by A. R. Ammons
burned since then:
210but the earth’s been
“resting”—entering
a warm
cycle: the Sumerians
had not, that long ago,
215compiled
their
holy bundle of
the elements of civil-
ization, nor
220had one city-state stolen
it from another:
ten thousand years: how
many Indians is that,
fishing the northern
225coast, marrying, dying?
coming & going, they
left no permanent sign
on the warming
trend:
230I hadn’t meant
such a long prolog: it
doesn’t seem
classical to go ahead
without a plan:
235wonder what plan
the Indians had
10 M years ago: the
thought defines
our sphere:
240why should a world be
bigger than what a man
can reach
and taste and strike &
burn & hunt & hold?
245bigger than
that is metaphysics which
tho entertaining
is inedible
and unsurrendering: what’s
25010,000 years to us,
blips on
radar screens?
in the blip is all
imperishable possibility:
255not unity, not all—
but the full,
complete: we can
in moments have
that
260but when we
surround mind & world
to say all
in a single word,
we kill advantage with
265the cost of gain:
can’t we break loose
and live?
I wish I had a great
story to tell: the
270words then
could be quiet, as I’m
trying to make them now—
immersed in the play
of events: but
275I can’t tell a great
story: if I were
Odysseus, I couldn’t
survive
pulling away from
280Lestrygonia, 11 of
12 ships lost
with 11 crews: I couldn’t
pull away with
the joy of one
285escaped with his life:
I’d search myself pale
with
responsibility, tho I’d
be in the wrong: that
290we can’t predict what
our actions will lead to
absolves us, tho not
altogether: we’re held
to right deeds
295and best intentions:
my story is how
a man comes home
from haunted
lands and transformations:
300it is
in a way
a great story:
but it doesn’t unwind
into sequence: it stands
305still
and stirs
in itself like
boiling water
or hole of maggots: foam
310or crust
can rise and
sweep away into
event: but not
much of that:
315mostly inner resolutions,
countermotions
that may work themselves
out
into peace,
320bring the man
home, to
acceptance of his place
and time,
responsibilities and
325limitations: I mean
nothing mythical—
Odysseus
wandering in a ghost-deep
background—I mean only
330or as much as
restoration
which takes many forms &
meanings:
but the story, tho
335contained,
unwinds on this roll
with time & event: grows
like a tapeworm, segment
by
340segment: turns
stream corners: issues
in low
silence
like a snake
345from its burrow: but
unwinding and unwound, it
coils again on
the floor
into the unity of its
350conflicts:
8 DEC:
the way I could tell
today
that yesterday is dead
is that
355the little gray bird
that sat
in the empty
tree
yesterday is gone:
360yesterday and
bird are gone:
I know there’s no use
to look
for either of them, bird
365running from winter,
yesterday
running downstream
to some ocean-pocket of
rest
370whence it may sometime
come again (changed), new
as tomorrow:
how like a gift
the memory
375of bird and empty tree!
how
precious
since we may not have
that configuration
380again:
today is full of things,
so many,
how can they be managed,
received and loved
385in their passing?
on the bridle path
this morning
yellow horse-turds
glistened
390with the moisture of
intestines:
a purple leaf occupied a
bush—a dozen kinds of
lichen on an oak:
395eelgrass stood straight
up
on underwater banks:
someone told an
elephant joke: how do
400you kill a blue elephant?
with a
blue-elephant gun: how
do you kill a white
elephant? with a
405white-elephant gun? no,
you tie a string around
his trunk and when it
turns blue
you shoot him with a
410blue-elephant gun:
a little boy said, “Up,
up,” begging to ride his
daddy’s shoulders, and the
morning was warm and
415winter-bright:
from completeness
should one turn away?
so they drank wine
and ate meat
420and slept:
the shores fled
under the wind’s weight:
why does an elephant lie
on his back? to trip the
425birds:
tonight, so
compressed is
change,
we’re having
430warm weather and windy
rain: the house, however,
smells of
fruitcakes baking and
merriment curls along the
435ceiling,
giggles down the walls,
and tickles the floor:
the inexhaustible
multiplicity & possibility
440of the surface: while the
depths are
generalized into a
few
soluble drives,
445interesting, but to be
returned from:
the crust keeps us: the
volcano-mind
emits
450thi
s ribbon of speech,
smoke & heat
that held
would bust the cone off,
inundate the house
455with direct melt:
but let off, there’s
easing, mind cool, the
slow accretion of hard
rock:
460doesn’t matter how much
the core shifts
long as we have these
islands to live on: we’re
in a
465solid, hard, exact world
that tells all we
need to know of depth:
art casts into being, the
glow-wobbling metal
470struck by a
difference of ice:
both necessary:
without flow, there’s no
resource for crust:
475without ice,
no sharp steel:
death is life’s
prerequisite:
this is that & that is this
480& on and on: why can’t
every thing be just itself?
what’s the use of the
vast mental burden
of correspondence? doesn’t
485contribute to the things
resembled:
except in the mind: except
in the mind: there’s
the reality that needs to
490hold:
9:35 pm: lightning! what,
in December? just flashed
blue-bright and
thunder, moving slowly
495and rumbling hard into
deep bursting depressions,
went all the way out over
the Atlantic: now, will
the ground, shaken
500loose, turn green,
loam to new roots?
the old people say it’s
a use
of thunder: but this time
505of year, the seeds asleep,
thunder’s sterile
disturbance runs dreams
through the meat of the
future, a prophecy: no,
510fancy,
never satisfied with
wonderless things as
they are: it’s the
return of air upon
515itself, following an
electrical discharge and
separation: the grass
seeds, hanging
in clumps on soaked stalks,
520paid no attn &
thought of nothing:
wind and rain have
stopped: the
thunder was a gigantic
525period, punched over &
over: or do I hear now
a submissive, unwilling
drizzle?
sequence: events
530stalled in their
occurrence: a
running with, fleet
recorder at the crest of
change: a plane is in
535this: it rumbles in the
distance, a chord through
my circular knowledge: it
is out in the rain:
9 DEC:
sunny again:
540last night a plane
over Delaware struck the
storm
& 80 lives descended in
flames: it’s
545the nature of flame to
rise, celebrant, spirit
to whirl upward:
80
11111111111111111111111
55011111111111111111111111
11111111111111111111111
11111111111
and he plucked two men
and broke fast:
555grieved, we
rejoice
as a man rejoices saved
from death: we beg
that men be spared
560calamity & the hard turn:
we make an offering of our
praise: we reaccept:
our choice is
gladness:
565give us an idea!
let us be sorted out and
assembled: let a new
order occur
from the random &
570nondescript:
let thoughts & emotions
fall behind into rank: or
return us from all idea to
undifferentiated
575sensation—paradise:
1 pm:
had the storm last night
come half a mile farther
east, it would have
580taken my roof off and
wet my poem
(and my pants): it
“had a little twister in
it,” the man at the
585Esso station said, came
right up the parkway,
took off
his plate-glass windows,
shattered the
590outdoor movie’s tall
wooden marquee,
took the roof off
the concession and off
the Circle Diner and
595busted a window in
Kinney’s: “must have been
a sucker,” he said, “lifted
oil cans right off the
shelves”
600reality last night was
more than I apprehended:
is far more today
than feebleness lets me
know:
605wind ruined several dead
weeds and rain
de-seeded a lot of grass:
the cloud patterns
must have been fine,
610dark roils
hidden by rain:
I wonder what all did
happen? but
the record
615can’t reproduce event:
even if I could know &
describe every event, my
account would
consume the tape & run
620on for miles into air:
those who rely on facts
have not heard:
those who rely on
arrangements—are
625sometimes unwilling
to surrender them:
those who rely on any shore
foolishly haven’t faced
it that
630only the stream is
reliable: get
right up next to the
break between
what-is-to-be and
635what-has-been and
dance like a bubble
held underwater by water’s
pouring in: when the grass
moves on the hill,
640it’s impossible to tell
whether it has moved or
will move:
my “mind” is trying to
keep every cell
645in my body
happy: yes, it says, we
understand that you need
so-and-so but we’re
temporarily (we hope)
650out of that and are having
a substitute manufactured—
this will be released to
you as soon as
possible: be sure to alert
655your receiving dept: it
gets an alarm from a group
of injured or invaded cells:
we are
sending several divisions
660& several kinds of
divisions to help you:
and so on:
catalysts, enzymes &
membranes, functions,
665trades & forces, the
in-coming, out-going:
this mind that I turn
outwardly—how thin by
comparison—
670the body releases from
inner concerns and
gives few commands: get
food, water, sex: then
reality brings its
675interference in
and the simple outward
mind, complicated by
postponements, symbols,
prerequisites, proofs,
680nearly loses in
metaphysics &
speculations its
contact with the
original commands: get
685food, water: sex
is put upon you as the lust
of generations:
it has been made to
seem pleasurable
690but is subservience
to the cry of flesh to
endure: the inner
mind says—do that for
the cells, for us, and we
695will free you to the
pleasures of the
outer mind:
get food, get water: sex
is a fire we send you:
700quench it into
generations:
be brought low of the fire:
I’ve
given up hope of
705understanding for
what good is
understanding?
understanding
what?
710the conversion of
currencies:
the multiplication tables:
IQ:
quantum theory & baby’s
715formula
and how to replace the
shingles & whether to put
the money in SKF or
Xerox, and the clauses in
720insurance plans &
the “political
situation”:
plenty of food & water in
paradise but some
725confusion about sex:
anything so sweet
should come hard
as bread & water: so
they were given the
730gate: and
Eden survives in the mind
as half a solution:
analyze and project:
experience teaches
735but stands to be
taught:
4:50 pm: the checker at
the A & P said
he was returning from
740Philly about 9:15 last night
and saw it: said the sky
lit up,
he didn’t know why
till the radio sd later:
745said it wasn’t hit by no
lightning: said
they have things
hanging from the wings:
said
750he thinks it was
turbulence, wind
turbulence—can take a
plane apart: woman