For maybe the first time in my life, I honestly wanted to be in a hotel room watching over someone sleep rather than partying like it was 1999 down the hall. What was happening to me? Had I grown up overnight, taken some sort of hormone pill that finally kicked me out of adolescence?
But, when I thought of it, I’d been heading down this road for a while, slowly pulling away from Connor and his antics. The number of times I turned down something wild and crazy now far outpaced the number of times I went along with it, never mind how rarely I came up with that sort of shit myself anymore. I’d never admitted it out loud to anyone, hadn’t even really to myself, but when I’d dated Mandy I’d hoped. Or at least I’d wondered—would she be different? I’d been ready for a change for a long time.
Now that change had come. I sat on the edge of the bed, looking at Ana so peaceful. Her lashes so long, her perfect full lips, the curve of her cheekbone. I wanted to memorize every inch of her.
Because somehow it had felt like she hadn’t just been wanting to leave the party earlier tonight. It had felt like she’d wanted to leave me. I understood wanting to get out of that party. I’d felt exactly the same way. But had she been trying to end things between us? The thought made something in my chest seize up like an engine with no oil.
She had every right to end things. I’d even understand it if she did. And stupid over her as I was, I still managed to remember ending things was the plan. She was supposed to break up with me on January ninth. It was now the first. We had barely over a week left.
But if things ended between us, I wanted them to end for the right reasons. It shouldn’t be because she got freaked out over the celebrity lifestyle. I’d spent a long time surrounded by the circus, but here was the nasty little secret celebrities never talked about: if you didn’t seek out the spotlight, it generally went away. All that fussing and whining about being constantly hounded and stalked? I could list a bunch of famous people I knew who managed it well, kept a low profile. They just didn’t do public, drunk, messy shit.
And maybe it was time to put all that behind me? I had a hunch that if I were with Ana, I wouldn’t miss it for a second. I could still keep on with music, I knew I’d always do that, but maybe there was something else? Some other way? And maybe we could figure it out together?
But here we were in Vegas, probably the worst place in the world for real, heart-to-heart talks about toning things down and stepping out of the glitz and glam. In Vegas, the lights literally never went out. Especially on New Year’s Eve.
And I hadn’t even given Ana a midnight kiss. That seemed a damn shame. I’d been caught up after the show with glad-handing and photos and people Lola said I had to meet. Then everyone all around had started counting down and some groupie had pulled me into a kiss I managed to twist onto my cheek.
No, Vegas wasn’t doing us any favors. But the thing about Vegas was you could always leave it behind. And you know what wasn’t too far away? Mammoth. I had a cabin there. Or, technically, the band had a cabin there. A big, tricked out one. The slopes were better in Tahoe, and much tastier in Vail or Aspen, but Mammoth had location going for it. Just over an hour’s flight from L.A., Vegas and S.F., Mammoth was like L.A.’s snow playground backyard.
If we drove, we could get there in about four and a half hours.
“What do you think?” I asked, speaking out loud to Ana’s sleeping form. No response.
There was a storm coming, a big enough one that even I’d heard people talking about it. Keeping up on the weather wasn’t really my thing, but when the forecast predicted a days-long torrential storm pounding the state with rain and blanketing the mountains in snow, it even got on Ash Black’s radar. Drought-stricken California needed rain and snow, everyone knew that, but this storm was supposed to pack a wallop. And it was due to arrive later on today.
I had to make a call. Ana wasn’t in any shape to make it with me. She’d said something about flying back to New York, but come on now. What we’d had in Paris had been real. We needed a few more days together out of the spotlight.
If we headed up to Mammoth, we could tuck ourselves away in the cabin. I knew none of the guys were headed there. They’d planned to stay on in Vegas for a couple of days and keep the party going. Ana and I would be snowed in. I’d have her all to myself for days on end.
§
Driving in a snowstorm was harder than I’d remembered. Actually, I couldn’t remember the last time I’d driven myself through a snowstorm. Or driven myself through anything to anywhere. Thankfully, we were already on Route 395. GPS said we had about an hour to go.
The flakes were already coming down thick and fast. When we’d left Vegas four hours earlier in the dead of night, the road had been flat and dry and stretched out in front of us endlessly.
I say us because Ana was with me the whole time. But she hadn’t exactly been awake for any of it. She was passed out so cold a couple of times I’d checked to make sure she was breathing. She always was, slow and steady, just sleeping the sleep of the dead.
And sleep on she still did, slumped against the door of the car, unaware of the storm brewing around her. Unaware that I’d kidnapped her.
Technically speaking, of course. Kidnapping was an inflammatory term, but, technically, it applied to this situation. I realized that. She’d told me she planned to go to New York. I’d lifted her up in a dead sleep, carried her down in an elevator passed out on my shoulder, and laid her down in a rental SUV without her becoming any the wiser. This girl could sleep. She must have been drunk when we’d spoken earlier. The party had been crowded and loud and I’d barely been able to hear her speaking. She must have been wasted and I just hadn’t noticed.
I’d tucked her in nicely, setting her up with a pillow and a blanket from the hotel. They’d charge my account and probably consider themselves lucky that I hadn’t ripped a sink out of the wall like last time. Actually, that had been Connor, but the two of us tended to get lumped together.
He wasn’t such a bad guy, really. Look how he’d been taking care of Ana. And he’d had a hard time of it growing up, getting bullied so bad when I’d first met him in boarding school he’d always had a cut or a bruise or both marking up his face. He’d been a shrimpy little Irish scholarship kid, and didn’t all those aristocratic British brats let him know it. Now I knew he took things too far, always over the top, but the world loved him for it. Could you blame him?
I hoped one day he and Ana could get on better. I know he’d hit on her, but that was his way. There wasn’t a woman alive he wouldn’t hit on, that was like sleeping, eating and breathing for him. And Ana, well, she’d tempt a monk.
Even looking at her sleeping there in the car, so innocent, she made my thoughts turn nasty. Once we made it to the cabin, I’d have her all to myself. No one else there, nothing to interrupt us, distract us. We could get lost in each other the way I knew we were meant to do.
But maybe I should say if we made it to the cabin. The towering pines, the ridges surrounding us, we were deep in the Sierra Nevada mountain range and it was gorgeous but I’d had to slow down to about thirty miles an hour. I’d rented a powerful SUV, but snowplows hadn’t had a chance to get up to this stretch of road yet and the powder was accumulating, fast.
I felt proud of myself that I’d remembered to call ahead and talk to the caretaker of the Mammoth property. Such planning from seat-of-his-pants rocker Ash Black. I’d even been surprised to find his number in my phone under Mammoth Cabin. I had people to handle those kinds of arrangements. But not when I stole away in the dead of night trying to avoid all discovery. Then, I needed to make the call myself.
If the caretaker had been surprised at a call from Ash Black at four in the morning on New Year’s Day, he hadn’t shown it. I didn’t know how much we paid him, but apparently it was enough that when I woke him up in the middle of the night and told him I’d be arriving at the cabin in a few hours he said, “No problem.” The cabin would be clean, lit and heated upon our arriv
al. He’d even make sure the fridge and pantry were stocked and we had enough firewood to last us days.
“You know there’s a big storm coming today?” he had warned. I’d brushed it off.
Now I saw why he’d cautioned me. The last 30 minutes of the drive would take at least an hour in these conditions, and that was if we didn’t skid off and slam straight into a tree trunk. I could see the headlines, “Ash Black Crashes Out!” Only it wouldn’t just be me, it would be Ana, and I wanted to keep her safe.
I hoped she’d feel safe when she finally woke up. I wanted her to feel cherished and protected. Because once we got there, we weren’t going anywhere. The snow was supposed to fall and keep on falling for another couple of days. We’d be snowbound, trapped, cut off from the rest of the world.
Exactly how I wanted it.
My need for her built with each passing day. Every time I tasted her, I craved more. Each sigh, moan, gasp from her lips teased me, suggesting such a treasure trove of erotic pleasures. She was a sensual woman, but up until me she’d never indulged. As far as I could tell, she’d only had one serious sexual partner before, and he sounded about one step removed from the living dead. I wasn’t sure she’d ever had an orgasm with the man. Good thing, too, because if she had I would have had to find him and sock him in the jaw.
As it was, it sounded like I didn’t have much to be jealous about. When I touched her she seemed so surprised, shocked and thrilled about how good it felt. I felt that way, too. And we’d only just begun.
In Paris we’d fallen into each other, the way ravenous beasts fell on a meal after days of starvation. We’d burned for each other and then combusted, joining together with fierce passion. But we’d never taken it slow. We’d never played.
Ana had a body built for sinful pleasures. I had a mind filled with plans. When she woke up, she’d feel confused and disoriented. Maybe she’d be angry with me. She’d definitely have one hell of a hangover.
But I’d do everything I could to smooth things over. The cabin would help with that. Lofted ceilings with giant, rugged beams, floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking the mountain range and lake below, a massive stone fireplace, the romantic setting would serve as my wingman. I’d have a fire crackling in the fireplace. I’d make sure she took some Advil and drank water. I’d make her tea with honey and lemon and toast or whatever else she needed to get back into fighting form. Because she was going to get a workout.
She could yell at me all she wanted. She could tell me off, pissed that I’d taken her to the cabin without her consent. She could pound her fists against my chest, angry at me for trapping her.
But, ultimately, she’d be trapped. Snowed in with me. And I needed to consume her, possess every inch. I wouldn’t stop until I’d had her in every way I’d craved in all of my fantasies.
She might fight me at first, but then there’d be a shift. She’d have her fist against me, but then her fingers would unfurl and she’d clutch my chest. Her yell would cut off into a moan as I sucked down hard on her nipple. I could almost taste it, that moment when her protests sank into sighs, when she melted into my touch, parting her legs to give me access to her sweet, succulent core.
That’s when I’d have her. And then I wouldn’t stop, as long as the snow came down, as long as he roads stayed blocked. I’d have her right where I wanted her.
21
Ana
When I woke up, my head was pounding. And not pounding like, oh, I had a bit too much to drink last night, pounding like my head was a watermelon and someone had taken a hammer to it. What. The. Fuck.
I could barely open my eyes. It felt like lead weights held my lids down. Wherever it was, it was bright and that made me feel like I should have my eyes open. Normal people slept when it was dark and woke up when it was bright. But bright hurt like a knife. I groaned.
“Ana.” Ash’s voice, by my side. That was good. I closed my eyes again for a moment. He would help me feel better.
“How much did you drink last night?”
The question was simple and innocuous, but the word drink nearly made me wretch. I could still taste it in my mouth, that drink I’d had, the last one. But I couldn’t picture it.
I didn’t know if I fell asleep again, if Ash left and came back, but the next thing I knew he was sitting beside me, resting a hand on my shoulder. “Here, take these. Some Advil.”
I managed to open up my eyes a sliver and make out three pills in his palm. Gently, he helped me sit up, handing me the pills and then water to chase them down.
“Wathefuck?” I slurred, wishing I could sleep again.
“Baby, are you OK? I know you’re a lightweight, but this seems—”
I groaned again, digging the base of my palms into my eye sockets.
“I’ll let you sleep again, it’s just that it’s almost three o’clock so I was starting to get worried that you’d barely moved.”
“Three clock?” I squinted at him. How was that possible? The last thing I remembered I was at a party. A big party for New Year’s Eve.
“You’ve been asleep for about fourteen hours.”
That wasn’t right. Listing to the left, happily I found Ash and leaned against him. He wrapped an arm around me. That felt better.
“Did you take anything last night? Any pills or—?”
“No.” I shook my head, then I wished I hadn’t. Movement was a bad thing. But I felt certain I hadn’t done any drugs. But why couldn’t I remember a goddamned thing?
“Somebody might have slipped something into your drink. Motherfuckers.”
Bits and pieces came back to me from last night. A girl dancing all up on me. Ash up on a bar doing shots. Standing and talking with Johnny. And Connor.
“Connor,” I mumbled, even my mouth feeling heavy and sleepy.
“Yeah, he said he saw you drink something before you passed out. Have some water.” Ash handed me a large bottle and sat with me, coaxing me to finish nearly the whole thing.
I needed to sleep some more. I tried to fight it. He said I’d already slept for 14 hours, but I couldn’t stay awake any more than I could fly.
“Where are we?” I managed, my eyelids stubbornly refusing to open, my head sinking deeper onto Ash’s shoulder.
“My cabin in Mammoth.”
“What?” That breathed a bit of life into me. My eyes not exactly wide but at least partially open, I looked around me. A rustic antler chandelier overhead, wide-beamed wooden planks underfoot, we nestled on an oversized leather couch in front of a gigantic stone fireplace. Had he said Mammoth? Like the prehistoric wooly mammoth creature?
I must have said that last bit out loud because Ash chuckled and pulled me closer, kissing the top of my head. “Don’t worry about it. Why don’t you rest some more?”
“Was going to New York,” I whispered, trying to make sense of this, my body sinking into him with complete trust but my mind reeling about, foggy and confused and upset.
“I’ll keep you safe.” He kissed me on my head. And with that I was out again like a light.
§
I didn’t know what time it was when I woke up again, but I could see it was dark outside the windows. Lights were on inside, though, and the fire still burned.
From somewhere I could hear a piano, the notes lilting and flowing out. It was Ash playing, I knew instantly. He had a way of expressing himself, showing how he felt through the keys. He was playing that song, the tune he’d first played for me at the arena in Santa Clara. So haunting, aching. The melody had grown from that first time, developed through us playing it again, together, expanding and deepening. It pulled at me.
But even more than that, I really needed to pee. Slowly, I brought myself up to sitting. Then slowly, oh so slowly, up to standing. I realized I was wearing a too-big sweatshirt and sweatpants. They must belong to Ash.
Ash was at my side in a second. “Are you OK?”
“Bathroom,” I managed. He helped me over to it. I wondered if that’s what it felt lik
e to get old, when meeting bodily needs seemed to pose a nearly insurmountable challenge. Ash would take good care of me if we grew old together.
Where had that thought come from? Clearly I was still under the influence of some kind of drug much more powerful than mere alcohol.
Door closed, I took my time, as if I could have done anything else. Cold water felt good splashed on my face, and I found a washcloth to remove some of the more ridiculous clown-like smudges of makeup. Nothing could be done about my hair, though. It had a life all its own, standing up proud and tall like a 1960s beehive. So be it. Nothing but a long, hot shower could tame that mane.
When I finally emerged, Ash met me and walked me again over to the couch. “How are you feeling?”
“Like I got run over by a truck. Did I?”
“Not that I know of.”
“Because I can’t remember a damn thing about last night.”
“I guess you did some shots. And had something else to drink which I have to guess was laced with something. Could have been rohypnol, or GHB, or zolpidem. Or even a benzodiazepine, like temazepam or midazolam.”
I looked at him. “Did you just start speaking another language?”
He dropped his head, looking slightly bashful. “I know a lot about drugs.”
“Are you a pharmacist on the side?”
He looked up at me and shrugged his shoulders. “Ana, I’m not a perfect man. Far from it. But give me a shot.”
“Ash, I literally don’t even know where I am right now.” Was he trying to have a relationship conversation?
“Sorry, right.” He hustled away, then returned with a fresh water bottle and a mug of what looked like tea. “Here, keep hydrated.”
I drank. “So you think I got drugged?”
He nodded. I wished I could remember more about last night, but it was like trying to recollect a strange dream, the fragments appearing then twisting away before I could collect them and make sense of it all.
Undone: A Fake Fiancé Rockstar Romance Page 29