by J. A. Howell
“You know I’m right. I remember how bad off you were when I met you. I never want to see you that way again.”
“I know.” I said. His hands caressed my hips and lower back and I relaxed against him, letting him pull my shirt over my head. The thoughts of my mother had quieted some, though my heart still felt heavy. He kissed my lips once more in an attempt to quiet them further and I kissed him back.
“You said you wanted to forget. I’ll help you forget.” He said. His voice was soothing. It covered me like a blanket. Since I’d known Darren he’d always been that way. Protecting me, helping me, teaching me. He was the closest to family I’d ever had aside from my grandmother. “Lay back, relax, and close your eyes.” He whispered, tenderly coaxing me back down onto the sofa.
I did as he told me and lay down across the sofa, letting the weight of the day’s events flow out of me. His hands splayed across my stomach and slowly dragged down to my shorts. I lifted my hips for him and he tugged them off along with my panties, tossing them on the floor. I reached down for him but he shook his head at me. I closed my eyes once more, focusing on his touch. He massaged my thighs and I let them fall open against the cool leather of the sofa.
“You’re one of the strongest, most beautiful, and talented women I know, Shayne. Don’t let anyone make you feel any less than that. Ever.” He said, planting a trail of soft kisses up my inner thigh. Two fingers slid inside me, slow and gentle as he ran his tongue up to my clit. It wasn’t the same as when Kieran touched me, but Darren and I always had a special chemistry between us and I was able to enjoy his touch. I was able to forget the heartbreak I felt, if only for a little while.
It was a day later and somehow I had ended up in New York. When I left Kendall, I drove for hours, not really going anywhere. I’d finally seen her for who she really was, I’d finally left. Eventually, I ended up at a ticket counter in LAX, debating where I should go. I thought about going back to Rhode Island, going back to see Shayne and apologizing, but I couldn’t do that. It had been a few weeks. How would that look to her?
Things didn’t work out, so I came crawling back like the asshole I was? No, I couldn’t do that. She deserved better. I’d been with Kendall since high school. Maybe it was best I spend some time on my own, at least until I got through the divorce. As vindictive as Kendall could be, it might get messy and drawn out. Well, if I didn’t have the proof I did about her cheating and lying.
I’d always liked New York. I’d only been there once before on a book signing tour, but I had a friend out there I could crash with. So the decision was made. I bought a one-way ticket to New York and left Kendall and California far in the rearview. Maybe one day I’d see Shayne again and we could start over. If not, it was probably best for her.
I fell asleep on the flight and woke as we were descending into JFK airport. Once I was outside the airport, I texted my agent Bryce. A few minutes later he messaged back and I caught a cab to his place. I knew he’d be accommodating considering the offer on the table. We’d talked about shopping my first book around and seeing if someone might be interested in making it a film but I’d never dreamed that someone would. Despite everything that happened, I found myself smiling at the thought.
“Kier.” He grinned when I arrived at his place. “No luggage?”
“No. I just left.” I shrugged and walked inside. “I brought what was important at least.” I held up my messenger bag that contained my laptop.
“I’m sorry about Kendall, man.”
I laughed. “I’m not. Got anything ta drink?”
He nodded and disappeared into the kitchen, returning a minute later with two beers.
“So, you two going to divorce?”
“Yeah. I already got a lawyer on it.”
Bryce sat across from me, a crease forming between his brows. “So, what are you going to do about the rights?”
“Sign it. She won’t be able to touch it after what she did. She should consider herself lucky I’m giving her anything.” A bitter laugh left my lips. I really was blind not to see the real her sooner.
Bryce shook his head and took a long draw from his bottle. “You’re a hell of a lot nicer than I would be in that situation.”
“If it will get rid of her faster, that’s all I really care about.”
“I’ll set up a meeting so we can finalize everything. So, are you going to move out here now? Not like you won’t be able to afford it.”
I looked up at Bryce as he pulled himself off the couch across from me. “Honestly, I have no idea yet.”
The thought itself was a little freeing, but really there was only one thing I wanted to do, one place I wanted to go. The one place I knew I couldn’t go.
“I should get going. I told Liam I’d be at the shop hours ago, and I’m supposed to meet up with Ian tonight.”
Darren lifted himself up on an elbow and I slipped out from the covers.
“Ian, eh? How did your date with him go? I’m guessing okay since you’re seeing him again.” He waggled an eyebrow at me. I wrestled with my bra, finally managing to get it clasped, then looked at him.
“I don’t know. He’s a nice guy and all, and the sex was nice…but there was just something missing.”
“Missing?” Darren sat up at this, intrigued.
“I don’t know how to describe it.” I pursed my lips, embarrassed to admit it. “Ian’s an attractive guy, a great kisser…but I couldn’t orgasm. Not until I thought about Kieran.”
Both Darren’s eyebrows raised at this.
“What? Don’t look at me like that! I feel horrible about it as it is. I want to like this guy, it’s just—”
“Kieran got under your skin.” Darren interrupted and leaned back against the headboard with a smug look.
“No! That’s not…”
“If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you again, you’re a terrible liar, Shayne.” He laughed and pulled himself out of bed. “I could see it earlier. Sure, you had a good time and I made sure you came, but I could see a tiny piece of you missing, a certain enthusiasm you used to have. It left when he did.”
If I didn’t know Darren better, I would have sworn I’d heard a hint of sadness in that last bit, but those always stormy eyes of his gave up nothing, as usual. I shook my head, dispelling his words, even though I knew they were the truth.
“You’re wrong. He made his choice, so its over and done, whatever we were.”
“You’re obviously still thinking about him though.”
I crossed my arms over my chest, fixing him with a narrowed look. “I didn’t mean to. I like Ian.”
Darren shrugged. “I’m not saying you don’t. Keep seeing the guy. Maybe it’s just a matter of time. Take it easy, date, things don’t have to be complicated. We’re not.” His lips eased into a grin and I couldn’t help but smile back. He was right. Things didn’t have to be complicated right now. I was just seeing Ian. There didn’t have to be labels on anything yet. I could just see where things went, if they went anywhere at all.
Once I managed to make myself presentable once more, I climbed back on the bed and leaned over him, a smile still across my lips.
“Thanks, Darren. For everything.” I kissed his cheek.
CHAPTER THIRTY TWO
Meet Me in Manhattan
Four months later
“Congratulations Mr. Donovan. You’re single.” My lawyer clapped a hand on my shoulder and flashed me a plastic smile. I let out a wry laugh and grabbed the large envelope off the table in front of me. Five years of marriage, done just like that. Along with several thousands of dollars. Still that meant Kendall was gone too. Out of my life. The few items I’d requested were given to me by her lawyer and the house was already getting offers. None of which she’d get any money from. Despite the big game she’d talked, she’d folded at the sight of a little money, just as I thought she would. She knew if she’d fought me she’d have gotten nothing. Before, the thought of my marriage ending tore me to shreds. Now, it wa
s a huge relief and a part of my life I quickly wanted to forget.
“Is there anything else I need to do?”
“No. We’ll forward you everything at your current address in New York. You’re probably ready to get back home, no? I had my secretary call you a cab. It should be waiting for you downstairs.”
“Thanks.” I nodded at him, pushed my chair back, and headed for the door, not needing any further prompting. I wanted nothing more than to leave Los Angeles as soon as possible. My flight wasn’t until this evening, but if I could get onto an earlier flight I would.
The yellow cab waited by the entrance and I pulled my tie loose as soon as I got into the back.
“LAX, please.”
The cab driver nodded. I rifled through my bag and pulled my phone out, checking the text messages. Bryce had sent me a couple messages, but nothing urgent. Aside from him, I hadn’t spoken to anyone else since I’d left. I thought to message Niall or Liam, but I doubted either of them wanted to hear from me. Especially Liam.
The cab pulled up in front of LAX and I put my phone away. I needed to call them, but that could wait. I paid the driver, grabbed my bag, and headed for ticketing. Thinking about my brothers only brought about thoughts of Shayne. I didn’t need to think about her right now either.
There was a short line at the ticket counter, and after a couple minutes, an older woman with graying, curly brown hair motioned me to her.
“I have a flight to JFK tonight, but I wanted to see if I could get on an earlier one.” I told her. She nodded and her fingers clacked away at the keyboard for a couple minutes as she gave her computer screen a scrutinous stare.
“What time were you wanting to leave?”
“As soon as possible.”
She looked back up at me, lifted an eyebrow, and took in my appearance with a similarly scrutinous stare.
“How fast can you run?”
“Excuse me?”
“Theres a flight leaving for New York in thirty minutes. If you don’t have a bag to check, you might be able to make it to the gate before they stop boarding.”
I glanced down at my dress shoes and sincerely regretted not changing out of my suit before I got here. “That’s fine.” I nodded. She printed out the boarding pass and I hurried toward security, intent on getting the hell out of California and getting back to the comfort of my apartment as fast as I could.
I looked around my apartment, trying to remember if I’d packed everything. Ian would be here in a few minutes, then we were swinging by Liam’s to pick him up and heading for New York. Ian had gotten us into a tattoo convention up there and it would be great exposure for The Knotted Needle. I should have been more excited, but instead I just felt anxious. This would also be mine and Ian’s first trip together. He’d gotten us our own hotel room and had been talking about places he wanted to take me for the last few weeks. Things were going well with Ian and all, but this felt like a step toward something more serious and I wasn’t sure I was ready for that. But I liked Ian, so I was going. I was playing along.
Once more, I made a quick round through my apartment to make sure I didn’t leave any necessities behind. My cell phone rang and I answered it, figuring it was Ian telling me he was downstairs.
“I thought you were going to come up and help me with my bags?” I asked.
“Sh-Shayne?” My mother’s raspy tone answered instead. I frowned and cleared my throat.
“Mom.” I answered coldly.
“Hey… how are you doin’?” Her speech was slurred, slow. She was strung out. Dammit, why now?
“I’m fine, what do you want?”
“I um… I wanted to know if you could maybe lend me some money. I’m a little short on groceries.”
I groaned inwardly. I hadn’t talked to my mother in months. She’d called and tried to apologize for the things she said to me the last time I saw her, then checked herself out of rehab a few days later, And I’d kept my word. I hadn’t given her one dime, and up until now, she hadn’t tried to ask.
“Mom, you know I can’t do that. You left treatment.”
“Oh come on, Shayne. I just need to buy some fucking food for myself.”
I glanced at the clock. There was no time to run out and get her groceries myself and I really didn’t want Ian to meet her either.
“I’m leaving in the next few minutes for a convention for work. I can have Niall bring over some groceries for you for the weekend then take you to get more when I get home on Monday night.”
My mother let out an angry snort on the other end of the line. “You can’t drive out and just give me some cash? I’m a grown woman for fuck’s sake, I can buy my own groceries.”
My fist tightened around my phone. I knew that was what she wanted. She couldn’t give a shit about buying groceries. “You know I won’t do that, mom. It’s your choice. I have Niall get you stuff to tide you over for the weekend, or you figure it out on your own. You’re lucky I’m willing to do even that after the crap you said to me.” I knew whatever I said or did, she would still find a way to get one of her many choice substances. Nothing I could do would stop it, but I sure as hell wasn’t going to make it easier on her.
“You know what, Shayne. Never fucking mind. If I starve to death this weekend, it will be your fault.” She growled and slammed the receiver in my ear. I winced, shook my head, and tried to take a few calming breaths, but less than a minute later there was a knock at the door. Ian.
“Hey beautiful, what’s wrong?” His smile disappeared as soon as he saw my aggravated expression.
“It’s nothing. I was just trying to remember if I packed everything I needed. How are you? All set for New York?” I wrapped my arms around him and kissed his lips before he could question me further. He backed me against the doorjamb with a soft groan, running his tongue across my bottom lip.
“Well, I’m doing better now.” He laughed, giving my backside a playful squeeze. “New York’s going to be a lot of fun.”
“Mmm, yes it is.” I gave him one more peck on the lips and pulled away. Yes, New York would be fun, I decided. If my mother called again I wouldn’t answer, and regardless of what Ian and I currently were, we would have a good time together. “Come help me with my bags?” I nodded to the bed and he followed, grabbing the handle of my rolling suitcase that was resting on the floor.
“Is that coming too?” He asked and I glanced at him to see him staring down at my playbox peeking out from under the bed.
“Um, no.” I kicked it back under, ignoring the curious look from him. I hadn’t told him about any of that yet. It was just another aspect of my life I wasn’t yet ready to let him in on. Besides, as of yet, we weren’t in any sort of relationship. It wasn’t his business. I grabbed my overnight bag off the bed and slid the strap over my head.
“Ready when you are.”
“Let’s go then. Liam will be waiting for us. He already texted me twice.” Ian gave me a wry grin. He and Liam got along just fine, but things were still a little stilted between us. We’d made up and managed to get along almost like we used to, but there was still an unspoken tension between us. He liked Ian, but I knew there was still a hint of jealousy beneath the surface.
We went down to Ian’s rental car and loaded my stuff in the trunk. When we got to Liam’s apartment building, he was already waiting—bags and all—by the curb.
“You ladies ready ta go?” He smirked after he’d climbed into the backseat. I shook my head at him, my lips curling into a grin. He offered me a playful wink, more reminiscent of the old Liam, and it lightened my mood. Maybe I was right. This would be a fun weekend. With my mind settled, I turned up the music as we headed for the interstate.
CHAPTER THIRTY THREE
The Call
A hand shook my shoulder and I grunted, swiping blindly at it and repositioning myself in the passengers’ seat.
“Hey, sleepy, we’re in the city.” The hand patted my cheek and I blinked my eyes open to see the sky filled with l
ights from the surrounding buildings. I gasped, sitting up in my seat, and peered out the passenger window at the passing skyscrapers. I’d never seen buildings so big. Then again, I never really left Midtown, and when I did, I didn’t go far.
I grinned at Ian and Liam, both equally as fascinated with the new sights as I was. My previous apprehensions with all of Ian’s plans dissipated at the metropolis unfolding in front of us. Maybe he’d just been excited to see the city and wanted to experience as much of it as possible. He knew where we stood and had yet to push me toward any sort of commitment. I was just being paranoid.
“Now to find the hotel.” Ian laughed, glancing down at the GPS.
A few blocks away we found it. Ian pulled up to valet parking and we unloaded our luggage. I was rather relieved he wasn’t going to attempt parking here. Best to leave it up to the experts in this place, I thought. I watched the mass of cars passing by, car horns and obscenities mixing in with the other foreign sounds. Midtown could be a bustling place, but it was nothing like this.
“What do you think?” Ian came up behind me and kissed my neck. I smiled, still staring up at all the buildings.
“It’s amazing.” I turned in his arms and kissed his lips. If it bothered Liam, he said nothing but kept his eyes on the skyline.
“This is great, Ian. We should all go out tonight fer a drink, do some explorin’ before the convention tomorrow,” Liam suggested and relief flooded me. I’d been so worried about things being awkward between us during this trip, but more and more, Liam was acting like his old self. It gave me hope that we would eventually gain back what was lost between us. I reached a hand out, giving his large hand a squeeze and the hint of a smile pulled at the corner of his mouth.
“I think that’s a great idea. Let’s go get checked in, freshen up, then head out for dinner and drinks.”