by Linda Maran
About midway into the service, despite his resolve, John’s gaze kept wandering toward Kristen. She shifted positions a few times, and he hoped she wasn’t too uncomfortable with the backless bench. More than likely, she was bored, especially not understanding German.
Mamm looked over to her and smiled a few times. Mamm was elated to have her niece with them at Preaching, and he admired Kristen for her choice to come and to dress in the proper attire. She was being respectful of the Plain People and their ways by adapting herself to the situation the best she could. And even though her mamm had rarely been home to spend time with her these past several years, she’d obviously done a fine job in raising her.
His thoughts drifted back to the note Sadie had written to him. He was no longer her beau. He was an eligible bachelor. He could just hear Mamm and Mary making suggestions of whom he should ask to the next singing. Kristen had never been to a singing. Hmm…Would it be so terrible to take her to one? Just so she could experience it?
Probably. But right now, looking at her across the barn, sitting there in her Plain burgundy dress, he didn’t care.
~*~
Kristen let her mind drift to her memories of the ocean so as not to focus on the uncomfortable heat and musty smell of the barn. It would do her no good to pay attention since she didn’t know a word of German. The songs were sung from a book called the Ausbund and there weren’t any instruments. Surprisingly, the people sang very well. Right on key and all in unison without the aid of any kind of beat to keep the tempo. She remembered how difficult it was to do that in music class, and she’d had the aid of the music and the teacher tapping his foot in time.
Right now if she were at the shore in Bradley Beach, she’d be on a sand chair sipping a cool latte by the water, waiting for Cindy to get out of church. Kristen’s mom didn’t go to church nor did she ever tell her to go, although sometimes she’d see her mother praying quietly in her room. A Bible had been in her nightstand drawer. Kristen came upon it while looking for an extra pair of sunglasses. A few of the passages in the New Testament were highlighted. Mom must have believed in God, and she had to have attended church services every other Sunday when she was her age. Probably had some services right in her home like they were doing this morning. She wished Mom had talked with her about her former life. Dad must have been quite the man to get her to leave her family and Amish ways behind…All that she ever knew and maybe…loved.
Kristen lifted her head and scanned the men’s section across from her as discreetly as possible to see if she could spot John. A sea of male faces, most with beards, were looking into their books, singing, totally immersed in the words they were turning into praise. One of the men seated at the end of a bench in the back, bent over to pick up something his son had dropped, and there was John, behind him. Their eyes met. Her heart gave a huge thud and perspiration gathered at her brow and above her lips. She turned her gaze away and used the tissue Mary suggested she tuck into her sleeve to dab her face. She wondered if Mary would have to use her tissue when she spotted Levi Miller.
Finally, when Kristen felt she’d have to get up and get some fresh air, the people began to move about.
The service was over, and John, Daniel, Uncle Jonas, and several other men, began to carry the benches outside.
Kristen followed Aunt Elizabeth into the kitchen, her legs stiff from sitting so long. She wondered how the older women did it.
Her aunt turned and smiled at her for the hundredth time this morning. Then she said, “Glad the weather will let us eat our meal outdoors. The barn was getting stuffy after a while. Come. Let’s start bringing the food out.”
Soon, Lucy, Aunt Miriam, and Mary joined them in the kitchen, along with Rachel Miller, Katie Mast, and one other lady. They had covered plates of pickles, pretzels, sliced cheese, and jars of what they called church peanut butter, out of the ice chest and ready to go in no time. They worked so fast that Kristen just stood there baffled as to what she could do to help.
“Can you please start slicing the bread, Kristen?” Mary asked, as she headed out the door with a bowl of pickles.
Kristen nodded and walked to the counter where loaves of dark and wheat bread were neatly arranged in a row. She took the large sharp knife that was there and began to cut the bread into even thick slices, smiling, as she thought of John’s teasing about her preference for the thickest slice. She filled one platter with what she’d sliced, which Aunt Miriam quickly took and carried outside.
Then she started to fill another, when a sharp pain seared her fingers. Suddenly, there was blood all over the counter. Kristen grabbed a dish towel and wrapped her hand. The sight of her own blood made her woozy, and she didn’t know if she should sit down or begin to clean the counter before any blood got onto the bread.
“Ach, Kristen! What happened?” Mary looked panic stricken. She ran back to the kitchen door. “Mamm! Mamm! Come, quick. Kristen cut herself.”
But instead of Aunt Elizabeth, it was John who raced into the kitchen first, Aunt Elizabeth and Aunt Miriam on his heels.
John took her hand and unwrapped it.
The dishtowel was soaked with blood and Kristen became nauseated.
His brows furrowed and his hands trembled.
“We need to take you to the hospital, Kristen,” he said, while Aunt Elizabeth opened a drawer to get out a clean towel. “Let me go see if Angela is home to drive us. Otherwise, there are two other Englisch neighbors we can ask.”
“Jah, go, John. I’ll get the first aid kit and dress the wounds. Maybe we can wrap her fingers tight with gauze to stop the bleeding some.”
Aunt Elizabeth ran up the stairs.
Aunt Miriam came to her side. She reached over and held the towel tight with pressure. “Ach, niece. You cut four fingers.” Her tone held not a trace of bitterness or scolding.
If Kristen hadn’t had her eyes open, she’d thought it was another voice that spoke to her.
“You’ll be fine. Not a one of us hasn’t been bit by a bread knife, I’ll tell you that.”
Kristen tried to smile but her stomach roiled and her head swam. She closed her eyes to the soothing voice of Aunt Miriam.
~*~
The next thing Kristen knew, she was looking into a doctor’s face. Had she fainted? She had no recollection of getting here.
“There, now. All patched up. You’re lucky you let go of that knife when you did, or your fingers would be gone. Take it easy and keep the bandage clean and dry. I want to see you in three days.”
Kristen nodded. Then Aunt Miriam spoke.
“Will she be prone to infection, Doctor?”
“No, I covered all the bases. Just make sure she keeps the wound covered and dry. There’s lots of stitches there.”
Kristen sat up on the doctor’s table and was helped to her feet by Aunt Miriam and the attending doctor. “Ooh, my arm!”
“That’s from the Tetanus shot,” the doctor told her. “Might ache for a few days.”
“Can you walk OK, now, Kristen? Are you dizzy?” Aunt Miriam placed her hand under Kristen’s elbow.
“I think I’ll be OK. I was scared more than anything else. I never could stand the sight of blood, even my own.”
“You lost a good amount,” the doctor told her. “But not enough to be considered dangerous. Have something to eat when you get home and rest up,” he instructed as they reached the door.
Aunt Miriam took a firmer hold on her.
“John is in the waiting room with Angela. We convinced your Aenti Elizabeth to stay behind and tend to the folks at the haus. She’ll be anxious to see that you’re all fixed up.”
“Thanks for coming with me, Aunt Miriam.” Kristen turned to meet her aunt’s eyes. They were pretty when they weren’t peering or squinting. A light blue under long light lashes.
Aunt Miriam nodded and her gaze softened even more. “It’s what familye is for.”
Knowing that Aunt Miriam had no family of her own in so far as a husband or child
ren were concerned, Kristen assumed that this was one of the ways an unmarried Amish woman helped her married siblings, as Aunt Elizabeth had explained. She’d said that Aunt Miriam was a big help to her. Was she doing this out of obligation or because she genuinely cared about her?
“Denki, as you all say,” Kristen said.
Was that a smile she saw gracing Aunt Miriam’s face?
“You’re my sister Emily’s dochter, after all. My niece. You need someone to look after you, now that your mudder is gone. No matter how old we get, we need someone to look after us. It’s a gut feeling knowing we’re not alone, jah?”
“Jah,” Kristen mimicked with a smile. Right then and there, she realized Aunt Miriam knew all about loneliness.
10
By the time Kristen was back at the house, all the buggies were gone and everything looked the way it had before.
Anna ran outside as soon as their buggy pulled into the drive. “How are you feeling, Kristen?” She gazed wide eyed at her bandaged hand.
“I’m fine, Anna. The doctor stitched me up and put special medicine on the cuts.”
“Does it hurt?”
“Only a little when I move the fingers.” It hurt much more than that, but she didn’t want to upset little Anna, or John, for that matter. He was looking at her with the same worried expression as his youngest sister.
“Come. Let’s get some hot tea and a nice piece of bread with church budder into you.” Aunt Miriam guided her up the steps toward Aunt Elizabeth, who waited at the back kitchen door.
When they were inside Katie Mast was seated at the table. She quickly stood and walked over to Kristen. Gently, she lifted her bandaged hand. “Seems they fixed you up gut.”
Kristen met her gray eyes and nodded. Then the older woman took her shawl from the back of the chair and bid everyone good-bye.
“She waited to see how you fared with your injury,” Aunt Elizabeth explained. “Now, let’s see about you eating something.”
“OK. I’m a little hungry, and I’m curious about this church peanut butter you all talk about.”
“It’s just peanut budder with melassich. That’s, molasses, and some melted marshmallows. Some folks use corn syrup instead of the molasses, but we like the flavor the molasses gives,” Aunt Miriam told her.
“I like a slice of cheese on top of mine,” John’s voice echoed in.
“Cheese? And peanut butter?” Kristen turned to look at him as he retrieved some leftover cheese from the ice box.
“Try it. You can always give the cheese to me if you don’t like it.” Smiling, he sat down across from her.
Aunt Elizabeth handed them both plates while Aunt Miriam got the peanut butter and bread.
“Here, let me make it for you. One hand won’t do for a nice thick slathering.” John took a slice of bread and smeared it with a hearty layer of the peanut butter. He then topped it with two slices of yellow cheese and placed it on her plate.
Aunt Miriam, Aunt Elizabeth, and Anna watched.
Kristen was surprised. “I’ve never had such thick sweet peanut butter, and the cheese gives it a slight saltiness that makes it just perfect. This must be the stuff that gave the expression of smacking one’s lips.”
“See, I told you!”
John looked as if he’d accomplished a great feat, and then took a hearty bite of his concoction. “The cheese makes it all come together,” he added, placing another slice atop his bread.
“Aunt Miriam, aren’t you having any? You haven’t eaten all day either,” Kristen said.
“Ach, Miriam. I’m sorry. I was so concerned for Kristen…”
Aunt Miriam put her hand up to her sister. “Don’t worry, Lizzie. I’m not a child, you know. I can serve myself. But denki for thinking of me, niece.”
John and Aunt Elizabeth looked at one another as if they hadn’t heard right.
Kristen stood and went to the counter to retrieve a plate for Aunt Miriam with her good hand. She didn’t want her aunt to feel forgotten. Although not intentional, she surely knew what that felt like most of her life.
“Ach, Kristen. No need to serve me, child. You have a bad hand.”
“I still have a good hand to get a plate from the counter.”
John’s smile widened as he took another bite of the gooey bread with cheese.
Kristen wasn’t trying to score points with him by her actions. She was only being what she’d wanted someone to be for her all these years.
Not until today did Kristen come to understand the bitterness that rose up like steam out of Aunt Miriam’s heart.
A life of loneliness and rejection had caused it. Her role in the family was to be put to good use wherever there was a need, shuffled from household to household, it seemed. Not exactly the station in life a woman dreamed about. Maybe had she been less bitter, and offered a softer side of herself, her nieces, nephews, and close neighbors would act more loving toward her. That was the lack in Aunt Miriam. Feeling loved.
Kristen didn’t want to end up the same way. She was young. There was still lots of time to be loved…someday.
She looked up from her half eaten bread to find John’s blue eyes piercing through her. If she didn’t know better, she’d think that John could read her mind…and heart.
~*~
After three days, Angela drove Kristen back to the doctor at St. Mary’s Hospital. They both convinced Aunt Elizabeth and Aunt Miriam that they could go on their own and planned to have lunch out afterward.
“I’m so glad you got a good report, Kristen,” Angela said as they pulled out of the hospital parking area.
“Me, too. I can’t wait to get the stitches out in another week. Then I can get the hand wet and take a bath. Although I really haven’t had a bath since I got here. I’ve been using the water pump in the back room since it’s been so warm.”
“I don’t mean any disrespect to your relatives, but you’re welcome to come take a hot shower at my house any time you wish.”
“That’s so nice of you to offer, Angela. But I want to abide by the ways of my family here. There’s some part of me that feels at home being Amish. I wonder how I can do that in winter with a hand pump of icy water.”
“In winter they heat the water in pots on the stove before using it. So you can sponge bathe that way during the week. I think Saturday night is bath night where they fill a huge basin with heated water.”
“I remember John starting to tell me something about that when I first got here. Bath time must take forever!”
“It does. That’s why…they…er…share the bath water, one at a time. Each person adds a pot or two of newly heated water when it’s their turn to bathe.”
“Isn’t that unsanitary? Ugh! That’s one part of being Amish that I’m not sure I’m up for.”
“As far as I know, Kristen, no one has had any problem with it. They’ve been doing it that way for years. Maybe you can get a smaller basin just for yourself and ask if that’ll be OK. It’s well water, so they don’t get a water bill.”
“If I heat my own water and fill my own basin, I don’t see the problem. Seems as if I’ve landed in another place and time.”
“You have, in a sense. It’s a matter of adapting—or leaving—when you’re able.”
Leaving? She’d almost forgotten that she had that option ever since her reliance on Derick was no longer a reality. She’d wait ’til her mom’s will was read to see where she stood financially. Then she’d start to make some decisions so she’d be ready the minute she was of legal age come October.
John. Why did he suddenly pop into her head? Had she become so attached to him already? She was barely over Derick. She wouldn’t think about it now.
“So, where can we go for a bite to eat?” Kristen asked Angela, determined to burst free of her unsettled thoughts.
“There’s a diner over in Fort Plain Village. One thing you’ll certainly miss if you leave is the great food your Aunt Elizabeth cooks.”
She’d miss more t
han the food.
~*~
That night after supper, Uncle Jonas told the family that the general store in town was now vacated and that they could begin to take it over.
This was the first she’d heard anything about the store being run by the Waglers.
“I almost forgot about the store. It’s been a long time since you spoke of it,” Aunt Elizabeth said as she poured a cup of tea.
“Jah, that’s because I had to haggle with the landlord for a while about keeping the rent the same as it was. And even after he agreed, we had to wait ’til it was vacated. Sol kept changing his mind about moving south. He only left yesterday. Three days later than we’d agreed.”
“It’s officially ours now then?” John’s eyes were wide with anticipation.
“Jah, it is. We can start cleaning it up as soon as there’s time. I made a few keys so any one of us can go when we’re able.”
“I’m ready to go over there first thing after chores tomorrow morgen.” John looked at Kristen. “Want to come? I know you can’t use your hand yet, but you can give us some suggestions on where to set up things.”
“Uh, sure. I had no idea about the store.” How long had they known about this? And why didn’t they think to tell her? She’d been left out. Proof again that she wasn’t one of them. A sigh escaped her. “Sounds like you’ll be changing it around.”
“Jah, it will cater to the Amish community. We can’t travel that far with horse and buggy, and some things require us to hire a driver. I’m hoping our store will make it more convenient to get some needed items locally. We’re calling it Wagler’s General Store.”
Kristen nodded. Should she care?
“Kristen? Something wrong?” Aunt Elizabeth’s question pierced through her apathy. Was there ever a time she missed something?
Kristen shook her head.
But John’s gaze steadied on her.
“We had a meeting as a familye to speak about the store before you came to be with us, Kristen. Had you come in April, you would have been at the meeting, too. So, do you have any ideas for the place?” John was so tuned into her feelings that it set her on edge at times. This was one of them.