“You gotta calm down, Trev. I don’t really want to fight you.” Todd grinned. “Though, it might be a fairer fight now than when we were younger. Think I’m just about as big as you now.”
“Might even be bigger,” Tyson murmured.
Trevor muttered curses at them both and turned away to cast his glare at the ocean, anything so he wouldn’t have to look at the amusement on their faces. But he saw beneath it, could see the concern lingering, and for some reason that bothered him even more.
“Megan loves you, Trevor,” Tyson finally said tersely. “For the past couple of days you’ve been giving everyone hope that you two might be able to work things out.”
“Mom and Dad have been giddy with the idea,” Todd agreed with a sigh. “But you’re fucking it up. Sure as the sun sets, you’re fucking it up, Trev.”
Good. He’d been stupid to think for one moment that he could make things work with Megan. What the hell had he been thinking? Sleeping with her had felt so right, so normal, but they could never have normal. Megan sure as hell couldn’t if she stayed with him.
“Megan deserves better than me,” he said wearily, the anger seeping from him like a tiny pinprick letting the air out of a balloon. “You know this. She knows. I know. Everyone needs to stop pretending that we’re meant to be together.”
Todd and Tyson both broke into laughter, like he’d just made a hilarious joke. Their amusement grew so loud that nearby seagulls took off into the air with a cry.
A moment later Todd shook his head and grinned. “That was a good one, Trev. Seriously. You and Megan go together like peanut butter and jelly.”
Nice. Only Todd, whose main thoughts tended to lean toward either food or women, would compare him and Megan to peanut butter and jelly. His lips twitched with a reluctant smile, and unfortunately his brothers saw it and they beamed, their posture relaxing a little more.
Trevor sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “You don’t understand. What’s between us, it’s not what it once was.”
“And it’ll probably never be. So you start over,” Tyson argued, glancing down and kicking a foot in the sand. “You’re going to have to do it with someone, why not Megan?”
Trevor didn’t reply, didn’t have the energy to keep up with an argument his brothers would never win. What was the point? But Tyson seemed to take his silence to mean he was thinking about it.
“You can earn her trust back, Trev,” he urged. “I know you can. She loves you. And I’m pretty sure you love her too.”
“Oh without a doubt he loves her,” Todd agreed.
Glancing out at the dark blue of the Pacific Ocean, Trevor clenched his jaw. The question wasn’t whether they loved each other. It had never been about that. Sometimes love just wasn’t enough. It was so much more complicated. He had to say something in response to his brothers. They wouldn’t leave him alone until he did.
“When the hell did my little brothers get so wise?” He allowed a fleeting smile. “Thanks for the talk, guys, but I’m going to head out. Skipped breakfast this morning.”
“Food? Great idea.” Todd slapped him on the shoulder. “I’ll join you. I’m starving.”
“I could go for something to eat, too,” Tyson added lightly. “I told Ellie to sleep in and relax and I’d grab something on my own.”
Trevor shook his head and gave a soft laugh. He shouldn’t have expected anything else. Maybe this was a good thing. Time with his family. If anything it would help keep him grounded.
“All right, guys,” he agreed with a nod. “Let’s go eat.”
Chapter Ten
Megan had just finished pouring herself a cup of coffee when the phone rang. She set her mug back on the counter and rushed over to answer.
“Hey, it’s Todd.”
She leaned back against the fridge, her fingers gripping the phone as she closed her eyes.
“Did you find him?”
“Yeah, we’re with him now at Kate’s,” he said quietly. “I took a moment to step outside and call you while we wait for our cinnamon rolls. He’s doing okay. Thanks for giving us the heads-up.”
“No, thank you. You and Tyson both. He needs to be with people right now…” She swallowed hard. “Even if it’s not me.”
“Don’t take it personally, Meg. Trevor’s going through some shit. Has been since Afghanistan. I honestly think if anyone can help him through this, it’s you.”
Her heart twisted and her stomach fell. “I don’t know, Todd. I just don’t know if I can go through this again. It about killed me the first time.”
“I know. Maybe we can figure out something. Find a way for you guys to spend a few days together alone. At least try and work things out. If I could arrange it, would you be up for it?”
Spend a few days with Trevor? Alone? Part of her thrilled at the idea. Images swirled in her head and her pulse quickened. But then the realistic side of her knew it could possibly end badly. She’d invest more of her heart over the few days, only to have it crushed again.
“I’m not sure,” she hedged. “It’s something I’ll really need to think about. Every time I reach out to Trevor, I inevitably get hurt in the end.”
“I know. And it kills me to see you hurt. But I’ve gotta say, he’s hurting too. Something fierce.” Todd sighed. “I want this to work out for you guys, Megan. I really do.”
Megan gave a sad little smile and glanced down at the mug in her hand, staring at the cooling coffee inside. Over the years she’d been with Trevor, his family had become like hers. They’d almost adopted her after her aunt died—the woman who’d been her last living relative, and the reason she’d moved to Wyattsville.
And Todd was a few years younger than her, but he’d always seemed too wise. All the Wyatt men did. There was a reason their ancestor was the namesake for Wyattsville.
“Ah, shit, gotta go, Meg. Trevor’s coming my way. Think about what I said though.”
“I will. I promise.”
Megan hung up the phone a moment later and went to add a little more coffee to her mug for a warm up. She took a sip and walked back across her kitchen to glance out the window, which had a view of the small town below.
She could see the roof of Kate’s Cakes, knew the Wyatt brothers were in there right now eating breakfast. Her throat tightened and she closed her eyes. After Trevor had left, she’d been tempted to go back to bed and pull the covers over her head and not come out until she absolutely had to. But she’d been there and done that. And until a few days ago, she’d thought she’d moved on from that point in her life.
And now here she was again, the morning after having gone to bed with Trevor and everything was once more completely complicated.
Which left her at a crossroads. Either she decided last night was a mistake and shot down any possibility of a future with Trevor, which meant definitely not sleeping with him again. Or…she threw everything and the kitchen sink into making their relationship work this time.
Hear heart fought for dominance in the final decision, even if it was the one her mind rebelled against.
“Thank you for driving.” Megan fidgeted with her thumbs, casting a sideways glance at Trevor, who’d been uncomfortably silent since picking her up.
“No problem.” He didn’t smile, or glance her way, just replied flatly as he drove down the highway toward Costco.
“I don’t think my car would’ve held all the food we need or I would’ve driven.”
Again no comment, just a slight nod.
Megan bit back a sigh and stared straight ahead out the windshield. The sound of Metallica playing on his stereo at one time would have irritated her a bit, but right now it was a warm reminder of who Trevor was and all the good times they’d spent together.
“Whether you like it or not, Trevor, you did sleep with me last night. And not talking about it, or what happened this morning, isn’t going to change that fact.”
When he didn’t reply her stomach sank and she bit her lip, sneaking a glance
at him out of the corner of her eye. His fingers had tightened around the steering wheel, his knuckles white from the grip.
“Trevor?” she prodded gently.
“Ribs.”
She blinked. “Excuse me?”
“I was thinking we could buy a bunch of ribs for the barbeque. Maybe some chicken.” His fingers flexed around the wheel. “Of course, if there’s some vegetarians at the—”
“Stop it!” she yelled, anger exploding hot in her belly. “We are not discussing food right now, we’re discussing us. Remember that part where you fucked me in my car? In the shower?”
“I remember, god damn it!” he shouted back tersely. “And I remember waking up nearly choking you. It shouldn’t have happened.”
The air rushed from her lungs, but she already knew the answer before she asked, “Which part?”
He shook his head. “Any of it.”
Megan stared at him, her jaw flexing as she fought the urge to get sick. “You’ve fought in a war zone. Maybe killed people and have seen people killed. You’re not a coward, Trevor, so stop acting like one now.”
She had to grab the oh-shit handle on his truck as he swerved to the side of the road and slammed to a halt. He grabbed her, hauling her across the seat so she was just inches from him.
“I have seen people killed. I have killed,” he raged, his eyes wild. “I hate that I don’t have control over anything anymore. What I am is a fucking mess, but I am not a coward.”
Tears sprung to her eyes, and she hated herself for hurting him, for prodding at his unhealed wounds. Hearing him confirm her fears only made the miserable ache in her stomach grow. But she couldn’t stop the honesty now that she’d broken the seal.
“But you’re being one when it comes to us, Trevor. I don’t even know how to talk to you anymore,” she said thickly, letting the tears roll down her cheeks. “I don’t know what to do. To say. Damn it, I don’t know. I’m not a therapist.”
Trevor stared at her and she saw the regret and pain flicker in his eyes, before his gaze hardened once more. “Yeah, well your boyfriend is. Maybe you should’ve spoken with him last night instead of sleeping with me.”
She flinched, but then looked away, out the window and into the mass of trees on the side of the road. “He’s not my boyfriend anymore. I’m not sure he ever was.”
“When?” he rasped. “When did it end?”
“During the bachelorette party. He showed up at the tavern.”
Strong fingers cupped her cheek, turning her head so she had to look at him.
“Good.” His head lowered and he kissed the tears that still lingered on her cheeks. “I hate the idea of you with anyone else, Megan,” he said raggedly, before his lips moved inward to brush tenderly over her mouth. A moment later he lifted his head and groaned. “But as much as I want you to stay with me—to choose me over any other schmuck out there, I can’t give you the life you want or be the husband you deserve.”
His words should’ve made her more despondent, killed any hope at them ever having a chance in hell at making it. But they didn’t. Her pulse was fluttering and optimism roared to life inside her. His words shed a bit of light on part of what had gone wrong with them.
I don’t have any control over anything anymore. Her mind swirled a mile a minute with possibilities and she knew she needed to choose her words carefully.
Finally, keeping her expression unreadable, she settled on, “Ribs and chicken sound great.”
Trevor blinked and his brows drew together, his lips parting slightly. His eyes showed confusion and maybe disappointment. For a moment it looked like he was going to say something, but then he pressed his mouth tightly together and released her.
Letting her go, he turned forward once more, then shifted the gears and pulled off the side of the road.
Already making plans in her head, Megan closed her eyes and hoped like hell she could get through the next few hours without tipping her hand.
“Can I get you anything to eat, Trevor honey?”
Even though he was thirty-three years old and had been out on his own since he’d joined the army at eighteen, some things never changed. Trevor lifted his attention from the television and gave his mom a small smile.
“Thanks, I’m all right.”
“You’re sure? You barely ate breakfast, and you went to bed without dinner…” His mother sighed and sat on the couch next to him. “You’re worrying me, Trevor. Me and your father.”
He tried to stave off the irritation that threatened, because he knew his parents meant well. But, shit, maybe he should’ve just rented a room at the Wyattsville Inn for the time he was back. It was hard putting on a happy face day after day.
“I’m fine, Mom,” he promised and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, brushing a kiss across her forehead. “You guys worry too much. Where is Dad anyway?”
“Out fishing. You know that man during the summer. Can’t keep him out of the boat.” She laughed softly and gestured to the television. “What are you watching there?”
Hell if he knew. He’d been staring at the screen for the last half hour, but hadn’t seen shit. A knock at the door saved him from having to pull an answer out of his ass.
“Hmm. Wonder who that could be.” His mother stood. “Be back in a minute.”
Trevor scratched the back of his head and brainstormed ways he could get out of the house for a few hours. Ever since returning from the mini road-trip yesterday with Megan, he hadn’t wanted to do much but sit around and keep company with his misery.
From the moment in the car when he’d told her he could never be the man she needed, she’d closed off. Oh, she’d spoken to him throughout their trip, polite and to the point, almost like they were just acquaintances. Two people who hadn’t spent the night before screwing each other silly.
Deep down, he’d foolishly hoped she’d argue with him, do everything in her power to convince him that they were right for one another.
This was a good thing, he reminded himself harshly. It meant Megan was still the intelligent, practical woman he’d always known her to be. She’d probably regretted sleeping with him the moment the alcohol from the bachelorette party had worn off.
“Well, look who’s here,” his mother said brightly from behind him. “Megan dropped by.”
Chapter Eleven
Megan what? Trevor blinked at the television before turning slowly to glance over his shoulder.
Sure enough, the woman who’d just been occupying his thoughts for the past twelve hours stood behind the couch with his mother.
Megan looked meticulous and sexy at the same time, wearing khaki pants that hugged her hips and ass so amazingly and ended at her calves, and a silky blue blouse that fell lightly over the curve of her breasts.
Thoughts of her riding his cock in the car the other night flitted through his head, and his jeans tightened as his flesh stirred to life.
“Good morning, Trevor,” Megan said brightly, a wide smile on her face and a playful twinkle in her eye. “Or is it afternoon?”
“I don’t have—” any fucking idea what time it even is, he’d been about to say, before remembering his mother was in the room. “I’m not sure honestly. What are you doing here?”
Her smile tightened and she gave a slight laugh. “Oh, now, don’t tell me you’ve forgotten about our little outing?”
Outing? Was she serious? There hadn’t been any little outing planned. Or had there? He scanned his memory, trying to figure out if it was something from before they’d slept together. Before—
“Well, come on, lazy butt. Get up.” She strolled around the couch and grabbed his hand, tugging him to his feet. “I’ll help you pack.”
He tightened his fingers around her wrist, narrowing his gaze on her. “Pack?”
A slight flush stole up her neck and her gaze turned beseeching, before she glanced at his mom and gave an amused laugh.
“Must’ve had a wild time at that bachelor party the other night,”
she teased. “In one ear and out the other. Come on, Trevor.”
Curious to see what the hell Megan was up to, he allowed her to lead him off to the bedroom he’d grown up in.
Megan released his hand immediately and began rummaging through his drawers, tossing a few items into his bag that sat next to it. When she bent over, her pants clung to her sweet heart-shaped ass and he bit back a groan.
Folding his arms across his chest so he wouldn’t reach out and touch her, he demanded, “What’s going on, Meg?”
“Oh, we’re going to make a run down to your cousin’s cabin over in Canyon Beach.” She straightened from zipping up the bag and gave him a small smile. “I figure we can get some lunch there, swim and beach walk. So beautiful down there.”
He shook his head. “Why are we going to my cousin’s?”
She gave a slight shrug and licked her lips. “Because he asked if we could use your truck to haul back a couple extra barbeques for Tyson and Ellie’s reception on Saturday. His car isn’t big enough.”
Taking a slow step toward her, he arched a brow. “And you didn’t think to call me? Ask me if it would be okay?”
Megan lifted her chin and met his gaze head-on. “I knew you might try and get out of it. Or at least insist that I didn’t come.”
“Maybe you shouldn’t.”
She glared at him. “You’re driving. I’m coming. Deal with it. Now we should probably head out since I said we’d be there at two.”
“Hell,” he muttered. “What the hell time is it?”
“Twelve thirty.”
He found himself glaring back at her. They’d always been like this, each one struggling for power.
“Good thing I already showered,” he finally said gruffly. “Let me use the bathroom and get my keys.”
Triumph flickered in her eyes and she gave a smug smile. “Great. I’ll go chat with Sally while you do that.”
Twenty minutes later they were in his truck, driving down 101 toward Canyon Beach. Neither of them had said a word, and after a while he got tired of listening to music even, so he’d shut off the stereo.
Command and Control: Holding Out for a Hero, Book 2 Page 7