Nathan frowned. “I don’t want to know the little things yet, I want to know why you kissed the rose. I actually need to know because… Well just answer my question, please,” he said still messing with strands of her hair.
Carter chuckled, he was really cute when he frowned. “No, Nathan we have to get the light questions out of the way before we get to the heavy stuff. Plus you said you wouldn’t kiss me until we got to know each other, and don’t know how much longer I’m going to let you keep me from getting what I want,” she said with a smirk. Carter knew exactly how to get him to forget that whole no kissing until we get to know each other thing.
Nathan looked at her with his brows raised and grinned. “Let me?”
Carter giggled and nodded. “Yes, let you,” she replied a smug smile on her face.
Nathan laughed loud. “You’re cute. You know that?”
Cute? I’ll show him cute.
Carter raised an eyebrow. “Cute huh?” She moved closer to his body so he could feel her breath against his neck as she whispered her words. “I can be very persuasive, Nathan Salerno. Especially when I want something, or someone.” She placed a soft kiss on his neck while her hand slid up his shirt. She moved her hand up his muscled abs and softly glided her nails downward and grabbed his belt. He licked his full pink lips and desire darkened his stormy gray eyes. She knew that at that moment he wanted to take her, right here on the empty beach, and she probably would let him.
His jaw clenched, Carter knew he was trying to hold on to his self-control, and she tried to hide a smile.
“You’re not getting out of the question, Carter. So stop trying to distract me.”
She chuckled, “Fine, ask me five questions to start with and I’ll answer them all.”
Nathan sighed and wrapped his arms around her body pulling her close to him. “Okay, are you from here? Who are your parents? Do you have family here? Why did you kiss the rose? And, oh yeah, what’s your favorite color?” he said that last one in a mocking tone.
Carter rolled her eyes, the asshole. She thought about each question and how to answer without revealing too much too soon. Her life was not exactly easy to explain and she didn’t want to scare him off, so she figured she should keep her answers simple.
“No, I am not from here. I moved here a couple years ago.”
Nathan looked at her inquisitively. “From where?”
Carter chuckled. “That’s another question, Nathan.”
“Not really. It’s an extension of the first one, and those are allowed,” he said in matter-of-fact tone.
Carter sighed. “Fine, I moved to St. Louis, Missouri when I was seventeen, then I moved from St. Louis to here when I was nineteen but closer to twenty.”
“Alone?” he asked.
“Yep.”
“Why?” he asked with a curious frown.
Carter shrugged trying to think of something to say without giving the real reason why she left St. Louis. “I wanted to live near the ocean,” she lied. She did love the ocean, but that’s not why she got the hell out of St. Louis.
“You’ve never lived near the ocean before?” he asked.
Carter shook her head. “Nope.”
Nathan kissed her forehead. “And your parents, how did they feel about their little girl moving so far away from home?”
Carter sighed trying to choose her words wisely. “I moved to St. Louis after my father died.” Truth. “Then worked and saved enough money to move here.” Semi-truth. “I have no idea who my mother is.” Lie. “And I really don’t have a home.” Truth.
Nathan looked at her. He could sense her fear and he was afraid to push her anymore, but he didn’t want to hold back from her. He didn’t want her holding anything back from him. She kept lying, he hated that. For some unexplainable reason he felt close to her, like they were past lovers catching up after a long separation. He wanted to share things with her that he had never been able to talk about. Something about her told him she would understand. He made up his mind to put her at ease by talking about something that has always been difficult for him to open up about.
His arms tightened around her body pulling her closer, he looked out at the ocean as he spoke. “Next week is the anniversary of my mother’s death,” he said softly. Carter wrapped her arms around his waist and her body melted into him as he continued to speak. “I usually disappear off to my mother’s childhood home in Russia every year. She left it to me, and I make sure to keep it in good condition. It was kind of my promise to her after she… after she was, uhh…” he cleared his throat and swallowed.
Carter could see it pained him to speak about his mother, but she wanted him to keep going.
“Please, Nathan,” she whispered. “Please keep talking.”
Nathan cleared his throat again and continued. “Next week it will have been thirteen years and I still feel the pain as if it were yesterday. I can’t talk about it with anyone because it feels like nobody can really understand how much I miss her, you know. She really didn’t deserve to die so young. I don’t know, it’s just not something I think I’ll ever get over.” Nathan’s chest tightened. He felt himself getting choked up. Carter began rubbing his back with her fingertips.
He heard her take a deep breath. “My father was murdered five years ago. Right in front of me.” The words rushed out of her mouth as if she had been waiting to say them for a lifetime.
Nathan’s body stilled and he looked down at her seeing that she curled into his chest, his brows furrowed. “What did you say?” he asked, maybe he didn’t hear her right.
He heard a soft sniffle and he felt Carter’s head shake side to side against his chest. “I don’t know why I’m crying. I didn’t even cry when it happened or when I left,” she said. Her voice was so soft he almost didn’t hear it.
She didn’t know what had come over her, she hadn’t cried like this in years. Five years to be exact.
Carter’s body began to tremble and Nathan grabbed her chin and tilted her head until he could see her face.
When her face was visible, Nathan’s body froze and he stared at her in shock. Images of a small girl with the same sad hazel eyes and tear stained face flashed through his mind and Nathan shook his head in disbelief.
It’s not possible
Carter sniffled again. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, her voice small and soft. “I just wanted to show you that I understand, you know…how much it hurts.” Her sad eyes dropped as her tears continued to flow freely.
Nathan was still in shock. It can’t be, it just can’t. “Look at me, Carter,” Nathan said softly. And she did.
Carter. Carter… Steele?
Nathan’s brows furrowed as a memory made it to the forefront of his mind.
Nathan approached the girl slowly with a smile on his handsome little face. “Hi, I’m Nathan,” he said waving at her. The little girl gave him a small.
Nathan walked a little closer and without another word held out his hand for her to take. She put her tiny hand in his without any hesitation. Nathan held tight to her hand as he led her through the living room over to where his mother was standing and looked up at her, “Are you ready mama, Carter’s going to love the garden.” Nathan turned and looked at Carter. “I’ll give you a pretty flower and then you won’t be sad anymore, okay?” Nathan said looking into Carter’s sad eyes and moving her hair from her face.
But it’s not possible. Spook Steele’s daughter was dead.
Nathan couldn’t be sure if she was who he thought she was or if this was some freak coincidence. He couldn’t just ask her, if he was wrong he’d look like a complete idiot, but he had to know, this was just getting too crazy.
“Carter, I need you to tell me the story about the rose.”
Carter looked at him and she frowned, confused by the change in subject, but she had already told him about her father so there was no use for her to try and be mysterious now. “When I was three, I went with my father on one of his business trips. I don’
t remember much, all I know is that the house was huge and there was this garden and it was big, bigger than Hope Garden.” Carter curled back into Nathan and continued her story while Nathan listened attentively. “I remember I was with a woman and her son, he took me out into the garden and gave me a rose because I was crying, and then his mother came up to me and told me to kiss the rose and the stars would grant me wishes.” Nathan wrapped his arms back around her and held her tight while she continued to speak. “I still do it because it’s one of the few good memories of my childhood that I have. I never got to go back to that garden even though I wanted to. I begged my dad to let me go back. I screamed and cried, ‘please daddy I wanna see my bubby,’ which is what I called the boy. I don’t remember his name, but I had lost my teddy bear during the trip, which is why I was so sad, and his name was bubby.” Carter let out a small laugh. “I called him my bubby because he let me lay on him and cuddle with him that day even when we fell asleep on the big white cushy swing. I will never forget that day as long as I live. I really needed the kindness that woman and her son gave me.” Carter smiled at the memory and looked up at Nathan. Carter rubbed her palm against his cheek and turned his face toward hers, looking at him with concern. “What’s wrong?”
“I know you,” he said staring into her eyes.
Her brows furrowed. “What?”
His hands came up and cupped her face. “I know you Carter, I know who you are and you know me too. It’s just completely unbelievable to me that it’s you.”
Carter shook her head not understanding. “What are you talking about, Nathan?”
“The story, Carter. That was me and my mother, you’re Spook’s daughter. I just don’t understand, everyone said that you were dead, that you were killed with your father,” Nathan said staring at her with disbelief. He was so fucking shocked right now he had to blink to make sure this was real. This was the girl he had wished for, had cried for, when he was five years old. “Carter Steele? I can’t believe it! You’re still as perfect as the first day I saw you, when I led you out to the garden and gave you the yellow rose. My mother told me I would find you again one day but I…I just thought she was trying to get me to shut up,” he said still looking at her in shock.
Carter’s heart sped up and she began to panic. She grabbed Nathan’s hands and took them off of her face and tried to stand up. Nathan reached for her and pulled her body back to him and held her tight.
“No, no don’t. Please, please don’t panic. Carter just listen to me,” he said the words quick to avoid her trying to leave.
Carter squirmed in his arms. “Nathan please, I…I…I don’t know.”
“Shh just listen to me. Stop trying to run away, and listen to me.”
He was relieved when she stopped trying to get free from his grasp. He loosened his hold on her. “Look at me, Carter.”
“My Carter. That’s what I used to call you” he whispered.
And there it was. The declaration. Nathan knew there was no going back now, he just said she was his, and he’d never meant anything more in his life.
When Carter looked up at Nathan the look in her eyes made his heart break. She was afraid. She looked defeated and tired, like she had been fighting so hard for so long and now she just wanted to give up.
Nathan brought his hands up and cupped her face, wiping her tears with his thumb, she closed her eyes and relaxed against him. “It’s just us out here, you and me. I beg of you sweetheart, don’t ever be afraid of me, don’t ever think I would hurt you.”
Nathan was relieved when Carter nodded her head. The last thing he wanted was for her to run away from him before he got a chance to tell her all he needed to. “I asked for you too, after the day in the garden. I cried when my mother told me that you weren’t coming back. I even stayed away from the garden for a few days if I’m remembering correctly. My mother finally got me out of my room by telling me that if I wished to see you again, then it might happen,” Nathan chuckled. “I made a wish on every rose I could find in the garden, convinced that it wouldn’t come true if I wished on the same one. My mother was not very happy about all of the damage I did to the garden.” Nathan ran his fingers over her hair and pulled her close to him.
“I tried to look for you after…after I heard your father was killed.”
“Why?” she asked softly
“Your father may not have brought you around, but he was around an awful lot. I used to hear my father talk to him about keeping you so isolated. He asked him why he kept you a secret and locked up all by yourself.”
“I wasn’t alone, I had Chrissy,” Carter said still curled up against Nathan’s chest.
“Where is Chrissy now?” he asked already knowing the answer.
“Dead,” Carter whispered, her voice drenched with pain. Nathan wanted to take the pain away, but he knew that he couldn’t and hated that, it killed him.
“Tell me why, Nathan,” she said, urging him to move forward with his story.
“When my father told me that Spook was murdered I was shocked, and I immediately asked about you,” Nathan continued, “My father said that he didn’t know. He told me that the situation was dangerous and that I shouldn’t ask any questions or get involved. If somebody went after a man as dangerous as Spook, then there must be a serious problem,” Nathan sighed. “I told him I’d stay out of it, but I lied because I knew that I couldn’t. I kept seeing the image of that girl with the sad hazel eyes and the tear stained face, except I pictured her older, and she was alone, and it broke my heart.” Nathan lifted her chin until he met his eyes. “I felt like it was my responsibility to find you and take care of you. Hold you while you grieved the loss of your father. Just like the little boy felt it was his responsibility to do everything he could to make the beautiful little girl happy, to hold her while she grieved the loss of her bubby,” Nathan smiled and kissed her forehead lovingly. “And when my father told me you were dead…and that I should stop looking, I don’t know I just…” Nathan couldn’t describe the sadness he felt when his father told him that Carter had been killed along with her father.
Carter couldn’t stop crying. She hadn’t cried like this since before her father’s death, but Nathan’s presence had now burst open a part of herself she’d thought she’d lost forever. Going against what her father had always taught her, she shook her head and cast her eyes downward. “Nathan, you don’t have to feel that way, and it isn’t your responsibility to take care of me, you don’t even…”
“Carter, listen to me. I know what you were going to say and it’s bullshit. I know you feel this too.” He cupped her face looking straight into her eyes. “It’s crazy baby, I know, and I know it’s ridiculous but… I don’t understand how this happened so fast but I…” Nathan shook his head firmly, determination filling his eyes. “I can’t, I can’t let you go and I won’t. I made a wish when I was five years old Carter, I prayed to see you again before I went to sleep at night, and for whatever reasons my prayers as a child weren’t answered till now. I don’t care how much sense it makes, I know what I’m feeling and I…I think I…” He pressed his forehead against hers. “I love you, Carter Steele,” he whispered against her lips.
And he did, and it scared the living shit out of him. He didn’t know where the hell it came from all he knew was that he had never felt anything like it before. He had never experienced such an intense, consuming feeling. Love was the only word that could describe it! Nathan had never been in love before, he never even planned on falling in love. He had been prepared to live a life devoid of love, marriage, and children, to avoid putting a woman through the same pain his father inflicted on his mother. But from the exact moment he laid eyes on the woman in his arms, love, marriage and children were all he could think of. He loved her. Loved her. He wanted her to be his, to have his last name. He pictured her pregnant with his child, lounging with him in the garden on the large plush swing where he first held her in his arms. In the garden where he remembers holding her face
in the palms of his hands and taking his first kiss from her soft beautiful lips.
Jesus Christ! In one day, Nathan had gone from a cynic to a damn sap.
Nathan felt Carter tremble in his arms. “I’m not a good person, Nathan,” she sobbed unable to hold back her tears.
Nathan shook his head. “Neither am I, but I still love you,” he said. Damn, he had no idea it would be so easy to say when he actually felt it.
“I’m broken, Nathan,” she whispered.
Nathan kissed her tears. “So am I, sweetheart, but I still want you.”
Carter was overwhelmed by the intense emotions rushing through her as Nathan continued to hold her close. He held her like she was precious to him, like she was important to him, she felt safe and protected, and for the first time in a long time, she felt loved. Her feelings for him were instant the moment he said her name and didn’t run away. The fact frightened her, but she loved him, simply because he knew who she was and he was still holding her like this. He was her bubby, her bubby was holding her, loving her. But she didn’t deserve love. She had to tell him the truth about what happened the night her father was murdered, even if it meant he would get up and leave her sitting on the beach with her heart shattered.
She tried to catch her breath and stop the tears the best she could so that she could explain. “Nathan, my father was very good at his job,” she whispered. Nathan tried to get her to look at him but she wrapped her arms around his body and curled into his chest. She couldn’t look at him while she told him this. “Whoever wanted him dead had to hire six men to actually do the job. Some of the men even knew my father personally. I recognized two of them that my father had done business with before.” Carter worried her bottom lip. She was nervous, but she continued, he deserved to know what type of person she was. “They came to the house when we were sleeping. My father had already known that someone wanted him dead, and he was planning on going away from me for a very long time, but I begged him to come home for just one day to say goodbye to me, just one more day together before he left me again. The night they came I was sleeping in my father’s room and I felt like something was off, so I woke up and my father was next to me crouched down telling me to be quiet. He pulled me from the bed and walked me over to the window. He told me that no matter what, I was to run. I begged him to come with me so we could get out together but he said no, he said that they came for him and that he would not risk them chasing after the both of us, he would stay and fight while I got away.”
Dangerous Beauty: Part One: Destiny Page 9