“I’ve made my choice,” Gemynd replied with his gaze fixed on the table between them. “Must we really discuss this for the hundredth time?”
“It just doesn’t make any sense,” Soman persisted. “You don’t have to become a Keeper. You can study The Book without taking those vows. There’s no reason not to have everything you want. You can study and take a wife. I see no reason at all for you to become a Keeper.”
“I’ve made my choice,” Gemynd repeated, still staring at the table.
“For being the smartest person in Aerie, Gemynd, you are certainly a damn fool.” Soman said, knowing he was probably pushing his luck, but unwilling to let the matter lie.
Gemynd sighed and looked up from the table, piercing Soman with a fierce, dark gaze. “I’ll make you a deal,” he all but growled. “I’ll do my best to explain it to you one more time. I’ll try to use words you can comprehend. And, in exchange, you’ll never bring it up again. Agreed?”
Soman thought about this for a moment. “Agreed,” he said and reached across the table to shake Gemynd’s hand. “If you give me a satisfactory explanation, I will never bring it up again.”
Gemynd shook Soman’s hand. “I’ll hold you to it,” he said in a tone that sounded like a warning. “And I’m only sharing this information with you. My dearest friend. My brother.”
Soman nodded, silently agreeing to honor Gemynd’s veiled request for discretion.
Gemynd was quiet for several moments as though he had to formulate his explanation. At long last, the words came. “Inside my mind is a whirling, spinning fireball of never-ending questions. Spinning and spinning, it does not cease. Not even copious amounts of horsetail can make it stop. Always questions. What if this? What if that? Why? Why? Why? It does not allow me to sleep. Because of it, I cannot experience Joy. The only time I have peace is when I’m absorbed in focused study; when I can train my mind onto a specific question. Only then does the whirring stop. And the only way I can spend my life absorbed in study is by being a Keeper. If I were to choose the path of taking a wife, I could not spend every waking hour absorbed in study. I would be expected to contribute to Aerie by taking on work. And I fear that, during that work time, my mind would spin and spin and spin until all there was left of me was madness. I fear I could be lost forever in that madness. That is why I must be a Keeper and why I must give up a life with Numa.”
Soman saw deep sadness in Gemynd’s eyes and for the first time realized that his friend had made the only choice he believed he could make. He had made the choice to break his own heart in order to preserve his sanity. Soman reached across the table and clasped Gemynd’s hand in his. “I wish there was some way I could make it so that you could have it all, my brother,” he said.
Gemynd clenched his jaw stubbornly. “It is what it is,” he said in a constricted voice. His gaze went over Soman’s head and Soman could tell by the softening in Gemynd’s eyes that Numa was approaching.
“You boys ready to eat?” she asked as she walked up with a tray of breakfast food and a smile. After she set the tray on the table between them, Gemynd grabbed her hand.
“Joyous day, Numa,” he said. Soman watched as their eyes met and the love that flowed between them was palpable. The scene tugged at his heart.
“Joyous day, Gemynd,” Numa replied. “May I join you?”
Gemynd scooted down on the bench to make room for Numa next to him.
“What are you reading today?” Numa asked, pointing at the book that Gemynd had set on the table in front of him. Gemynd lifted the volume in reply. The book was obviously old and had been read by countless Keepers. Stamped on its tattered leather cover were the words: The Shadow of the Fourth Truth.
“That looks old,” Soman said.
“It is,” Gemynd replied. “It was written over two hundred years ago, but it contains wisdom that’s still useful.”
“Does the Fourth Truth have a shadow?” Numa asked. “What does that mean?”
“All Truths have their shadows,” Gemynd explained. “Those are the parts of Truth that remain undiscovered until a light is shone on them.”
Soman lowered his brows in confusion. “All expressions of the Deis are sacred and equal,” he said, reciting the Fourth Truth.
Numa nodded. “That seems clear to me. How can there be a shadow to that?” she asked.
“This is a particularly shadowy Truth, my friends,” Gemynd said. “In fact, what could be less clear? How can it be that all expressions of the Deis are sacred and equal? We certainly don’t live that way.”
“We don’t?” Soman asked.
Gemynd shook his head. “No, we don’t. For one thing, we raise foodstock and then we kill it and eat it. We know that foodstock is an expression of the Deis, but how can it be that we are equal to foodstock? If we were equal, the foodstock would have as much chance at eating us. But that doesn’t happen. And the same is true for the plants we eat. Are the plants equal to us? Perhaps all expressions of the Deis are sacred, but how can it be that they are all equal? These are the sorts of topics discussed in this book. It also talks about wars among men. There was a war being fought when this book was written and it tells of how some men were better equipped for fighting than others. And that hardly seems equal.”
“What kind of wars?” Soman asked. He remembered hearing stories of war during discipleship, but it had always seemed like something that came out of someone’s imagination.
“There has always been war in the history of Todor, Soman,” Gemynd explained. “From what I’ve learned, people would fight each other because they wanted something the other had, like land or water. If every expression of Life in Todor was equal, then wouldn’t it make sense that we would all have the same resources. Do you remember when we first toured the tunnels? Keeper Clary made us promise to never tell an outsider about the jewels in Aerie. He told us that outsiders do not have the kind of wealth we have in Aerie and they would be willing to fight to get it. If we in Aerie have jewels, and outsiders do not, how is that equal?”
“But here in Aerie everything is equal,” Numa said. “At least among the humans anyway.”
“But the Book of Life is for all of Todor, not just Aerie. And, anyway, is everything really equal even here in Aerie?” Gemynd asked. “Is that really true? It seems to me that if that were true, glinters would not have to leave or pretend to be something they’re not. And the Keepers study all day while everyone else works.”
“That’s not true,” Soman put in, feeling defensive of his beloved Keepers. “They work very hard. They study and teach the Truths. And many of them also choose to work in kitchen and laundry.”
Gemynd lifted his hands in a placating gesture. “You’re right,” he said. “The Keepers can work if they choose to and they certainly contribute to Aerie in many ways. My point was simply that not everything seems as equal as it should be and the Fourth Truth is anything but clear.”
“I understand what you’re saying,” Numa offered. “But I stand by my belief that all the humans in Aerie are sacred and equal. I remember learning that lesson in discipleship on the day of the Feast of Sevens.”
“I agree with Numa,” Soman said. “We’re all equal here.”
Gemynd chuckled. “We’re not even all equal at this table,” he said. “Soman, you have the strength of at least six men. How is that equal? And I’m smarter than everyone here put together. Again, not equal.”
Now it was Soman’s turn to chuckle. “Your humility knows no bounds,” he remarked and then thought about Gemynd’s statement. “Perhaps I am stronger than most others here, but that doesn’t make me better than anyone. Just different. It doesn’t mean that we’re not all equal. While I might be able to do the work of six men with my body, I do not have the skills to weave cloth nor the ability to teach discipleship. We all have our roles here in Aerie, but we’re all equal.”
Gemynd made no reply and Soman felt triumphant. Perhaps he had finally won an argument with his friend.
/> “Come with me. I have something to show you,” Gemynd said as he stood up. “Something I should have shown you years ago.”
Soman and Numa arose and followed Gemynd outside. They exchanged a look of curiosity, but remained silent as they walked passed the Wishing Hut and Meeting House. Gemynd moved with such purpose, Soman felt his only option was to follow him. But what could Gemynd have to show them? Surely it was nothing Soman had not seen already. He was certain he had learned everything about Aerie ten years ago at the Feast of Sevens. And in the years since, he had covered every inch of the village at one time or another.
Gemynd led them down the path to the south-facing Sleeping Houses and stopped at the third one.
“This is your mother’s Sleeping House,” Numa said quietly.
Gemynd nodded and held the doorskin open, motioning for Numa and Soman to go inside. “And it used to be where I slept as well. In fact, I still do from time to time when I need a break from Soman and the Keepers.”
Soman had never spent a night in a Sleeping House before. He had always slept either with the Keepers at the Wishing Hut or on the ground under the Baldaquin tree and, as he looked around, he wondered what it would be like to sleep in such a small dwelling.
“Back here,” Gemynd said and walked around a divider in the wall that separated the house into two rooms.
Numa went through next and Soman had to duck his head and suck in his belly just to fit through.
“Please sit down,” Gemynd said in a strangely formal tone and Soman plopped himself down on the bedsack next to Numa.
“Alright, we are sitting,” Soman said with a sigh. “Now will you please get on with this? I’m starting to get hungry again.”
Gemynd ignored Soman’s teasing and walked over to the end of the bedsack. He stuck his hand under it and pulled out something shiny.
“What is that?” Numa asked, curiosity burning in her eyes.
Gemynd turned, keeping the object behind his back. Soman could swear he had a look of sadness on his face. “Before I show you,” he said, crouching on the floor in front of them, “It is important that you know my feelings for you both. You are the truest friends anyone could ask for. You are my family.”
Soman felt a chill of dread creep up his spine. Gemynd was behaving even more strangely than usual. He suddenly wondered if he even wanted to know what was behind Gemynd’s back.
“Why would you say that?” Numa asked. “Is what you hold in your hand going to change your feelings for us?”
“Never,” Gemynd answered, shaking his head. “But it might change your feelings for me.”
“Perhaps we don’t need to see it, then,” Soman offered, feeling very uncomfortable.
“We were talking about the Fourth Truth, especially the part about everyone being equal, and it made me realize I need to share this with you so you can better understand my point of view,” Gemynd said, ignoring Soman’s protest. “What I have in my hands is something that belongs to me. Just me.”
Soman wasn’t sure he understood what Gemynd was saying. Something that belonged to only him? It didn’t make sense. But before Soman could say a word, Gemynd brought the object out in front of him. It was a beautiful dagger.
“The people of Aerie gave this to my father as a reward for saving the village. It belonged to only him before he left. My mother kept it even though it never should have been hers. And when she showed it to me, the temptation was too great so I took it. I stole it from her,” Gemynd said then hung his head and sighed. “I know I could have told you about it right away. I could have done the right thing and made it so the dagger belonged to all of Aerie. But having something that was only mine made me feel special. I wanted to always feel that way.”
Soman was shocked at Gemynd’s words and looked to Numa for a reply. But Numa’s eyes sparkled with unshed tears. Soman automatically felt a fierce need to protect her. “How could you do this?” he snarled and pushed the dagger from Gemynd’s hands, sending it across the dirt floor. “You’ve upset Numa!”
Gemynd raised his head slowly and pressed his lips together as he looked at Numa’s face. “I’m sorry, Numa,” he said and leaned forward, pulling her into an embrace.
“I feel like I don’t even know you,” she said.
“You do know me,” Gemynd reassured. “But this is exactly the point I wanted to make. How can we be equal if I own that beautiful dagger and you don’t?”
“You don’t own it! Your father owns it and you stole it!” Numa snapped.
“You did all this just to make a point?” Soman asked and felt an anger toward his friend he’d never known before. “Fine. You were right. The Truths are wrong. The Deis did not create everything to be sacred and equal. Is that what you want to hear? Does that bring you Joy?”
Gemynd shook his head, still holding tight to Numa. “No, it makes me feel wretched. It makes me feel confused. If I could simply accept the Truths as you do, believe me, I would. But how can I ignore the questions in my mind? I cannot. And so I go in search of answers to these questions and what do I do when the answers contradict the Truths? What do I do then?”
Soman was taken aback by the desperation in Gemynd’s voice. Once again, he was made aware of the torment that constantly plagued Gemynd; the burden of a slaving mind. He wished he had not been so quick to be angry with his friend. “You turn to your friends when you are troubled,” he said softly and added, “Which is what you are trying to do right now. I am sorry I was angry.”
“No, I am sorry,” Gemynd said. “I am sorry for stealing the dagger. I’m sorry for keeping it from you. I am sorry, too, for hurting you by revealing it. There is nothing to do now but ask for forgiveness.”
“Will you promise to never keep anything from me again?” Numa asked as she sat up to look Gemynd in the eyes.
Gemynd was quiet for several moments, clearly giving the question some honest thought. Soman admired this about Gemynd. “I promise,” he said finally.
“I don’t know what your having that dagger means as far as whether or not we’re equals,” Numa said. “But I do know that I love you and I forgive you.”
“I forgive you, too, brother,” Soman said.
“The dagger belongs to all of us now-” Gemynd began, but his words were interrupted by the tolling of a bell.
The sound grew louder and more chaotic.
“All five of the village bells,” Soman said with growing alarm. “What could that mean?”
“A crisis,” Gemynd said, grabbing first Numa’s hand, and then the dagger, as he ran from the house.
The three stepped out into a scene of chaos. All members of Aerie had stopped their work and seemed to be running in every direction. Soman heard people shouting and calling out their loved ones’ names. “Let’s go to the Wishing Hut,” he suggested. “The Keepers can explain what is happening.”
As they approached the entrance to the Wishing Hut, Keeper Stout was helping Keeper Clary walk out of the doorway. At his advanced age, Keeper Clary moved very slowly and required the use of a walking stick, but he was still able to get around.
“Let me help,” Numa rushed in before Soman even had a chance to ask what the bells meant. She placed her hand gently on Keeper Clary’s lower back and with just that simple touch, the old man seemed to straighten a little and walk with more fluidity.
“We need the three of you at the Meeting Yard. Please get everyone organized and quiet. We will explain everything when we get there and afterwards we will need your help. Especially yours, Soman,” Keeper Stout said.
The Meeting Yard was a mere thirty paces from the Wishing Hut and Soman covered the distance in the blink of an eye. Most of the people were already gathering at the Meeting Yard of their own accord.
“I’ll get everyone to quiet down here,” Gemynd said to Soman. “Use those legs of yours to go around the rest of Aerie and make sure everyone is here.”
Soman nodded and took off at a sprint, covering every square of the village lo
oking for stragglers. He only found a few and gently ushered them to the Meeting Yard.
“We need you all to be quiet please,” Gemynd was shouting to the crowd as Soman made his way back to the Meeting Yard. “The Keepers will explain everything, but we need to be able to hear them.”
The crowd fell silent and Keeper Clary began to speak.
“Only moments ago, a messenger brought us word of a grave tragedy. Queen Helen and her son, Prince Maargden, were both killed early this morning. While crossing the Laxus river gorge, the bridge collapsed and their carriage fell 300 hands to the riverbed below.”
A surge of gasps and murmurs rippled through the crowd.
“Queen Helen ruled over Todor for nearly 40 years and it has been a time of Peace and Joy for us all. And because Prince Maargden has also perished, there is no heir to the throne,” Keeper Clary continued, his voice becoming thick with urgency. “As of this morning, Todor has no ruler. And until a new ruler is seated on the throne, Aerie is at risk. There are no laws now to protect us. There are those outside of Aerie who remember what we have here and have awaited such an opportunity. In light of this, we are now in a time of isolation. All ladders are to be brought up and stored. No one is to enter Aerie. And no one is to leave Aerie, with the exception of the bellmen. We will pray to the Deis that this time of isolation passes quickly.”
All of Aerie was in complete silence for the count of a single heartbeat. And then everyone began shouting at once.
“I have deliveries to make!” shouted one of the weavers.
“My mother is coming for a visit in two days time!” a man in the back yelled.
“This was no accident!” a shrill voice shouted from the center of the crowd. “This was murder!”
“Murder?” the crowd at large seemed to ask. “Who would do such a thing? Everyone loved Queen Helen.”
Keeper Stout waved his arms in front of the unruly crowd shouting, “Quiet! Quiet! Let Elder Keeper Clary finish!”
The crowd quieted to hear Keeper Clary’s words, but the word ‘murder’ still hung in the air like a thick fog.
Revelation: The Todor Trilogy, Book One Page 7