by J. A. Howell
“Ya want this, Shayne. Don’t ya? “ I whispered against her ear as her lips broke free from Darren’s. She nodded.
“Say it, Shayne. Ya want us both inside ya, don’t ya?”
“Yes…please. Sir.” Her mouth trembled. Darren kissed her shoulder and his arms moved behind her before he tossed a bottle of lube on the tool chest. With a groan, Darren pushed himself into her arse and she fell forward, pressing her forehead against my shoulder. Darren slid his hands under her thighs and bit the back of her neck, working himself inside her.
“Doing okay there, sweetheart?” Darren asked, his voice low and breathy. Shayne nodded, her forehead still pressed against me. He let out a laugh and moved his hips, thrusting deeper. I countered his movements with my own thrust and Shayne let out a pitiful murmur against my skin.
“Look at me.” I told her.
Shayne rolled her head back against Darren’s chest, her own heaving with exertion. She looked at me through drowsy slits, her brown eyes barely visible through her dark lashes. Her eyes were unfocused, washed over in hedonistic bliss. She was breathtaking, a force of nature that I couldn’t deny. She pressed her lips together to suppress a moan but I slammed into her, forcing it out, needing the sound.
“No. I want ta hear ya moan, I want ta hear ya scream. Don’t hold back.” I crushed my lips against hers as a shudder ran through me, the kiss a frenzied mix of lips, tongue, and teeth. Darren slid his arms out from under her thighs and around her torso, pulling her back against him as a deep gasp threatened to break his restraint.
He dug his nails into the fabric of her corset, and bit down hard on her shoulder. The metal chains clanked as he drove into her with a low grunt and I pulled my lips away from her, nudging her cheek with mine.
Without a word she turned her mouth to his and kissed him again. I pressed my lips against her ear as my own moan joined the chorus. She bucked her hips forward and her muscles squeezed tight around my cock. She tried to do the same with her thighs, but I held them higher, driving into her as I picked up the pace.
“Come, Shayne.” I rasped, nearly there myself. “Come fer me, love.”
She did, and it ran through the three of us like a shockwave. I dug my fingers into her thighs as my body strained with release. My mouth found whatever part of her I could and latched on with lips and teeth. Darren let out a series of deep-throated grunts behind her and pressed into her, crushing her against me. Her whole body shook and heaved between us and she cried out—his name, my name, possibly several saints and deities. I let go of her legs and they clamped around my waist, pulling me in deeper as I rode out the tremors of my own body. Darren kissed her, deep and languid as he moaned. Her lips broke free from his and I caught them with mine, my moans echoing hers…and his. Our sounds mixed together and our bodies melded around her, lost in the sea of pleasure that consumed us, drowning us in their depths.
My legs trembled beneath me as I came back down and my calves twitched like I’d just run a marathon. I supposed in a way that wasn’t far-fetched. Darren slid out of her, struggling for breath, and unhooked her from the lift. I wrapped my arms around her and carried her to a sofa in the corner, carefully undoing her restraints. She rolled over as I moved to undo the arm binder and she pressed her face into the leather cushions. With her arms free, I pulled her against me. Warm tears dripped down my chest and I turned her face to mine.
“What’s wrong?”
She laughed, giddy. “Nothing. Nothing’s wrong. I’m just…” She broke into giggles again and I grinned, amused. This had been what she was talking about. That feeling she’d said she’d felt when Darren had first dominated her. A different kind of high.
Darren held a bottle of water out to her and an amused smile crossed his lips.
“She’s fine. Just fine.” He brushed a few damp strands from her face and planted a soft kiss on her forehead, settling himself behind her.
“That was…I can’t…he told…” Shayne blinked, trying to pull her words into a coherent sentences and failing horribly. She burrowed her face against my chest, her mass of black hair covering her face. I held her close, kissing the top of her head as another giggle shook her and tickled the hairs on my chest. Darren stroked her back and appraised me with a curious look. I could only nod in response, exhaustion settling in with Shayne’s body already relaxing against mine.
CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE
There’s a War Inside Me
I didn’t remember leaving the club, or getting in my car for that matter. Darren’s lips brushed my cheek and I heard him whisper a goodbye, then I drifted into blissful sleep once more. A short while later, a pair of strong arms lifted me out of the car and the smell of cedar hit my nose. I peered one eye open and Kieran smiled down at me.
“You okay to walk?” He asked. I nodded and he placed me on me feet. I was in the dress from earlier with Kieran’s jacket over me. He grinned, watching me teeter toward my apartment building. “A little worn out?”
I nodded and flashed him a drowsy grin. His hand pressed against my lower back and we slowly made our way up to my apartment. He fished my key out of his pocket and held the door for me. My alarm clock blinked four in the morning in the dark apartment as we stumbled inside. Kieran locked the door and came up behind me, rubbing my back.
“That was quite a night.”
“Yeah, it was.” I let out a tired laugh and he pulled the jacket off my shoulders.
“Let’s get ya ta bed, hmm?”
I nodded, too exhausted to do anything else. Too exhausted to care that he might spend the night. Kieran lifted my dress over my head and discarded it on the floor, then made quick work of unfastening my corset. It fell away and he nudged me toward my bed with a gentle kiss on my shoulder. I let myself fall against the mattress and pressed my face against the pillows as another wave of drowsiness rolled over me. The bed shifted behind me and Kieran slid his hand over my leg. He unlaced my boots and let them drop to the floor one by one with a soft thunk, then went still.
“Shayne, did ya like it?”
The uncertainty in his voice pulled me out of whatever exhaustion I felt. I rolled onto my back and looked up at his dark form, unsure what to say. I knew Darren had suggested it, that he’d told him about my fantasy. But was that the only reason he’d done it?
“I did…did you?”
“I…yeah, I did.” Still, something sounded off in his voice.
“Did it bother you that you enjoyed it?”
He let out a soft laugh and his shoulders eased slightly. “No. I thought it would, but no. It’s so strange.”
I sat up on my elbows, now thoroughly interested in his train of thought. “What is?”
“You, and your little world. I never thought I’d do any of these things. Or be as turned on by them as I am. I thought…”
His voice trailed off and I tilted my head at him. “What?”
“I…well when Darren brought it up, I thought it would only bring back thoughts of what happened…with Kendall.” His words were hesitant and a small knot formed in my chest at the mention of her. “It wasn’t though.” Kieran added, knowing where my own thoughts were.
“C’mere.” I pulled him down on the bed with me and kissed him, wanting to feel his warmth against my skin again. Kieran tugged his shirt off and chucked his boots and pants, then laid down next to me. His body curled around mine and we fit together perfectly. I eased myself back against him, reveling in his naked flesh. He slid his hand over my hip and a content sigh tickled my ear as he nuzzled his face against my neck.
“It’s hard ta explain,” he continued with his previous thoughts, “but even as I was just watching ya with him, I felt like it was me inside ya, touchin’ ya and kissin’ ya. And watchin’ the pleasure wash over yer face as he touched ya, knowin’ that ya wanted me ta touch ya too…Jayhsus, I nearly lost it from that alone.” He grew noticeably hard as he talked and an answering warmth pooled between my legs.
“I liked watching you too.” I
admitted. “Seeing that hunger in your eyes as you touched yourself…”
My own words drifted off with Kieran’s gentle thrust. His cock pulsed against my ass and his large warm hand slid down my hip. He kissed my shoulder, gentle but wanting.
“Ya said doin’ those things, feeling that pain and pleasure gives ya a different kind of high, aye?”
“Yeah.” I sighed, closing my eyes and savoring the feel of his touch. He slid his hand between my thighs, shifting his hips and positioning himself so his shaft rubbed against me, teasing my entrance. Then, ever so slowly, he entered me, pressing his lips against my ear.
“That’s how I feel every time I’m with ya.”
“Good morning, beautiful.” Kieran’s breath tickled my bare shoulder and I grinned. His arms wrapped around me and pulled me back against him.
“Morning.” I turned over, pressing my cheek against his chest. “Sleep okay?”
“Mmm, with ya in my arms, yes.” A broad grin stretched across his lips and my face flushed.
With me in his arms?
I swallowed hard and pulled him down to me, kissing his lips so he didn’t see the look on my face. What did he mean by that? Suddenly, more words drifted back to me from last night, a soft longing whisper that set a cold feeling in my stomach.
That’s how I feel every time I’m with ya.
“Ya okay?”
“Hmm? Yeah. Sorry. I was just going to take a shower.”
“Can I join ya?”
I wanted to tell him no. I needed space. The feeling of waking up with him holding me was nice, but with things still unresolved with his wife I knew not to get comfortable. What am I thinking? It was just a simple statement. We’re just having fun.
“Shayne, yer bein’ quiet.”
“Sorry…was just thinking about my appointment today. Going to be a long one. Come on, let’s get that shower.”
I pushed the covers off and untangled myself from him, taking a short breath. Last night had been amazing. I’d never told anyone but Darren about my fantasies. I would have thought Kieran would be revolted by my desires considering what happened with Kendall…but he wasn’t. And he did that…for me? When we’d come back to my apartment, I’d been so swept up by everything that had happened. But in the light of day, things were a bit clearer. Why would he do that for me? Kieran’s hands slid over my shoulders, breaking me from my thoughts. I jumped and he quickly withdrew his touch.
“Shayne?”
“Come on, before the water gets cold.” I pushed the shower curtain back and stepped in. Kieran frowned, but followed in behind me. The warm stream of water felt good on my skin and it calmed my nerves, if only a little. Kieran moved closer and slid his hands around my waist.
“God, yer so beautiful. Do ya know that?”
He traced my hips with his fingertips and kissed the curve of my neck. His heavy breaths were warm and soothing against my skin, but I froze up. No, they didn’t mean anything. They were just words. He was just talking. Last night was just us having fun again.
“Shayne?”
I turned around, a smile across my lips and pulled him to me, giving him a deep, sensuous kiss. His body relaxed, and he backed me against the tiled wall. See? Just sex and good old reliable lust, I told myself.
He laughed, a deep husky noise, and ran his hand between my legs.
“We won’t be able ta leave this shower if ya keep kissing me like that.”
“Didn’t get enough last night?”
“I don’t think I could ever get enough of ya.” He swept in to kiss me again, but I slid out of his grip.
“Kier, quit talking like that.”
“Like what?”
“Waking up with me in your arms? Not able to get enough of me? You’re making it sound like there’s more to what we’re doing here.”
Kieran stepped back, a wounded look in his eyes. “I didn’t mean anything. It’s just…I like ya Shayne.”
I pressed my hand against the wall to steady myself, a sudden rush of lightheadedness making me sway.
“I like you too, Kier…but this was just us having fun. We both know that. I mean, you still have to deal with your wife and—”
He edged me back against the wall, and the dizziness came back tenfold. “I sent her divorce papers.”
“What?” My voice came out in an insignificant squeak and he tilted my face up to his.
“I sent them. Yesterday. Whatever this is between us…I want ta see where it goes. Don’t ya?”
He leaned in, but I turned my face away and squeezed my eyes shut.
“No. No I don’t.”
A heavy whoosh of breath left him and I kept my eyes closed. I couldn’t bear to look at him.
“Really, Shayne? That’s really how ya feel?”
I forced my eyes open, but didn’t look in his. “You know I don’t do relationships.”
Kieran’s lips twisted, angry and hurt. “I know…I just thought—”
“You thought wrong. I’m not that kind of girl.” My tone came out harsh and Kieran winced, instantly mixing guilt with the unsettled feeling in my gut.
He backed away, jaw clenched and fist balled at his sides. I looked up at him finally, but this time, he was the one avoiding my gaze.
“I think I should probably go.”
“I think that’s best.”
“I’ll just grab my things and head ta Niall’s.” He said and stepped out of the shower. I listened as he dried himself off. An ache pulled at my chest and I wanted to tell him to stop, to come back in here with me and stay. But the words wouldn’t come. Was I scared? No. I was the first woman he’d slept with after finding his wife cheating. I was a rebound. Something new, shiny, and exciting to play with. It wasn’t like it never happened to me other times. Before I met Darren, I’d always fallen for it. People convince you that they want more, that they want you, but they always fall through. My own mother made promises to me, and look where that relationship went. No, this was better. We needed space. Given time, he would realize his notions of pursuing a relationship with me were nothing more than a lust-filled fantasy. I did the right thing…didn’t I?
The front door opened and shut without so much as a goodbye. I let out a breath, even as tears stung my eyes. He was mad…but this was better. Better to let him go now than hurt him later. I finished my shower, scrubbing my face and body, trying not to think about him. Don’t be stupid, Shayne. You did the right thing.
I wrapped a towel around myself and tried not to look at the used towel hanging over the hook on the door. My heart clenched and I hurried out of the bathroom, but stopped when my gaze fell on my discarded boots. The ones he’d taken off of me. The corset he’d unlaced still lay in a heap. The crumpled bedsheets lay tangled on the bed and the pillows were still indented from our resting heads, evidence of our presence there. And I knew, more likely than not, his pillow still held his woodsy scent.
Even though I knew I shouldn’t, I walked over to the bed and lifted his pillow to my face, breathing him in. Another painful squeeze made my chest ache and I winced as Darren’s voice echoed in my head.
“What are you afraid of, Shayne?”
“Nothing.”
Thwack!
“Don’t lie to me, Shayne. There’s a reason you come here every night lately. It’s him. Just admit it.”
“No.”
Thwack!
“Why don’t you just sleep with the guy if he drives you this crazy?”
“Because.”
Thwack!
“That’s not an answer. Tell me what you’re afraid of.”
“Him.”
Thwack!
“What scares you about him?”
“I think I might like him.”
Why had the thought of having feelings for Kieran scared me? What’s more, why did the thought of him having feelings for me terrify me even more? I’d hid behind the fact that things were still unresolved with his wife. Convinced myself that as long as that was there,
this was only a physical thing. But last night, after we came back here, it wasn’t. He hadn’t shoved me down against the mattress, he hadn’t bitten me, or spanked me or anything else. He’d made love to me. I’d felt it, and I knew he must have too. Still, in my mind that invisible wall was up. I was safe. There were still reasons to deny what it was. Or so I thought.
CHAPTER TWENTY SIX
Change of Heart
Still wrapped in a towel, I sat on my bed staring at the door. A couple hours had passed and I hadn’t moved. It wasn’t as if Kieran would come strolling back in any minute. I’d told him to leave. I’d shoved him away.
I’d gotten what I wanted.
No. I wanted Kieran.
Fuck, what am I doing?
Without further thought, I pulled myself off the bed. My body moved on automatic, my nerves strung tight like a bow. I didn’t want Kieran’s body or Kieran’s domination. I wanted him and I needed to tell him that. Now.
My hair was nearly dry now. The ends were still wet and clinging to my back, but I didn’t have time to dry it. I grabbed a skirt off the floor and scoured my laundry basket for a bra and a shirt before slipping on a pair of boots. I gave myself a hasty appraisal in the mirror and frowned, but I didn’t want to take any more time getting over there.
Grabbing my keys I hurried downstairs to my car. My mind drifted back to last night and the early morning hours. He’d held me, kissed me slow and sweet. Our bodies had moved together in a gentle, fluid motion, both of us weighed down with exhaustion but still wanting. I’d never made love like that. Emotions welled up inside me, and in the dark, I’d pretended they weren’t there. But I was right. Things were much clearer in the light of day. Unfortunately, so were my fears and weaknesses.
I parked in front of Niall’s apartment and flipped the mirror open on my car visor. My terrified brown eyes stared back at me. I put on a little eyeliner and lipstick with shaky hands and ran my fingers through my hair, trying to look a little more presentable. Still, I couldn’t convince myself to get out of the car. I just sat there staring back at my reflection, fists squeezing the steering wheel.