by Dianne Drake
Getting to know Beau Alexander was where she had started. That push in the right direction.
“Better to spend your time trying than falling further and further behind, I suppose. So now all I have to do is convince myself that settling down here in Sugar Creek isn’t the same thing as getting left behind, and I’ll be good. Although a year into the quest and I’ll have to admit that the things I want to keep ahead of are changing.”
“Sounds to me like you’re trying to reconcile yourself to staying.”
He sighed heavily but it was a contented sigh, not one out of exasperation. “Maybe I am. Duty calls, you know. And it’s a pretty strong call when there’s no one else to take care of the people around here. Besides, I owe it to Brax to do the right thing for him. He was the stalwart force in my life when everything else was going to hell and for that reason the adjustments aren’t as difficult as they might be otherwise.”
“You call your grandfather by his name?”
“There weren’t any women in our lives...not for very long anyway. So we never stood on formalities. Al was my dad. Brax my grandfather... We’re both Braxton Beauregard Alexander. And I’m the ninth in line to get the name.”
“Braxton Alexander,” she said. Alexander Braxton—Braxton Alexander. Sure, there was an uncanny similarity of names, but mixing them up? Having a baby this way was Emily’s idea, not mine. So do any damned thing you want, Deanna. Keep it, get rid of it. It’s not mine and I don’t care. Even now, remembering Alex’s words chilled her to the bone.
“Look Deanna, I didn’t come up here to bore you all the details of my family name or how I need to decide what I’m going to do with my life. When Brax heard there was a pretty young nurse staying in the cabin, he insisted I come and invite you to breakfast, so...consider yourself invited.
“And as I said, we don’t stand on formality around here. You’re welcome to wander down the mountain for any meal we put on the table. No invite necessary.” He grinned. “Unlike back in New York, where you’d probably be admitted for a psych evaluation for showing up unannounced and without an invitation.”
“My New York’s not that rigid. But, then, I don’t encompass much of New York in my interests or lifestyle so that pretty well limits me. That, or we just run in different circles.”
“Funny. I didn’t take you for the kind of person who would limit herself in anything.”
“There are lots of different kinds of limits, Beau. I think I’ve chosen mine to fit what I need.”
“But what about what you want?”
Deanna thought about that for a moment, pondered the many things she wanted but wouldn’t allow herself to have. Ultimately, what you wanted hurt the most when you lost it and, in her experience, she always lost it. So why invest in her wants when the outcome was a given?
OK, so that was the dreary side of life showing itself, but in this case dreary was practical. It worked. And there was no need for him to know any of this because he was now, in some inexplicable fashion, tied up in her list of wants. She wanted to be around him, get to know him. Make sense of him so she could come to know Emily’s baby in some way. “What I want? Right now, it’s to get to work. It’s not getting done with me sitting out here staring at the morning.”
“All work, no play should make you hungry, so how about that breakfast invitation?”
She was hungry, she had to admit. But to insert herself into the heart of the Alexander clan? Although Beau’s grandfather was family to this baby, too. But this was too much, too soon. “I, um...I appreciate the offer. But, like I said...”
“Your book awaits.”
“No, not a book. More like a report. I’m a nurse researcher, and I work for a group of physicians who have a very specific vision about getting better healthcare to places that don’t have it. You know, rural populations, isolated areas. So to that end I do the preliminary research, write the papers and journal articles that will bring in the financial donors for various projects. Sometimes I lecture, and every other semester I teach a class.”
“Sounds complicated.”
“Not really. Not when you know what you’re doing.”
“And you’re pretty good?”
“I’m pretty good.”
“Like the Ellerby Project in West Virginia, where you found funding for Dr. Louis Ellerby to start a clinic in an area that hasn’t seen convenient healthcare in a century?”
“You’ve read about me?”
“About your work. Last night at the hospital, while I waiting for Mack to come out of surgery. Although I’ll admit I did some internet searching on you and came up with...practically nothing.”
That was a relief. She was still concerned, though, that he’d been digging around into her past, as bland as it was. Although turnabout was fair play, since she’d been digging into his past. “Just the way I like it.” She was a little uncomfortable, though, knowing he was looking at her.
“Being in the background?”
“Not in the background. As often as not I get to implement one of my projects and see it come to life. But I don’t like...fuss.”
“Are you here in Sugar Creek to fuss? You know, find a problem with our healthcare and fix it?”
It hadn’t occurred to her he might think that. Or that her presence here could look like she was on a project. “No, I’m here to... I just needed time away from the city. I’ve got some decisions to make about my future, sort of like what you’re doing, and I’m in the middle of a move when I get back home. So, basically, I needed a break. Sugar Creek seems the perfect place for that and, as far as I can see, it’s in good hands, medically speaking. You may be spread too thin, but compared to some of the places I’ve been...”
Suddenly, Beau sat bolt upright and twisted to face her. “Work for me,” he interrupted, not sure why he’d just made the offer. “I know you didn’t come here to work, and I’m not even sure why I’m asking. But I am. So, come and work for me, Deanna.”
“What? I mean...I don’t understand.”
“You look for solutions, and I need to see if a nurse, or even a second doctor, would be my solution here. And I don’t mean full time. Just spend a couple hours a day in the clinic to see some of the lesser cases. Maybe a house call or two. To see if my problem can be fixed.”
“Your problem?”
“A grandfather who doesn’t want anybody in the practice. He’s old-school, a one-man show. And critical of how I’m running his practice. The thing is, for me to stay here I’ve got to find a way to appease him and still run things the way I need to, and right now I’m drowning. He says it’s because I’m unfocused, but I say it’s because we exist in two different medical worlds, and that the day of the solitary GP is over. Medicine has more, it’s expanded since Brax was my age, and while in knowledge it hasn’t left him behind, in practice it has.
“But I have to prove that to him, let him see something that makes him understand that I have to do things my way or I won’t be able to stay here. Then Sugar Creek turns into one of those problems you’re sent to solve.”
“And with me working for you...”
“You’ll see both sides, where he’s wrong, where I’m wrong. That’s what I need.”
“Then you think he’s entirely wrong and you’re entirely right? Is that the premise I have to work with if I take this on?”
Of course he was right. But he just didn’t know where he was wrong or else he’d fix it. “Let’s just say Brax and I share a certain stubbornness, which is probably working against both of us.”
“No probably about it. Too much ego hurts the practice.”
He chuckled. “See, that’s what I mean. We need that kind of observation. And I’m willing to pay for it. I read about this clinic you’re trying to expand in Wyoming. It needs a small surgery. Work for me, and it’s funded.”
“Just like that? I give you a few hours and you give me a surgery?”
“And a new exam room. The article said you wanted to expand by adding one more exam room.”
Well, one thing was certain. He was catching her attention with his offer. “You know how to make a hard-to-refuse offer, don’t you?”
“Well, I thought about it, rejected it, thought about it again, and...” He shrugged. “Never hurts to try.”
“I’m not even sure I’ve got time...”
“Make time,” he said earnestly. “Whatever you can spare. Work any time you’re able, fit it into your schedule, not mine.”
“As tempting as this is, you have to know one thing. If I do this, and I’m not saying I will, but if I do I’ll be fixing a professional problem,” she warned. “Not a personal one between you and your grandfather. That’s for you two to sort out.”
But with the professional fix would come the personal fix, he hoped. He really did love the old guy, but loving him and trying to run his medical practice were two entirely different things. And their problems with the practice were beginning to affect their relationship.
“You’re right. It is. But it’s complicated, Deanna, because it’s hard to separate one from the other. If we can get the problems with the practice sorted and come to some kind of understanding, I’m sure Brax and I will go back to normal. So, yes, all professional.”
“Before I commit to anything, let me ask you one simple question. Do you want to stay here? You sound like someone who does, yet I’m sensing a streak of resistance.”
It wasn’t a simple question, because he was torn. He’d hoped, when he’d come home, that his sentiments would swing harder one way or the other while he was here, but that hadn’t happened. And he was down to the wire now.
His partners wanted him back or they wanted his resignation so they could turn their temporary replacement for him in to a permanent member of the staff. And the medical practice here needed someone who could make the firm commitment. So, no, that wasn’t a simple question at all. In fact, it was the hardest one he’d ever had to think over.
“Ideally, I could have both worlds—the one I have in New York and the one I’m trying to find here. That said, I know I can’t, so my preference would be...” He shrugged. “That’s what I’m trying to find out because I’m really straddling the fence.”
“Like personal heart in one place and professional heart in another?”
“See, you do understand.”
“The easy decision would be to flip a coin. Then you wouldn’t have to buy me a new exam room and a surgical suite in Wyoming.” She smiled. “Although getting that exam room and surgery would so uncomplicate my life right now. Save me half the work I brought with me to do.”
“Which means you’ll do it because you’re about to have some spare time?”
“Which means I’ll think about it. That’s all I can say right now.”
“Then how about you think about it over breakfast, and meet Brax?”
“I do have to eat, don’t I? It’s good for the...” She broke off her words and sighed as she glanced down the mountain then waved at the old man again, in case he was watching. “Good for me. It’s good for me.”
That’s when Beau saw her drift away for a moment, thinking about something else, something profoundly sad and far away. It was perceptible in her eyes. In the way her shoulders slumped. He understood anger, and rage. He’d lived his entire life with an undertow of restlessness and discontent.
But sadness hadn’t touched him, except for that one moment when he’d realized that his marriage had been about betrayal, not commitment. And even then that sadness had turned into intense distrust. But the sadness he saw in her...he didn’t understand it. It was so deep, and so close.
“Before I meet him, will he be good with this, Beau? Your grandfather? Will he accept an outsider coming in and making suggestions as he’s resisting your suggestions?”
“If you work for me, you won’t be an outsider. And he’s not an ogre. Just stubborn. But he’ll listen to you because...”
“Because I don’t share his stubbornness, like you do.”
“You have a way with words,” he said, standing up. “Very direct.”
She laughed. “Very direct, and no partiality. As they say in today’s vernacular, that’s the way I roll.”
Well, he was beginning to like the idea that Deanna had rolled into his life, even if it was only his professional life. Working with her for a while, whatever the reason, would be nice. For her nursing skills.
And maybe the pleasure of her company. Because he sure did like that as well.
* * *
Deanna refused yet another biscuit as she shoved away her plate. “That was amazing,” she said, as Vera Holland, the Alexander housekeeper, tried ladling one last scoop of fresh fruit into Deanna’s bowl. “But I can’t eat another bite...for a week.”
Brax laughed out loud. “You eat breakfast with us often enough and you’ll see just how small your appetite is compared to the rest of us. Beau’s slowed down, though, since he’s been back.”
“I like bagels,” Beau defended. “Got used to them when I lived in New York. Give me a good, fresh poppyseed bagel, some cream cheese...”
Brax snorted. “City ways.”
“Maybe, but your country ways will make me fat and lethargic. And, Deanna, we don’t usually eat like this...eggs, bacon, biscuits, grits... It was going to be simple until I told Brax who you were and what you might do to help us, then he decided put on the spread to impress you because he wants to lure you over to his side.”
“His side?” she asked setting down her glass of fresh orange juice. “How so?”
“My grandson doesn’t think the way I ran my medical practice is good enough,” Brax cut in.
Brax bit the inside of his cheek to stop himself from saying something he’d regret. Loving the old man was one thing, but too often lately tolerating him was difficult. Instead, he looked over at Deanna, who gave him a barely perceptible nod, like she understood. “What I think, Brax, is that I need to get out to the stables for a few minutes. If Deanna would care to join me...”
“You’ve avoiding the issue,” the old man warned him.
“Not avoiding it. Just skirting around it until later.”
“Now or later. We’ve got to deal with this, son.”
“Which is why I’m here,” Deanna chimed in. “To sort it out and hope you both listen to me.”
“Then you’ve decided to do it?” Beau asked, glad and surprisingly excited. Holding the emotion in reserve, of course. “You’ve decided to work here for a while?”
“I think it’s probably the best way to get up close and personal with the both of you. And stay impartial.” She gave Brax a particularly pointed glance on that note. “So, yes, for a little while.”
“Excellent. I think we’ll have hotcakes for breakfast tomorrow morning,” Brax said enthusiastically.
“I think I’ll have yogurt, alone in my cabin tomorrow morning,” Deanna countered as she scooted way from the table and gathered up her dishes. “Working here is one thing but fraternizing is another, if I want to be objective. And I want to be objective.”
For the first time in weeks it felt like half the load had been lifted from his shoulders, and Beau was grateful for that. Grateful for Deanna stepping in. Honestly, he didn’t know if there was anything she could really do about solving the problem here, but just having her understand and evaluate it made him feel ten times better. Gave him some hope.
Because on the surface, the problem looked pretty grave. The old man had practically raised him. Brax had turned his life inside out to always be there for a sad little boy who’d had an irresponsible father. And yet now, when his grandfather needed his patience and understandin
g, it seemed like he didn’t have enough of it to give.
The compromises should have come easier, but they hadn’t. The communication between them should have been better, but it wasn’t. So, was this something Deanna, an outsider, could fix, or even nudge along in the right direction? Hell if he knew. But he was relieved more than he’d thought he would be because she just... He glanced at her walking into the kitchen with an armload of dishes, then noticed the twinkle in his grandfather’s eyes. Deanna just fit. That’s what it was. She just fit.
“You’ve got that look, Beau,” Brax commented once Deanna was out of earshot.
“What look?”
“That look. One I used to see in you from time to time before you married the shrew.”
“You mean admiration for a pretty girl? Hell, yes, I have it. Deanna’s easy on the eyes.”
Brax chuckled. “If that’s what you want to tell yourself, fine. She’s easy on the eyes. I’ll agree. But that look...you’re thinking of her in different terms, aren’t you?”
“I’m thinking of her as the nurse who’s going to drum some sense into that thick skull of yours, old man.” He gave his grandfather an affectionate squeeze on the shoulder then headed for the door. “When she comes out of the kitchen, tell her I’m out on the porch, and I’d like her to join me.”
“Like I said,” Brax said.
“Like you said...nothing. Leave it alone, Brax. OK? Just leave it alone.” Easier said than done. Because his grandfather did care, did want Beau to be happy.
No more than Beau himself did, though. Absolutely no more than Beau did.
* * *
“He’s...” The word wasn’t stubborn, even though Brax was stubborn. But she didn’t want to be insulting because she liked the man. Saw a lot of Beau in him. “Formidable. Very strong-willed.”
Beau chuckled. “You’re trying to be nice.”
“Maybe I am, but I like him, Beau. He’s a lot like you. Or, should I say, you’re a lot like him.”