-night coffee cups listening to my readings and for their wonderful words; my lovely sister and brother, Aline and Freddy, for believing in me even when my thoughts spoke a different language, for their motivation and support when I thought my novel would remain unfinished, for wonderful night drives and laughter; my wonderful friends Claudine Massola, Huguette Angelini, and Katy Ghajar, for helping me through the process of writing and publishing, whether through their wonderful words, prayers, or reading. I love you so much for existing in my life; for the wonderful publishing team of Morgan James Publishing, for Anne Marie Chakhtoura for designing my book, for Saba & Co IP, especially Amal Abdallah, for every friend I made along the way and took note of the book title, thank you for the light in your eyes as you spoke to me, for your inspiration and love.
Different Minds Page 32