by Brian Meehl
He gazed at her for a long time, trying to memorize every detail of her face. He leaned in for another kiss. But a flurry of motion caught his eye. He glanced over her shoulder. At first, it didn’t compute. Then he realized what it was. “Look,” he breathed, turning Portia around.
The sight shocked her. The tower on the Delancey Street side of the bridge was quivering. Like it was made of bubbling gray iron. Then she recognized what swarmed over the bridge.
Birds.
Not just any birds.
Pigeons.
Glossary
BLOOD CHILD: A human that a vampire transforms into another vampire.
BLOOD LITE: An artificial blood substitute derived from soybeans. The most popular drink of squeamish or vegan vampires.
BLOODLUST: A vampire’s darkest desire, driven by thirst and envy, to drink human blood. Slang: sink ’n’ drink, drill ’n’ swill, trap ’n’ sap, chomp ’n’ chug.
CELL DIFFERENTIATION (CD): Also known, by non-Leaguer vampires and Lifers, as shape-shifting.
DENTIS ERUPTUS: The swelling of teeth into fangs. Once known as dentis erectus, but changed to dentis eruptus to prevent arousing the interest of those who see sex in everything.
EPIDEX: The underarmor developed by Leaguer scientists so this story can eventually be made into a movie rated PG-13.
FORBIDDEN WELL: The human reservoir of blood, five quarts per adult human.
INTERNATIONAL VAMPIRE LEAGUE (IVL): A secret organization of vampires hoping to come out and be recognized as just another minority with special needs.
IVLEAGUE.US: The website of the IVL.
KNIGHT OF THE FIRE TABLE: A firefighter in touch with the deepest traditions of firefighting.
LEAGUER: A vampire who has conquered the craving for human blood and lives on a diet of animal or artificial blood substitutes. A graduate of the Leaguer Academy.
LIFER: A mortal, or age-challenged, human being.
LONER: A vampire who practices the old ways, and insists that being a bloodsucking fiend is part of his or her ethnic heritage.
MALTESE CROSS: The emblem of firefighters throughout the world.
MOTHER FOREST: The cradle and graveyard of the vampire race. The scattered forests of bristlecone pines in the western United States.
OLD ONES: The ancient race that evolved into vampires.
PASSING THE DEUCE: The double-fanged bite of a vampire that, via blood exchange, turns his or her victim into a vampire.
SANGFU: A blood f___-up. A vampire who was created by accident. An unwanted vampire.
SANGV: A blood virgin. A vampire who has never drunk human blood.
SELVA OBSCURA: In Italian, dark wood. (First used in Dante’s Divine Comedy.) The netherworld of bloodlust and old ways a Loner vampire must escape from to become a Leaguer.
SEVENTH FORM: The seventh of eight vampire Forms, also called the Leaguer Form. The first Six Forms are: Drifter, Hider, Swimmer, Climber, Runner, Flyer. The Eighth Form is a vampire’s return, upon death, to the seed of a bristlecone pine.
SHADOW-CONSCIOUS: The minimal human consciousness a vampire retains while taking one of the Six Forms.
SOLAR PHOBIA: A vampire’s irrational fear of sunlight.
SOLAR PHOBIA FIXER (SPF): The only “sunscreen” a vampire ever needs.
THRALL: A vampire’s power to physically control another sentient being. The effects vary from partial paralysis to catatonia. Banned by Leaguers for being unnecessarily manipulative and antisocial behavior.
TURNING: The act of changing a mortal into a vampire.
WATCHMEN: The classic graphic novel by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons, which has a far darker ending than this story.
WORLDWIDE OUT DAY: The day all Leaguers plan to make themselves known to the mortal public. Presently slated for October 1.
ZERO: The odds of anything going exactly as planned. For example, Worldwide Out Day.
Acknowledgments
First, a big thanks to all politically correct producers in children’s television who, over the years, have saved me from ignorantly offending minorities I was unaware of. Without their righteous guidance, I never would have realized that a tolerant, multi-cultural society should also include our bloodsucking brothers and sisters.
No tale about shape-shifters would be complete without doing some story-shifting. To my youthful readers, Ryan Brandt, Kevin DuBrow, and Kendall Meehl, thank you for sinking your eyes into early versions and sharing your wonderful ideas. I owe a monstrous debt of gratitude to my cohort and taskmaster Gerri Brioso, who understands that friendship includes telling me what sucks and what doesn’t, and refusing to let me write female characters she doesn’t like.
The novel’s final transformation would have been a very different species if it weren’t for the amazing story-shaping skills of my editors at Delacorte Press—Michelle Poploff, Joe Cooper, and Amalia Ellison—and my agent, Sara Crowe. Each hovered over the story and wielded their magic wands brilliantly. I have the bruises to prove it. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
About the Author
BRIAN MEEHL is enjoying his third “shape-shift.” After a career of wiggling puppets on Sesame Street and in Jim Henson films, he became an Emmy Award–winning writer for children’s shows such as Between the Lions and Magic School Bus. He has now convinced himself that he is the author of two YA novels. When he recovers from this delusion, he will start thinking about his next incarnation.
In the meantime, he lives in Connecticut with his family of three females on a farm full of furry animals, and is working on a third novel. So he thinks.
Published by Delacorte Press an imprint of Random House Children’s Books a division of Random House, Inc. New York
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
Copyright © 2008 by Brian Meehl
All rights reserved.
Delacorte Press and colophon are registered trademarks of Random House, Inc.
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Meehl, Brian.
Suck it up / Brian Meehl.—1st ed.
p. cm.
Summary: After graduating from the International Vampire League, a scrawny, teenaged vampire named Morning is given the chance to fulfill his childhood dream of becoming a superhero when he embarks on a League mission to become the first vampire to reveal his identity to humans and to demonstrate how peacefully-evolved, blood-substitute-drinking vampires can use their powers to help humanity.
[1. Vampires—Fiction. 2. Heroes—Fiction. 3. Identity—Fiction.] I. Title.
PZ7.M512817Su 2008
[Fic]—dc22
2007027995
Random House Children’s Books supports the First Amendment and celebrates the right to read.
eISBN: 978-0-375-84894-0
v3.0